Time Wasting Holdups

The pickle jar has been emptied of pickles.

It now contains a quantity of vinegary water, some fronds of limp dill and Alexander-Yellowsun, who has died in the service of science.

Now that's done, says Gaius. You crabs can all get back into your respective bowls. And no mix-ups!

What about her eggs? says Alexander-Curly.

I'll look for them later, says Gaius.

What about the photo? asks Terence.

What photo? asks Gaius. Remind me.

The girl crabs wanted a photo, says Terence.

It was my idea, says Alexander-Red-Hook. I wanted to prove to dear Alex that she had two red dots on her carapace, just like me.

Surely she knew that, says Gaius. And anyway. It's now too late to prove anything.

To her, says Kierkegaard.

Of course, to her, says Gaius.

A photo would be a nice touch, says Alexander-Retro. We could all be in it.

The other crabs agree. It would be a nice touch. They could all be in it.

All right, says Gaius. A  job for you, Terence. Use my phone.

Yippee! says Terence. Line up, crabs. And show me your bottoms.

The red dots are not on our bottoms, says Alexander-Red-Hook. They are simply to the rear of our carapaces.

Rear, says Terence. What does that mean?

The back end, says Kierkegaard.

My back end is my bottom, says Terence.

The soles of your feet are your bottom, says Alexander-Red-Hook.

That means I've got two bottoms, says Terence. No, three!

I suggest you take the photo from above, says Kierkegaard. That will avoid further controversy.

Terence likes this suggestion. It will be like Jinjing took the photo.

Line up, says Terence. Face anyway you like.

Wait, says Alexander-Groovy. What about Alexander-Times-Roman?

HE can't be in it, says Terence.

He should be in it if Alexander-Yellowsun is in it, says Alexander Red Hook. Where is he?

I'll find him, says Kierkegaard. You do recall he's in two pieces?

We'll rearrange him, says Alexander-Groovy.

How's it going? asks Gaius.

The usual time-wasting holdups, says Kierkegaard. Now they want Alexander-Times-Roman to be in it. You don't happen to know where he is?

Hmm..... says Gaius. Yes. He is wrapped up in newspaper.

Newspaper, says Kierkegaard. I thought you no longer took a newspaper.

I don't, says Gaius. But I do save the free local rag. It comes in useful for cleaning windows and wrapping up seafood leftovers.

Are you calling Alexander-Times-Roman a seafood leftover? asks Alexander-Groovy.

Certainly not, he represents a third category, says Gaius. I shall unwrap him for the photo, if you wish it.

They do wish it.