Coded Jokes And Guesses

Gustave Flaubert! says Gaius. What are you doing here?

The same as you, says Gustave. I've just got off the train.

Train, what train? says Gaius.

The Ghan, says Gustave. The one that came through here this morning.

Good heavens! says Gaius. That means I've missed it, and my claws are still on board.!

Same old Gaius, I see, says Gustave. What claws are these?

Never mind, mutters Gaius. I'll have to write a letter to the Lost Property Office. Well, it's good to see you Gustave! Did you think I had forgotten you? Of course I hadn't. My memory is generally considered faultless.

Perhaps your intellect is at fault then, says Gustave. I mean that message in Morse Code!

SEND REINFORCEMENTS? What's wrong with it? says Gaius. It's a joke. Perhaps you aren't aware?

The joke's on you, says Gustave.

No, no, says Gaius. It goes like this. SEND REINFORCEMENTS WE'RE GOING TO ADVANCE becomes, after a series of misinterpretations, SEND THREE AND FOURPENCE WE'RE GOING TO A DANCE!  Very comical. Do you see it now?

But Gaius, says Flaubert, that wouldn't  happen in Morse Code. REINFORCEMENTS doesn't in the slightest resemble THREE AND FOURPENCE in Morse Code.

You're right, it doesn't! says Gaius. Lucky you turned up.

Are you on your own? asks Gustave.

No, I'm travelling with Arthur, says Gaius. He's my right hand man. He's gone ahead. I wonder if he caught the train?

It went through at about ten thirty, says Gustave.

Then Arthur's missed it too, says Gaius. That means he'll be back.

..........

But Arthur won't be back.

He is halfway to Adelaide, travelling in the back seat of a Jeep between the twins.

They are trying to guess what his gift-wrapped gift is.

Animal, vegetable or mineral? asks Irma.

Animal, says Arthur.

Yuk! says Emma.

With a mineral stud, says Arthur.

Arthur, says mum, you're not supposed to volunteer information.

We still don't know what it is, says Irma.

I bet I do, says mum. Is it leather?

Yes, says Arthur.

It's a bracelet, says mum.

Yes, it is, says Arthur.

Now let's guess who it's for, says Emma. Man or woman?

Man, says Arthur.

Your boyfriend? says Irma.

That's enough, Irma, says dad.

Arthur's got a boyfriend, sings Emma.

Jeeesus! says dad.

Good guess, Reg,  says Arthur. But he's not my boyfriend. And he calls himself Sweezus now.