Surf Fink

No taxi has arrived. Mrs Hume drums her fingers loudly on the counter. The man looks up, remembering she is there.

No taxi yet? says the man. Tell you what, I'll call Preecey at South Port. He might have a clue.

He calls Preecey.

Preecey knows someone who's going to Middleton, says the man. He'll send them round to pick you up.

How very kind, says Mrs Hume. I must buy something from your shop to thank them.

She looks around. What to buy? She settles on some large and colourful zigzag patterned shorts, a bargain at thirty percent off.

A clapped out van pulls up outside the surf shop, painted with garish images depicting a surfboard on which a yellow haired surfer with a wild expression and his tongue hanging out of his mouth like a repulsive double worm  rides through a barrel wave. The words SURF FINK are painted on the door.

Passenger for Middleton? says the driver, peering through the window.

This is thrilling. Mrs Hume gets in.

Hi, says the driver, a young woman. My name's Midge.

Katherine Hume, says Mrs Hume. I don't know why but I was expecting a you to be a man.

It'll be the van, says Midge. Isn't it horrible! I hired it from Wicked Van Hire. Is there a problem?

No, not at all, says Mrs Hume. I am delighted. It is just that I have bought you a present of men's shorts, which will be much too large.

Never mind, says Midge, I'll keep them up with string. Why are you going to Middleton, Katherine, If you don't mind me asking?

My driver and my car have disappeared, says Mrs Hume. So I must make my own way to Middleton, to meet up with some friends.

You don't seem very worried, says Midge.

I'm not, says Mrs Hume. That young scallywag will turn up eventually. And as for the car, it squeals so badly I really wouldn't mind if I never saw it again.

You are a true philosopher, Katherine, says Midge.

I like to think so, says Katherine. And why are you going to Middleton, my dear?

I'm a photographer, says Midge. I take amazing photos of waves. I'm meeting someone there who's going to help me. His name is Surfing-With-Whales.

Surfing-With-Whales! says Katherine. That rings a bell. I think he is a friend of Sweezus.

Pardon? says Midge. I don't think he's religious.

No, no, dear, SWEEZUS, says Katherine. Sweezus is one of my young friends.

Cool! says Midge. Let's go then. Middleton here we come!

And SURF FINK starts up with a splutter and rattles off down the road.