Tales Of The Sea And Dead Things In Boxes

Arthur and Bunny have slipped out of the Town Hall and broken into the police station.

Turn on the light, whispers Bunny.

No, says Arthur. We'll get the fish and chips and go.

I smell something, says Bunny. But it's not fish and chips. It's horrible.

Arthur sniffs. He can smell something too.

Moonlight shines through the window, illuminating a table, two plates, and a box.

There are leftover chips on the plates, and some fish bones.

The smell is coming from the box.

Yuck, says Bunny. What's in it?

Arthur gingerly opens the box.

..........

Meanwhile, in the Town Hall the audience has become restless. They already know all this stuff.

Gaius pauses.

Any questions? he asks.

Yes, sir, says the Godfather of Cuttlefish. What's your area of expertise?

Natural History, says Gaius. Specialising in tales.

Tell us a tale then, calls out a grey-haired Third Ager.

Gaius racks his brain for a tale.

This tale is from Anaxilaus, says Gaius. It is said that when the ink from a cuttlefish is placed inside a lamp, the faces of all in the room will appear black as Africans.

Several Third Agers look grim. Isn't that racist?

But perhaps it's untrue, says Gaius, quickly. However what I do know is that ground cuttlefish bones make an excellent tooth powder.

Now no one looks happy. Gaius has one last stab.

I perhaps ought not to reveal this, says Gaius, peering at Victor, who looks calm and untroubled.

.....but I see Victor looks calm and untroubled, he continues. So let me tell you of a mysterious box that lies in the police station fridge, containing confiscated goods. And my suspicion upon seeing the box was that it was full of dead cuttlefish. Victor assures me this is not the case.

If Gaius is expecting applause, he is disappointed.

Instead, an uproar breaks loose.