Fragmentation And Synchronicity

The car pulls into Wynyard.

Ying and Stew are a long way behind.

Let's get lunch here, says Rosamunda. And wait for them.

Lunch! cries Terence. I'm having pancakes.

I fancy cheese, says Gaius. Did you mention a cheese factory?

It's a big one, says Rosamunda. They may not sell cheese.

Of course they'll sell cheese, says Gaius.

Let's have lunch first, says Surfing-With-Whales. I'm starving. That place looks good.

They go into Splash Cafe.

There are wonderful views of the deep blue ocean, across the car park, and the food smells delicious.

They order pancakes, squid and salad, pulled pork rolls.

.......

Half an hour later, Ying and Stew coast into Wynyard.

At last, says Stew, looking around. So, where are they?

They'll be down at the Bluff, says Ying. No question.

Fossil Bluff? says Stew. Yeah. They will.

Probably having a picnic, says Ying. And looking for fossils. When's low tide?

Dunno, says Stew. But I'm starving, and they've got our backpacks.

They head out towards Fossil Bluff.

........

That lunch was delightful, says Gaius. And thank you Arthur, for paying.

That's all right, says Arthur. I came across some money I didn't know I had.

Very generous, Arthur, says Unni.

Yeah, says Surfing-With-Whales.

I know a secret, says Terence, but they ignore him.

However, continues Gaius. I still have a hankering for cheese. What say we visit the factory?

No one else wants to visit the cheese factory. So Gaius goes off on his own.

Let's go out to Table Cape, says Unni. There's a tulip farm. And the extinct volcano.

I'll wait here for Ying and Stew, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Good on you, says Unni. Okay, off we go.

......

Gaius has located the cheese factory, which is enormous, and owned by Fonterra.

He attempts to walk in.

Stop, says the guard on the gate. Do you have authorisation?

Authorisation to buy cheese? says Gaius. I didn't think I would need it.

You can't buy cheese here, says the guard. You should go to a supermarket.

Ridiculous, says Gaius. What sort of top secret cheese do they make here?

Bega, and Mainland, says the guard. And other dairy products. Milk.  Ski yogurt, Western Star butter. And milk of course. Last year they produced enough milk to fill six hundred and eighty eight Olympic swimming pools.

My goodness, says Gaius. I must write that down.

I wouldn't write anything down, sir, says the guard. I'd have to report you on suspicion of terrorist activities.

........

Ying is looking for fossils in the shore rocks, and having no luck.

I don't understand it, says Ying. This is where they found Wynyardii Bassiana.

You always expect things to fall into your lap, says Stew. There was only one Wynyardii Bassiana.

At least I'm looking, says Ying. Ooh! Look! Here's a.... .....oh no, it's a peach stone.

You know what? says Stew. I don't reckon they're coming.

Let's call them, says Ying. Do you have anyone's number?

No, only Poppy's, says Stew.

I don't want to call Poppy, says Ying. If she finds out we're not with the team leader.......

Let's go back into Wynyard, says Stew.

They go back into Wynward, where Surfing-With-Whales has been waiting.

And waiting.

And then got bored with waiting, and gone down to the beach.

And then got bored there, and come back.

So he is once again sitting in front of Splash Cafe.

How lucky is that.

Cheese And Volcanoes

Arthur goes down to the bike rack.

All the bikes are locked up with chains.

Furthermore there are students nearby, talking.

This won't deter Arthur.

Hello, says Arthur, going up to the students. Any chance of borrowing a bike for the weekend?

I need mine, says one of the students. 

I could leave you the keys to a car, says Arthur.

Cool, says the student. Sounds awesome.

Want my bike as well? asks the other. Only kidding.

Actually, says Arthur. I need two.

Yeah, but I don't get a car, says the other student.

You do, says Arthur. Wait here and I'll get you the car keys.

He goes back to Poppy's office. 

All organised, says Arthur. 

Good, says Gaius. We shall leave at once. Ying and Stew, I assume you are ready? 

Ready, says Ying. Except for my backpack. It's still in my car.

Mine too, says Stew.

I might as well get them, says Arthur. I have to pick up the bicycles. Just give me your keys.

Too easy.

........

Katherine's car leaves the Cradle Coast Campus, followed by two bicycles.

Rosamunda is driving. Unni is in the passenger seat.

Gaius, Surfing-With-Whales and Arthur are in the back seat with Terence.

Arthur's knee is still swollen, but not quite as badly.

Stew and Ying are riding the bikes.

.......

This is great! says Ying. I love bicycle riding. You can smell things.

Don't you reckon, says Stew, that we might have got done by those jokers?

No! says Ying. Well maybe, But at least they're taking our backpacks. And don't you think Arthur is nice?

I'll pass on that one, says Stew. He never gave back our car keys.

Oh yes! says Ying. Must remember to ask him.

She looks at the scenery. Ocean views, rising hills, broad beaches. And what are those? Tulips?

Ah, says Ying, sniffing the crisp air. We are so lucky.

Yeah, says Stew, as the car with the rest of their party disappears out of view.

.......

When's LUNCH? says Terence.

We'll stop in Wynyard, says Rosamunda. It's not far away. Gaius, you'll enjoy Wynyard.

Yes, says Unni. There's an extinct volcano.

Gaius can't imagine why the girls think he will enjoy an extinct volcano.

And a cheese factory, adds Rosamunda.

Good. At least he likes cheese.

Ying And Stew Join The Party

In the car heading to Burnie, Terence is weighing up words.

What's funnier? says Terence. Staring or stirring? Not you Arthur.

Stirring, says Rosamunda.

Oh, says Terence, disappointed.

What's this nonsense? says Gaius, looking up from his notebook.

Yes, says Unni. Out of context, it's a meaningless question.

If you're a spoon, says Terence. What's funnier?

Staring, says Unni.

Terence looks at Arthur, triumphant.

Arthur stares out of the window, adopting a spoon-like persona.

He sees Burnie in the distance, upside down, as his concave side faces outwards.

......

Mooreville Road, Burnie.

Rosamunda pulls up in front of the Cradle Coast Campus.

Poppy comes out to the road.

Gaius! Welcome to Burnie, says Poppy. Is this your team?

My team? Yes, says Gaius. This is Rosamunda Secunda, my driver and associate, This is Arthur, my right hand man. This is Unni, another associate, and this is her friend Surfing-With-Whales. He is a surf.........

Business man and entrepreneur, says Surfing-With-Whales, unexpectedly.

Oh well, done, says Poppy. We need all the entrepreneurs and businessmen we can get in this current climate.

Yeah, says Surfing-With-Whales. It's freakin' cool in Tasmania.

Ha ha, laughs Poppy. I know. Well, do come in. I want you to meet a couple of students who'll be accompanying you on the GeoTrail as their holiday assignment.

Coming, Terence? says Rosamunda, sticking her head through the car window.

No, says Terence. Why don't I have a role?

What do we have here? cries Poppy, looking in over Rosamunda's shoulder. A puppy? Oh no! It's a wee Baby Jesus! How cute! Early Christmas!

This is Terence, says Rosamunda. He's coming to Dismal Swamp with us. He's looking forward to going down the slide.

Poppy looks at Terence doubtfully.

He may not meet the the height requirements, says Poppy. Or the age limit. How old is he?

Two thousand and eighty, says Terence, exaggerating slightly.

Kids! laughs Poppy. Well, come on inside.

......

This is Ying and this is Stew, says Poppy. They've just completed their first year of Natural Environment and Wilderness Studies.

Hi, says Ying, Hi, says Stew.

I must say, says Gaius, I am very pleased to have students accompany me. But our car is quite full already. Do you have bicycles?

We've got our own cars, says Ying. If your car's full, we can take some of you.

No no! says Gaius. That won't be necessary. Three cars!  I refuse to be responsible for so much pollution. Bicycles it must be! I shall ride one if necessary. As will Arthur.

Please yourself, says Poppy. But you must keep together. It's part of the requirements. Otherwise you won't get your grant money.

Certainly, says Gaius. Arthur, can you organise a couple of bicycles pronto?

Yes, says Arthur.

It's a Uni. How hard can it be?

Don't Stir

Inside the cafe (The Groovy Penguin), Gaius is on the phone.

Yes, Poppy, says Gaius. We'll be there in .....how long, Rosamunda?

Fifteen minutes, says Rosamunda. If we leave Penguin now.

Where's Arthur? asks Unni.

He went looking for a chemist, says Surfing-With-Whales.

He didn't need to, says Unni.

I'll go and find him, says Surfing-With-Whales.

He goes into the street.

Arthur and Terence are standing next to the bin, joking with the decorative penguins.

The penguins are laughing.

I've got another one, says Terence.

What is it? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

Why did the skittle go bowling? says Terence.

I know this one, says Surfing-With-Whales. Because he's part of bowling.

Part of bowling? says Arthur. That's not a joke, that's a factual statement.

Yes! It's the right answer! says Terence.

Hee hee, says Baby Bin Penguin. It's the right answer! What's bowling?

Skittles, says Terence. Don't you know anything? I've got another one, seeing you didn't get that one.

What is it? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

It's not actually a joke, says Terence. It's just something funny.

What is it? asks Daddy Bin Penguin. It better be better than the last one.

Ha ha, laughs Mummy Bin Penguin. You are a card, Daddy! Better-be-better than the last one!

Daddy Bin Penguin smirks.

Don't listen to them, says Baby Bin Penguin. What's your funny something?

Okay, says Terence. This is it. Listen:

Patient: Doctor doctor, I think I'm a spoon.
Doctor: Sit on that chair and stop staring.

Even Surfing-With-Whales doesn't get it.

Perhaps there is nothing to get.

But Arthur is good at second-guessing.

Don't STIR, says Arthur. Sit on that chair and don't stir. If you say that, it's funny.

Why? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

Yes why? asks Terence.

Don't worry, says Arthur. Anyway, looks like we're leaving.

Rosamunda, Unni and Gaius emerge from the Groovy Penguin.

We're leaving, says Terence. Bye bye, Baby Bin Penguin.

Don't go far off, says Baby Bin Penguin.

Penguin Contradictions

We'll stop off in Penguin, says Rosamunda. It's only ten minutes from Ulverstone.

I like Penguin, says Terence.

You haven't been to Penguin, says Surfing-With-Whales.

But I like it, says Terence.

Penguins are birds, says Arthur.

Are they? says Terence.

He thinks of the existential contradictions.

This takes ten minutes.

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

Nearly says Unni.

Yes nearly, says Rosamunda. We'll stop off for a coffee and snacks. And look for a chemist.

Don't worry about the chemist, says Arthur.

What's this? Are we stopping? asks Gaius, looking up from his smartphone.

Yes, says Rosamunda. In Penguin. Just for a few minutes.

As long as we get to Burnie by eleven, says Gaius. Poppy is waiting.

Poppy! says Surfing-With-Whales.

Rosamunda pulls up in Penguin.

Look, Terence, says Unni. Look at the bins!

The bins in Penguin are like no bins anywhere. They are penguin themed bins.

Not the ones that look like giant penguins, not those ones. They're ten a penny. These are proper steel bins, decorated on the outside with a circular frieze of painted cement penguins.

The others go into a coffee shop, while Terence stays out by the bin.

Hello, says Terence. I'm Terence.

Excuse me, says a cement penguin ( obviously the daddy), we're a BIN here.

And what? says Terence. You don't talk to strangers?

We are BUSY, says another cement penguin ( the mummy). Do you have any refuse?

Hee hee, says a third cement penguin ( baby). No he don't.

Terence tries another approach to the penguins.

Ding! He kicks the bin.

Arthur comes out with a coffee.

I wasn't kicking the bin, says Terence.

I don't care if you were, says Arthur.

That's exactly the ATTITUDE! says Daddy Penguin.

I hope you don't intend to drop that coffee cup in HERE! sniffs Mummy Penguin.

Hee Hee, laughs baby penguin.

Arthur drops the coffee cup into the penguin themed rubbish bin.

Ouch!

The hot coffee is still in it.

Serves them right. ( And Arthur, who now has no coffee).

I hate BIRDS, says Terence, walking away down the footpath with Arthur.

I'm supposed to look for a chemist, says Arthur.

Let's don't, says Terence. Let's explore.

They set off to explore Penguin.

The people of Penguin have gone all out to ensure visitors remember Penguin.

There is a giant Penguin down by the shore.

It is called the Big Penguin Penguin.

Terence looks up at the Big Penguin Penguin.

Big bird! says Terence.

Big Penguin, says the Big Penguin Penguin.

Do you like feathers? asks Terence.

Trick question.

No, says the Big Penguin Penguin. Others like feathers.

That was a good answer, says Arthur.

Why? asks Terence.

He hasn't got any feathers, says Arthur.

I have, says Terence.

That's why, says Arthur.

Terence is bored with intellectualisms.

He says: Let's go back to the bins.

They go back.

I've got a joke, says Terence.

What is it? asks Baby Bin Penguin.

Why do sharks have eyes? asks Terence.

Don't know, says Baby Bin Penguin.

So they don't eat their best pals, says Terence.

The entire penguin bin family bursts out laughing.

Hwark Hwark Hwark Hwark!

An indication of the level of humour in Penguin.

People Always Complaining

They head east towards Ulverstone.

Rosamunda and Arthur in the front seat, and the others squashed up in the back.

Can I sit on someone? asks Terence. 

You can sit on me, says Unni.

Goody, says Terence. Have you got any snacks?

No, says Unni. Sit still.

I don't sit still, says Terence. Am I tickling?

Yes a bit, says Unni. It's the feathers.

SHE put the feathers in, says Terence.

I thought you liked them, says Rosamunda, over her shoulder. 

Not when I'm sitting, says Terence. They stick in my crack.

Keep still, says Gaius. I'm trying to write a text message. P...O...P... drat!

Pop! says Terence. Who's that for?

Never you mind, says Gaius. Someone at the university. 

We stoppin' at a university? asks Surfing-With-Whales. 

Yes, says Rosamunda. Weren't you listening?

They drive through Ulverstone and out the other side.

We could have stopped there, says Arthur. We could have picked up some snacks.

And you could have gone to the chemist, says Rosamunda. Why didn't you say something?

Chemist? says Arthur.

For a new bandage, says Rosamunda. That one's a disgusting disgrace.

Disgrace? says Terence. Let me see it! 

He stands up on Unni's lap, unsteadily, and tries to look over Arthur's shoulder.

Get down, says Arthur. 

What happened? cries Terence. 

Fell out of bed, says Arthur. 

What is it? says Unni.

His knee is all FAT, says Terence. 

Goodness, says Unni. Why didn't you say? I've got a bandage. A clean one. And some liniment.

You've got EVERYTHING, says Terence. Even money from Christians.

Ha ha, laughs Unni. Not everything. Not yet.

But how do you get money from Christians? asks Terence. They're tiny poor people, always complaining.

What makes you think so? asks Unni. The Christians of Blaxland are nothing like that. They're big and well off and gullible.

Wow! says Terence, sitting down hard on a feather.

Baby Restored; Murder Averted; Christians Pay

Six thirty five, on the Spirit of Tasmania.

Mrs Monks and Louis-Claude de Freycinet are first off, in Mrs Monk's car.

They head off, in an easterly direction.

Several more cars roll off, two bicycles, and a horse float.

Now Katherine's car, driven by Rosamunda.

Arthur is in the passenger seat, feeling round in the glove box.

Nothing? says Rosamunda

Doesn't matter, says Arthur. Got my own.

He pulls a long dirty bandage from his pocket.

He ties it round his right knee, which is swollen.

Rosamunda stops the car on the quay, where Gaius is waiting with Unni and Surfing-With-Whales.

They get in.

Where's Louis-Claude? asks Unni.

And where's Terence? asks Rosamunda. Arthur?

I left him on an Ocean Recliner, says Arthur.

Go and find him, says Rosamunda.

My knee hurts, says Arthur.

I'll go, says Surfing-With-Whales.

He gets out and returns to the gang plank.

The friendly crew member who has just said a friendly goodbye to him looks at him sourly.

Sorry, says the sour crew member. You can't go back on.

But I've left stuff on board, says Surfing-With-Whales. A baby, and a lobster.

There was only one lobster, says the sour crew member, and he's got off already, with a lady. I know nothing about a baby.

Another crew member comes up behind him, fortuitously.

Baby? says the second crew member. There was one left on an Ocean Recliner. It's waiting in lost property.

That'll be him, says Surfing-With-Whales.

The crew member goes off to fetch Terence.

So Terence is restored to his fellow travellers, and Surfing-With-Whales has gained news of Louis-Claude de Freycinet.

Guess what? he says to Unni. The lobster's pissed off.

Yes, I suppose he would be pissed off with me, says Unni. That's your fault.

No, pissed off as in 'gone', says Surfing-With-Whales. In a car.

With Mrs Monks, says Terence. She's nice. She has chocolates.

Shit, says Unni, as the news sinks in.

That's heaps good, yeah? says Surfing-With-Whales.

Not really, says Unni.

But that means I don't have to..... you know, says Surfing-With-Whales.

I know! says Terence. Yes you don't. And I saved him.

Great jumping Jupiter! says Gaius, Do you mean you were planning to kill him?

Course not, says Unni.

Ha ha, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Well, time to get going, says Rosamunda. Is everyone ready?

I am, says Arthur.

You should be in the back, says Rosamunda.

Stay there, Arthur, says Gaius. I'll be fine in the back with the others. I don't mind a bit of a squash.

Can I sit on you? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. I must get my notes in order. Now then, Rosamunda, we head west, towards Burnie, and stop off at the Cradle Coast campus.

First we need petrol, says Rosamunda. Who's paying?

The Christians of Blaxland, says Unni, pulling out her well-endowed wallet.

The Saver

Louis-Claude de Freycinet returns to the Ocean Recliner.

Hello, says Mrs Monks. Not going back to your cabin?

Not yet, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet.

Don't go, says Terence. We've got chocolate.

Yes, do have a chocolate, says Mrs Monks.

She offers him a chocolate, which he accepts with an old fashioned bow.

I don't know your name, says Mrs Monks.

Louis-Claude de Saulces de Freycinet, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. Proud lobster and sea captain.

De Freycinet! says Mrs Monks. There's a coincidence.

It is no coincidence, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. It was I who mapped the coastline.

Well, well, says Mrs Monks. Did you know that, Terence?

My name is no coincidence too, says Terence, licking chocolate from his fingers.

What does it not coincide with? asks Mrs Monks.

Someone called Terence, says Terence. Not me.

Mrs Monks and Louis-Claude de Freycinet are inclined to dismiss this information.

But Terence persists.

When I grow up, says Terence, I grow up to be Sweezus.

There's a coincidence, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. I know him.

EVERYONE knows him, scoffs Terence.

I don't, says Mrs Monks. And I know a lot of people.

He hates birds, says Terence. Owls in particular. I already don't like them. And he's a Saver.

Very commendable, says Mrs Monks.

She turns to Louis-Claude de Freycinet.

Am I correct in thinking you have split up with your beloved?

Madam, says Louis-Claude. You are perspicacious.

Does that mean yes? asks Terence. Because if it does, then I'm a Saver.

How so? asks Louis-Claude de Freycinet.

I told you not to go back there, says Terence. They're going to kill you.

I suspected as much, sighs Louis-Claude de Freycinet.

Death is not the end, says Mrs Monks, unhelpfully.

Not for you, says Terence. But it is for him. Grandpa says there's only humans in heaven.

Grandpa indeed! says Mrs Monks, who has lost several Jack Russell terriers in her lifetime. Who is he that he thinks he knows that?

Grandpa Marx, says Terence. He has a big beard and knows everything.

Hoot Hoot! Six thirty. Time for the Spirit Of Tasmania to dock at Devonport.

Mrs Monks gathers her things, including the chocolate.

I live on the East coast, says Mrs Monks. Near Bay of Fires. Would you like a lift anywhere?

Yes, says Terence.

Not you dear, says Mrs Monks. You must go back to your Grandpa. I suppose he'll be turning up any minute. I meant the captain, Louis-Claude.

Enchanté, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. It appears I have jumped out of the frying pan and into the Bay of Fires with the most charming of ladies.

Oh ha ha! What a wonderful turn of expression, says Mrs Monks.

She and Louis-Claude de Freycinet walk off in the direction of the gang plank.

Terence waits on the Ocean Recliner for the next thing that is going to happen.

Someone will come for him.

Soon.

Avoidance

Louis-Claude de Freycinet goes back to the bridge, disconsolate.

All sorted? asks the captain.

The knob is, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet.

And that's all he will say.

The captain and Louis-Claude de Freycinet gaze out on the dark Bass Strait waters.

It is two hours till dawn.

........

Terence is getting on well with Mrs Monks.

She has chocolates.

These are seventy percent cocoa, says Mrs Monks. That means they're good for you. Have one.

Terence takes two.

Haven't you had any dinner? asks Mrs Monks.

Arthur ate all the cake, says Terence.

Proper dinner, says Mrs Monks. Where is your mother?

It seems a bit late to be asking that now.

.........

Gaius tosses and turns in his bed in the deluxe suite.

He dreams of small burrowing crustaceans in the deep dark dank dolomite sink hole swamp floor.

Get in with me, whispers Rosamunda, from the double.

All right, says Arthur. He gets in.

Ugh, says Rosamunda. When did you last wash those shorts?

Haven't, says Arthur.

Thought not, says Rosamunda.

Is there anything else? asks Arthur.

We haven't had much chance to talk, says Rosamunda.

Talk away, says Arthur. But I'm feeling a little uncomfortable.

It's just that, well, Gaius does need two right hand people, says Rosamunda. As long as you know that.

I know that, says Arthur. One to obtain things, one to do all the sewing and washing.

One to obtain things, one to know something of natural history, and sketching, says Rosamunda. And if you think I'm doing your washing....

Arthur rolls over and out.

........

In the other deluxe suite romance is progressing more smoothly.

Terence not being there to observe things.

.......

Might knock off now, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet.

Certainly, says the captain. And thank you for everything. I expect you're looking forward to going home.

I was, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. But uncertainty has come upon me.

Buck up, says the captain. It may never happen.

That's the nature of uncertainty, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet.

Damn! Of course it is!

The captain wishes that he'd held his tongue.

....

Louis-Claude de Freycinet passes the door of the deluxe suite.

He can hear Unni and Surfing-With-Whales whispering.

Perhaps they are planning to kill him.

No, that's just his paranoia.

Who Best To Sleep With

Louis-Claude de Freycinet and Mrs Monks confront Terence.

It's you! says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. I thought so.

You know this baby? exclaims Mrs Monks.

Not intimately, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. But enough to know that's he's trouble.

I'm not trouble, says Terence. I'm IN trouble. I used to live in a palace.

Where was that? asks Mrs Monks, who is quite keen on the monarchy.

In Spain, says Terence. And I had my own parrot.

You don't say? says Mrs Monks, trying to recall all the parrot owning Spanish royalty in history.

It died, says Terence. I wrote a poem about it. Listen: My bird died, I buried it under a bucket.

That  reminds me of Pablo Neruda, says Mrs Monks, warming to Terence. He wrote something similar.

However, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. That's not what we're here for. Your knob is broken.

Terence is caught off guard. He checks the rips in his shorts.

This one, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet, fiddling with the knob on the arm rest.

Whack whack! He gives it two whacks with his dominant claw.

The back springs up. Terence is now in a sitting position.

How sweet you look, says Mrs Monks. You know, you seem familiar.

I am familiar, says Terence. Sagrada Familiar. Gaudi.

Of course! Barcelona! says Mrs Monks, who is well travelled. Well then, I'm pleased to be sharing an Ocean Recliner with you. Did you buy those feathery shorts there?

I didn't buy them, says Terence. And they used to have geckos on. But they ripped after I played paintball, and Rosamunda mended them with feathers so my bum wouldn't show....

Oh you are a delightful companion, says Mrs Monks. Let's chat all night and not press the knob at all.

This is fine by Terence, who likes an appreciative audience.

So all is well, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. I shall return to the bridge for the rest of my watch, then turn in to sleep with my beloved.

Beloved, says Terence. Ha ha. I know a secret.

About my beloved? says Louis-Claude de Freycinet.

His confidence is easily pricked.

.........

Arthur has returned to the deluxe cabin, where Gaius and Rosamunda are sleeping.

Gaius is tossing and turning, in his single bed.

He is muttering:  dolomite.... dolomite....

Rosamunda stirs, in the double. Is that you Arthur?

Yes it is.

Cursed Knobs And The Lord Of All Things

Arthur finds Terence an unoccupied Ocean Recliner.

See that knob, says Arthur. Press that and the back goes down.

Terence presses the knob. The back goes down.

I hadn't finished, says Arthur.

What else happens? says Terence. He already loves his Ocean Recliner. He lies down, and looks up at the ceiling.

Thank you, Grandpa, says Terence.

I'm not your Grandpa, says Arthur.

No, says Terence. I didn't mean you, I meant Grandpa, Lord Of All Things. I thank him for everything at bed time. Even these shorts.

Who gave you them? says Arthur.

It depends how far back you want to go, says Terence.

The thing is, says Arthur, the backs don't go up again. I was going to say, don't press the knob until bedtime.

Now you tell me, says Terence, struggling to sit up on the Ocean Recliner.

Too late now, says Arthur. Good night.

He leaves.

Excuse me, says a middle aged lady, looming up from behind. I think you'll find that's my Ocean Recliner.

It's broken, says Terence.

If it is, you are responsible, says the middle-aged lady. I shall report this to the captain.

She storms off to the bridge.

.......

It's late. The wind is south westerly. The captain and Louis-Claude de Freycinet gaze out to sea.

What do you think it was, that heaving object in the water? asks the captain.

The billowing skirts of a woman, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. Drowning.

I hope not, says the captain. What makes you say so?

Experience, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. It's those voluminous dresses they wear.

Wouldn't they hold them up? asks the captain.

Not after they've taken on water, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. The weight drags them down.

You are travelling with a lady, observes the captain.

I am, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. She loves me to distraction.

She dresses like a boy, says the captain. Forgive me for saying so.

I should not wish her to come to any harm, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet, should she tumble into the water.

The captain says nothing, but in his heart he does not believe that de Freycinet can have so much influence.

....

Knock knock.

It is the middle aged lady.

Captain! says the middle-aged lady ( Mrs Monks). I have a complaint to make about my Ocean Recliner.

Madam, I suggest you go and find the bursar, says the captain. It's those cursed knobs.

Mrs Monks is not satisfied with this.

I'm not leaving until you do something to rectify the situation, says Mrs Monks. It's not just the knobs. There's a destructive baby.

Allow me, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. I shall accompany you to the Ocean Recliner in question, and sort out the knobs and the baby.

He leaves with Mrs Monks.

The captain has once again reason to thank the Lord Of All Things for Louis-Claude de Freycinet's timely intervention.

He gazes out over the darkling water, currently free of all heaving objects.

Something A Seagull Would Know

A problem has arisen in the deluxe suite.

It is to do with the sleeping arrangements.

There is a large double bed and two singles.

No BUNK! says Terence. This is a rubbish deluxe suite.

I'll see the captain, says Gaius.

But he doesn't need to.

Knock knock.

It's the captain.

Settling in? Just come to see if you need anything, says the captain.

He does a quick head count.

.......

That was nice of the captain, says Rosamunda.

She is in a second deluxe suite, with Gaius and Arthur.

She will sleep in the double, and Gaius and Arthur the singles.

.......

In the first deluxe suite, there are still a few unresolved problems.

We'll take the double, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Rose and I will take the double, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet.

Rose? says Surfing-With-Whales.

I mean, Unni, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. Forgive me, my sweetness.

Whatever, says Surfing-With-Whales. She's not humping a lobster.

Hush, says Unni. This is unnecessary. Louis-Claude, don't forget you're on night watch.

Absoluement, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. But when I return in the morning, I expect this double bed to be empty except for you Rose. And to this purpose, I leave little Terence.

Terence looks up from the porthole he has been looking through.

No way is he sleeping in here.

.......

Louis-Claude de Freycinet is on the bridge, beside the ship's captain.

Always good to have another pair of eyes, says the captain.

Pas du tout, says Louis Claude de Freycinet. By the way, look out there!

Something is heaving up and down in the water, to starboard.

Thanks, says the Captain, pressing buttons on his console, to change course slightly and miss the thing that is heaving in the water.

Thus an accident at sea is avoided. Eyes on stalks. That's what's needed.

.......

Terence knocks on the door of the second deluxe suite.

Knock knock.

What is it?  Arthur opens the door.

I want a bunk bed, says Terence, and I don't want to sleep with bad people.

Come on, says Arthur. I'll find you an Ocean Recliner. That's nearly as good.

.......

The Spirit of Tasmania glides through the dark waters.

Stars lurk behind clouds.

A south westerly arises. Or perhaps a wind from another direction.

It's something a seagull would know.

Death Sentence On The Night Voyage

Five hours have passed. In the back seat, it's seemed like five days.

Rosamunda pulls into the ferry terminal car park.

Six o'clock, and check-in has started.

Gaius gets out of the car.

Now then, says Gaius. I must find the captain.

He strides off to look for the captain.

I have a bad feeling, says Rosamunda.

Me too, says Terence. What is it?

He hasn't made a booking, says Rosamunda. I should have asked him. I bet we can't go.

We'll go, says Arthur. Just get on, that's what I do.

All right for you, says Rosamunda. You lead a charmed life.

So do I, says Surfing-With-Whales, stretching and yawning. Unni's paying for me. I wonder where she.....

Before he can finish his question, Unni appears with a lobster, in full sailor's rig.

Surfing-With-Whales! cries Unni. It's so....it's.... how are you? she finishes lamely.

Good, says Surfing-with-Whales, looking sideways at Louis-Claude de Freycinet.

This is Louis-Claude de Freycinet, says Unni. He's coming with us. In fact, he leading the party.

Enchanté, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet.

Fuck, says Surfing-With-Whales.

The niceties over, they look around for Gaius, who hasn't come back yet.

And here he comes now.

I can't find the captain, says Gaius. This means we may have to wait till tomorrow.

No, says Unni. Louis-Claude knows the captain. It's all sorted. Is this your car? Oh, it's Katherine's.

We borrowed it, says Arthur. It's our transport.

That will not be a problem, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. Drive it over there to be loaded.

What a tosser. Surfing-With-Whales can't stand him already.

Unni is looking at Rosamunda. Hmm. She's really pretty.

Rosamunda is looking at Unni. Hmm, she looks like a beautiful boy.

Hi, says Unni. You must be....

Rosamunda Secunda, says Rosamunda.

Unni Moon, says Unni.

Cool, says Rosamunda. You and I have something in common.

What? asks Unni.

Long story, says Rosamunda. Tell you later.

Okay, says Unni, let's check in. We sail at seven thirty.

Woo! says Terence. Sailing at bed time! Where's my BUNK?

They all go on board. A friendly crew member directs them to Louis-Claude de Freycinet's pre-booked de luxe suite.

Surfing-With-Whales catches up with Unni.

How come you need me? says Surfing-With-Whales. You've got fuckin' Vice Admiral Lobster de Fruitcake fixing everything and making like he loves you and ....

That's right, whispers Unni. That's why I need you. As soon as we get to Tasmania, I want him cactus, deleted, dead meat.

Surfing-With-Whales brightens up a great deal upon hearing this sentence.

A Dog Has Died

How much longer? asks Terence.

Just under two hours, says Rosamunda.

I'm going on a ferry! croons Terence.

Horsham, not Melbourne, says Rosamunda. Melbourne's three more hours after that.

Terence rearranges his position.

Stop it, says Surfing-With-Whales.

You can't stop me, says Terence.

That's what you think, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Settle down in the back! Have a look through my notebook, says Gaius, handing it over.

No, don't give him that, says Rosamunda. He'll wreck it. Arthur, give him some cake.

I would, says Arthur, but I've finished it.

He hasn't, says Terence.

Arthur swallows the last piece of cake.

Here, says Rosamunda. There's a poetry app on my smartphone. Can you read, Terence?

No, says Terence. Not yet.

Arthur, says Rosamunda. Read him something

........

Arthur flicks through a list of poems by Pablo Neruda.

Lemon.

Full Woman Fleshly Apple.

A Dog Has Died.

That one! cries Terence.

Arthur reads :

A Dog has Died.

My dog has died
I buried him in the garden
next to an old rusted machine
some day I'll join him right there

and I the materialist who never believed
in any promised heaven in the sky
for any human being
I believe in a heaven I'll never enter....

Stop right there, says Terence.

Why? asks Rosamunda. It's lovely.

Because, answers Terence, BECAUSE. There's a heaven. My Grandpa lives there.

Is that Grandpa Marx? says Arthur.

And there's no dogs anywhere in it, says Terence.

It doesn't matter, says Surfing-With-Whales. It's a poem. You can say what you like in a poem.

Can you? says Terence.

Yes, says Rosamunda.

My bird has died, says Terence.
I will bury it in the garden under a bucket.
And it's not going anywhere.

Good one, Terence, says Surfing-With-Whales.

In poetic mood, they drive past scrubland and farmland, fences and trees, the outskirts of Horsham and right through Horsham without seeing the Post Office Bell.

Which is a pity. It's worth a look.

A red pole, on Firebrace Street, with the old Post Office Bell on the top, and on top of the bell, a carving of a corella. And inset in the pole is a little bell, the Little Sister.

In country towns there are committees, who like to think up these things.

Miss The Lightning Clock, Marry A Chicken

An S, says Terence. She's going to marry an S-shape.

A snake, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Your name starts with S, says Rosamunda.

Wrong, says Surfing-With-Whales. That's not my real name. My name's ...... something else.

Bob, says Arthur.

Robert, says Surfing-With-Whales.

But your surname, says Rosamunda.

Swales! says Gaius. This is amusing.

What about your name? says Surfing-With-Whales. Gaius Plinius Secundus.

I'm an old bachelor, says Gaius. Never married.

I know! says Terence. She's going to marry Sweezus! Woop woop!

That's you, says Rosamunda.  You'll grow up to be Sweezus. Come here, let me give you a kiss.

Yuck! says Terence.

Anyway, says Rosamunda, apple peel always falls in an S-shape.

Let's see, says Arthur.

He picks up the ribbon of peel and throws it over his shoulder.

It breaks in two. Each piece falls in a C-shape.

Cluck cluck! He's going to marry a chicken! says Terence.

Come on, says Rosamunda. We have to get going.

They get up off the grass, into Katherine's car, and get going.

Soon, they are in Bordertown.

Look! says Surfing-With-Whales as they pass the lightning clock. That's the lightning clock.

The lightning clock is worth looking at ( if you're in Bordertown ). It is an obelisk, topped with a lightning flash jutting out obliquely, at the end point of which is suspended a clock. It marks the site of the first source of electricity.

But no one else in the car even sees it.

You missed it, says Surfing-With-Whales.

What? says Arthur, with a mouthful of cake.

He's got cake, says Terence.

The lightning clock, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Never mind, says Rosamunda. We'll push on to Horsham and see their one.

Do they have one? asks Surfing-With-Whales. First I've heard of it.

Cake! says Terence. Where's my cake?

No, says Gaius, but I've heard that they have a most intriguing Post Office Bell.

No one's LISTENING! cries Terence.

He is wrong. They are just trying not to listen.

That's what it's always like, travelling with babies.

The Fall Of The Apple

Did you leave a note for Katherine? asks Rosamunda.

No, says Gaius. I told David instead. He said he'd tell her.

Tell her what exactly? asks Rosamunda.

Thanks for the loan of the car, says Gaius. By the way do we have enough petrol?

I filled it, says Rosamunda. But that's my contribution. Next time it should be one of the others.

Hear that? says Gaius, turning round.

No, we didn't, says Arthur.

No, what? says Surfing-With-Whales.

You have to pay for the petrol, says Terence.

Sure, says Arthur.

Sure, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Is there anything to eat? asks Arthur.

No, says Rosamunda. We'll be stopping at Murray Bridge. There's a supermarket. We can stock up there. Arthur, that can be your contribution.

All right, says Arthur. What does everyone want?

I want lollies, says Terence.

Lightly sparkling spring water, says Rosamunda.

Chips, says Surfing-With-Whales.

An apple, says Gaius. A green one. And .....has anyone brought a peeler?

No one has.

Don't worry, I'll get a peeler, says Arthur.

Gaius leans back in the passenger seat. Life is simple, when you travel with Arthur.

The sun shines on the straw yellow hillsides. The cloudless sky glows like a paint ball. It's hot and sticky in the back seat of Katherine's car.

Get off me, says Terence.

Sorry, says Surfing-With-Whales. How come you take so much room?

I'm a wriggler, says Terence. When will we get there?

Here we are, says Rosamunda, not a moment too soon.

She stops outside the Coles to let Arthur out.

We'll go down to to the river and wait for you there, says Rosamunda.

Okay, says Arthur, disappearing into the Coles.

...

It's nice by the river. Shady gum trees.

So, says Gaius, You're meeting Unni at the ferry terminal.

Yeah, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Did she say she had someone else with her? asks Gaius.

Yeah, says Surfing-With-Whales. But she didn't say who though.

It will be Louis-Claude de Whatnot, says Gaius.

Ooh! says Rosamunda. A toff!

A sailor, says Gaius, neglecting to add, also a lobster.

Surfing-With-Whales hopes Louis-Claude de Whatnot breaks his neck on the bus trip from Sydney.

Not that this is likely to happen.

Arthur comes back, with chips, sparkling water and a green apple.

Where's my lollies? asks Terence.

Arthur bends down low to the hard little ear of Terence.

Steal them yourself, whispers Arthur.

I don't do stealing, says Terence. And I'm dobbing.

Won't do you any good, says Arthur.

Peeler? says Gaius.

Arthur hands him a handsome peeler. Not a Coles one. A House one, shaped like a fish. Made in Germany where good design is appreciated.

Delightful, says Gaius. It's fish-shaped. Thank you, Arthur.

He starts to peel his large Granny Smith, with the fish peeler, starting from the top, and turning the apple, so that the peel remains one long green ribbon.

He gives it to Rosamunda.

Throw it over your shoulder, says Gaius. It'll fall in the shape of the initial of the person you will marry.

Rosamunda takes the green ribbon, and throws it over her shoulder.

It falls on the grass in an S-shape.

All Property Is Theft

How will we get there? asks Arthur.

I haven't made plans, says Gaius.

How did you get here? asks Belle et Bonne.

Katherine's car, says Gaius. She went off with Kong Fu-Zi. I suppose she's not back yet.

We could use it, says Arthur.

That would be wrong, says Rosamunda.

So. You don't want to go now? says Arthur.

Dismal Swamp. What do you think? says Rosamunda.

Don't be fooled by the name, says Arthur. There's a giant slide there. We were going before, but it was shut for the winter.

It's the world's only natural blackwood forest sink hole, says Gaius. I intend to write a paper. I have no interest in slides. But you young people....

I like slides, says Terence. I LOVE them.

Then why not go with them, says Sweezus.

Terence looks at Karl Marx.

If Grandpa comes too, says Terence.

He's busy, says Sweezus.

I have work to do here, says Karl Marx. Otherwise I should like to visit your sink hole. I presume it is run on capitalist principles.

You have to pay to go in, says Gaius.

Exactly, says Marx.

So are you coming? says Terence. Please Grandpa.

Terence, says Belle et Bonne. He can't be your Grandpa. Or Sweezie's. Because.....

Sweezus frowns. He's not into family relationships. Where is this going?

Belle stops. Better not to go there.

Surfing-With-Whales' brain works slowly, but it does work, as we shall see now.

Hey, says Surfing-With-Whales, if you're going by car, can I get a lift with you? I have to be in Melbourne tomoz.

Tomoz instead of tomorrow. Casual. As though he doesn't mind one way or the other.

Certainly, says Gaius.

Perhaps you should ask Katherine first, says Belle.

Katherine? says Gaius. Yes yes, I shall leave her a note. But really we must be off and start packing. Come on Arthur. And you Rosamunda, and you, Surfing-With-Whales. What a fine party. I do feel invigorated.

Gaius and his party head off, down to the car park.

Aw, says Terence.

Go on then, says Sweezus. Don't let us hold you back.

Terence takes one last look at Sweezus, his old alter ego, and Marx his Grandpa.

Bossy old self-centred bird and slide hating bum holes.

Not like Gaius and Arthur.

He stomps off down the stairs.

Not God Just A Genius

Surfing-With-Whales presses send.

......

Unni reads the email, on her smart phone.

Who's it from? asks Louis-Claude.

No one, says Unni.

She taps out a reply.

On the bus to Melbourne. Meet us at the ferry terminal tomorrow. I'll pay.

.....

Fuck, says Surfing-With-Whales. How do I get to Melbourne? And who's us?

.....

Belle et Bonne comes back with fresh macarons, and takeaway coffees.

Arthur takes two macarons.

Sweezus takes three. There were six in the box, that leaves one.

Macaron? asks Sweezus indicating the leftover to Marx.

Thank you, says Marx. Good to see you believe in a classless society.

Steps are heard on the staircase.

Gaius comes in, followed by Rosamunda, and Terence.

Ah! Not too late! says Gaius. Well met, Arthur.

Well met, Arthur, echoes Rosamunda, though it sounds rather different when she says it.

Arthur is cornered. But so what. He swallows the first macaron, and bites down on the other.

Terence! says Sweezus.

Grandpa! cries Terence.

What? says Sweezus.

But Terence is looking at Marx.

It's the beard, says Marx. I'm not your grandpa.

Yes, says Terence. You are.

Who is this little fellow? asks Marx.

Who do I look like? asks Terence.

You look like a young savage, says Marx. In those feathers.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Feathers. Where'd they come from? You know I hate birds.

Rosamunda, says Terence.

Rosamunda bows in a theatrical fashion.

I don't like them as much as I used to, says Terence. Owls especially.

Marx looks puzzled.

Long story, says Sweezus. He's a version.... a younger representation...... he shouldn't actually be here ... it's ontologically impossible.

That is obvious, says Marx. So you have the same grandpa?

GOD! cries Terence. You ought to know! Can I kiss you? On the kneebone?

No! cries Marx. I am not GOD. Just a genius.

Clever and mean, mutters Terence.

While this is happening, Gaius is talking to Arthur.

Tasmania, says Gaius. Just a short trip. I assume you'll be happy to come?

We've been there already, says Arthur.

Not to this part, says Gaius.

Arthur looks at Rosamunda, who shrugs. Tasmania is Tasmania.

It's Dismal Swamp! says Gaius, as though this is a draw card.

It is, to Arthur.

But this is the first Rosamunda has heard of it.

Dismal Swamp! It sounds like the PITS!

Karl Marx Forced To Eat Broken Biscuits

How amusing. A case of mistaken identity.

Marx has discovered his error. It happened like this.

Enter Belle et Bonne with a box of French macarons.

Belle et Bonne (dropping the macaron box): Surfing-With-Whales!  What are you doing here?

Surfing-With-Whales: Hi Belle! Waiting for Sweezus and Arthur. Want me to pick up the biscuits?

Belle et Bonne: They're macarons, not biscuits.

Marx: And HE's not who I thought he was either.

Belle et Bonne: Who did you think he was?

Marx: A worker.

Surfing-With-Whales: Is that why you asked me for a fiver?

Belle et Bonne: Mr Marx!

Marx: Calm down. It's an opening gambit. I like to examine the situation of the workers. Their working conditions.

Belle et Bonne: We have good working conditions. As you see. French macarons. And free access to the means of production.

(She indicates the computer)

Surfing-With-Whales: Mind if I use it?

Belle et Bonne: You? Yes I do.

........

Five minutes later.

Marx and Surfing-With-Whales have eaten the broken macarons. Pity to waste them.

Marx is explaining the concept of surplus value to Surfing-With-Whales

Ultimately, says Marx, it's why capitalism is bound to fail.

I know it, says Surfing-With-Whales.

.......

They're here, says Belle et Bonne, popping her head round the door.

She comes in, followed by Sweezus and Arthur.

Karl Marx, this is Sweezus, the one who'll be doing your interview, says Belle et Bonne. And this is his friend, Arthur. You may have heard of him. Arthur Rimbaud.

The father of socialism inclines his head graciously.

Cool, says Sweezus. Let's get this thing started.

Hold on, says Belle et Bonne. Let's observe the niceties. Would you like coffee, and fresh macarons?

Yeah, thanks, Belle, says Sweezus. Thought I could smell 'em.

That's the broken ones, says Surfing-With-Whales. We had to eat them.

Belle tosses her head and goes out to buy fresh macarons.

........

Arthur hadn't expected to meet Surfing-With-Whales in the office.

Did you leave my board back at mum's? asks Surfing-With-Whales. All right was it?

It was perfect, says Arthur.

Indeed, it was, till it floated away.

You don't happen to have any surplus funds do you, says Surfing-With-Whales. I need to get to Melbourne.

I heard about that, says Arthur. I thought Unni was paying.

She never said, says Surfing-With-Whales.

She's always got money, says Arthur. Why not ask her?

Surfing-With-Whales thinks: Yeah, she's always got money. And she wants me. Why not access the means of production?

He sits down at the office computer to write an email.

If You Can't Be With The One You Love

Unni and Louis-Charles de Freycinet have caught the train into Sydney.

Young woman with lobster. Lobster in sailor's attire.

No one bats an eyelid.

It's not like she's wearing a burka.

Have a sandwich, says Unni.

Don't mind if I do, says her unrequited admirer.

She hands him a cheese sandwich.

Lobsters like bread and cheese.

Thank you, Rose, says Louis-Charles de Freycinet.

I'm not Rose, says Unni.

I keep forgetting, says Louis-Charles de Freycinet, chewing his sandwich.

.....

Surfing-With-Whales has reached Adelaide.

He calls his mum.

Mum, says Surfing-With-Whales, can I use your credit card?

No dear, says Lauren. It's full. Don't you have any money?

No, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Tell you what dear, says Lauren. Sweezus and Arthur'll be there shortly. And Sweezus has a job on.

Coolio, says Surfing-With-Whales.

He heads straight for the office.

......

Sweezus and Arthur are on the Southern Veloway, heading out of Old Reynella.

Cycling side by side, in the sunshine, talking money.

Soon as I've finished, says Sweezus, we'll both get new surfboards, and go back down the coast till the Tour Down Under.

How much will you get? enquires Arthur.

Heaps, says Sweezus. I get paid by the hour.

.........

Surfing-With-Whales finds the door open. He enters the Velosophy office, and sits down on a chair.

It's the desk chair, in front of the office computer.

A man enters.

Good day! says the man. Shall we begin? I don't like to waste time.

Me either, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Ask me anything, says the man.

What about? says Surfing-With-Whales.

The materialist conception of history, says the man.

( Yes, it is Karl Marx )

We did that at school, says Surfing-With-Whales. What's left to ask?

Don't suppose you could you lend me a fiver? says the father of socialism.

Marx (Not Marks) And A Surfboard

The marks? says Arthur, when Sweezus has ended his call to the office.

THE marks, says Sweezus. How freakin' awesome is that?

What for, marks? says Arthur, not really caring.

Not what for, WHO, says Sweezus. Oh yeah. Sorry.  MARX! THE Karl Marx, not MARKS marks.

And? says Arthur.

Come on, says Sweezus. This'll be huge. I've got an assignment. Interview Marx for Velosophy.

For money? asks Arthur.

Perhaps he will get his new surfboard after all.

It's not a long story.

Arthur had a good surfboard and he lost it.

One morning it floated away.

Perhaps a shark ate it.

It belonged to Surfing-With-Whales, who doesn't know yet that it's happened.

Arthur wants a new one. A Modern Blackfish Tangerine long board. They cost five hundred and fifty five dollars.

Yeah, for money, says Sweezus. Let's go.

They grab their bikes and set off for the city.

The sea slaps and sizzles, the wind whips, the seagulls are sorry.

........

Gaius and Rosamunda stop off at Mrs Swales' house.

Hello Gaius! says Lauren. Long time no see! Who's your companion?

Rosamunda Secunda, says Rosamunda.

You remind me of someone, says Lauren Swales.

Moon Goddess Chang'e? says Rosamunda. On Chinese stamps?

No, not that, says Lauren. Pity you people have missed Bob, He's just left for the city.

( Eee! Bob! This is the embarassing real name of Surfing-With-Whales. You can't control mothers).

Time for a cuppa? asks Lauren.

Yes please, says Gaius, who is already feeling quite dry.

.........

They drink tea at the kitchen table.

I know! says Lauren.

What? asks Gaius.

Who she reminds me of, says Lauren. Arthur! In a feminine way of course. Are you related?

No, says Rosamunda. But I know him quite well.

Ah, says Lauren. I have this sixth sense, you see.

Don't we all, says Gaius.

No, says Lauren. Bob certainly doesn't.

Just then there's a knock on the door.

.........

Hi Mrs Swales, says Sweezus, Could you let Surfing-With-Whales know we're heading back to the city. I've got a job on.

Why yes, says Lauren Swales. Is Arthur with you?

No, says Sweezus. He's gone on ahead of me.

(Arthur is out on the road)

Aw, says Lauren. Well, you might see Bob, anyway. He's also headed for the city. He's going to Tassie with someone you know.

She winks, like the wrong sort of mother.

Who? asks Sweezus. Shit! I mean, sorry........ not Unni?

Yes, says Lauren, triumphant. Her boy has his old girlfriend back. Who knows what respectable outcomes may follow. A wedding?

Sweezus' thoughts are somewhat different.

What the fuck's Unni up to?

Gaius is here, with Rosamunda, says Lauren. Want to come in?

No time, says Sweezus. Say I said hi. See 'em later. In the city. Gotta go. Bye Mrs Swales.

He races back down the path to tell Arthur.

Natural Poisons And Marks

Gaius makes three mugs of tea. The tea looks blood-reddish.

Freud swallows a mouthful of tea.

Huaah! It tastes awful. Like carrots.

Gaius puts his mug down. So does Rosamunda.

They go back to making blue dye.

Crush, crush, pound, grind. Add water.

This is GREEN! says Rosamunda.

Chartreuse. Add the red seeds now, says Gaius.

But the red seeds have vanished.

Water! splutters Freud.

Rosamunda brings him some water.

Aghh ! cries Freud. THIS is green! You're poisoning me!

Calm is restored. An agreement is reached. No more careless accidents.

I have a blue somewhere, says Freud. In my ball box. You are welcome to use it.

Rosamunda finds Freud's blue in his ball box, while Gaius makes fresh mugs of tea.

Now we can think about leaving, says Gaius.

Katherine left me her car, says Rosamunda. Would you like a lift, Gaius? It would save us some time.

Excellent, says Gaius. We'll go home and pack.

For Tasmania? asks Freud.

Yes, says Gaius. Tasmania.

Funny, says Freud.

What's funny? asks Gaius.

That's where Surfing-With-Whales is going with Unni, says Freud. Perhaps you'll meet .....

WHAT? says Gaius. Surfing-With-Whales, and Unni? Jumping Jupiter! How do you know this?

Katherine and I met Lauren Swales, says Freud. We slept in her B and B. And we met Surfing-With-Whales. He'd been fishing.

You didn't happen to ask him about Arthur? says Gaius.

No, says Freud. But his mother said he'd been surfing with Sweezus and Arthur......

( This is the way we find out things in the real world, by tedious roundabout means.).

Carumba! says Gaius. You met Sweezus and Arthur!

Terence looks up.

( Carumba sounds Spanish. Or something like it. But that's not the reason.)

Rosamunda! says Gaius. We've not a moment to lose. We must find Surfing-With-Whales before he leaves for Tasmania.

Totally, agrees Rosamunda.

They load Gaius's bike into the boot of Katherine's car. First they take the front wheel off.

During which Terence sneaks out of the van and hides in the back seat.

He HAS to see Sweezus again.

Freud and Baby Pierre are the only ones left now, at Kuitpo, to run Pee Pee Pee at Po.

The core team, Green Flash and the Professor, just like before. Good luck, fellows.

.........

Sweezus and Arthur are at Middleton, observing the swell.

One and a half feet, pathetic.

They sit down on a sandhill.

Know what? I might head back to work, says Sweezus.

You're joking, says Arthur. Head back  to work?

Nup, says Sweezus. Not joking. I could do with the money. Might call the office.

He takes his phone out. Calls the office.

Arthur thinks to himself: What about my new surfboard?

Arthur listens.

Sweezus says: Yep, yep, no kidding! THE Marks!

Going, Going, Blood Red Seeds

In Blaxland, Unni Moon is packing.

Louis-Claude de Freycinet sidles into the bedroom.

At last! says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. Are we going?

Yes, we are going, says Unni.

Where are you going? asks Pastor Moon, who is passing the bedroom.

Tassie, says Unni.

With HIM? asks Moon hopefully.

Yes dad, with him, says Unni.

Good, says her father.

He goes down the stairs feeling more light-hearted than usual.

At last he'll see the back of that lobster. No Christian should have to endure it.
.......

In Kuitpo, Kong Fu-Zi is riding around testing his ankle. His ankle feels fine.

The morning air is scented with wood ducks.
These beautiful days in Shandong
Make drunken my old mountain heart.
Is there a finer feeling than the feeling of feeling recovered?

You look happy, says Katherine.

.......

Freud is chatting with Terence and Baby Pierre, about last night's owl experience.

That owl was RUDE, says Terence. He scoffed at my shorts.

Probably a  dream, says Freud. It means you don't like them.

Ha ha, says Baby Pierre.

And you? says Freud. What did you dream?

About victims, says Baby Pierre.

Come into the van, says Freud, and lie down on the couch. You need further analysis.

Ha ha, says Terence.

Katherine comes up.

Kong Fu-Zi and I are leaving, says Katherine. Will you tell Gaius and Rosamunda?

How will Rosamunda get back? says Freud, miffed that Katherine is leaving.

I'll leave her my car keys, says Katherine.

What! explodes Freud. How are you travelling?

On the back of the Platonic Ideal, says Katherine. Piggy fashion.

Katherine, says Freud, there is no such thing as piggy fashion. You have made a revealing slip.

What should it be then? asks Katherine.

Never mind, says Freud.

He can't remember. Is it..... doggy fashion? No that's not right either.

.......

Gaius and Rosamunda return with a basket of flowers.

So pretty. Daucus carota. Wild carrot.

White flowers on a stem, with a single blood red seed in the middle.

Now to harvest and crush them, and make a blue dye, for the sketchbook.

......

They enter the van.

Freud is lying on the couch. Terence and Baby Pierre are rubbing his tummy, low down.

Freud sits up quickly.

They've gone, says Freud. Kong and Katherine. She left you the keys, Rosamunda.

Have you got a bowl? asks Gaius. And something to crush blood red seeds with.

Rosamunda jabs him with her elbow.

Cup of tea first, says Gaius, becoming aware that something other than avoidance is needed.

No Doubt The Universe Is Unfolding As It Should

Dawn.

Surfing-With-Whales finds a note in the kitchen.

Don't go into your room!

He lies down on the couch, and thinks about Unni.

A bit later.

Hello dear, says Mrs Swales. Sorry about that. We have guests here. People you know.

Katherine emerges from the guest room, wearing his mother's pyjamas.

Freud emerges from Surfing-With-Whales's bedroom, wearing his second best boardies.

Just think, says Ms Swales. They must have passed us on the jetty.

Your mother has been very kind, says Freud, rubbing his nose.

Surfing-With-Whales looks sour for some reason.

Huh-hi, mumbles Surfing-With-Whales.

He goes to the fridge and takes out a plate of cold pizza. He chews on a slice, disconsolately, having picked off the olives.

Mrs Swales bustles around making coffee, and opening a large box of Weetbix.

Don't forget your phone call, says Mrs Swales.

Can I go in the bedroom? asks Surfing-With-Whales.

Certainly, says Freud. It's your bedroom. And I assure you, I haven't pried into a thing.

Surfing-With-Whales disappears into the bedroom.

He's very sensitive, says Mrs Swales. His business is failing. No one wants to go surfing with whales in the season when there aren't any whales in the area.

That is understandable, says Katherine. Had he not thought of that, Lauren?

Perhaps I can help him, says Freud.

He'll be alright, says Lauren. He's got his friends.

Would that be Arthur and Sweezus? asks Katherine.

That's them, says Lauren. His friends. They've all been surfing together. Would you like some Weetbix? They're the new gluten free ones.

Goodness! says Katherine. Gluten free wheat, the things they come up with.

Do you have any honey? asks Freud.

And so the conversation steers away from Arthur and Sweezus, and where they might be, to a discussion on the benefits of honey compared to cane sugar............

Surfing-With-Whales emerges from the bedroom, a huge grin on his face.

What's up? asks his mum.

Goin' to Tassie, he says. With my old girlfriend Unni.

How lovely, says Lauren Swales.

..........

You'll never guess who we met down at Noarlunga, says Katherine.

Who? asks Gaius.

Surfing-With-Whales, says Katherine. And you'll never guess where he's going.

You must tell me later, says Gaius. Rosamunda and I are off to look for Queen Anne's Lace, or daucus carota. The seed produces a natural blue dye, which we need for tinting our sketches of blue native orchids.

Suit yourself, says Katherine. Wheres Kong Fu-Zi?

Here! says Kong Fu-Zi, riding up behind her on the Platonic Ideal.

Looks like his ankle is better.