Cursed Knobs And The Lord Of All Things

Arthur finds Terence an unoccupied Ocean Recliner.

See that knob, says Arthur. Press that and the back goes down.

Terence presses the knob. The back goes down.

I hadn't finished, says Arthur.

What else happens? says Terence. He already loves his Ocean Recliner. He lies down, and looks up at the ceiling.

Thank you, Grandpa, says Terence.

I'm not your Grandpa, says Arthur.

No, says Terence. I didn't mean you, I meant Grandpa, Lord Of All Things. I thank him for everything at bed time. Even these shorts.

Who gave you them? says Arthur.

It depends how far back you want to go, says Terence.

The thing is, says Arthur, the backs don't go up again. I was going to say, don't press the knob until bedtime.

Now you tell me, says Terence, struggling to sit up on the Ocean Recliner.

Too late now, says Arthur. Good night.

He leaves.

Excuse me, says a middle aged lady, looming up from behind. I think you'll find that's my Ocean Recliner.

It's broken, says Terence.

If it is, you are responsible, says the middle-aged lady. I shall report this to the captain.

She storms off to the bridge.

.......

It's late. The wind is south westerly. The captain and Louis-Claude de Freycinet gaze out to sea.

What do you think it was, that heaving object in the water? asks the captain.

The billowing skirts of a woman, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. Drowning.

I hope not, says the captain. What makes you say so?

Experience, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. It's those voluminous dresses they wear.

Wouldn't they hold them up? asks the captain.

Not after they've taken on water, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. The weight drags them down.

You are travelling with a lady, observes the captain.

I am, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. She loves me to distraction.

She dresses like a boy, says the captain. Forgive me for saying so.

I should not wish her to come to any harm, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet, should she tumble into the water.

The captain says nothing, but in his heart he does not believe that de Freycinet can have so much influence.

....

Knock knock.

It is the middle aged lady.

Captain! says the middle-aged lady ( Mrs Monks). I have a complaint to make about my Ocean Recliner.

Madam, I suggest you go and find the bursar, says the captain. It's those cursed knobs.

Mrs Monks is not satisfied with this.

I'm not leaving until you do something to rectify the situation, says Mrs Monks. It's not just the knobs. There's a destructive baby.

Allow me, says Louis-Claude de Freycinet. I shall accompany you to the Ocean Recliner in question, and sort out the knobs and the baby.

He leaves with Mrs Monks.

The captain has once again reason to thank the Lord Of All Things for Louis-Claude de Freycinet's timely intervention.

He gazes out over the darkling water, currently free of all heaving objects.