Not Everyone Sees It

We'll return via Anaga Rural Park, says the Rector. Kong will enjoy it. The steep terraced slopes will remind him of China

Kong sits in the front beside the Rector, looking forward to being reminded.

Gaius sits in the back with Terence and Daniel O'Connell.

How is it? asks Daniel O'Connell, twisting sideways.

Bad, says Terence. There's a red blob of Dragon's Blood stuck to your bottom.

 It's not my bottom, says Daniel O'Connell.

So whose is it? asks Terence.

It's his abdomen, says Gaius. Would you like a lesson in spider parts?

No, says Terence.

Cephalothorax, abdomen, spinnerets, says Gaius, pointing.

 I'd like a lesson in blob removal, says Daniel O'Connell.

Patience, says Gaius. I'm sure the Rector will find you a solvent.

He leans forward, but the Rector is speaking:

...a natural and cultural treasure, a landscape of great harmony and beauty.

Kong replies: That does sound like China.

The Rector: In the early history of the conquest, they ran an export economy.

Kong: Exporting what exactly?

The Rector: Sugar cane and wine, back to Spain....

Kong: Then what happened? Demand dropped off?

Rector: Yes. Later the lands of Anaga were devoted to subsistence, and the supply of local products. This area is now recognised as a Biosphere Reserve by UNESCO. Only 22,000 people live here, and 2000 species of reptiles, fish, birds and insects. The people rear goats, and farm the land on a small scale....

Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it, says Kong.

A wise saying, observes the Rector.

Gaius taps Kong on the shoulder.

Plan, says Gaius. First, find some solvent. No doubt the Rector will help us.

Certainly, says the Rector. Diego will have some. I'll drop you at the University before returning the car.

Thank you, says Gaius, Second, begin the search for Daniel's relatives.

Finally! says Daniel O'Connell.

If you're lucky, says Terence.

Will he be lucky?

Let's say, he does have a chance.

Because under a tree in the grounds of the University de La Laguna, White Slits is waiting to meet him.

Him? Not him exactly.

She has in mind a good dancer, and friend of James Joyce.

Red Sap Seeping

The Rector walks up to the counter to pay the bill, still holding the knife.

He comes back to the table.

Come with me, says the Rector, picking up Daniel O'Connell.

He walks to front of the restaurant where the light is better.

The others follow.

Now they are out in the sunshine.

Arr! The light glints on the knife's blade.

What is the Rector's intention?

Kong wonders if walking out with a knife is a Spanish tradition.

Gaius has a suspicion, concerning the Dragon Tree, which he keeps to himself.

Daniel O'Connell is terrified that the Rector is going to cut his seventh leg off, in the misguided interests of balance.

Terence is certain this is what's going to happen.

The Rector walks up to the Dragon Tree closest to the restaurant.

Not this one, says the Rector. It's too close to the restaurant.

He heads off down the road to look for another one.

Gaius and Kong have stopped to look at the Dragon Tree.

It has several intertwining trunks forming a thick central stem, rising to an umbrella-like canopy of thick leaves.

Fascinating tree, says Kong. I see why they call it a Dragon Tree.

You only see half of the reason, says Gaius. It is also known for its red sap, which people call Dragon's Blood.

Aha, says Kong. And no doubt you know what it is used for.

It is used as a cure for diarrhoea, says Gaius. And topically, as a natural healer.

I see, says Kong. How interesting. But we should catch up to the Rector.

They hurry down the road, to the spot where the Rector disappeared into a thicket.

How do they know it's the spot?

It's where Terence is waiting.

He's going to cut Daniel's other leg off! says Terence.

No, he isn't, says Gaius. I guarantee you he'll make cut in the trunk of the Dragon Tree and collect the Dragon's Blood.

Woop! says Terence, running into the thicket.

Gaius and Kong follow.

The Rector has made a small cut in the trunk of a Dragon Tree.

Red sap (or Dragon's Blood) has seeped out. Bluurp.

The Rector has collected a blob of it, and poked it at Daniel O'Connell, aiming for his sore spot.

But Daniel O'Connell is small, and his sore spot is smaller.

The Rector has missed it.

.....

Five minutes later.

The Rector walks into La Cueva, to return the knife that he borrowed.

It is covered in Dragon's Blood, which will not wash off in the dishwasher.

Nevertheless, he receives thanks from the manager, for returning the knife.

Spanish Bravado

Will you allow me to order some starters? asks the Rector.

Certainly, says Gaius.

The Rector orders fresh goat's cheese, and gofio escaldón.

The gofio is a sort of spiced meat paste, the fresh goat's cheese comes with a dollop of jam.

This is delightful, says Gaius, picking at the goat's cheese, and avoiding the jam.

Kong tries the gofio escaldón.

Very nice, says Kong, wiping his fingers.

I need a red drink, says Terence.

Water is the best drink for someone your age, says the Rector, pouring Terence a glass of cold water.

Terence knocks the glass over.

Water floods all around Daniel O'Connell, on the table.

Oops, says Terence.

Daniel O'Connell leaps onto the saucer of goat's cheese and jam, and straight off again.

Spluursh! Wonky-splot! Something is wrong with both of his landings.

Can someone please have a look at me? says Daniel O'Connell.

It's gloomy in the cave restaurant, but Gaius leans forward to examine Daniel O'Connell.

Kong? says Gaius. Rector? Opinion?

Kong and the Rector both lean in towards Daniel O'Connell.

Terence takes advantage of their inattention to mix the jam with the water in the saucer.

Red drink! Yay! Hyperactive!

But, yuck, it smells stinky and cheesy.

Bad news, Daniel, says Gaius. One of your back legs is missing.

O waley waley! says Daniel O'Connell. Where is it?

Ha ha! says Terence. It's in the red box, sailing over the water. Cannot but be!

Why did I not notice that it was missing? says Daniel O'Connell.

You were in my cupped hands says Kong. Then you were on Terence's shoulder.

Yes, says the Rector. Curved surfaces. That explains it.

Does it? Well, it will have to.

The main courses arrive. Albóndigas and ropa vieja.

Albóndigas are meatballs but what is ropa vieja?

It translates as 'old clothes', say the Rector. But don't worry. It's sweetcorn, pepper, carrots, onion, potato and shredded meat. It comes with chips, usually.

Here come the chips now.

Daniel O'Connell finds solace in eating one.

Are we to see this thousand year old Dragon Tree, while we're here? asks Gaius, wiping ropa vieja from his fingers.

Ah! Yes and no, says the Rector. The famed one is nowhere near here, but in Icod de Los Vinos.

And the one in Icod de Los Vinos is a thousand years old? says Kong.

No, says the Rector. It is said to be, but it is actually between two hundred and fifty and three hundred and sixty five years old. That's why I can show you a Dragon Tree in Chinamada, which is literally the same age as the thousand year old one.

Spurious reasoning, for a Professor of Applied Mathematics, laughs Gaius.

Ha ha, laughs Kong.

Ha ha, laughs the Rector.

(They are into their second jug of sangria).

I want to see the Dragon Tree, says Terence. So does Daniel O'Connell.

Not me, I'm in agony! says Daniel O'Connell.

The Rector picks up a knife from the table.

Inventions And Interventions

We must start walking back, says the Rector. Who's going to carry the spider?

In the interest of harmony and order, Kong picks up Daniel O'Connell.

Thank you, says Daniel O'Connell. Who needs a red box anyway?

You do, says Terence.

We'll find him a new box in San Cristóbal de La Laguna, says Gaius.

That's good enough for Daniel O'Connell.

He settles down in the cupped hands of Kong.

He hasn't noticed that one leg is missing. Not one of his new microlattice ones, but one from the abdomen end of his cephalothorax.

The Rector leads the walk down.

Is there anything to eat? asks Terence.

No, says the Rector. We'll stop in Chinamada for lunch. But we must get back to the car first. You might like to try spotting a chaffinch.

Okay, says Terence.

He drops back to walk beside Gaius.

What are you doing? asks Gaius.

Spotting a chaffinch, says Terence.

Look in the trees then, says Gaius.

I need Daniel O'Connell to help me, says Terence.

I'll help you, says Gaius. I  believe the local chaffinch is a blue one. That should make it easy.

They walk down the trail, passing junipers, laurels, pines and wild olives, and not one blue chaffinch.

He sets HARD things, says Terence, I'm going  to look for a parrot.

He drops back to Kong.

Tell Daniel O'Connell we're looking for a parrot, says Terence.

Daniel O'Connell would be happy to look for a parrot.

Put me down on Terence, he says.

Kong places Daniel O'Connell on Terence's shoulder.

Oh, yes, yes! says Daniel O'Connell. The air is full of parrots. There's a blue one!

Where? asks Terence, turning quickly.

Daniel nearly loses his balance.

At this point you might think he would notice that one leg is missing.

But he doesn't. He laughs, because he invented the blue parrot,

They make their way down a deep gorge, past more abandoned stone houses.

Everyone is hungry.

At last they get back to the car.

That was boring, says Terence. What's in China-mina?

Chinamada, says Rector. There are caves. People live in them. Also a thousand year old Dragon Tree. And a restaurant, La Cueva, where I should like to treat you all to a hearty Canarian lunch.

How civil of you, says Gaius.

Very kind, says Kong.

They get into the Opel Astra, and the Rector drives them all the way to Chinamada, without stopping.

On the way the Rector asks Terence if he spotted a chaffinch.

No, says Terence. But guess what? We spotted a parrot. A blue one!

The Rector smiles indulgently.

You should take him to Loro Parque if you find you have time, says the Rector. It's on the West Coast. He'll see four thousand specimens of three hundred and fifty different species and subspecies of parrots.

Woo hoo! says Terence.

And tigers and dolphins and penguins, adds the Rector.

I love penguins, says Terence. They like jokes, and you can put rubbish in them.

Those are BINS, says Gaius.

Bins that like jokes? says Kong. That seems inharmonious.

In Tasmania, explains Gaius.

You do get around, says the Rector.

Indeed, says Gaius. Always busy. If it's not cycling, it's chasing after endangered species.....

Here we are, says the Rector pulling up outside La Cueva. Inside or out? Sunshine on the terrace or smart dark interior?

Smart dark interior.

They enter La Cueva, and are shown to a table.

A flat table. This may be a tipping point for Daniel O'Connell.

Blue Stain, Bright Yellow Iris

Put the lizard down, Terence! says Gaius.

Terence unhooks the lagarto tizón.

It is nearly twenty centimetres long.

It has a blue stain on its face, and a bright yellow iris.

It is otherwise brown-black in colour.

It doesn't look happy.

A Gallotia galloti! says Gaius. I know of it.

Subspecies insulanagae, says the Rector. Found only out there.

He points towards the Roques de Anaga.

Terence bends down to the eye with its bright yellow iris.

Is that your home? asks Terence. Do you want to go back there?

The yellow eye waters. The nose (if it is a nose), sniffs.

He wants to, says Terence. That means we have to take him. We need a boat.

No, says the Rector. We don't have time for this nonsense. Just leave him.

And they would have done, had this not happened:

The lagarto tizón may well have been sniffing for sorrow.

But sniffing is twofold.

Sniffing is smelling, and the lagarto tizón has smelled Daniel O'Connell.

The stickiness on his legs merely adds to the tempting aroma.

Daniel O'Connell is reclining in his open red box, not sensing danger.

Until he is darted upon!

Luckily Kong has been paying attention.

He whips up the red box before Daniel O'Connell can be eaten.

My legs! cries Daniel O'Connell.

What's happened? cries Terence. Have they come off again?

No! They're stuck to the box at the bottom! moans Daniel O'Connell.

Really! Gaius is sick of things happening to the legs of Daniel O'Connell!

We probably all are.

But the expedition must go on. It is being crowd funded. Post cards have been promised.

Gaius sighs.

He looks into the Rooibos tea box where Daniel is struggling.

Hold him still, says Gaius. Does anyone have any tweezers?

The Rector believes there might be a first aid kit in the Opel, but that is down in Chamorga.

Kong searches his pockets. No tweezers. Just a phone, a pen and a notebook.

He shrugs. There is only so much one can do.

He could at least sketch the lagarto tizón. He starts sketching, with a blue ball point.

He regrets that he hasn't a yellow.

Oucheewowwow! yells Daniel O'Connell. Why has no one got proper equipment!

But he is out of the box now, and he's NOT going back again.

The box lies on the grass.

It is sticky on the bottom. There is a tiny leg stuck to it, waving or shuddering.

The lagarto tizón thinks: well if nobody wants it...

And jumps into the box.

Look! says Terence. He's wrecking it! No, he isn't. He thinks it's a boat!

That is not what the lagarto tizón was thinking, but it's in his head now.

He darts off down the steep cliff face dragging the red box behind him.

Goodbye Daniel's leg. If it's not in the box still, it's inside the lagarto tizón.

In Pursuit Of Espíritu Santo

From the high point, Terence has a good view of the Roques de Anaga.

The closest to the mainland, and the largest, is the Roque de Tierra; the smaller, more distant, is named Roque de Out.

Can we go there? asks Terence.

It's sometimes possible, at low tide, says the Rector. The Roque de Tierra is linked to the mainland by an isthmus. But there is no time this morning.

Pooh! No time this morning.

Terence edges forward, and is soon out of sight of the Rector.

What a magnificent view, says Gaius, coming up behind the Rector.

Indeed, says the Rector. These two rocks are Tenerife's most emblematic monuments. They are classed as a Special Protection Area for birds. There are six species of seabirds that nest there, including Bulwer and Madeira petrels.

Fascinating, says Gaius. I must make a note. Kong!

Kong comes over, from where he has been sketching the lighthouse.

Petrels, says Gaius. Make a note, Bulwer and Madeira.

What about parrots? asks Kong.

Ha ha, laughs the Rector. You heard me talking to Terence?

I did, says Kong. Now you know why all birds are parrots.

I don't, says Gaius. I was too far behind you, lugging Daniel O'Connell.

Lugging! I like that! says Daniel O'Connell.

 So what is the reason? asks Gaius.

He has confused them with parakeets, says Kong.

But parakeets are simply medium sized parrots with long tail feathers, says Gaius.

Yes, but that is only the beginning, says the Rector. He has then confused parakeet with paraclete. As you know, he used to live on the outside of the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona. It was there he heard talk of the Paraclete, or Espíritu Santo.

Which came down in the form of a dove, says Gaius. Supposedly.

Supposedly, agrees Kong.

Be that as it may, when I asked Terence to describe a parrot, he described a pigeon, says the Rector.

That is a most charming story, says Kong. I shall note it.

He starts writing it down.

I'm sorry to disabuse you, says Gaius, but when we were in the Netherlands, had you asked Terence to describe his current parrot, he would have described a balloon.

I shall write that down too, says Kong. That is amusing.

A balloon? says the Rector. He is about to pursue the balloon when Terence comes running back from the cliff edge.

I caught a lizard! cries Terence.

Let me see! says the Rector. Why, it's a lagarto tizón! They are endemic to the Out-Roque. What's it doing here?

Gaius, Kong and the Rector stare at the lagarto tizón. It blinks, as it dangles from Terence's hand.

The one with the claw.

Who Knows, Rules

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

Ask the Rector, says Gaius.

Terence speeds up to the front of the walking party.

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

Of course not, says the Rector. We are climbing the Tafaga ridge, and will soon see the ruins of Tafaga.

Will there be parrots? asks Terence.

Could be, says the Rector. There! Look up there, Terence!

The Rector has spotted a falcon.

A parrot! cries Terence.

A falcon, says the Rector.

Cannot but be, says Terence.

What's this? says the Rector.

It's a game. Cannot but be. What if you saw a parrot? says Terence.

I just saw a falcon, says the Rector. So did you.

Very good, says Terence.

But it's not funny. Terence has forgotten how to play cannot but be.

He wishes he could ask Baby Pierre what the rules are.

Did you see that falcon? asks Gaius, catching up.

Yes, says the Rector. We both saw it.

It was a parrot, says Terence.

A falcon, says the Rector.

He thinks all birds are parrots, says Gaius. You may find it best to indulge him.

That would be wrong, says the Rector. Ah! here we are. The ruins of Tafaga. We must be at six hundred metres.

Very nice, says Gaius, looking at several old grey stone houses, crumbling and open to the elements.

A bit further on, at the high point, we'll get our first view of the lighthouse, says the Rector.

Kong catches up. He is puffing.

Eh-huh, puffs Kong. Gaius, how about you taking Daniel O'Connell?

Gaius takes the red box, containing Daniel O'Connell.

He looks inside. Daniel appears to be sleeping.

How tranquil it is in the mountains.

Gaius puts the box down.

Next to where he has put it, he spots a green succulent flower.

Exquisite! says Gaius. But I can't identify it.

This, my dear Gaius, says the Rector, is a Bejeque. Aeonium canariense. Found only on Tenerife, and La Palma.

Fascinating, says Gaius. He gets out his phone to take photo.

Click.

Daniel O'Connell wakes up.

Are we there yet?

Terence rushes over, to tell Daniel O'Connell that they are not there yet, and to ask him if he can remember how to play cannot but be, and to tell him that he has spotted a parrot which the Rector thought was a falcon, and..... steps on the Bejeque.

Squiiirch!

Daniel O'Connell is squirted.

Better wipe his legs, says the Rector. Anyone got a hankie?

No. No one has. Daniel's new legs will have to stay sticky.

We saw a parrot, says Terence.

You're supposed to be looking for a spider, says Daniel O'Connell. This is my expedition.

This is my expedition, says the Rector. Come along. Terence, walk beside me.

And the Rector takes charge once again, of the expedition.

As they walk to the view point, he grills Terence on why he believes every bird is a parrot, and by the time they have reached it, and gazed down on the lighthouse, and beyond it, in the sparkling ocean, the beautiful Roques de Anaga, he has discovered  the answer.

Follow Your Heart

I'll be back, says Baby Pierre. Hold onto my hat.

Okay, says Diego.

Baby Pierre rolls down University Drive after White Slits.

White Slits is fast. She is already at the bus stop.

But there is no bus there. And no bus due for ten minutes.

Baby Pierre stops beside her.

Don't go yet, says Baby Pierre. 

Give me a reason to stay, replies White Slits. 

Multiple reasons, says Baby Pierre. One, you can still learn dancing, because I can do dancing. Two, you might be related to Daniel O'Connell. and then you'll be famous. Three, you can't go back to your old life. Because.

'Because' isn't a reason, says White Slits. And who says I want to go back to my old life?

You're reversing your journey, says Baby Pierre. 

Unlike Hopeful, says White Slits.

Was Hopeful your partner? asks Baby Pierre. 

Yes, says White Slits. He followed his dream of hot chocolate. I should follow his lead.

No, you shouldn't, says Baby Pierre. He wasn't invited. And Maricruz .....

What?

Whacked him with a slipper.

Ai! Then what happened?

He exploded. But not much came out.

Out? Like what?

Innards.

Poor Hopeful. You're heartless.

I'm a free thinker, says Baby Pierre. Stay with me.

(This is risky).

White Slits weighs up her options.

Do you KNOW James Joyce? asks White Slits.

Yes, says Baby Pierre.

This is even more risky. He doesn't. But Kobo spoke of him once.

He was uxorious, says Baby Pierre. 

What does that mean? asks White Slits. 

It means he loved Nora Barnacle, says Baby Pierre. Maybe too much.

Maybe I loved Hopeful too much, says White Slits. Was Nora an actual barnacle?

I don't think so, says Baby Pierre.

Who do you love? asks White Slits.

No one, says Baby Pierre. That's because of free thinking.

I don't think it is, says White Slits. 

So are you with me? asks Baby Pierre. 

White Slits looks down the road. Still no bus coming. 

Okay, says White Slits.

Sometimes you follow your heart. Other times, whatever's convenient.

 

White Slits

Diego stops eating his bocadillo.

He's seen a hat walking by, with a spider.

Diego reaches out and whips the hat off Baby Pierre.

Why'd you do that? asks Baby Pierre.

Because you might be looking for me, says Diego.

Don't tell me you know Daniel O'Connell? asks Baby Pierre.

If that was his name, says Diego.

It was, says Baby Pierre. Did he have a hat on?

He did, says Diego. A hat in the style of Don Quixote.

That was him, says Baby Pierre.

I thought I was meeting James Joyce, says the Black Jumping Spider.

Then you didn't listen, says Baby Pierre.

False pretences, says the spider. I'm here to learn dancing.

From DANIEL O'CONNELL, says Baby Pierre.

She'll be lucky, says Diego.

(SHE! Isn't he observant, to have spotted the white triangular slits on the spider's prosoma!)

Why? asks Baby Pierre. Has something happened to Daniel O'Connell?

Yes, says Diego. He won't be teaching anyone dancing until he gets the hang of his new legs. He lost three, in an accident.

Disabled! This really sucks! says the spider.

Where is he? asks Baby Pierre. This is a serious setback. It's a crowd-funded expedition.

Do you have insurance? asks Diego.

I don't know, says Baby Pierre. Ying will know. Is she here?

I don't think so, says Diego. There was this Roman guy, Gaius, and this Chinese guy, Kong, and a little statue of baby Jesus that turned up out of nowhere....

That was Terence! says Baby Pierre.

The spider starts backing away.

If James Joyce isn't of the party, she's heading straight back to the bus stop.

WHERE ARE THEY? hollers Baby Pierre.

Gone on an outing with the Rector, says Diego. They'll be back later. You can wait here. Or in the biology lab, if you'd rather....

Baby Pierre thinks about it.

Should they wait here? What does White-Slits think?

Yi! She is running down the driveway towards the road and the bus stop!

Spider Dancing

Only when he has finished his prescient song does Baby Pierre notice what's happened.

The Black Jumping Spider is on the seat beside him.

Inside her plastic bubble.

Is she waving?

He waves back, which is hard for a pebble.

Of course, she interprets it wrongly.

....

At the next stop, someone sits down next to Baby Pierre.

That is, on the bubble.

The person stands up in a hurry, and moves on, down the bus.

But now the top has popped off the bubble.

And the spider is out.

......

Where are we going? asks the spider.

To the University, says Baby Pierre.

Ai! My worst fear, says the spider. No, my second worst.

What's your first worst? asks Baby Pierre.

(He doesn't care really. He's wondering what his own is).

Last night, says the female Black Jumping Spider. In the garden shed. My partner.

Did he beat you? asks Baby Pierre.

No, he went inside, for hot chocolate, says the spider. And he didn't come back..

It's just one of those things, says Baby Pierre. It happens to spiders. Take Daniel O'Connell.

Why? asks the Black Jumping Spider.

He didn't come back, says Baby Pierre. Three times already.

The rotter! says the Black Jumping Spider. Three times. How is it possible?

To be fair, says Baby Pierre, remembering his mission, he's a very good dancer. And you're going to meet him.

What type of dancing? asks the spider.

Spider dancing, like (who was it?) .....James Joyce.

Well, in that case..... says the spider.

The bus stops, near the University.

Baby Pierre hops off. The spider jumps down behind him.

Forgot your hat? says a passenger, throwing it out of a window.

Thank you, says Baby Pierre. What about the .....?

Too late. The bus pulls away. They are now travelling without the plastic bubble.

They head for the university campus.

In the grounds there are very few people. It's Saturday.

The Rector, as we know, is away.

As luck would have it, however, Diego is taking a break from his work in the Eng and Tech lab.

There he is, Diego, sitting under a tree.

In his hand, a yummy bocadillo.

In his head, well, we know he knows something..........

A Prescient Song

In Chamorga, they get out of the car.

Who's up for an eight kilometre walk? asks the Rector.

I am, says Gaius. And Kong is. What about you, Terence?

I am, says Terence. Where are we going?

To see ruins, and a light house, says the Rector. And the beautiful Roques de Anaga. Does everyone have stout shoes on?

Gaius is wearing green Crocs. Kong wears what look like white Converse Hi-tops, but might be a cheap copy. Terence has cement baby feet, with fine sculpted toes.

Have you ever walked anywhere? asks the Rector.

Everywhere, says Terence. But Daniel O'Connell needs his red box.

I can walk, says Daniel O'Connell.

You can start off walking, says Terence. And you can get in the box, when your new legs get tired.

They won't get tired, says Gaius. They're state of the art microlattice, the lightest metal in the world.

Where they join on, they might get tired, says Terence.

Daniel O'Connell is alarmed. He had not considered that where the new legs join on might be weak spots.

How do you know that? asks Daniel O'Connell.

Terence shows him his claw.

Sometimes it gets tired, says Terence. And it's not even mine. It's my blood brother's. He's got my finger.

Duly warned, the party heads off up the trail to the Faro.

.....

Baby Pierre has left Santa Cruz and is on his way to the University de La Laguna.

Under his hat is a spider.

How has Baby Pierre got this far?

Maricruz has put him on a bus.

First, she took a shower, then she ate breakfast. Then she went to the garden shed and captured a Black Jumping Spider. This one was a female, with white triangular slits in the prosoma.

Then she found a plastic bubble, and placed the spider inside.

Up to this point the female Black Jumping Spider was just going along with the karma, woo, whatever, but... a plastic bubble?

Too late now.

The bubble is tucked under a yellow felt Sancho Panza hat, and placed somewhere dark and rattly....

A vertiginous movement. And voices.

Goodbye Baby Pierre! Get off at the University de La Laguna!

Clunk. Brrm. The sound of a bus starting.

The hat is lifted. The plastic bubble drops to the seat next to Baby Pierre.

And remains there.

Baby Pierre doesn't notice. He is relaxing and humming what he hopes is a prescient song.

'In the future I will be
In the future I will be

At the University
At the University

And then you will be sorry'.

He means the others, in particular Daniel O'Connell, his crowd-funding partner.

But the female Black Jumping Spider thinks he means her.

And she's already sorry.

Synchronised Flow

They prefer laurels, says the Rector.

Ah, says Gaius. Who doesn't?

Ha ha, laughs the Rector. I was referring to chiffchaffs. Terence is watching a pine tree.

I saw one, says Terence.

Describe it, says the Rector.

How mean!

Like a parrot, says Terence.

But more chaffy, says Daniel O'Connell.

Terence looks grateful.

Come on, says the Rector. Everyone back in the car.

They drive on, towards Chamorga.

So tell me, says Kong, what is the difference between the two phase and three phase models, if you'll pardon my ignorance?

The two phase has two phases, says the Rector. And the three phase has three.

I guessed as much, says Kong. But what are they?

I shall give you the two phases of the two phase model, says the Rector. They are identical to the first and third phase of the three phase model. Perhaps you'd like to take a stab at the second?

Is this a game? asks Gaius. Perhaps Terence would like to join in?

What? says Terence.

Guess the second phase of the three phase traffic flow model, says the Rector.

Go! says Terence.

Not yet, says the Rector. I haven't given you the essential information.

Stop? says Terence.

Go ahead, Rector, says Kong.

I intend to, says the Rector.

It's not fair! says Terence.

Phase one is Free Flow, says the Rector. Phase two (or phase three in the three phase model) is Congested.

Kong is disappointed that it isn't more technical.

Gaius is, too.

The two phase model seems unnecessarily simple, says Gaius. I quite see why a second phase inserted between the first and second phase, thus requiring the second phase to be renamed as the third phase, is desirable. Something must slow down the traffic, leading to congestion. What is it?

You're barking up the wrong tree, says the Rector.

I spy with my little eye something beginning with S, says Terence.

Good guess, Terence, says the Rector. Or are you just lucky?

I was changing the game, says Terence. It's STUPID!

The answer is Synchronised Flow, says the Rector.

The answer is STUPID, says Terence. And you're all stupid because nobody guessed it.

I guessed it, says Daniel O'Connell. But I couldn't get a word in.

Stupid is an adjective, says Gaius. You could not have guessed it.

The Rector turns on the car radio. Plink-plonk-thrumm. How relaxing. A Spanish guitar.

Sharp peaks and deep ravines, pine forests, steep-walled gorges with outcroppings of igneous quartz and feldspar, flow by the car window.

In no time at all, as it seems, they pull up in Chamorga.

Deeper Connections

The road from San Cristobál de La Laguna to Chamorga follows a high ridge of mountains.

Tenerife is a volcanic island, observes the Rector.

No need to remind me, says Gaius.

Apologies, says the Rector. There can't be much you don't know about volcanoes.

Kong gazes through the car window at the rugged topography.

It reminds him of China.

I know about volcanoes, says Terence, but where are the parrots?

Keep your eyes peeled, says the Rector. You might see a Bolle's Pigeon, a Laurel Pigeon, a Tenerife Goldcrest, or a Canary Island Chiffchaff, if you're observant. Are you observant?

Terence doesn't answer.

What's up with you? asks Daniel O'Connell. Are you scared of heights?

No, says Terence. Just keeping my eyes peeled.

Daniel O'Connell suspects Terence has the wrong idea about keeping his eyes peeled. He is staring at the dashboard without blinking.

Do you take an interest in birds? asks Gaius.

Only as an amateur, says the Rector.

I believe your field is Mathematical Analysis, says Kong.

Indeed, says the Rector. It's my passion. If you don't mind me asking, what is yours, Kong?

Harmonious social order, says Kong.

Wonderful, says the Rector. A fine passion. It chimes in with just about everything.

Terence's eyes are getting watery.

Are you crying? asks Daniel O'Connell.

No! says Terence. Shut up. I nearly saw a CHIFFCHAFF!

Ah, says Gaius. The more I learn about nature the more I find there are deeper connections between sentient and non sentient beings than, as a younger man, I would ever have credited.

How true, says the Rector. Why only the other day I read that the two seemingly different models of traffic flow in cities actually have similar underlying mathematical structures.

You don't say, says Gaius.

Remarkable, says Kong. What are the two different models?

Terence is crying, says Daniel O'Connell.

I'M NOT CRYING! shouts Terence.

Two phase and three phase, explains the Rector. Just a moment. I'll stop here. There's a great view of both sides of the island.

Gaius and Kong admire the spectacular view of both sides of the island.

Terence stops staring at the dashboard, and stares up at a pine tree.

Daniel O'Connell suddenly remembers what he came to Tenerife for, and looks for a warm dry sunny spot which might be home to one or more of his relatives.

Widen Your Horizons

It's early morning, and Baby Pierre is awake on Maricruz's kitchen table.

Beside him are parts of the spider.

The spider had NOT been included in the invitation to come in for hot chocolate.

And Maricruz had make short work of the spider.

Baby Pierre thinks about What Could Have Been If She Hadn't:

Replete with hot chocolate, the spider could have admitted to being a Black Jumping Spider.

And Baby Pierre would have chanced a new question.

How do you feel about dancing? I know a good teacher.

This would have been Daniel O'Connell.

And Baby Pierre would figure out how to affect an introduction.

Instead the spider is scattered in parts on the table.

Two white stripes along the prosoma towards the abdomen.

Several white spots behind the posterior lateral eyes.

Maricruz comes down in her floral bata de baño.

How did you sleep? asks Maricruz.

I didn't, says Baby Pierre. I was thinking of lost opportunities.

There are plenty more spiders in the shed, says Maricruz. It's not as though you have lost all opportunities.

She blows the spider parts off the table.

They drift down to the floor where they lie, never again to be jumping.

Or learning to dance, taught by Daniel O'Connell.

..........

Early morning in Bar Let It Be.

You can hire bicycles at Bicicletas Total Bike Shop, says Sebastián.

Cool, says Sweezus. And where are the best surf spots?

Couldn't be further apart, says Sebastián. North and South of the island. I'll draw you a map. Where's that parrot postcard?

You're not having it, says Ying. Have one of Arthur's.

Arthur hands Sebastián a dried wrinkled postcard with holes poked through it.

Sebastian draws a map of the island, avoiding the gaps.

........

Early morning in San Cristóbal de La Laguna.

Gaius and Kong wait outside the Hotel Nivaria, with Terence and Daniel O'Connell.

The Rector pulls up in an Opel Astra.

Ready? asks the Rector. Hop in. I hired this from Thrifty. Now, how are you at walking?

We prefer it, says Gaius.

Excellent, says the Rector. We'll drive up into the Mountains of Anaga, then we'll walk one of the trails. I have 'Tenerife on Foot' map trail number 25 in the glove box. This is a nice trail with many cacti and other beautiful plants. Little villages in the clouds. One is a cave village, inhabited by troglodytes. I shall show you a thousand year old dragon tree.....

Any parrots? asks Terence.

Do you like birds? asks the Rector.

Only parrots, says Terence.

This trip will widen your horizons, says the Rector.

'If So' Has An Answer

The spider stops lowering, and just hangs there.

In the dark, Nina and Baby Pierre keep on talking.

But you must have a mother, whispers Nina.

That's true, thinks the spider.

No, says Baby Pierre.

He doesn't want to speak of his mother, Pierre, and her crazy ideas.

The spider doesn't believe Baby Pierre's answer.

Buena noces! says the spider. 

Nina turns the torch on.

Spider! says Nina. Courage, Baby Pierre!

What? Am I expected to bite him or something? says the spider. I'm not stupid. I came down with a question, that's all.

Who for? asks Baby Pierre.

You, says the spider. Will you answer?

Yes, says Baby Pierre. If you answer a question from me, in return.

All right, says the spider.

Good move, Baby Pierre, says Nina. Let the spider go first.

My question is, says the spider, how can anyone deny having a mother? Is it, by chance, because she has crazy ideas?

That is two questions, says Baby Pierre. And yes is the answer.

To which question? asks the spider.

You are pushing your luck, says Nina. Let him ask you one.

Okay, says the spider.

(This is your chance, Baby Pierre. You are on Tenerife. You came here with one purpose. To assist Daniel O'Connell (in spite of his neglectful behaviour), with finding his relatives).

Are you......says Baby Pierre.....a Black Jumping Spider, and if so....

Is this going to be two questions? asks the spider.

You can't ask that, says Nina. It's another question.

Just answer 'if so', says Baby Pierre.

How do I answer that? says the spider. There is no answer to 'if so'.

This is crazy, says Nina.

Like his mother, says the spider.

Like you, says Baby Pierre.  And like Nina's grandma, Maricruz. 

What? says Nina. Grandma isn't crazy. 

Sending us out here in the dark to the spiders, mutters Baby Pierre.

Yoo hoo! cries Maricruz, from the upstairs window. Feebee's asleep now. Come inside for a chocolate a la taza.

Does she mean me as well? asks the spider.

Want to find out? asks Nina.

They all go inside, hopeful.

........

Ying's poem has had an effect. 

A couple of locals join them at their table.

Are you all poets? asks Sebastián.

Nope, says Sweezus. I'm a writer and tweeter. Arthur's a poet. Ying's got a Masters in something.

Environmental Management and Sustainability, says Ying. But we're here on a mission.

Qué es? asks Valentina.

Looking for Black Jumping Spiders, says Ying. 

And postcards, says Arthur. We need ten thousand, and so far we've got five.

Yeah and four of them are cactus, says Sweezus.

Have you still got them? asks Ying.

Yep, says Sweezus. 

Valentina can give you one, says Sebastián. 

Si, says Valentina. This one has parrots.

She takes an old postcard out of her handbag. Loro Parque, where they have parrots.

Thanks, says Ying. I'll take that. These guys are hopeless.

Valentina looks at the two guys who are said to be hopeless.

To her they look deep and intellectual.

I Am Alone And My Tears Fall Down

It is dark, in the garden shed.

Baby Pierre is waiting.

Something rustles above him.

Then Nina comes back.

That's better, says Nina, switching the torch on.

Baby Pierre looks up at dead leaves. But they are not moving.

Nina turns the torch off. We don't want to frighten the spiders.

Silence. They wait.

Do you have a family? whispers Nina.

No. Yes, says Baby Pierre.

It can't be both, says Nina.

Yes, says Baby Pierre. I have Ageless. He's my family.

Is he a giant rock? asks Nina.

He's a lobster, says Baby Pierre. He spends his time in the State Library.

But......begins Nina.

We both bear the Mark of the Claw, says Baby Pierre.

The spiders have been listening, amongst the dead leaves.

What a dickhead. He must have a mother.

Plop! A spider drops down.

........

Arthur, Sweezus and Ying have been to the Band Apart Gin Bar and Bongó Anaga, and are now at Let It Be on the Calle de Tolerancia.

Barrio, local crowd, music, poetry, painting, reads Ying. That'll suit you guys.

Anything by now would suit them.

Arthur and Sweezus sit down at a table. Ying goes to the bar to buy drinks.

Someone is reciting a poem, speaking rapidly:

then we came by night to the fortunate isles
and lay like fish under the net of our kisses

That's Pablo's poem, says Arthur.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Thought I recognised it. He's probably big round here. Why don't you do one?

Arthur stands up.

But reality is too thorny, at this moment.

He sits down again.

Why didn't Arthur do one? asks Ying, placing two jugs of Sangria on the table.

He's still thinking, says Sweezus. Why don't you do one? You're into that Middle Tang stuff.

Okay, says Ying.

She stands up and recites:

Where before me are the ages that have gone
And where behind me are the coming generations?
I think of heaven and earth without limit, without end
And I am alone, and my tears fall down.

Two or three locals clap politely.

Not What He Expected

Hotel Nivaria in San Cristóbal de La Laguna.

A stately hotel in a 16th century building.

Gaius and Kong check into their elegant room.

Where's my bed? asks Terence. Can I watch TV? Can I go down to the pool?

No, says Gaius. No pool. You must stay with Daniel O'Connell.

It's a WHIRPOOL, says Terence. He wants to go in the whirlpool!

I do not, says Daniel O'Connell. Look at me now, I'm poorly. I want my old legs back.

He hops from one set of four legs to another.

Screeoow! Ting! Ting! Ting!

......

Hotel Horizontal in Santa Cruz.

One star hotel. In a colourful downtown district.

Right, says Ying. Let's go and find one of those bars.

Okay, says Arthur.

I'll just call Gaius first, says Sweezus.

He calls Gaius.

Gaius answers. Hello? Is that you, Sweezus? Is Arthur with you?

Yeah, he is.

May I speak to him?

He's just gone out through the door.

Well, tell him ......

The phone makes a crackly noise.....crckrckrkkl....

Lost him. But that's good, says Sweezus. At least he knows everything.

They head out to look for the Band Aparte Gin Bar.

.......

Somewhere, in a house in Santa Cruz, with pink curtains.

Feebee is upstairs, having a bath.

Downstairs at the kitchen table Nina and her grandma are talking.

Did you have a good time with your cousins?

Yes, it was good.

Grandma! calls Feebee. Can you get Baby Pierre out of my pocket?

What is the child talking about? says Grandma.

Oh, says Nina. It's the little free thinking pebble. I forgot all about him.

She runs upstairs and rummages through the pockets of Feebee's jacket.

Her fingers close around Baby Pierre.

Phoo! says Baby Pierre. Too much fluff in this pocket!

Can he get in the bath with me? asks Feebee.

No, says Nina. We don't know where he's been.

I'm not getting in the bath with her, says Baby Pierre.

Come downstairs and meet Grandma, says Nina.

She takes him downstairs, places him on the table.

Hello, Grandma, says Baby Pierre.

Call me Maricruz, says Grandma. I see you bear the Mark of the Claw. A noble marking.

I see you have noble markings, too, says Baby Pierre.

These are age spots, says Maricruz.

Baby Pierre was travelling with the spider I crowd-funded, says Nina, but they were parted.

Parted, says Baby Pierre. More like deserted.

After all why not make the most of it?

Lost your spider? says Maricruz. Well, you've come to the right place. We have a lot of them here. Take him out to the garden shed, Nina. And take a torch with you.

Garden shed! Spiders!

This is not what Baby Pierre had expected.

This Is A Lesson

Later.

The Air Europe flight to Tenerife has landed, and Baby Pierre has a message:

Message for Baby Pierre: Come to University de La Laguna. Sweezus.

How do I get there? asks Baby Pierre.

You could get a taxi, says Nina. But it's late. Your friends might not be there now. Does Sweezus have a phone number?

Yes, says Baby Pierre.

What is it? asks Nina.

I don't know, says Baby Pierre.

He doesn't know, says Feebee. He's going back in my pocket.

Before Baby Pierre can say anything, he is back in the pocket.

This is a lesson.

......

A little earlier, Sweezus, Ying and Terence have arrived at the University de La Laguna.

Arthur is waiting outside the Eng and Tech lab.

We made it, says Sweezus.

Just in time, says Arthur.

Just in time for Daniel O'Connell? says Ying. Is he expiring?

No he's good. He's getting new legs fitted.

Terence runs into the lab to see Daniel O'Connell get his new legs fitted.

What's happening? asks Sweezus.

The Rector wants to take us on a tour of the mountains tomorrow, says Arthur.

No way! says Sweezus.

Boring, says Ying.

Okay, says Arthur. Plan B is that the Rector takes Gaius and Kong on a tour of the mountains tomorrow. We head off to Santa Cruz. It's not far. We could go now.

What about Terence? What about Daniel O'Connell? says Ying.

Arthur indicates the Eng and Tech lab.

Ying calls a taxi.

......

Inside the Eng and Tech lab, Terence admires Daniel O'Connell's new legs.

Shiny, says Terence. You look like a parrot.

Don't even think about it, says Daniel O'Connell.

Can you dance? asks Terence.

Sure, says Daniel O'Connell.

Try it, says Diego.

He tries and falls over.

Early days , says Diego.

Kong looks at Gaius.

Gaius is thinking about something else entirely.

He has just noticed Terence.

Weren't you with Sweezus and Ying? says Gaius.

They're outside with Arthur, says Terence.

.......

Arthur, Sweezus and Ying are in a taxi, heading for Santa Cruz.

Sweezus is frowning.

It's okay, says Ying. We're booked into the Hotel Horizontal.

And the best bars are in Santa Cruz, says Arthur. Diego said so.

Yeah, but we just let Terence run into the lab and nicked off without saying anything, says Sweezus.

Send Gaius a text, says Ying. Tell him I've booked him and Kong a room in La Laguna.

Have you? asks Sweezus.

About to, says Ying.

.......

Gaius receives a message from Ying on his iphone.

In Santa Cruz with the guys. Booked you and Kong into Laguna Nivaria. Have fun tomorrow.

He runs to the door, to be confronted with evidence that Arthur is one of the guys Ying is in Santa Cruz with.

Evidence: Arthur is missing.

Benign Intelligence

A little girl and a big girl, her sister.

The little girl is laughing.

Hee hee.

Did you think it was magic? she says.

NO! says Baby Pierre I don't believe in magic. I believe in logical explanations.

So do I, says the big girl. What is the logical explanation for a pebble, in a Sancho Panza hat, checking out the departures?

I don't have to tell you, says Baby Pierre.

Then you don't live by what you believe in, says the big girl. Why are we here?

You tell me, says Baby Pierre. Why are you here?

We're flying to Tenerife on our own, says the big girl. We live there. I'm Nina, and my little sister is Feebee.

Hee hee! giggles Feebee. Why is there a flower on your head?

It's the Mark of the Claw, says Baby Pierre. And I'm Baby Pierre, atheist and free thinker.

You can't be both, says Nina.

You can be both, says Baby Pierre. Why can't you?

Atheists must have stopped thinking, says Nina.

Only AFTER they've thought what they've finished deciding to think, says Baby Pierre.

His hat trembles with his hot garbled defence of his position. His hat falls off.

Feebee catches it, and puts it back on his head, where it started.

There, baby, says Feebee.

These sisters are people that Baby Pierre wouldn't mind cadging a lift with, for three reasons.

One, they aren't travelling with grownups. Two, Nina is a thrilling antagonist. Three, Feebee is good with his hat. And four....

Okay, four reasons.

Four, they are going to Tenerife.

I'm going to Tenerife, says Baby Pierre. I have friends there. And a spider. The spider is called Daniel O'Connell. He's...

I know about Daniel O'Connell, says Nina, I'm one of the people who crowd-funded him. He's going to teach Black Jumping Spiders dancing, and I'll get a postcard.

Feebee is patting Baby Pierre's hat down so it won't fall off as often.

This could become annoying.

He shoves his hat up.

The dancing was my idea, says Baby Pierre.

You've got no legs, says Feebee.

Woo! She's as sharp as her sister!

Do you have a ticket? asks Nina.

That's the thing...says Baby Pierre.

Come with us then, says Nina.

ME! says Feebee.

Okay, says Nina. You can put him in your pocket. Give me the hat.

Baby Pierre feels himself lifted, de-hatted, and plunged into a pocket which has fluff in the corner.

Yay! He's on his way to Tenerife with the sisters.

It's good how things fall into place, sometimes, almost as though there were some kind of benign intelligence directing proceedings.....

We Are Spinners

Diego has produced three tiny foam legs, ready for coating.

They lie on the bench.

The real legs have gone back to the Chem Lab, for a whizz in the whizzer.

Daniel O'Connell regards the foam legs. They look like his own legs, but less green.

At a pinch, says Daniel O'Connell, I could use them without any coating.

No, says Diego. That would ruin my project. You must wait for the metal.

Whose legs are they? demands Daniel O'Connell.

They're the property of the University de La Laguna, says Diego.

He's right, says Gaius. Your own legs were the model for these legs.

We spiders don't think like you do, says Daniel O'Connell. We are spinners.

Arthur likes this explanation of why spiders don't think like we do.

So does Kong.

They stick up for Daniel O'Connell.

Kong first. The voice of Confucian wisdom.

You can make as many foam legs as you please, says Kong. You have a mould now.

You think the University is made of money? says Diego. This foam is special.

Arthur goes next.

Achoo!

A creditable fake sneeze by Arthur.

The legs rise, float in the air for a second, and disperse like dandelion seeds into the air of the Eng and Tech lab, dropping in various places, mingling with fragments of experimental detritus, and dropped crumbs of yesterday's lunch.

Good try, Arthur.

Was that a fake sneeze? asks Diego.

Yes, says Arthur, giving Diego the blue look that always melted his mother.

It works. (It always works).

Diego rejigs his world view, as to what is important.

And pours more University foam into the leg moulds.

It's three thirty, plus several minutes.

Arthur's phone rings. It's Sweezus.

We've landed, says Sweezus. Where are you guys?

At the University de La Laguna, says Arthur. Catch a taxi.

Okay. How's the patient?

Getting new legs. Maybe foam, maybe metal.

Gruesome! Hey. Is Baby Pierre there?

No. He's with you.

Shit. No he isn't.

He'll turn up. He'll cadge a lift with someone.

Yeah I guess. Maybe we should wait here.

No come. Just leave a message.

......

Every time Baby Pierre tries to look up at the Departures board, his Sancho Panza hat gets in the way.

He tips it backwards. It falls off behind him.

That's not the weird part. That part is science.

This is the weird part.

It keeps returning to its proper place on his head.

Come on, Baby Pierre, there must be a logical explanation.

The next time it falls off, turn round quickly. Find out what the cause is.

He tips his hat backwards. It falls off. He turns round quickly.

A Synchronicity Of Loss

Daniel O'Connell's legs have not gone into the whizzer.

Gaius has retrieved them, promising to return them to the Chem Lab.

Diego has got his supervisor's permission, and is making the moulds.

Daniel O'Connell watches with mixed emotions.

His cherished legs. There they go, into the plasticene blob that Diego has taken from the cupboard.

Diego presses the fragile green legs down, with his thumbs.

Daniel O'Connell is certain this will result in the legs becoming misshapen.

And then what? His new microlattice legs will also be misshapen.

Why is nothing straightforward?

This reminds him of Baby Pierre.

Where is he?

......

Sweezus, Ying and Terence are still in the air, flying Vueling.

They are not due in Tenerife until half past three.

Terence is singing.

We're all in the air.
Sweezus is here.
Ying is near
And me, and Baby Pierre.

Stop humming, says Sweezus.

He wasn't bothering anyone, says Ying.

Except me, says Sweezus. I'm trying to think what to write in the postcards.

All five of them, says Ying.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Don't remind me.

We're all in the air..... sings Terence again.

Don't write anything, says Ying. Wait till we know what's happened to Daniel O'Connell.

And me, and Baby Pierre, sings Terence loudly.

......

A synchronicity occurs in the air, on Vueling, and in the Chem Lab

At the same moment, EVERYONE realises (except for Diego)

That Baby Pierre is not with them.

And thinks: So, he must be with the others.

......

Baby Pierre is waiting at Barcelona airport, having got that far.

His Sancho Panza hat is his only comfort.

Being an atheist.

....

The Rector thinks he might look in at the leg moulding process.

He stops reading the article about traffic flow models that he has been reading.

It will be nice to take a trip out to the Anaga Mountains tomorrow.

He must remember to look out a map.

The Dangers Of Mathematical Analysis

Gaius enters the laboratory.

Did you catch up with the Rector? asks Kong.

I did, says Gaius. I introduced myself, and he has offered to take us out on a field trip, this weekend.

The Rector? says Diego. His field is mathematical analysis!

Is it? says Gaius. That's as may be. But he is taking us into the mountains of Anaga to see the local flora and fauna.

Will my new legs be ready? asks Daniel O'Connell.

No way, says Diego. I have to get permission. Then, if I get the permission... make a few moulds. I assume each of your three missing legs is different?

What's this? says Gaius.

Diego has been showing us a wonderful invention for balancing on dandelions, says Kong.

What the dickens use is it? says Gaius.

It's more complex than that, says Arthur. It's a new lightweight flexible metal.  And Diego knows how to make it.

And he's making me three new legs, says Daniel O'Connell, but they won't be ready by the weekend, unless things get a move on.

Fascinating, says Gaius. What was that about moulds?

Moulds of his legs, says Diego. It may be quite painful. And he may even lose a few more.

Argh! Daniel O'Connell is aghast at this prospect, as anyone would be.

Gaius, says Kong.

What? says Gaius.

The legs, says Kong. The ones you prevented the flight attendant from sweeping into a dustpan. Do you still have them?

I did until five minutes ago, says Gaius. But not to worry, the rector now has them.

You gave away my legs! says Daniel O'Connell.

So, proto-legs are potentially available, says Diego. This is good. This will fast track things.

I shall have to get them back from the rector, says Gaius. Pity. He was going to do an analysis.

Analysis my arse! cries Daniel O'Connell. And him a professor of Mathematical Analysis. Three legs, one, two, three. An infant could do it.

You misunderstand, says Gaius. He was extremely interested in their pale green colour, and the faint scent of absinthe, that hovers about them. He was taking them to the chemistry lab, I believe, for investigation. But when that is completed, I shall retrieve them.

It may be too late, says Diego.

Why so? asks Gaius.

Chemistry lab, says Diego. They might end up in the whizzer.

Imagine The Dandelions

Where are we? asks Gaius.

They have landed, at the North Tenerife Airport, in San Cristóbal de La Laguna.

San Cristóbal de La Laguna, says Arthur, reading a very large sign.

How fortuitous, says Gaius. We can go straight to the University. Who are we meeting, Kong?

I don't know, says Kong. Is it a riddle?

Take me straight to the science lab! says Daniel O'Connell. I want proper treatment.

Science lab? says Arthur. Don't you like your new crutches?

NO! says Daniel O'Connell. They make me lopsided. I want state of the art ones.

What's this about? says Gaius.

He wants state of the art crutches, says Arthur. These ones make him lopsided.

He IS lopsided says Gaius.

Be fair, says Kong. He wouldn't be lopsided, if he had stronger crutches. Metal ones for example.

You know nothing about metals, says Gaius. His crutches must have a degree of elasticity.

Like my old legs, says Daniel O'Connell. That's what they had. Have you still got them?

I have, says Gaius. And I have some Roman Bull Glue. But I hardly think....

Daniel O'Connell cracks his toothpicks, and lies on his back on the floor, five good legs waving.

A security guard comes over.

He is about to step on Daniel O'Connell, when he sees the toothpicks.

What's this here? he asks.

Our specimen spider, says Gaius. I'll thank you not to step on it. Perhaps you could direct us to the University de La Laguna.

Sure, says the guard. Your specimen looks to be on its last legs. Is it an emergency?

Yes, says Arthur.

The security guard calls up a taxi.

The taxi stops at the University de La Laguna, the oldest University in the Canaries.

Gaius pays. They walk into the grounds.

The rector is taking a stroll on this beautiful morning.

Buenos díos, caballeros, beams the Rector.

Buenos díos, says Gaius. Could you direct us to the ....

SCIENCE LAB! hollers Daniel O'Connell, from his box.

Qué? Oh you want the Technology and Engineering department, says the Rector. It's that way.

He bows to Gaius. He bows to Kong. He bows to Arthur. He bows to Daniel O'Connell.

And goes on his way.

Nice chap, says Gaius. I wonder who he was?

The Rector, says Kong. Martinón Antonio Cejas.

Idiot, why didn't you say so? says Gaius. He turns and runs after the Rector,

Kong and Arthur proceed to the department of Technology and Engineering, with Daniel O'Connell.

They enter a lab.

A student is sitting at a bench, in front of a computer.

Buenós dias, says Kong. Tell me, what is that on the screen there?

Microlattice, says the student. The lightest metal in the world. See. It balances on the head of a dandelion, without crushing it. It represents the future. Imagine.

Kong imagines a future of uncrushed dandelions, holding up tiny blocks of mesh-structured metal.......

Like in what? says Arthur.

Aviation, says the student. This was invented by Boeing.

Boing! says Daniel O'Connell. I like that.

Not Boing, Boeing! says the student.

What the diddley! says Daniel O'Connell It'll be just the thing.

I know, says the student.

I mean for my new legs, says Daniel O'Connell.

Stronger than toothpicks, says Arthur.

The student looks blank.

I'm Arthur, says Arthur.

Diego, says the student. Is it your spider?

He's nobody's spider, says Arthur. We're here to look for his relatives. If it turns out he has any.

What happened to him? asks Diego.

A battle, says Arthur. He lost.

Diego likes spiders. He doesn't have any microlattice. But he knows how it's made.

You just need a foam lattice mould, you pour nickel over it, the foam melts way. You are left with a light metal, the lightest metal ever invented, ninety nine point nine percent air.

Perfect for reconstructing new legs for a spider.

There could be a PhD project in this.

Eight Legs Good

Want the good news, or the bad news?

The bite was not poisonous.

Gaius was moderately punctured.

But it was a shock.

And his immediate reaction was to lash out at Daniel O'Connell.

In the middle of his violent assault on Daniel O'Connell, Gaius came to his senses.

And so Daniel O'Connell only lost three of his legs.

(Which was the bad news).

Dear me, says the flight attendant. I'll go and find a dustpan.

She thinks she needs a dustpan, for the legs.

No, don't do that says Gaius. I'll keep them. They still have that pale green colour. I should like to perform certain tests to determine their chemistry.

Daniel O'Connell has been silent till now, stunned, as anyone would be, who had just lost three legs through no fault of his own, other than biting an overbearing third party.

YEEAHH! screams Daniel O'Connell.

Kong stops eating his sandwich.

Arthur wakes up from his reverie.

What happens now?

..........

Sweezus, Ying and Terence are at Barcelona Airport, waiting for the twelve o'clock Vueling flight to Tenerife.

It's nothing personal, says Ying.

I know, you just like Arthur better, says Sweezus. So do I.

Me too, says Terence.

You like me better, says Sweezus. Remember?

Terence tries to remember.

Sweezus's phone rings.

Ring-Ring!

Arthur, what's up? What? Shit man, how'd that happen? Fuck! Now what? Oh......yeah....okay.

What's happened? asks Ying.

Daniel O'Connell's on crutches, says Sweezus. Lost three legs, all in one go.

Those Ryanair flights can be dangerous, says Ying. I've heard about passengers fighting.

It was Gaius, says Sweezus. Daniel O'Connell bit him.

Did he die? asks Terence.

Didn't ask, says Sweezus. I guess not.

Crutches? says Ying. What the heck sort of crutches?

Dunno, says Sweezus. Toothpicks?

They both laugh, although it's not funny.

Will It Be Poisonous?

Next morning early.

Gaius, Kong, Arthur and Daniel O'Connell board the Ryanair flight to Tenerife.

I'm glad you saw sense, Kong, says Gaius.

It wasn't sense that I saw, replies Kong.

We saw the low sun spotted with mystic horrors, says Arthur.

I didn't see that, says Kong.

Perhaps you should have eaten some breakfast, says Gaius.

You won't pique me, says Kong

Into what? asks Daniel O'Connell.

He knows Kong missed the buffet.

No doubt Ryanair will provide us with a sandwich, says Kong.

A reasonable expectation, says Gaius.

They sit down in their row.

Take off.

We must hire bicycles once we get there, says Gaius. Will you see to that, Arthur?

Arthur is slumped down in his seat, not listening.

Excuse me, says Daniel O'Connell. Where are we going, that we shall need bicycles?

Here and there, says Gaius, Poking about in warm dry sunny places. We might try the Parque Naturale.

My relatives will be urban dwellers, says Daniel O'Connell. I can assure you.

Leave the natural history to me, says Gaius.

Daniel O'Connell has had enough of Gaius's lofty attitude.

Count me out, says Daniel O'Connell.

He climbs into the Rooibos box, fetches his noble felt wide brimmed Don Quixote hat, plonks it on his head, and climbs out again.

Where are you going? asks Kong.

Nowhere, says Daniel O'Connell. And this hat is proof of that statement.

Representatively speaking, says Arthur, waking up from his dream of long violet clots of light on waves quivering far off....

You are on a plane, says Gaius. You cannot be not going anywhere. QED.

I think what he's trying to say is..... says Kong.

Sandwich, tea, coffee?  asks the flight attendant.

Sandwich, says Kong.

The flight attendant produces a sandwich.

She leans over Arthur, to hand it to Kong.

She spots Daniel O'Connell in his Don Quixote hat, his pale green legs stiff with the decision not to go anywhere.

Is that a SPIDER? asks the flight attendant.

Yes, says Gaius. It is a registered specimen. We are scientists. OUCH!

It's the first time Daniel O'Connell has bitten a human.

Will it be poisonous?

Independence And Joy

Early start in the morning, says Ying.

How early? says Sweezus.

Six twenty, on Ryanair, says Ying. Or twelve mid day, flying with Vueling.

Do you mean to say you've split us again? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Ying. It's better that way. Now who wants to get up really early?

I do, says Gaius. And, no doubt, Kong will.

What about the buffet breakfast? asks Kong.

You'll miss it, says Gaius. But it will be worth it. More time to start looking for spider habitats.

Kong doesn't think so.

He decides to go for a walk on his own in Las Ramblas.

I'll go early, says Arthur. So I might as well stay up all night.

You stayed up all last night, says Ying. So did I. We need to sleep sometimes. I thought you, me and Daniel O'Connell could fly Vueling.

And me, says Sweezus.

No, not you, says Ying.

Arthur senses a conflict of interest.

Let them sort it out. He gets up from the table and heads off into the night life of Las Ramblas.

Bright lights and noise.

Temptations.

Isn't that the waiter who whipped away his Patatas Bravas too early?

Hey, says Arthur.

Hey, says the waiter, Alejandro.

They go into a bar. It's called Hudson's.

Hello boys, says Kong. This is the place to be, eh?

Okay. Not really.

You're the waiter, says Kong.

Alejandro, says Alejandro. Nice to meet you again. You are an old man, yet wise, eh?

Not so old, says Kong. I'm asserting my independence.

So am I, says Arthur.

This is good. Shall I order a jug of sangria? says Alejandro. My friend works here. It's cheap.

He heads off to order a jug of Spiced Rum and Vanilla Sangria.

Found any more postcards to add to the collection? asks Kong.

The collection, says Arthur. No I haven't.

I saw a stand on the street, outside a newspaper kiosk, says Kong. I picked up a handful.

He spreads them out on the table.

Parc Güell, Mont Juïc, Arc de Triomf, Plaça de Catalunya.

That makes five altogether, says Arthur.

Alejandro comes back with the brimming jug of sangria. Slop!

Wet spots on the postcards.

Kong goes to wipe them off with his finger.

He stops himself.

What does it matter?

Kong imagines this is how you feel about things when you're Spanish.

Much later....

Arthur is resting his head on the table, composing a poem.

I have seen archipelagos and islands
delirious eyes open to the sea wanderer...
in these bottomless nights you sleep and exile yourself
millions of golden birds......

Excelente! slurs Alejandro, poking holes in the postcards, with a black plastic straw.

Kong feels joy in the midst of these things.

The Hat Of Gandhi

Ying has returned to the hotel. She's in a better mood now.

Who wants to go to Zoo Barcelona?

I do, says Terence.

I do, says Baby Pierre

Not me, says Daniel O'Connell. I'm staying in, to bone up on spiders.

And indeed, he is sitting on the spider book, open at Loxosceles.

Zoo Barcelona? says Gaius. You'll enjoy that, Terence. If I remember correctly, it's the home of an albino gorilla, named Snowflake.

Ahem! coughs Ying. It died.

Luckily, Terence has not had enough time to get excited about Snowflake. While Baby Pierre is an atheist, and a free thinker.

So the expedition goes ahead, regardless.

They walk to Zoo Barcelona. Ying pays, and they enter.

An old Zoo, but modern, in that they have open enclosures.

Terence stares at an iguana.

The iguana stares back.

You can pat me, says the iguana.

Don't, says Ying.

Sorry, says Terence. I'm a morning person.

What does that mean? asks the iguana.

See this tee shirt? says Terence.

The connection is too deep for the iguana.

And Ying is not having it.

Not! says Ying. Not a morning person. You'll just have to accept it.

It's the afternoon, says Terence. Ha ha! I'm not what I'm not in the morning!

Terence looks at Baby Pierre. Did he hear that piece of cleverness?

No, his Sancho Panza hat has slipped down. He didn't hear it.

You look like a yellow hat walking, says Terence.

A train whizzes by.

.....

Later at dinner.

Everyone has met at La Rambla, a tapas bar.

Terence is full of the train.

We went on the train, says Terence.

Did you? says Kong, picking at his Bosquito (salami).

How did you like it? asks Gaius, chewing a lump of Monchego Viejo (sheep's milk cheese).

It went FAST, says Terence.

And did you see Snowflake? asks Daniel O'Connell, from behind a Jabali (wild boar chorizo).

It died, says Baby Pierre.

Tragic, says Daniel O'Connell.

In two thousand and three, says Ying, reaching for the Tapas Menu.

What did you think of the Zoo, Baby Pierre? asks Sweezus, poking at a plate of Albondigas de Cordero (Spanish meatballs)

Couldn't see it, says Baby Pierre. It was a choice of hat or no hat. Anyway I don't approve of animals enclosed in tight spaces.

Like your head was, says Terence. In your stupid hat

I'm not an ANIMAL, says Baby Pierre. And my hat is a noble hat.

Don Quixote wears the noble hat, says Arthur, who up to now has been silent, scoffing golden fried Patatas Bravas with spiced tomato sauce and aioli. Your hat belongs to his servant.

Did you have to say that? asks Ying. Haven't we had enough discord?

But Baby Pierre is not discombobulated.

There is a nobility in service, says Baby Pierre.

He is thinking of Gandhi.

De acuerdo! says the waiter, taking Arthur's plate away, before he has finished.

Keeping On Top Of The Boys

Ying is fed up with all the complaining.

I'm going out, says Ying. See you at dinner.

She sweeps out, with her handbag.

On the street she calls Arthur.

Arthur doesn't answer.

She calls Sweezus. He does.

What's up? asks Sweezus.

Where are you? says Ying.

Escribà, says Sweezus. Down at the Platja. Still waiting for the freaking paella to be ready.

Good, says Ying. Wait for me.

....

Escribà.

Sweezus and Arthur are talking to two students from Barcelona University, who are also waiting for paella.

Tenerife, says Sweezus, in answer to a question.

Tenerife? says Santiago. Watch out for the spiders. They bite.

That's why we're going, says Arthur.

No kidding, says Mateo. Our professor's just discovered a new species. What was it... ?

Loxosceles, says Santiago.

Si, Loxosceles, says Mateo. They have a severe bite, and three pairs of eyes. That is all I remember.

Woa! says Sweezus. Scary. I caught a funnel web once. Wanna see the photo?

Ying comes in.

Hi guys, says Ying. Got your paella?

No, says Sweezus. Still waiting. Sit down. This is Santiago and Mateo. They know spiders.

Don't talk to me about spiders, says Ying. Everyone's gone mental!

That's just normal, says Arthur. Is Gaius all right?

He's a pain in the arse, says Ying. Trying to take over. Being bossy to Kong. And as for the others, Terence doesn't like his new tee shirt.

Not a morning person? says Arthur.

ARRRGH! says Ying. Don't remind me! It was my fault. I read it wrong in the first place. Bloody too-small phones! TERENCE decided he was a morning person. Then he found out the tee shirt said he wasn't.

What is this story? asks Santiago.

Never mind, says Ying. Then there's  Baby Pierre and Daniel O'Connell. Faffing about with waistcoats, and hats. I even bought them new hats. But do they like them?

Do they? asks Sweezus.

Well, yes, says Ying. But that's not the point. I shouldn't have had to.

You've got the money, says Arthur.

Oh, that's what this is all about, is it? says Ying.

The paella arrives.

Mmm. It smells amazing.

Who is Daniel O'Connell? asks Santiago. I have heard this name from somewhere.

It's not him, says Ying, scooping up a handful of paella.

Hey. She eats it with her hands. This girl is awesome.

It's his pseudonym, says Ying. He's a crowd-funded spider.

Bueno, says Mateo. We have been talking about spiders, Our professor, Carles Ribera, has just recently discovered a new species, endemic to Gran Canaria.

Loxosceles, says Ying, wiping her fingers on her white cotton hankie.

How did you KNOW that? asks Sweezus.

Gaius, says Ying. And now he's talking about catching a ferry to Gran Canaria. We haven't even got to Tenerife yet.

Anyone want to play volleyball? asks Mateo.

Yeah, me, says Sweezus.

 Me, says Arthur.

Me, says Santiago.

They get up from the table, and start walking off in the direction of the door, beyond which is the Platja Nova Icaria, its sandy beach, and its volleyball nets.....

Ying is left with the bill for paella.

Which is okay, since she has the money.

Size Of Space Matters

How big should the space be? asks Kong.

What space? asks Gaius.

The space for the list of possible habitats, says Kong.

E-huuh! sighs Gaius. A square inch would do.

Why don't we research it now? says Kong. Then there won't be an error.

All right, says Gaius. You do that, while I try and remember 'To Do' number four, which thanks to you, I have forgotten.

He sits down on the bed, heavily. Kong bounces up, and over to Gaius's spider book on the table.

I'm disappointed, says Baby Pierre.

Me too, says Terence. I wish NOT wasn't here. Why are you disappointed?

No hat, says Baby Pierre. And Daniel O'Connell hasn't given me his waistcoat.

Forgive me, says Daniel O'Connell. I meant to. I too am disappointed. This trip is supposed to be MY crowd-funded family discovery and dancing holiday. And I'm treated like an add-on.

What's the matter with you now? asks Ying.

Only Terence got something, says Baby Pierre. We didn't.

I have a surprise for you, says Ying.

She opens her handbag.

She takes out a boxed Don Quixote and Sancho Panza.

Opens the box, takes out the figures, removes their felt hats.

One hat for Daniel O'Connell (Don Quixote's) one hat for Baby Pierre (Sancho Panza's).

Now Terence is jealous, even though he has a sunhat.

Ah! says Kong. Here we are. Macaroeris nidicolens prefers bushes in warm, dry, sunny or half-shaded areas. You see, Gaius, how much space your square inch would have wasted!

Drat! says Gaius. Four was just on the tip of my tongue!

What about giving me the waistcoat? says Baby Pierre. It would look good with my Sancho Panza hat.

But then.... says Daniel O'Connell, I'd be a bare Don Quixote.

You can wear the rest of the outfit, if you can get into it, says Ying. The jerkin, and the slashed breeches.

Daniel O'Connell is sorely tempted, but he has been through the logistics before.

What if.....? What if he crammed four legs in each leg hole?

No, thank you. Too restrictive for dancing.

FERRY! says Gaius. Book a ferry.

Ferry? What for? asks Ying.

Have I not mentioned it? says Gaius. The Macaroeris nidicolens may turn out to be a red herring. If so, we should relocate to Gran Canaria, where a new endemic lineage of the spider genus Loxosceles has been found. They have a very nasty bite, and a volcanic connection.

Oh, really! snaps Ying.

Trials Of A Morning Person

Twelve midday.

Sweezus and Arthur are at Xiringuito Escribà, waiting for paella.

Sweezus looks at his Fitbit. Gets up. Walks round the chair.

You don't have to do what it tells you, says Arthur.

What's the point then? says Sweezus.

That is the point, says Arthur.

Brrp! Sweezus has a message, from Ying. And a photo.

Cool! says Sweezus. She bought Terence a new tee shirt. What's it say? I'm a morning person?

He shows Arthur, who is of the opinion that it says 'I'm not a morning person'.

.........

Gaius and Kong have checked into their room at Ibis Barcelona Centro.

Aah, says Kong, lying down on the bed with his feet up.

Don't get too comfy, says Gaius. There's work to do.

Is there? asks Kong. Can't I relax for a minute?

I'd find it hard to write notes lying down, says Gaius.

You're not lying down, says Kong.

You write the notes, says Gaius. I'll dictate them.

Kong sits up.

You're the dictator, says Kong.

Indeed, says Gaius. Write down TO DO, as a heading.

TO DO, writes Kong, in large letters.

One. Leave for Tenerife in the morning, says Gaius.

After breakfast, says Kong. Breakfast should be number one. There's a buffet.

As you like, says Gaius. Number one. Arthur would have used his initiative.

Don't compare me to Arthur, says Kong. We're very different. For one thing, I'm here and he isn't.

Knock! A knock on the door.

It's Ying.

Hello guys, says Ying. Are you ready for a fashion show?

It is the last thing they are ready for.

Come in, Terence, says Ying.

Terence comes in, in his new tee shirt. A morning person.

But Terence can't read very well.

'I'm not a morning person', reads Gaius. Oh, that's good. Ha ha. Not a morning person. And what's that he's doing?

Brushing his teeth, says Terence.

Eating corn flakes, says Kong.

See, says Baby Pierre. I told you. He's not brushing.

And I TOLD YOU, says Ying crossly, it doesn't MATTER.

Terence scowls, and rips off his tee shirt.

He looks hard at the picture. The character is wearing a mask. He is brushing his teeth with a spoon over a bowl of cornflakes. As for the writing.....

What does that say? asks Terence.

Not, says Kong.

Not, says Baby Pierre.

'Tis better betimes to be morning person, says Daniel O'Connell. But 'tis true, to be sure, you are only a morning person in the morning. Tiddly dee.

What? says Terence.

Good, says Ying. Everyone else can just get on with what they were doing.

Right, says Gaius. Three. Make a list of likely habitats for Macaroeris nidicolens. Leave a space for that, Kong. Four........