The Gathering

Later that night.

Terence returns to the Max Brown hotel with Arthur and Sweezus.

You go in, says Sweezus. We'll be back later.

Much later, says Arthur.

Terence goes in. He stomps up the stairs to find Tiny.

Tiny is sitting in a circle, outside Gaius's room.

Snakes can do this.

Guess what? says Terence.

What? says Tiny. My own sister's a Tour de France rider?

No, about water, says Terence. Sweezus pours water into a teacup and it flushes down the toilet.

No way! says Tiny.

It's tactics, says Terence.

My sister's team has better tactics, says Tiny. They have black hole paint.

Poo! says Terence. All that will do is.....make them look like their brains are missing.

Tiny had been thinking it might help them pass others unnoticed, and sprint to the finish.

But perhaps Terence is right.

He brightens. Not that he has anything against the success of Third Sister.

Guess what else? says Terence. The race starts tomorrow, and it goes past the canal. We're allowed to watch it.

Me too? asks Tiny.

You too, says Terence. You can watch out for clowns.

What do I do if I see one? asks Tiny.

Bite it, says Terence. And warn me. And we'll run away.

.......

Belle is on an Emirates flight from Adelaide to Düsseldorf. She is cutting it fine.

She wonders if Gaius has received his bicycle.

She wonders if Baby Pierre, Ouvert and Third Sister have found the Freddos.

She wonders if Sweezus is getting on all right with Gaius.

She wonders if Vello and David have bonded with Jacobi.

Of course they will have. They are philosophers first and foremost.

She bites down on a complimentary pretzel.

Ouch! She cracks a filled tooth.

.......

The next morning, in Düsseldorf.

Belle is seeing a dentist.

Vello is fussing.

What will we do about snacks?

Have faith, says Jacobi.

There you go, says David. Faith will not produce snacks.

I'm not denying there must be a process, says Jacobi.

That's not what you say, says David. You say belief means immediate conviction. I take that to mean you expect snacks to materialise, if you believe in them strongly.

You trivialise my faith, says Jacobi. I don't actually believe in snacks.

Then why...? begins David

Stop this! says Vello. It's the time trials, this afternoon. Are we ready? No. Do we have snacks ? No. Where is my daughter? At the dentist.

Calm down Vello, says David. One of us just needs to go down to the Altstadt and buy snacks.

I'll go, says Jacobi.

He wanders down to the Altstadt.

On the way, he passes several clowns.

Water Does What It Wants

Sweezus munches the chocolate.

Now that you're here, says Gaius, you can take charge of Terence.

Sure, right, says Sweezus. Where is he?

Gaius doesn't know.

Where is he, Ageless? asks Gaius.

Ask Freddie, says Ageless.

Outside, says Freddie. With his little snake friend.

Tiny! cries Third Sister. Is it Tiny?

Yes, says Freddie. He looks like you. Is he your brother?

But Third Sister has run quickly outside.

Terence and Tiny are returning from the canal, where they have been playing Cannot But Bee.

Third Sister! cries Tiny, as soon as he sees her.

Tiny Sacrifice! cries Third Sister.

They entwine, like snake brother and sister. Then they withdraw to regard one another.

Nice bike knicks, says Tiny.

Thanks, says Third Sister.

A coolness descends. A gulf divides them.

They go inside.

Terence runs to Sweezus! Yay! Sweezus is here!

Scheisse! says Sweezus. What's that on your hand?

A parrot wing, says Terence. He waves it about a bit.

Sweezus does not look impressed.

......

Later. At a cool bar in the Altstadt. A meeting of Team Condor, re tactics.

I'm just saying, says Sweezus.

Another weissbier? asks Arthur

Yeah, says Sweezus. Gaius's round.

I won't have another, says Gaius.

It's still your round, says Sweezus.

Water, says Gaius.

Yeah, says Sweezus. What was I saying? Yeah... pour water into a tea cup, it takes the shape of the tea cup.

Terence is under the table. He is not allowed to say anything.

He thinks about Sweezus's teacup.

That is all very well, says Gaius. But pour water into a toilet, it takes the shape of the toilet, that does not make it a desirable quality to emulate. You need to convince me.

A toilet! says Sweezus.

He is taken aback.

Terence is snorting with suppressed laughter under the table. He can't wait to tell Tiny.

My own preference as to tactics, says Gaius, is PUSH ON.

Water does that too, says Sweezus.

Terence nearly wets himself, thinking of pushing on the toilet. And afterwards flushing. Hilarious.

It seems you think it will do what you want it to do, says Gaius. Let me assure you it won't. Have you ever been to the seaside and tried to make a moat round a sand castle?

Luckily Sweezus is saved from the riddle of the moat by the return of Arthur with two weissbiers, one glass of water, and an acquaintance.

Richie! says Sweezus. Good to see you! When did you get here?

Today, says Richie.

Same, says Sweezus. Sit down. Gaius's round. What're you having?

I'm all right, says Richie. Arthur was just saying about Team Trek Segafredo's new outfits.

Sweezus grimaces.

All right for some, says Sweezus. Team Condor can't afford new outfits. Contadors's team looks heaps good though. White pinstripe jersey and pinstripe bib shorts. Red helmets and shoes, customised white Trek bikes with red details.

You know what, man, says Richie. There's this good philosophy.

What? says Sweezus.

All your sorrows have been wasted on you if you have not yet learned how to feel rat shit, says Richie.

That's WRETCHED, says Gaius.

Nothing Like Motivation

The plane lands in Dubai. The flat pack is unloaded.

Three hours later a plane leaves Dubai for Düsseldorf.

The plane lands in Düsseldorf.

The flat pack is again unloaded, picked up by a courier, and delivered to the Max Brown hotel.

(Just thought I should speed up the action).

Gaius comes downstairs.

Your flat pack is here, says Freddie.

Ageless wakes up. He was only half asleep anyway.

Gaius prises open the flat pack.

Freddie, a spanner!

Freddie looks for a spanner. There should be one under the desk.

Ageless spies the cloth bag.

He loosens the drawstring with his dominant claw.

Out tumble Baby Pierre, Ouvert and Third Sister.

Welcome to Düsseldorf, says Ageless. Croaakkkk! What happened!

Nothing, says Baby Pierre.

There's a black hole in your head, says Ageless.

Ouvert jumps up and down.

Yes! Yes! It's the secret weapon!

Ageless kicks him. Shut your mouths, Ouvert. Both of them. Other teams may be listening.

Black hole? cries Baby Pierre.

Let me see, says Third Sister. Oh dear. It's your Sign of the Claw. But it's still the right shape though.

How was your journey? asks Ageless, realising he has not greeted Third Sister.

Good, and bad, says Third Sister. I ate the head of my Freddo. It was smiling. I felt really bad. But Baby Pierre said to think of it inside me, smiling. Like, you know, motivation.

Good for Baby Pierre, says Ageless. I won't point out that the Freddo can no longer be smiling.

You did! says Ouvert.

Reverse psychology, says Ageless.

Muh! says Ouvert.

My light doesn't work, says Gaius. Belle must have left the light on. How annoying.

Where are our team bikes? asks Ageless.

In the lunch box, says Baby Pierre.

Ageless pulls out the three tiny bicycles, one by one. It looks as though parts of them are missing.

Ageless groans.

No, says Baby Pierre It's just ... we had a paint spill.

Ageless is learning that being a manager is not all plain sailing.

Gaius is still bending over his bicycle, muttering, when Sweezus and Arthur wheel their bikes in.

Cool hotel! says Sweezus.

Knew you'd like it, says Arthur.

Arthur! says Gaius. At last! I'm in a bit of a pickle. My light's not working.

You probably won't need it, says Arthur.

Gaius beams with relief. No doubt Arthur will also be able to lay his hands on a spanner.

Training session this afternoon? asks Gaius. We need to talk about tactics.

Yeah, okay, says Sweezus. We've been working on some pretty awesome tactics. Remember Bruce Lee?

No, says Gaius. Wait, yes, the kung fu man?

Yep, Bruce Lee, says Sweezus. Be like water. Nothing will alter its way. Brilliant.

Doesn't Sweezus realise he has revealed his new tactic to Ageless, and the whole of Team Claw?

Team Claw and Ageless retire to the social space to discuss how being like water might help them with their paint spill.

Be like water? says Gaius. I have a few questions.

Then something distracts him. What's this?

He has found the heroic co-Freddo, melted into an unsmiling lump inside its wrapper.

Anyone want this old chocolate? asks Gaius.

I'll have it, says Sweezus.

Heroic Demises

I smell chocolate, says Third Sister.

That will be us, say the Freddos.

I'm only going to eat one of you, says Third Sister. Which one will it be?

The plane lurches, due to turbulence.

Baby Pierre clutches the paint tube.

Help me! cries Baby Pierre. It doesn't have a lid on.

Has the paint all come out? asks Ouvert.

How do I know? says Baby Pierre.

Squeeze it, says Ouvert.

Then it will, says Baby Pierre.

Gently, says Ouvert. Does it feel fat?

Baby Pierre squeezes the Vantablack tube, gently.

Splurt. Gurgle.

It sounds like drops of paint oozing out of a gently squeezed paint tube.

Has it gone on you? asks Third Sister.

I don't think so, says Baby Pierre.

We need some light, says Third Sister. Is there a light on Gaius's bicycle?

YES! cries Ouvert. Who's going to crawl out and find it?

Not us, says the Freddo.

Me, says the co-Freddo.

The brave Freddo can go, says Third Sister. I'll eat the coward.

And that's why the co-Freddo doesn't get eaten.

The downside is, he has to find the light on Gaius's bicycle, all by himself.

Go! says Ouvert.

The co-Freddo goes, not sure of where he is meant to be going.

Come here, says Third Sister, to the cowardly Freddo. Are you wrapped in foil?

Yes, says the Freddo. But inside I am smiling.

Smiling? asks Third Sister.

Smiling, says the Freddo. I'll smile all the way down.

I ate chocolate in Barbados, says Third Sister, But it didn't have a face that was smiling.

Eat him! says Ouvert.

Ouvert is excited. He hopes that the light comes on soon.

I think I might have paint on me, says Baby Pierre.

So what? says Ouvert. That was the plan.

That wasn't the plan, says Baby Pierre.

Third Sister has decided to just eat the feet of the Freddo.

Chomp!

Click!

The co-Freddo has succeeded in finding the light on the bicycle, and turned it on. After which he has fainted.

He is melting, inside the foil wrapper.

His smiling face melting..... his smiling face..... melting....

....inside the wrapper.

A heroic demise.

And not worth it.

Oh! I've eaten his head! says Third Sister.

Portal To The Dark Side

The Freddos bounce up and down in the lunch box.

Stop that! cries Baby Pierre.

How else are we going to get the lid off? asks the Freddo.

Normally, says Baby Pierre, I would agree with you. But Third Sister says the lid's come off the black paint tube.

Paint? Is it paint? asks the Freddo.

We didn't know it was paint, says his co-Freddo.

What did you think it was? asks Baby Pierre.

We didn't know. Some kind of portal, says the Freddo.

This is a bit close for comfort.

Baby Pierre doesn't want the Freddos knowing his game plan. Even for the short time they have left.

Think about that, Baby Pierre.

That's stupid.

Okay, says Baby Pierre. It's a portal to the dark side. So you need to stop bouncing.

What do we do? asks the Freddo.

Are there three bikes in there? asks Baby Pierre.

Yes, says the Freddo.

Wedge and climb, says Baby Pierre.

It's not hard to see why he is captain.

The Freddos wedge and climb, and the top Freddo loosens the lid of the lunch box.

Now help us out! say the Freddos.

Not yet. I'm coming in, says Baby Pierre. I need to replace the lid of the paint tube.

Stay there. We'll bring it with us, says the Freddo.

And before Baby Pierre can figure out how he is going to get into the lunch box ( answer: it wouldn't be easy ), he is showered with dropping Freddos and a paint tube, with the lid off.

Where's the LID! shouts Baby Pierre.

We don't know, admit the Freddos.

What a disaster.

Holding the paint tube gingerly upright, Baby Pierre struggles back towards the cloth bag.

What do we do? asks the Freddo.

Follow him, says his co-Freddo.

Straight into the teeth of death, says the Freddo.

Or go back to the lunch box, says the co-Freddo. With three bikes and a harmless lid.

It's tempting, says the Freddo, but we ARE slowly melting.

They look at one another.

Or would do, if it wasn't so dark.

And also, they are still wrapped in their Freddo foil wrappings.

It's amazing they saw anything, really.

Baby Pierre has entered the cloth bag.

Have you got the chocolate? asks Third Sister.

It's coming, says Baby Pierre. Meanwhile we have a disaster. Look here.

Of course, they don't see anything.

He explains the situation.

Freddos out. But not here yet. Lid in the lunch box.

Where are they? asks Third Sister.

Here we are, croaks the first Freddo.

The dark side, croaks the co-Freddo

What Are We Here For?

Where are you? shouts Third Sister.

To your left! shouts the Freddo.

I still can't find you, says Third Sister. Bang on the lunch box!

The two Freddos bang on the lunch box.

Third Sister moves closer.

What's that rattling? asks Third Sister.

Bicycles, shouts the Freddo.

And a tube of black stuff, says his co-Freddo.

Whoops, says Third Sister. That's a secret. And how come you know that it's black?

A good question. It's dark in the flat pack.

It's blacker than black, says the Freddo. It's like a black hole. We're actually scared of it.

We are, agrees his co-Freddo.

Wait, says Third Sister. What you're saying is, it's too good?

Too bad, says the Freddo. And the top's come off.

Bugger and poo! says Third Sister.

You could say that, says the Freddo.

But we're the ones in here, says his co-Freddo.

And the bicycles! says Third Sister. I must tell Baby Pierre.

She wriggles herself into a returning position, and heads towards the cloth bag.

So much for that, says the Freddo.

We blew it, says his co-Freddo.

We gained time, says the Freddo.

I thought we made a decision, says his co-Freddo. A fast death is better than a slow one.

We may have saved the bicycles, says the Freddo.

What's the point of that? asks his co-Freddo.

The bigger picture, says the Freddo. What are we here for, and all that?

We're here to be eaten, says co-Freddo.

Glass half full, says the Freddo. Anyway, I hear something.

He does hear something. It's Baby Pierre, rapping on the lid of the lunch box.

This is the Captain. Open up, Freddos!

Do we have to answer to him? asks the co-Freddo.

Sadly, yes, says the Freddo.

........

Meanwhile......

Meanwhile, everything else in the universe.......

But let's pick on one.

Vello and David are admiring the world's most beautiful coal mine, in Essen

Beautiful, thanks to the fact that it is no longer a coal mine, and is heritage listed.

This is much more attractive than I expected, says David. The architecture has a pleasant modern feel with appealing symmetry.

Bauhaus, says Jacobi.

The will of the epoch, translated into space, says Vello.

They are such intellectuals.

The Consolations Of Sport Psychology

Adelaide airport.

A flat pack is loaded onto an Emirates  plane.

Inside the flatpack is Gaius's bicycle, a cloth bag and a lunchbox.

Inside the lunchbox are three tiny bicycles, a tube of Vantablack coating, and two chocolate frogs.

Inside the cloth bag is Team Claw.

Ouvert can't get comfy. Third Sister is hungry.

It is all up to Baby Pierre.

If we're going to do this, says Baby Pierre, we may as well do it like professionals.

I agree, says Third Sister. How do we do it like them?

We think of a plan, says Baby Pierre. A way of making the time seem to go faster.

I have a plan, says Third Sister. We could set a task for ourselves. A hard one. Like when you have to solve clues to escape from a locked room.

Good thinking, Third Sister, says Baby Pierre. This cloth bag is like a locked room.

No it isn't, says Ouvert. I can get out any time I want to.

Go on then, says Third Sister.

I need a reason, says Ouvert.

Good thinking, Ouvert, says Baby Pierre. Here's a reason. Third Sister is hungry. The chocolate frogs are packed in the lunch box. The lunch box is closed.

Is it? says Third Sister. That's outrageous! How am I supposed to eat them?

You stupid girl, says Ouvert. That's the TASK.

Don't call her stupid, says Baby Pierre.

I didn't, says Ouvert.

You did, says Third Sister.

Come on guys! says Baby Pierre. Let's make a time line.

Yes, a time line, says Third Sister. First, get the chocolate.

That's at the end of the time line, says Baby Pierre. First, get out of the bag.

Why did Belle pack the chocolate in the lunch box? moans Third Sister.

Think! says Baby Pierre.

Okay, says Third Sister. She did it to occupy me. Right! Step one. I'm going to get out of this stinky old bag.

Stinky, says Ouvert. She said stinky!

Leave it, says Baby Pierre She's using sports psychology.

Am I? asks Third Sister.

Visualising your goal, says Baby Pierre. And creating a spur. It's okay if you want to pretend that it's stinky.

But it is, in fact, hot and stinky.

The plane has taken off, and the baggage compartment is nowhere as nice as the cabins.

........

Third Sister has made it to the top of the cloth bag which is closed with a cord drawn up tight but not knotted.

She pokes and eases, until a gap forms, just wide enough for her to squeeze through.

Now she is in the flat pack proper.

It is dark in the flat pack. She feels the spokes of Gaius's bicycle wheel. She sniffs.

No sweet smell of chocolate, because the damn lunch box is closed. And where is the lunch box?

She visualises the lunch box.

It is totally no use whatsoever.

She doesn't even remember what it looks like.

Did it have a blue lid or what?

She cries out in frustration.

You chocolate frogs! Shout if you can hear me!

Inside the blue-lidded lunch box, two chocolate frogs now have a dilemma.

They know what their ultimate fate is, but they are slowly melting.

Which path to take?

A quick end or a slow one?

Make a decision.

Waaark! Waaark! cry two Freddos, in unison.

A Test of Her Mettle

It has been a very long lunch.

Team Philosophe needs to work it off.

Jacobi has a fine suggestion. They should cycle to Essen, and visit the Zollverien Coal Mine.

It is the world's most beautiful coal mine, says Jacobi.

Is there much competition? asks Vello.

It no longer functions as a coal mine , says Jacobi. When it closed, it was thought that the architecture had merit, so it was developed as a heritage site. It now forms a complex of museums and theatres and restaurants.

Excellent! We could have dinner there, says David.

Theoretically, says Jacobi. First we must work off the lunch.

They head off in the general direction of Essen.

Gaius cycles back along the canal.

He passes behind Terence and Tiny, who are still sitting there.

The game of Cannot But Bee has gained in complexity.

I know! What if a Bee falls in a canal? asks Tiny.

Cannot But Bee Floating, says Terence.

Wrong! says Tiny. Canal Bee Floating.

Mine was better, says Terence.

Mine had Bee and Canal, says Tiny. Two points!

But no Cannot, says Terence. No points.

(Terence is right).

Gaius returns to the Max Brown hotel.

Hello Freddie. Is Terence behaving himself?

Yes, says Freddie. He is outside getting some fresh air. I told him not to go anywhere.

I didn't see him, says Gaius.

Ageless emerges from his reverie, not far from the counter.

Gaius, says Ageless. Do you know when Team Claw is arriving?

No, says Gaius. Don't you? You are their manager.

A minor slip, says Ageless. I forgot to arrange it. Could you....?

I have better things to do, says Gaius.

Such as what? asks Ageless.

Find Terence, says Gaius.

I'll find him, says Ageless. You call home, and see if they've left yet.

Gaius calls home.

He is surprised when Belle et Bonne answers.

Oh, hello Gaius. How is Düsseldorf?

Very nice, says Gaius. Waiting for my bicycle. Arthur sent it off a few days ago.

Yes, says Belle. Well actually, I'm just packing it now.

Just now, says Gaius. That's cutting it fine.

I know, sorry, says Belle.

Not your fault, dear, says Gaius. Another thing..... has Team Claw left yet?

No, says Belle. They're awaiting instructions.

There will be no instructions, says Gaius. Ageless has neglected to arrange their itinerary.

Oh no! How can I tell them? says Belle. I'm flying over next weekend. That's too late though.

Pack them in with my bicycle, says Gaius.

Gaius! That's cruel!

They are pebbles, says Gaius. They've been in worse situations.

Third Sister isn't a pebble, says Belle. She wouldn't like it.

Ask her, says Gaius. It will be a test of her mettle.

Okay, says Belle. I'll text you what she decides. Bye now!

She turns to Team Claw who are watching her dismantle Gaius's bicycle.

What wouldn't I like? asks Third Sister.

Philosophy Bee

Max Brown hotel, Düsseldorf.

Ageless lobster is in the social space, lazing.

Life is simple, for the manager of Team Claw.

His team has a fast new rider (Third Sister) and a secret weapon (Vantablack coating).

They should be arriving in Düsseldorf, within a few days.

It occurs to Ageless that he doesn't know when, exactly.

.......

Gaius's kitchen, Adelaide.

Arthur and Sweezus pack their bikes into flat packs.

I hate this part, says Sweezus.

Don't bring it, says Arthur.

I mean packing, says Sweezus.

Me too, says Arthur.

Oh yeah, says Sweezus. Have you sent Gaius's off yet?

No, says Arthur. That's going to be awkward, now.

Yeah, says Sweezus.

........

Königsallee, Düsseldorf.

Gaius is cycling beside the canal.

He cycles past Terence who is sitting with Tiny, playing Cannot But Bee.

Terence: What if you were a bee?

Tiny: I could fly.

Terence: No, you don't get it. You have to say BEE in the answer.

Tiny: But bee was the question!

And so on.

Gaius doesn't see them.

Life at the moment is simple.

His own bicycle will soon be here.

Arthur has seen to it.

Then he can get down to some serious practice.

He pedals faster.

Hola! Gaius! calls Vello, from beneath an umbrella.

Gaius stops.

Vello, David and Jacobi are finishing a plate of fried blutwurst and drinking weissbier.

Typical! Gaius thanks the goddess Fortuna (in whom he no longer believes) that he is not a member of Team Philosophe this year.

Come and join us, says Vello. We're discussing Spinoza.

Bah! says Jacobi. If you can call it a discussion.

Gaius stops and sits down. He picks up a slice of fried blutwurst and tries it.

Mm, says Gaius. Mustard. That's quite good.

Gaius, you met Spinoza, says Vello.

I did, says Gaius. He was on a train I was taking. Nice fellow, if a bit strange.

Atheist! says Jacobi.

He carried his lunch in a basket, says Gaius. And wore a dark hat. For some reason we were ejected from the train.... yes, a broken window.....but we were allowed back on again. Ageless was there.

That is a vague recollection, says David.

It was years ago, says Gaius. Don't tell me you're engaged in a debate over Spinoza.

Jacobi has a bee in his bonnet, says Vello.

The keystone of all human knowledge is belief, says Jacobi.

I'm sure Spinoza would have agreed, says Gaius. But the broken window was proof of the opposite.

How so? asks David,

We believed we hadn't done it, says Gaius.

This is nonsense, says Jacobi. The point is, Spinoza's god does not have free will, purpose or intention.

That's a long bow, says Vello. Shall I order another plate of blutwurst?

And another round of weissbiers, says David. Is it true to say we are fatalists?

Heaven forbid, says Jacobi. But I will have a weissbier.

Indistinguishable Numb

No, says Freddie. Gaius left strict instructions.

But we need some fresh air, says Terence.

All right. Just go to the entrance. And don't follow strangers.

Terence and Tiny are free.

They go to the entrance. They don't follow strangers.

Which way? asks Terence.

That way, says Tiny. There might be a chocolate shop.

Several minutes later, Tiny is lagging behind.

Stop. Pick me up, says Tiny.

Why? says Terence.

Ballast, says Tiny.

Terence doesn't know much about ballast, but his winged hand is heavy.

If I pick you up, will you hold my parrot wing? asks Terence.

Yes, says Tiny.

So Terence does it.

Soon they come to the Aldstadt. There are shops there. One looks like a chocolate shop to Terence.

He goes in.

Willkommen, little fellow! says Heine. Would you like a puppet?

No, says Terence. My parrot wants a chocolate.

I see no parrot, says Heine. Oh, but yes! It is broken, your parrot. Only the wing is left, and... was ist das?

Me! squeaks Tiny.

Guter Gott! says Heine. Ein snake! In mein mustard shop!

Tiny doesn't like mustard, says Terence.

How do I know? asks Tiny.

Let him taste, says Heine. Here. Try this one. ABB.

A few customers have gathered to watch Tiny sample the ABB mustard.

Achoo! I don't like it! It's hot!

Keep trying, says a Japanese customer. You will get used to it.

This is rich, coming from the Japanese customer. The same one who later that day writes a Trip Advisor review, including these words: WATCH OUT AS GRADUALLY BECOME INDISTINGUISHABLE NUMB.

But how is Tiny to know that?

He tries the Lowensenf Lion mustard.

And his mouth becomes numb.

It's like glue! cries Tiny. The bull glue is fresh in his memory.

Stille! says Heine. The customers!

Let's go! says Tiny, looking for Terence, who is poking around in the Mustard Museum.

Okay, says Terence. It's a rubbish chocolate shop anyway.

Tiny is in such a hurry that he jumps on to the wingless hand of Terence, and wraps himself round Terence's wrist.

Now I have to carry both of you, says Terence.

There's only one of me, says Tiny.

But you had the wing, says Terence. Now I've got it.

You already had it, says Tiny.

But I didn't have you, says Terence.

Yes, you did, says Tiny.

Only for ballanst, says Terence.

There is no arguing with Terence.

He walks towards the Königsallee, and stops by the canal.

Let's sit here, says Terence.

Okay, says Tiny.

They sit and gaze at the landscaped canal.

No one ever looks after us, says Terence. We could fall in.

I can swim, says Tiny.

Only inside a snorkel, says Terence.

A tear forms in Tiny's small eye.

What? says Terence.

I miss my family, sniffs Tiny.

Third Sister is coming, says Terence. Then you'll have a family.

She isn't! says Tiny.

Weren't you listening? says Terence. She's in Team Claw.

The tear dries up.

His sister. In a Tour de France team! Tiny is jealous.

Avoidance

Twenty minutes later: a peaceful scene in Na No.

Lotte is patiently wiping out Tiny's mouth with a tissue, soaked in nail polish remover.

Tiny is out for the count.

Fumes, most likely.

Terence is having his eyebrows microbladed by Rex.

Hold still, says Rex.

I WAS, says Terence.

No, says Rex. You must remain motionless.

I need to see Tiny, says Terence.

If you move at  a crucial moment, says Rex, you will look always surprised.

Let me see, says Terence.

Rex shows him his face in the mirror.

Terence looks surprised.

Gaius enters the salon. All done here?

Yes, says Lotte. But you'll need to wait until Tiny wakes up. Would you like an acrylic? One nail. You choose which finger.

No thanks, says Gaius.

Go on, says Rex. We have a special Tour de France one. With the Tour de France logo.

On the house, says Lotte. Sit down. And Berthe will bring you a mineral water and two rice cracker biscuits. Or a chocolate, if you prefer.

A chocolate! says Tiny, sitting up and pronouncing his vowels even better than ever.

Good. They can leave at once, and Gaius avoids an acrylic.

.......

Meanwhile outside Max Brown, Vello and David wait for Jacobi.

Late! says Vello. So much for being German.

He may have been and gone, says David. It's half past eleven.

Not my fault I slept badly, says Vello.

So you keep saying, says David. Beats me why you stayed up to read the newspaper. Who does that these days?

I do, says Vello. And I overheard something which may be of importance.

To what? says David.

Winning, says Vello. I heard Ageless speaking to Baby Pierre. They have a secret weapon.

Pshaw! says David. Ageless's team has no chance of winning.

Ever heard of Vantablack coating? asks Vello.

Can't say I have, says David.

They have obtained some, says Vello. And Arthur has paid for it.

You must have been dreaming, says David.

It occurs to Vello that, given Arthur rarely pays for anything, he may indeed have been dreaming.

Jacobi appears, frowning.

At last, says Jacobi. I have been and gone, and come back again. Where were you?

Here all the time, says Vello. Shall we get going? I thought we might ride along the canal, and finish up in the Altstadt, for altbiers and lunch in the sunshine.

Jolly good, says David.

Jacobi continues frowning.

It is the frown of a man who doubts the seriousness of his captain.

Na No

Next morning Gaius comes down to see Freddie.

I had a most refreshing sleep on your comfortable bedding, beams Gaius.

Pleased to hear it, says Freddie. Your friend had a bad night.

My friend? asks Gaius.

Mr Vello, says Freddie. He fell asleep here in the social space, while reading a newspaper.

Where is he? asks Gaius.

Gone upstairs, says Freddie. Now, about this broken parrot...

How much? sighs Gaius.

Ten euros, says Freddie.

Gaius pays up.

From under Freddie's desk, Terence's head emerges.

We need to help Tiny!

Jumping gym-knicks! says Gaius. I'd forgotten. Where is the faulty parrot?

Here, says Freddie. It's yours.

Abt tm! says Tiny.

What's that? asks Gaius.

His tummy hurts, says Terence.

N! says Tiny. M mths gmd!

Let's have look at you, says Gaius. Aha! His mouth's gummed up with bull glue. This is a serious problem.

We know, says Terence.

Why? asks Freddie.

It's the strongest glue known to the ancient world, says Gaius. Made with bitumen, bark pitch and beef tallow. It was used to mount silver laurels on legionnaires' helmets before going into battle. Some are still stuck to this day.

You don't say, says Freddie. That is a cool thing! Is there a known solvent?

Nail polish remover, says Gaius. Do you have any?

I don't, says Freddie. But we are not far from the Kö.

The Kö? says Gaius.

The Königsallee, says Freddie. The shopping boulevarde. It's just along there. They have many high fashion shops, and there is a nail shop for the ladies. Let me find the address for you..... yes, here.... Na No Nails, Königsallee number 36.

Thank you, says Gaius. Come along, Tiny. You too Terence. We'll de-gum Tiny, and remove your wing at the same time.

No-o! says Terence. I'm keeping it!

We'll see about that, says Gaius.

........

In Na No Nails, Gaius waits to be served.

Would you like a finger massage while you're waiting? asks Lotte.

No thank you, says Gaius. I merely wish to purchase nail polish remover. Do you sell it?

We do, says Lotte. But we prefer to use it in house.

No doubt, says Gaius, but I need it to de-gum the mouth of a snake.

Lotte is shocked. This sounds so disgusting. Should she call Rex?

But no. The man is accompanied by a sweet little cherub, who reminds her, somehow, of Baby Jesus. The child is wearing cutlass shorts and has a wing stuck to his finger. How super cute. Perhaps he would like his baby nails done...

Would your child like his ...? Oh!

This one, says Gaius, producing Tiny.

REX! calls Lotte.

Rex stops what he is doing, and comes over.

What is the problem?

A snake on the counter!

Keep calm, says Rex. It is only tiny.

How did you know? asks Terence.

Rex ignores him, and lunges at Tiny with the microblade which he has been using on a customer's eyebrows.

Steady on! says Gaius.

Rex stops and looks hard at Gaius.

A Tour de France rider! Not one of the more famous, but nonetheless.....

How may we help you? asks Rex.

Relativity Loops

How are you liking the food? asks Jacobi.

Fine, says Vello. But this meat is not rhinoceros.

I was thinking the same, says Gaius. It tastes like marinated beef.

Ha ha, laughs Jacobi. That is what it is. So you were not making a joke? Rheinischer-rhinoceros?

Ha ha, yes, says Vello. A joke, wasn't it, Gaius?

No, says Gaius. I just misread the menu. German words sometimes defeat me.

I imagine rhinoceros would be tough, observes David, picking his teeth with a duck bone.

Not at all, says Gaius. It's surprisingly tender.

No one asks him how he could know this.

Terence is still standing at the window. The lights of Düsseldorf revolve around him. His parrot wing hand droops. It is heavy.

He runs back to the table.

What were you waving at? asks David.

Tiny, says Terence. But he kept moving.

This is a revolving restaurant, says Jacobi. It is we who are moving.

I'm not moving, says Terence. The lights are moving.

We're all moving, says Vello.

Modern science, says David.

No. Time to get moving, says Vello. Before someone suggests dessert.

Oh, says David. I was rather hoping, since we didn't have starters, that we might try the cherry clafoutis.

I want cherry clafooties, says Terence.  I haven't had ANYTHING.

So they order the cherry clafoutis.

........

Later, at the Max Brown Hotel.

That was pleasant, says David. Now for an early night. Coming Vello?

Not yet, says Vello. I might sit in the social space for half an hour, and read the paper.

Early night for me too, says Gaius. Come, Terence.

Noo! says Terence. I have to find Tiny.

I'm right here, squeaks Tiny. Or tries to.

It sounds like: M-rt-hr!

I meant to tell you, Mr Secundus, says Freddie, coming over from the front desk. You will need to pay for a replacement ceramic parrot. It's not fixed properly. There is a small snake where the wing should be. Some of our more observant guests have remarked upon it.

Bother, says Gaius. Can it wait until morning?

Certainly, says Freddie. I'll keep it under my desk.

He carries the broken parrot with its snake wing to his desk and shoves it under the counter.

Terence follows.

I'll wait with you, Tiny, says Terence.

Wht-fr? asks Tiny.

Until you break loose, says Terence. Hey, did you see me waving?

N! says Tiny Sacrifice.

......

Four o'clock in the morning.

Everyone is asleep in the Max Brown hotel.

Everyone except Terence, Tiny and Ageless.

Ageless is awake by the phone.

He is waiting for a phone call from Baby Pierre, the Team Claw captain.

The phone rings. Ageless croaks softly: Hello.

Ageless, it's Baby Pierre. I've got the Vantablack coating.

Excellent. Don't open it yet.

We haven't. But Arthur might have.

Arthur might have! How do you know?

He's missing a section of finger.

Curses! Is it in a tube?

No, it's still on his hand.

I mean the Vantablack coating.

Yes. It's in a tube.

Weigh it.

Okay. By the way, we have a new team member. Third Sister. She's got a black bike and black bike knicks. And if you think a snake can't ride a bicycle you're wrong. She loops her legs up.

I'll believe it when I see it. Who paid for the bike and the bike knicks?

No one. It's on the invoice. With the black paint. Arthur's taking care of it.

Good, says Ageless. Arthur's taking care of it. That's the best news I've heard all day.

The Winged Hand

It's not yet dinner time.

Gaius is mending the Max Brown social space parrot, with Roman bull glue.

Terence is watching.

If there are any bits left over, says Terence, I want them.

There won't be any bits left over, says Gaius. Here, press this with your finger.

Terence presses the wing of the parrot.

Gaius picks up the beak.

How's it going? asks Freddie.

Nearly done, says Gaius.

It stinks, says Freddie.

Not when it dries, says Gaius. Has Ageless made his phone call?

Yes, says Freddie. I didn't know he was a team manager.

This is his first time, says Gaius.

Can I let go yet? asks Terence.

It's not hard to see where this is going.

....

It is quarter to seven.

Vello and David have arrived early, and are standing under the Rheinturm.

They are both looking up.

Beats me, says David. Perhaps we're too close to see it.

The white light spots travel up the stem of the Rheinturm, passing stationary red spots, in a regular fashion.

I should have looked up how to read it, mutters Vello.

That would have been cheating, says David.

But rational, says Vello.

Gaius arrives with Terence.

Evening, Gaius. Hello, Terence, says David. What's that stuck to your finger?

A wing, says Terence.

Learning to fly? asks Vello. Fly up to the light clock, and tell us the time.

It's dinner time, says Terence, and I can't eat anything.

I brought him to look at the clock, says Gaius. Where is it?

The spots of light are the clock, I imagine, says David. The lower ones move up the stem at a speed of one position per second.

Then it's a timer, says Gaius. Not a clock.

No, says Jacobi, looming up behind them. It's not a timer. See the red dots? They divide the stem into three sections. What does that tell you?

Ah, says David. That tells me hours, minutes, seconds. That explains why the top lights don't appear to be moving.

Well done, says Jacobi. It's ten to seven.

Good, says Vello. We all knew that. Useless clock. Can we eat now?

Let's go up, says Jacobi.

.......

It's nine euros each to go up the tower.

Jacobi pays, and they enter the Günnewig restaurant.

They sit at a window table and look at the menu.

Rhinoceros with red cabbage, says Gaius. I think I'll have that.

What about starters? says David.

Diet! says Vello.

All right, no starters, says David. I'll have the duck with truffles and walnut potato biscuits.

Excellent choice, says Jacobi. I'll have the cod. What about Terence?

Terence isn't looking at the menu. He is not at the table. He is standing at the window looking out over Düsseldorf, waving his parrot winged hand.

Perceptions Of Time

Four thirty. Jacobi and Gaius stop at the base of the Rheinturm.

Vello and David catch up.

Ah! says Jacobi. Two minutes late. This is a bad start. Why are you red in the face?

We were drinking altbier in the sunshine, says David.

Jacobi looks disapproving.

What about Terence? asks Gaius.

What about him? snaps Vello.

This will never do, says Gaius. He'll be running wild in the hotel social space.

He was staring at a ceramic parrot, says Vello. What are you doing here? With a bicycle!

Friedrich has kindly lent me his, until I receive mine from Arthur, says Gaius.

So you two are friendly, says David.

We know one another, says Friedrich. I have an interest in natural history.

Did you know, says Vello, that it is easier for a human to lie than it isn't?

Did you know, says Jacobi, that people who are bilingual experience time differently than people who only speak one language?

Did you know, says David, that team bonding is not going to happen between team members who snipe at one another?

Are you suggesting, says Vello, that we were two minutes late because we speak more than one language?

Of course not, says David.

I meant him, says Vello.

I think I'll call Freddie, says Gaius. See if Terence is all right.

He takes out his phone. He has a missed call and several messages.

He calls Freddie.

Hello Freddie, it's Gaius. Secundus! Yes, me! What? Ageless? Yes, let him. Dear me! No I shall certainly pay for it, if I can't mend it. But I do have some excellent glue. Roman bull glue. No no, I insist upon trying.....

Is Terence all right? asks David.

He has broken the ceramic parrot. says Gaius. But I offered to mend it.

With bull glue. We heard, says Vello.

Well, this is nice, says David. What is this structure we're standing under, Jacobi? It's jolly high.

The Rheinturm, says Jacobi, is a telecommunications tower. Two hundred and forty metres in height. The observation tower, at one hundred and seventy four metres, is open to the public. Would you like to go up there?

With bikes? says Vello.

Tonight, says Jacobi. It remains open until eleven thirty. A light sculpture on the shaft works as a digital clock. There is also a restaurant. Shall we dine there? I should be honoured to pay for my fellow team members' first dinner in Düsseldorf.

I assume I am invited, if I pay for myself? says Gaius.

Nonsense! says Jacobi. I think of you as a fellow team member, Gaius. In fact I have bonded more closely with you than the others. But that of course can be rectified.

David looks sour.

Vello looks sourer.

Gaius looks pleased.

I shall bring Terence, says Gaius. He will enjoy the light sculpture. It will be educational.

It will be an intelligence test for all of you, says Jacobi, smiling at Vello. Not everyone knows how to read it.

Vello smiles back at Jacobi, baring his teeth.

Ethical Snippets

On the way back from Willy Hill, Sweezus and Arthur call in at the office.

Belle is holding the fort there.

Hi Sweezie! Hi Arthur! Been training?

Sweezus: Yeah. How's it going?

Belle: Not too busy. Lucky you came in, though. Papa and David have arrived in Düsseldorf, and they don't like the backpackers you booked them into.

Sweezus: What's wrong with it?

Belle: Too cheap and cheerful.

Arthur: Tell them to go to Max Brown.

......

In Düsseldorf.

David and Vello are trundling their bikes though the city, looking for the Max Brown hotel.

On Kreuzestrasse they find it.

Gaius is just coming out.

Vello! David! says Gaius. This is fortuitous.

Is it? says David.

Yes, says Gaius. I'm just going out, and I've had to leave Terence with Ageless, but Ageless is not the best carer.

What's that got to do with us? asks Vello.

You'll want to settle in, says Gaius. Terence could sit with you while you do your unpacking. Also I'm awaiting a delivery. My racing bicycle. If it arrives, would you sign for it?

Anything else? asks Vello. Would you like us to pick up some shopping?

What? Oh, ha ha, laughs Gaius. No, I don't need any shopping They serve a rich breakfast here. You'll find Terence in the Social Space, by the parrot wallpaper.

Typical Gaius, says David, as Gaius is walking away.

Once inside Max Brown, they spot Terence, leaning his elbows on a coffee table, face to face with a ceramic parrot.

They ignore him. They go up to Freddie, and book themselves in.

.......

Some time later, Vello phones Jacobi.

Yes? says Jacobi.

Vello, says Vello. We're here. When can we meet?

Where are you exactly? asks Jacobi.

Max Brown Hotel, says Vello. We have our bicycles.

Good. Meet me at the embankment, says Jacobi. Under the Rheinturm. At four thirty. Until then, I'm busy. Good day.

.......

At four, Vello and David are cycling along the Rhine embankment, in a leisurely fashion.

This is pleasant, says David. All these bars, and people enjoying the sunshine. Shall we stop here?

They stop and order two altbiers.

They squint, in the sunshine. No hats.

Gaius cycles past, with Jacobi.

Did we see really that? says David.

We did, says Vello. Gaius, who is not in our team, riding with our new team member.

I hope they're not sharing team tactics, says David.

Jacobi won't know our tactics, says Vello.  As for Gaius, he has his own ethics.

Does he? says David. He said he didn't have a bicycle. But there he is, on one.

He swallows the rest of his altbier.

Come on.

Vello swallows his.

They get on their bikes and follow Gaius and Jacobi, at a cautious distance.

At which distance, they only catch snippets.

Gaius: ..blmblm...Spinoza...

Jacobi: .........nothing of the sort....mumbl...mbl

Gaius: ......I'm a simple man....burble.....

Jacobi:  .....As am I, but Spinoza........murmmmrm.....confused ethical system....bmmm...

It would seem they're discussing Spinoza.

You Will Doubt Your Perceptions

Sweezus and Arthur have good intentions.

They will cycle out to Willunga, and ride up Willy Hill.

But for now they are in Norwood, drinking espressos at Cibo's.

To get in the mood.

Roland from the Bike Shop is sitting at a nearby table.

Guys! says Roland. Got something for you.

Yeah? says Sweezus. Can it wait? We're out training.

It's not big, says Roland. You could stick it in your rear pocket. And it's heaps light.

Did we order something? asks Sweezus.

No, says Arthur. Maybe it's a freebie.

It's not for you guys, says Roland. It's for the little dudes. Team Claw.

Okay, says Sweezus. Let's see it.

Roland takes a miniscule paint tube out of his pocket.

Man, that looks weird, says Sweezus. Where's the middle?

Arthur pokes the middle of the tube with his finger.

It's there.

Cool, yeah? says Roland. This is Vantablack coating.

Really cool, says Sweezus. How's it work?

It makes you doubt your perceptions, says Roland. Solid 3D objects suddenly look like flat voids.

Like holes in the space continuum, says Arthur.

You got it, says Roland. Imagine.

Sweezus and Arthur imagine black holes in the Tour de France continuum.

An advantage.

Can you get more? asks Sweezus.

No way, says Roland. It costs a motza. But the good thing is, it's 99 percent air, so it goes a long way.

Who's paying? asks Arthur.

Their manager, Ageless, says Roland. Here's the invoice.

He hands Arthur an invoice.

Arthur shoves the invoice into his rear pocket.

Sweezus takes possession of the tube.

........

An hour later, Sweezus and Arthur are cycling the Coast to Vines trail, in the bright winter sunshine.

They are discussing the seven types of ambiguity, to pass the time.

Sweezus: It's kind of nuts. There must be a shitload more than seven.

Arthur: See what you said there?

Sweezus: No, what?

Arthur: An example of number six.

Sweezus: Which is?

Arthur: When a statement says nothing, and the readers are forced to invent their own statement.

Sweezus: What did I say?

Arthur: That it was nuts.

Sweezus: And what did you invent that to mean?

Arthur: That it was snack time.

Sweezus: You're pretty good at this. You should've written that novel.

Arthur: About the barbecue?

Sweezus: That unending fucking barbecue.

Arthur: Never wanted to write a novel

Sweezus: Me either. Want to win at least one Tour de France stage, though.

Arthur: This could be the year, now we've got the secret weapon.

Sweezus: You mean, Gaius?

Arthur: No, I don't mean Gaius. I mean the black hole flat void paint.

Sweezus: Yeah, but it's Team Claw's paint.

Arthur mutters something ambiguous.

Sweezus fails to enquire what it is.

It's Called Tension

Team Claw cycles to Gaius's house.

They leave their bikes in the shed, and go inside.

The house is cold. The heating is off.

Arthur and Sweezus have left to start training.

Nose is in the kitchen, with Kobo.

She whistles when she sees Third Sister.

Third Sister looks pleased.

I'm in the team, says Third Sister.

Well done, says Nose. I thought you would be. I like your black bike knicks. They make you look slinky.

They're really hard to move in, says Third Sister.

That's because you're off the bike now, says Nose. Take one leg loop out.

How do you mean? asks Third Sister.

Take them off, says Nose, and I'll show you.

Take them off, says Ouvert. And she'll rip them!

I won't rip them, says Nose. You keep your mouth shut.

It is shut, says Ouvert. I'm using the other one.

Shut that one, says Nose.

Third Sister starts taking her knicks off.

Baby Pierre doesn't want to see this, even though he's team captain.

He jumps up onto the table, to see what Kobo is reading.

Kobo is reading the Liane Moriarty that Sweezus left open.

Don't interrupt me, says Kobo. I'm trying to finish it before Sweezus comes back.

What happened at the barbecue? asks Baby Pierre. Do you know yet?

What do you know about it? asks Kobo.

I heard Sweezus complaining to Arthur, says Baby Pierre. He said no one should tease their readers like that. Two hundred and fifty pages and he still doesn't know what happened at the barbecue.

It's called tension, says Kobo.

That's what Arthur said, says Baby Pierre.

There you go, says Nose. Is that better?

Thanks, says Third Sister. It looks good tucked in like that. Will you come and watch me in Düsseldorf?

No, dear, says Nose. I'm going to catch a bus to Upper Sturt, and say goodbye to my parents. Then I'm off on a new adventure. I hear that a young female southern brown bandicoot has been found in Booderee National Park. I'm going there to let her know her rights. We endangered bandicoots must stick together.

That's why I love you, says Third Sister. You taught me everything about courage. And you fixed my bike knicks.

Goodbye, Third Sister! Good luck! Remember me to Tiny.

Tiny?

Your brother. He'll be in Düsseldorf when you get there.

Oh yes, Tiny.

Mwaa!

Mwaa!

(Two goodbye kisses).

You have a brother? says Ouvert. He'd be a better rider.

Sod off, Ouvert, says Third Sister.

The Birth Of Team Claw

Baby Pierre looks at Third Sister.

She doesn't have legs. But she has done a weird thing with her tail end that looks promising.

How do you do that? asks Baby Pierre.

I come from a talented family, says Third Sister. My mother is Tangerine, the last  Barbados racer, my dad is Masteego. That means he climbs trees.

Cool, says Baby Pierre. Can you ride a bicycle?

Sure, says Third Sister.

Try mine, says Ouvert. He won't let you ride his.

Why? asks Third Sister.

Come and see it, says Baby Pierre.

They go outside, to the garden shed.

Oh wow! says Third Sister. Green wheels!

Fluoro-elastane, says Baby Pierre. Special o-rings.

For a wanker, says Ouvert. This is my bike. Get on.

Third Sister would like to get on the bike with the o-rings, but she does as she's told.

This goes down well with the Team Captain.

She twin loops her tail and hops onto Ouvert's tiny bicycle.

She zooms off round the back garden.

Not bad, says Ouvert.

Not bad, agrees Baby Pierre. Okay, you're in Team Claw. We just need to get you a bicycle.

And some bike knicks, and some Vantablack coating, says Third Sister. Don't forget that.

Let's go, says Baby Pierre. Stay on Ouvert's bike. We'll ride into Norwood.

What about me? asks Ouvert.

Get on behind me, says Third Sister.

I'll have to look at your bum, says Ouvert.

That's okay. Pretend I've got bike knicks on, says Third Sister.

What colour are they? asks Ouvert.

Black, says Third Sister.

They head down the side path, and out onto the road.

Two pebbles and a tiny looped snake on two miniscule bicycles.

The birth of Team Claw.

.......

At the Bike Shop, in Norwood.

Hey guys, says Roland. What can I do for you?

We need a bike to fit this girl, says Baby Pierre, and some bike knicks.

Easy done, says Roland. As long as she doesn't want fluoro-elastane o-rings.

She doesn't , says Baby Pierre. We can't afford them.

Try this one, then, says Roland. It looks the right size.

It's perfect, says Third Sister. Black is my favourite colour. And I want black knicks as well.

How do you...? begins Roland. But it seems a rude question to finish.

She double loops her tail, says Ouvert. Show him, Third Sister.

Third Sister asks if there's a change room.

There is. She goes into the change room with three pairs of black knicks to try on.

Do you have any Vantablack coating? asks Baby Pierre

Vantablack coating! says Roland. What for?

Ageless asked me to get some, says Baby Pierre. For the bike wheels. Kobo says it makes them invisible.

Depends, says Roland. It only makes them invisible against a Vantablack background. It would be pretty cool though.

Have you got some? asks Ouvert.

I can get some, says Roland. But it's expensive. It's an ultrablack, made of light-trapping carbon nano tubes. Absorbs 99.965 per cent of the visible light that reaches its surface.

Da-daah! says Third Sister. How do I look, boys?

See, says Roland. If she had those knicks on and she was on that bike, and the wheels were Vantablack coated, there's not much you'd see of her. Even less, with the right back ground.

That was not quite the effect that Third Sister had hoped for.

Status Quo Unravels

Griff knocks on Gaius's front door.

Arthur opens. A blast of warm air issues out.

Keeping it nice and hot are you? says Griff.

Yes, says Arthur. Come in. How was Barbados?

Fine, says Griff. I'm not staying. I'm just dropping these miscreants off, and delivering a message.

Come in, says Arthur. Because I'm closing the door.

Griff enters, and follows Arthur down the long passage, to the kitchen.

Hey, says Sweezus, who is sitting at the table, reading a paperback novel.

This is Griff, says Arthur. He's got a message.

The message can wait, says Griff. First of all, these two.

He opens his back pack, and Nose and Third Sister jump out.

Phew! says Nose.

Phew! says Third Sister.

Holy shit! says Sweezus. How'd you get them through customs?

We pretended! says Nose.

We pretended, says Third Sister.

You guys twins? asks Sweezus.

Yes, says Third Sister.

No, says Nose.

I love her, says Third Sister. I want to be her.

See what I mean? says Griff.

About what? says Arthur.

Miscreants, says Griff. It's not natural.

Gaius said they were coming, says Arthur. Did he say what to do with them?

No, he didn't, says Griff.

So what's the message? asks Arthur.

Kobo has the message, says Griff. Where is Kobo?

He rummages down low in his back pack.

Lifts out Kobo, who has been dreaming of invisible wheels.

Ah! says Kobo. Hello Arthur, hello Sweezus. Shouldn't you be out training?

Yeah, says Sweezus. I'm just finishing this Liane Moriarty.

Which one is it? asks Kobo.

Truly Madly Guilty, says Sweezus.

Any good? asks Kobo.

Page turner, says Sweezus, turning a page.

Where's Baby Pierre? asks Kobo. I've got a message for him, from Ageless.

Here! squeaks Baby Pierre. I mean, here, he says slightly more deeply.

Ageless says get some Vantablack coating, says Kobo.

I already told him that, says Arthur. But no one knows what it is. What is it?

Yes, what is it? asks Baby Pierre.

For the bike wheels, says Kobo. It makes them invisible. And where is Ouvert?

Weee! Here! says Ouvert.

Who are you? he says, seeing Nose and Third Sister sitting very close together.

Pirates, says Third Sister. Why have you got two mouths?

One for eating and one for talking and one for blowing gas out , says Ouvert.

That's three, says Third Sister.

The third one's at the back, says Ouvert. It's an anus. Why has she got pirate pantaloons and you haven't?

I'm getting some, says Third Sister.

Why don't you get bike knicks? asks Ouvert. You could wear them. She couldn't. She's got a big bottom.

Order! says Griff. That's enough! I'm leaving. But before I go, a word to the wise:

You boys, turn the heating off. Sweezus, put that book down. Get your bikes out and start training. You others, sort yourselves out. Find out what Vantablack is and buy some. Nose, check hills bus time tables, and get yourself back to where you came from. Third Sister, bike knicks!

What about us? says Ouvert.

Let her join your team. says Griff. It will do her good to be independent of Nose.

It's MY team, says Baby Pierre. And she hasn't got legs.

I'm flexible, says Third Sister.

She performs a flexible movement.

The status quo as we know it begins to unravel........

The Pink Castle

Next morning, early, Gaius receives a phone call.

Gaius! It's me, Griff.

Griff! are you there yet?

Yes. We are all very tired. Now, what should I do with Nose and Third Sister?

Drop them at my house. Arthur is there.  Ask Arthur if Baby Pierre understood the message.

What message?

Ageless's message for Baby Pierre. Arthur will remember.

What if he doesn't?

He will.

........

A little later, Jacobi arrives.

Ready? says Jacobi.

Just waiting for Victor, says Gaius. Come in for a minute.

Jacobi enters, and sees the fish triptych.

Ah, says Jacobi. I understand now.

That's more than we do, says Gaius. What's your take on it, as a once influential philosopher?

It means, says Jacobi, that the journey is more important than the arrival.

I'd like to know how you came up with that, says Gaius.

It is a truism, says Jacobi.

Knock knock! It's Victor.

Now they can go.

......

Schloss Benrath is not far out of town. A short ride, through the fine streets of Düsseldorf.

A striking pink castle, with original interiors, a lake and ornate gardens, a museum and regular events.

What do you think? says Jacobi.

Pretentious, says Gaius. Where is the Natural Science Museum?

There, says Victor. They go in.

Gaius goes over to the desk near the entrance.

I should like to see the person in charge of exhibits, says Gaius.

Do you have an appointment? asks Heidi.

No, says Gaius. I have recently arrived from Barbados.

Barbados! says Heidi. I know a guy who lives there.

Not young Richard Ligon? asks Gaius.

No, says Heidi. Are you and your friends going in?

We intend to, says Gaius. But first I should like to deliver a gift to your Museum. A stuffed Barbados racer.

This is a local Natural History Museum, says Heidi. We don't show stuffed exotics.

In that case, says Gaius, we shall just look around. May I leave the parcel with you?

Sure, says Heidi. Sorry about the stuff up.

Ha ha, very good, says Gaius. Stuff up! I must tell the others.

He walks back to where Jacobi and Victor are talking.

I can't present the Barbados racer to this Museum, says Gaius. The young lady called it a stuff up.

We'll see about that! says Jacobi.

He strides over to Heidi.

Stuff up, says Gaius. Stuffed snake. He didn't get it.

I get it, says Victor. It's not the best joke I've heard. Germans have a strange sense of humour.

Jacobi is lecturing Heidi.

You must know that Germany has a Reciprocal Promotion and Protection Agreement with Barbados, says Jacobi.

Sure, says Heidi. Well, no actually, I didn't.

We do, says Jacobi. Therefore it is incumbent on you to take this stuffed item under your protection and furthermore, to display and promote it.

Okay, says Heidi. Seeing it's here, anyway.

Good, says Jacobi. Please ensure that you do it.

He strides back towards Gaius and Victor, who are no longer laughing at the stuff up and are looking at stuffed local Käfers and Wurms, and a Wasseralle.

Travel Is A Fish Dream

Ridiculous! says Gaius. Travel cannot BE a destination.

I'm with you, says Victor. What has travel to do with a fish?

It has nothing to do with a fish, says Gaius. It's modern hotel art mumbo jumbo

What does it say? asks Terence.

It says NO MATTER WHERE I GO, TRAVEL IS MY DESTINATION, says Tiny. The fish is saying it.

Poor fish, says Terence. It's not going anywhere.

It's dreaming, says Tiny Sacrifice. And we can see inside it.

We can see its bones, says Terence. Someone's eaten the middle.

Maybe they haven't, says Tiny.

I know why you said that, says Terence. You took a bite of your mother.

She wasn't my mother, says Tiny Sacrifice.

We can all agree on that, says Gaius.

I must be off, says Victor. I'll see you tomorrow.

Wait, says Gaius. I don't suppose you could use your police phone to find me Jacobi's number?

No worries, says Victor.

He takes out his police phone, and starts rapidly using his thumb.

........

An hour later, Gaius knocks on the door of Jacobi's apartment in the Altstadt.

Come in! calls Friedrich Heinrich Jacobi.

Friedrich! Good to see you! says Gaius.

So you found the place, says Friedrich.

Indeed, says Gaius. I asked a policeman.

And who is this little man? asks Friedrich Heinrich Jacobi.

A policeman, says Terence. But I don't have a hat yet.

A nice complication, says Friedrich.

Terence files this information.

Would you like a drink? asks Friedrich.

Yes, says Terence. A red drink.

Anything, says Gaius. Water.

Friedrich disappears into his kitchen, and comes back with two glasses.

Water, blackcurrant, says Friedrich.  Enjoy. Did you bike over?

No, says Gaius. My bike hasn't arrived yet. I must say it surprised me to hear you were riding for Team Philosophe. I have had that same honour, in past seasons.

I know, says Friedrich. You must give me some tips. Or is that not allowed between rivals?

Watch out for clowns, says Terence.

Ha ha, laughs Gaius. That is a good tip. Last year Terence was minded by a clown. He found it most disturbing. The clown turned out to be Marcel Proust, and quite harmless, however.

That is good to hear, says Friedrich. But I mean tips about riding with Vello and David.

Don't expect to win, says Gaius.

Thank you, says Friedrich. But that is not useful. They seem jolly fit fellows.

David is somewhat portly, says Gaius.

That was not apparent, says Friedrich. We have teleconferenced, only. We had a small disagreement.

What about? asks Gaius. Race tactics?

No, no, says Friedrich. About the separation between understanding and apprehension.

They both like a good argument, says Gaius.

We shall see, says Friedrich. I say, would you like to borrow a bicycle, until yours arrives? I have a spare one.

That would be most welcome, says Gaius. I'm going to Schloss Benrath tomorrow, with a gift for the Natural Science Museum. Would you care to come with me?

I should love to, says Friedrich. Are you coming, Terence?

Yes, says Terence. No matter where I go, travel is my fish dream.

An enigmatic statement, for a minor, says Friedrich.

He's quoting it incorrectly, says Gaius.

Big Art Thoughts

The Max Brown Hotel is 700 metres from the station.

Terence is lagging behind.

Hurry up, Terence, says Gaius.

Can't, says Terence. I'm observing.

He wants to be a policeman, says Tiny Sacrifice.

I nearly am a policeman, says Terence.

We'll see what Victor says about that, says Gaius.

He said I can be, says Terence.

He said the opposite, says Ageless.

What's the opposite? asks Terence.

You can't be, says Ageless.

And what's the opposite of that? asks Terence.

You can be, says Tiny Sacrifice. You just need a hat.

If you learn to fly, you'll be the best parrot ever, says Terence.

Tiny Sacrifice looks pleased with himself, because he thought of the hat.

.....

They arrive at the Max Brown Hotel.

I believe a room has been reserved for me, says Gaius. Under the name of Secundus.

Freddie checks the reservations, and hands him an electronic room key.

Enjoy your stay, says Freddie.

I shall try to, says Gaius. I hear the rooms are quite tiny.

Not to worry, says Freddie. The rooms feature spa and bathroom amenities, and comfy style signature bedding. And we are big on art here. You will find.... ah!  I see your child is already exploring the social space. Does he like parrots?

He does, says Gaius, but he isn't my child.

Freddie looks understanding.

Terence runs over, clutching a green and red ceramic parrot.

Put it back please, young person, says Freddie. It stays on the coffee table, where it matches the wall paper.

Look! It's a parrot! says Terence.

We can all see that, says Gaius. Put it back.

Terence runs back to the coffee table with the parrot.

Ageless has set himself up on a comfortable sofa next to the coffee table.

Very good, says Ageless. You'll soon be policeman.

Terence beams. He just needs a hat.

By the way, says Gaius. A policeman may come by, looking for me.

Is that so? says Freddie.  Should I try to deter him?

No, says Gaius. He's bringing me a pencil sharpener. Send him up.

....

Half an hour later Victor knocks on the door.

Come in, says Gaius. It's open.

I brought the pencil sharpener, says Victor. I say! This room does look comfy.

Too comfy, says Gaius. It doesn't suit me, but here I must stay, until my bike comes.

Can I have a police hat? asks Terence.

You can wear mine, says Victor. I'm going off duty.

Terence puts on the hat, which covers his eyes.

Gaius shakes the stuffed Barbados racer out of the bread bag.

Victor gets to work with the sharpener.

Soon the Barbados racer is shorter but once again pointy.

Thank you Victor, says Gaius. Not perfect, but good enough for a Natural Science Museum.

Ha ha, laughs Victor. When are you going there? I might come with you.

Tomorrow, says Gaius. I thought I might try and locate Jacobi today. Arthur tells me he's riding with Team Philosophe.

Friedrich Heinrich Jacobi? says Victor. He's not much of a rider. Smart fellow though.

Hmm, says Gaius. If you say so.

This is a rubbish hat, says Terence. I can't see anything.

He can't see anything, says Tiny Sacrifice. He can't see the fish.

What fish? says Terence.

See, says Tiny Sacrifice. He can't see it.

Thank you, says Terence, taking the hat off. What fish?

That fish, says Tiny Sacrifice, pointing to the art on the wall above the signature bedding on the comfy bed that fills the whole room.

It is a simplified triptych, depicting a fish.

Part one is the fish head. Part three is its tail. Part two, in the middle, is an xray, revealing the fish bones.

Underneath is printed in English: NO MATTER WHERE I GO, TRAVEL IS MY DESTINATION.

What the dickens does that mean?

Sharply Observant

Arthur is thinking of going out to the shed, to pack Gaius's bicycle.

But it's freezing outside.

Ding dong! He hears the front door bell.

It's Sweezus.

Hey, bro, says Sweezus. You cranked up the heating!

I was cold, says Arthur.

You should've put on a jumper, says Sweezus.

This was easier, says Arthur. Gaius won't mind. I've just been talking to him.

Yeah? says Sweezus. He in Düsseldorf yet?

Just got there, says Arthur. Wanted me to find him accommodation.

A cheap backpackers? says Sweezus. How'd you go?

I picked the first one that came up, says Arthur. Max Brown Hotel Midtown. Close to the hotspots, luxury brand shopping, and the longest bar in the world.

Man! says Sweezus. That doesn't sound like Gaius.

He'll like it, says Arthur. The rooms are tiny.

Sweezus looks doubtful.

........

Düsseldorf Airport.

The policeman stops.

Gaius looks up at the policeman.

Victor! says Gaius. What are you doing here?

Seconded, says Victor. What are you doing here?

Here for the Tour, says Gaius.

With a suspicious parcel, says Victor.

Nothing gets past you, Victor, says Gaius. In fact, this is a valuable stuffed Barbados racer. I intend to present it to the Natural Science Museum.

Let's see it, says Victor.

Gaius tips out the stuffed snake.

It's broken, says Victor, who is trained to be sharply observant.

So it is, says Gaius. The end of the tail's broken off. Where is it?

He shakes out the bread bag. Nothing. Not even a bread crumb.

It's been nibbled, says Victor.

It has, agrees Gaius. I can only reach one conclusion.

Just then Tiny Sacrifice, Terence and Ageless return from the toilet.

Travelling with the usual suspects I see, says Victor. Except for this one.

My parrot, says Terence.

You never learn, do you, says Victor.

Learn what? asks Terence.

The difference between species, says Victor. How would you like to be a policeman?

Yay! says Terence.

That's just it, says Victor. You couldn't be. This is a baby snake. Am I right or am I right, Gaius?

This is the culprit, says Gaius. Tiny, did you take a bite of the stuffed snake from which you were meant to draw comfort?

Hee-hee, sniggers Ageless. That's why he took so long in the toilet.

It's not funny, says Tiny.

No, it isn't, says Gaius. How can I present it to the Science Museum in this condition?

Tell you what, says Victor. It might be easily fixed with a police issue pencil sharpener.

Mercury's mandibles! says Gaius. What a clever suggestion. Do you have one?

Not on me, says Victor. Would you like to accompany me to the nearest police station?

No, I must check into my accommodation, says Gaius. Kreuzsstrasse 19A. Do you know it?

Victor punches the address into his German police phone.

Max Brown, whistles Victor. Very classy! Close to luxury shopping and the world's longest bar. That's not like you.

Gaius frowns.

But the rooms are quite tiny, says Victor.

Gaius stops frowning. Of course. He can always trust Arthur.

Suspicious Bread Bag

The plane has landed in Düsseldorf. Everyone has got off.

Gaius consults his to do list.

It occurs to him that Arthur might find him some suitable accommodation, via some sort of app.

It may well be quicker.

He calls Arthur. Arthur answers. Hello?

Arthur, says Gaius. I've just arrived in Düsseldorf. Have you packed up my bicycle?

Yes, says Arthur (because he intends to).

I need to let you know where I'll be staying, says Gaius. But I don't yet know myself. Any useful suggestions?

Not really, says Arthur.

Do you have some sort of application? asks Gaius.

You're joking, says Arthur. Other people have applications.

Drat, says Gaius. I suppose I'll have to....

No, I'll do it, says Arthur. Wait there. I'll call you back.

Don't go yet! says Gaius. Ageless has a message for Kobo.

Kobo? says Arthur. I thought she was with him.

No, she's returning home with Griff, Nose and Third Sister, says Gaius. Tomorrow she'll be at my house.

I'm at your house already, says Arthur. Living cheap.

I hope you're not being wasteful with the electricity, says Gaius.

What's the message? says Arthur, changing the subject, because he is being wasteful.

Ageless sends his regards to Kobo, says Gaius.

I bet he didn't put it that way, says Arthur.

Well, no, says Gaius. He licks her. Secondly, he wants Baby Pierre to get hold of some Vantablack coating. And thirdly, he wants Ouvert to keep his mouth shut.

Which one? asks Arthur.

Either one, says Gaius. And, while you're looking things up, could you find out the location of the Natural Science Museum?

Okay, says Arthur. Sit tight.

Gaius has no choice but to. He finds a seat in the airport.

Terence is bored after only one minute.

Can I go...?

No. We're waiting for Arthur to ring back.

But Tiny wants to go to the toilet!

Does he?

Yes I do, says Tiny. Look at me, bulging.

I'll take him, says Ageless. I could do with a pee.

I'm coming too, says Terence.

Gaius is left with the stuffed Barbados racer in the bread bag which is covered with pencilled instructions, looking suspicious.

Ring ring!

Let it be Arthur.

It is.

Max Brown Hotel, says Arthur. Kreuzestrasse 19A. It's near the main station. You can catch a train from the airport.

Excellent, Arthur! says Gaius. I don't know how I've got on without you. What about the Museum?

Benrather Schlossallee 102, says Arthur.

Good man, says Gaius. When are you coming over?

Not yet, says Arthur. But Vello and David are on their way. They have to bond with Jacobi.

Jacobi who? asks Gaius.

Friedrich Heinrich Jacobi. He's the new man in their team.

You don't say, says Gaius. I know old Jacobi. Crackpot philosopher. Not much of a rider.....

That's good, says Arthur.

Sportsmanship, Arthur! says Gaius. But I must go now. There's a policeman.....

Until Now No One Knew

I'll ask for a snack, says Gaius.

Anything, gasps Tiny Sacrifice.

The flight attendant comes by.

What snacks are available? asks Gaius.

Pretzels and peanuts, she answers. But wait, is it for the little one?

Little one? says Gaius.

Me, says Terence. No it isn't. What's for little ones?

Frucht-gummis, says the flight attendant. Or you might like a nice Corny Big?

Both, says Terence.

He doesn't know what they will be. Nor does Tiny.

They turn out to be fruit gums and a big chocolate biscuit.

Terence picks out the red fruit gums, Tiny tries a hard corner of Corny Big.

Gaius has resumed writing his notes on the bread bag.

It is a to do list, with three simple items.

1.) Accommodation.

2.) Call Arthur.

3.) Locate the Natural Science Museum.

That's it, says Gaius. How are the fruit gums?

Terence can't answer. His mouth is stuffed full of red ones.

Gaius has to act quickly. He doesn't want Terence choking.

Hold these! says Gaius, giving his to do list to Ageless, along with the pencil.

Ageless is only too glad to take charge of these items.

Mouth open! commands Gaius.

Terence opens.

Gaius pokes in his finger and hooks it around the back of the gummies. Thwoop! Out pops a wad of red gummies, into Terence's lap.

One at a time, says Gaius.

I was! says Terence.

It doesn't appear so, says Gaius.

Now what? says Terence.

I'll eat it, says Tiny Sacrifice. I don't like Corny Big.

In fact, a red wad of half chewed red fruit gummies is just the thing that baby snakes eat. Not all snakes, but these particular ones. Until now, no one knew that.

Tiny Sacrifice makes short work of the gummies.

Note paper, pencil! says Gaius.

Meaning, Ageless should return them.

But Ageless is busy He is writing a to do list of his own. Not for himself, but for Arthur.

So when Gaius gets his to do list back, item two has seven subsections.

2a.) tell kobo I lick her,,,, clik,,, clik,,,,,

2b.) tell her

2c.) requirements for baby pierre

2d.) vantablack coating

2e.) requirements for ouvert

2f.) keep one mouth shut

2g.) either will do,,,

Gaius hardly has room to add the new dietary information.

Gender Divide

Frankfurt.

Griff boards a Lufthansa flight bound for Adelaide via Hong Kong.

With him are Kobo, Nose and Third Sister.

Females. They should give him no trouble.

He settles himself in his seat, does up his seat belt.

Beside him, Nose does up hers.

Ouch! says Third Sister.

Sorry, says Nose. Did I clip you?

Yes, says Third Sister. But I'm okay. Do I get a seat belt?

No, says Kobo, who is wedged in between them. You don't need a seat belt. If we crash, wrap yourself around me.

How will that help? asks Nose.

Cushioning, says Kobo.

For you, says Nose. What about her?

Hush! says Griff. Stop all that nattering. Would you like to watch an in-flight movie?

Yes, says Nose. I would. What is there?

Griff flicks through the choices. Happy Feet Two.... Jackie First Lady.....Wonder Woman.

Wonder Woman, says Kobo. That sounds good.

Having watched the trailer, and seen the spectacular Woman, Griff thinks it looks good as well.

........

Gaius is on a domestic Lufthansa flight to Düsseldorf, with Ageless and Terence.

In the overhead locker is Tiny Sacrifice, still in the bread bag.

In the bread bag with Tiny Sacrifice is the stuffed Barbados racer.

Tiny has eaten the crumbs. There were hardly any.

He missed out on breakfast and dinner.

He tries a tentative nibble of the stuffed snake which resembles his mother.

Ach! Uch! One should never do this.

Under the overhead locker, Gaius is fumbling in his pocket for a small notebook he thought he had put there.

Under Gaius's seat, Ageless, who has been resting, is disturbed by a foot movement.

Found one? asks Ageless, (referring to the eternally missing pencil).

No, says Gaius, (referring to the newly missing notebook), but I did find a pencil.

Can I have it? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. I need it to make a few notes. If I could just find that cursed notebook.... I don't know.... Griff must have it.

There is a banging sound, in the overhead locker.

A flight attendant comes running, and opens the locker.

Your bread bag sir, says the flight attendant. It was knocking. Perhaps it could go under your seat.

Certainly! says Gaius. I shall make use of the bread bag as makeshift notepaper. Thank you, flight attendant.

It is perhaps fortunate that the flight attendant is busy. She does not remain to see what drops out of the bread bag.

Tiny Sacrifice! says Terence. What happened? You changed colour!

Nothing, I'm just hungry, says Tiny Sacrifice. Where's Third Sister?

She went home with Griff and Nose, says Terence.

Whaaa...? says Tiny Sacrifice. (He had no idea, being all the time in the bread bag).

I know, it sucks, says Terence. She was the only one who could fly. She would have been my truly best parrot.

She can't fly, says Tiny Sacrifice. She's my sister.

She can, says Terence.

Did you see her? asks Gaius, stopping his note writing.

Yes, says Terence. She was just doing it when you came in and stopped her.

She was not, says Gaius. If she were, I should certainly have remarked upon it.

She said she was about to, says Terence. And I believed her.

Is there anything to eat? asks Tiny Sacrifice. I'm so hungry I....

He stops. You don't broadcast that you've nibbled an entity resembling your mother.

Team Claw

Later, on the flight to Frankfurt.

Ageless is snoozing under Gaius's seat. Kobo is awake beside him.

She overhears Gaius and Griff talking.

Griff: Not long until we part ways.

Gaius: Indeed. I ought to thank you for your assistance.

Griff: Not at all. It is I who should thank you. I feel I have blossomed as a person, whilst in Barbados.

Gaius: How so?

Griff: It began on the flight over. I had a revelation. I believe it was the voice of the Lord. The voice said clearly, GO FOR IT. And I took the Lord's advice and I went for it.

Gaius: Go for it? Are you sure?

Griff: Certain.

Gaius: Very strange. And what are your plans, when you return to Adelaide?

Griff: Oh, back to the library.

Gaius: You wouldn't consider taking Terence with you?

Griff: No, I wouldn't.

Gaius: Just a thought. What about the others?

Griff: Prefer not. But if you like, I'll take Nose and Third Sister.

Gaius: That would leave me with Terence and Tiny Sacrifice. And of course Ageless and Kobo. But they are more or less independent.

Griff: Done.

Under the seat, Kobo is making a decision.

She will go home as well. But Ageless won't like it.

She pokes Ageless awake.

I'm not going to Düsseldorf, says Kobo. I'm going home.

Good, grunts Ageless. You can organise Baby Pierre. I'll make a list of requirements.

I'm sure Baby Pierre will have organised everything perfectly, says Kobo. You know how he looks after that bicycle.

It's the other member of his team I'm concerned with, says Ageless. You know who it is?

No, says Kobo.

Ouvert, says Ageless.

Ooo! says Kobo. Ouvert! That little two-mouth scallywag.

Exactly, says Ageless. Have you got a pencil?

For goodness sake, Ageless, says Kobo. When have I ever had a pencil?

Did someone call for a pencil? asks Gaius.

Me, says Ageless. I'm about to write a list of requirements for Team Claw.

Griff will have one, says Gaius.

But Griff doesn't have one.

The hot meal trolley trundles by, backwards, leaving a delicious smell of herbed gnocchi, fried chicken breast and cranberry crumble in its wake.

By the time it returns, Ageless will have thought up a long list of requirements.

But he will not have written them down.

The Art Of Appropriate Choosing

The Condor DE flight to Frankfurt boards in ten minutes.

I need to make a quick phone call, says Gaius.

He phones Arthur Rimbaud.

Arthur is not expecting a call from Gaius. He has just recharged his phone.

Hello, Gaius, says Arthur. How was Barbados?

I'm still here, says Gaius, about to head to Düsseldorf via Frankfurt. I wonder if you could do something for me?

What? says Arthur.

Pack up my racing bicycle and bring it with you to Düsseldorf, says Gaius.

Okay, says Arthur. What team are you in?

I take that to mean I'm not in Team Condor, says Gaius. Funny. I thought the fact that I was flying with Condor may have been an omen.

Maybe it was, says Arthur. Pablo's hurt his knee. Crashed in the Giro.

Excellent, says Gaius. Think of me as available. Ah! We're boarding! See you in Düsseldorf.

......

Arthur calls Sweezus.

Yeah? says Sweezus. What's up?

Gaius is available, says Arthur.

That's cool, says Sweezus. We can use him. The boss doesn't need him in his team. He's got this new guy.

Who's he got? asks Arthur.

Richie Rich, says Sweezus. Lives in Düsseldorf. That saves the boss money.

Come on, says Arthur. He's not called Richie Rich.

Friedrich Heinrich Jacobi, says Sweezus. He's a knobhead. We had to teleconference him.

A philosopher? asks Arthur. Is he fit?

Yeah, a philosopher. Skinny, says Sweezus. Could be fit. The boss loves him. David doesn't.

Let me guess, says Arthur. He's a critic of the enlightenment.

Got it in one, says Sweezus. And a knobhead.

.........

Because the Condor long haul ( Zone 3) flight departs before 10 am, breakfast is included.

Gaius and Griff are sitting together. Terence is one seat in front, with Nose and Third Sister.

Tiny Sacrifice is in one of the bread bags with the dead mother.

He likes it that way.

But to more cheerful subjects....the breakfast.

Terence! says Gaius sharply, from behind.

What? says Terence.

Don't eat all the breakfast! It represents conspicuous consumption of the worst sort. Choose one thing each and send the rest back to the galley.

Boo, says Terence, under his breath. I bet he eats all of his breakfast.

No, he won't. says Nose. Gaius is sensible. What have we got?

Fruit yogurt, ham with bayleaf, salami and gouda, scrambled eggs with bratwurst, potato cubes and veg, fresh fruit salad, croissant, roll, bread, jam and chocolate, says the smiling flight attendant. Does that sound yummy?

I only eat tree eggs, says Third Sister.

I eat red things says Terence. What kind of jam?

You can choose the colour, says the flight attendant. And ham is also red, in a way.

Ham and jam! says Terence.

Yuk, says Nose. I'll have the yogurt.

Stiff Mother

It's very late now. Reception is closed for the night.

Griff has already gone to bed, unwilling to wait up for Gaius.

He is dreaming of Rachel Pringle Polgreen, in an un-Christian way.

Terence is staying awake.

He walks up and down in Reception.

Stomp stomp.

This is boring.

Until:

Tiny Sacrifice wriggles under the door with Third Sister.

Yay! says Terence. There's two of you.

This is Third Sister, says Tiny Sacrifice. Where's Gaius?

I'm waiting for Gaius, says Terence. He went to get something.

We'll wait with you, says Tiny Sacrifice.

You'll be safe waiting with me, says Terence.

They are still waiting for Gaius, when Kobo and Ageless come in, with Nose in between them.

Tiny! says Nose. I was waiting for you! Did you find your parents?

Yes, says Tiny Sacrifice. It was pretty good, but I couldn't stay. This is Third Sister.

Hello Third Sister, says Nose.

I heard all about you, says Third Sister. You killed Stede Bonnet.

I had to, says Nose.

How did you do it? asks Third Sister.

I glassed him in the soft parts, says Nose.

Wow, says Third Sister. I bet he deserved it.

Yes, he deserved it, says Nose. but I'm on the run now.

We are too, says Tiny Sacrifice. We're waiting for Gaius.

That's not running, says Terence.

Being on the run isn't running, says Nose.

It could be flying, says Terence. But you can't do that either.

I can, says Third Sister.

It is late and she is delirious.

Show me, says Terence. If you can you can be my new parrot.

Enough! says Ageless. Bedtime! We fly to Düsseldorf in the morning.

Would Nose and Third Sister like to sleep with us on our cushion? asks Kobo.

NO! says Ageless. They wouldn't.

It is now that Gaius comes in, with his long parcel.

Aha! says Gaius. All up? Terence, you should be in bed. Tiny Sacrifice, I have something for you.

He thrusts forth the parcel.

Tiny Sacrifice slithers forward.

No way can he open the parcel.

Seeing you're still up, Terence, says Gaius. You may do the honours.

Terence tears at the string and rips apart the two bread bags.

The stuffed Barbados racer drops out.

Everyone stares at the stuffed Barbados racer.

Who's that? asks Tiny Sacrifice.

It looks like mother, says Third Sister. But she's stiff.

She's a stiff mother, says Terence. The best sort of mother. The Virgin was stiff.

You said she was a rubbish mother, says Nose.

Depends, says Terence. Sometimes you need a stiff mother.

Nose tries to think of a time when she might need a stiff mother.

Yes, she can think of an instance.

A stiff mother would stand up to developers. But only if she could speak..... no, Nose wouldn't like a stiff mother.

Third Sister is looking at the stuffed Barbados racer with tears in her eyes.

Don't worry, says Nose. It's no use to anyone.

No use to anyone, says Tiny.

No use, snivels Third Sister.

I'm glad you all think that, says Gaius. Because it releases me from my initial intention of providing Tiny Sacrifice with a comfort. Instead, I shall present the stuffed racer to the Düsseldorf Natural Science Museum. Any objections?

Kobo feels sorry for the stuffed racer.

She feels she ought to speak up.

I have no objections, says Kobo, but it ought to be recognised that stiffness in a mother is sometimes no fault of the mother.

Fine sentiments Kobo, says Gaius. I applaud you.

We should all applaud the stiff mother, says Kobo.

If it is a mother, says Ageless.

In spite of which undermining comment, the stiff mother is applauded.

And now it is bed time. They fly to Düsseldorf tomorrow.