Donut Science

In the Café de Flore, Arthur wakes up again.

Gaius is sitting beside him.

Good man, says Gaius. We'll leave in the morning.

Nice try, says Arthur. I'm not going anywhere.

You nodded assent, says Gaius. But if you deny it, so be it. I shall ask you again.

We'll be going, says Vello.

I hadn't asked you, says Gaius. But if you....

No, says Vello. I just meant, David and I should be going. Work to do. Interviews to tee up, and so on.

Yes, says David. Interviews to tee up, etcetera.

For your magazine? says Sartre. Don't tell me you're still churning that out.

It's more cutting edge these days, says David. For example, we wouldn't interview Jacobi. His views are outdated. And we probably wouldn't interview you either. Would we, Vello?

I very much doubt it, says Vello. Unless you've progressed in your thinking.

Sartre is stung.

Of course he's progressed in his thinking!

As a matter of fact, says Sartre, these days I'm delving into topology. A most interesting field. Did you know that, to a topologist, you are no different from a donut?

You don't say? says Vello. A donut. What about a pretzel?

Not a pretzel, says Sartre. I see you're unfamiliar with the science.

It sounds fascinating, says David. Perhaps Sweezus would like to interview you on the subject.

Would I get paid? asks Sweezus.

Of course, says Vello. If the article is up to scratch.

Done, says Sweezus. Coolio! I'm staying in Paris.

Me too, says Arthur.

Wait! says Gaius. You haven't heard my proposal.

What is it? asks Arthur.

I intend to form a research team with the aim of encouraging the Eurasian oyster catcher to build its nest on higher ground, to avoid rising sea levels, says Gaius.

How wonderful, says Belle. You really should help him, Arthur.

Arthur has just remembered that he promised to take Baldy home to Le Puy-en-Velay, so he can't join the research team.

He says so.

That won't be a problem, says Gaius. I shall accompany you to Le Puy-en-Velay. We can bone up on oyster catcher psychology, as we travel. We shall go on the train.

Arthur looks about for inspiration, and is rewarded.

Baldy has disappeared, along with Splosh and Terence.