Stage One: Düsseldorf Time Trials - Two Clowns

Stage One of the Tour de France. Time trials in Düsseldorf.

It's raining and this is not good.

Terence waits by the canal.

Tiny Sacrifice is beside him, watching for clowns looming up in the background.

Zhooom! Sweezus pelts by.

Faster! cries Terence.

Sweezus slides, almost topples, and rights himself on the corner.

You shouldn't have shouted, says Tiny.

He's winning! says Terence.

It's a time trial, says Tiny. He's only beating the clock.

Along comes Alejandro Valverde.

So far so good.

...and Chris Froome.

So far so confident.

...and Geraint Thomas.

So fast.

Vello cycles past, cautious because it is raining, and chewing a sausage.

Jacobi has bought some unsuitable snacks.

Belle would never have provided a sausage as a snack for a time trial. The sausage is not even wrapped.

Ha ha! cries Terence. He's eating a sausage.

Luckily Vello is too much of a philosopher to care what he looks like.

He is followed by Gaius.

Gaius is also being cautious.

Alejandro Valverde has crashed.

Gaius glances sideways at Terence.

A clown stands behind him.

But what can he do? He trusts Tiny Sacrifice will look after Terence.

Tiny Sacrifice has turned and through the raindrops has seen the clown looming.

A white face, a red crest of hair, spotted baggy clothing and a large suitcase.

Tiny knows he is supposed to bite him.

Something holds him back.

Hoo, says the clown, although clowns are not meant to say anything.

Terence turns around.

Wah! cries Terence

Hoo! says Grimaldi. Who wants to see what's inside my suitcase?

NO ONE! cries Terence. Bite him, Tiny!

Another clown appears out of nowhere.

Pickelherring wants to know what's in my suitcase, says Grimaldi.

Pickelherring nods.

Grimaldi opens the suitcase.

Inside the suitcase is a smaller suitcase.

Hoo hoo! laughs Pickelherring. OW!

Tiny has bitten him.

Terence skips away.

He misses seeing Baby Pierre speeding by, but so do most people.

And Tiny misses seeing Third Sister, who does really well.

Geraint Thomas has ridden the fastest time in the time trial and will wear the yellow jersey.

Four Team Sky riders are in the top eight.

Richie Porte is a bit disappointed.