Stage Twenty One: Montgeron to Paris - No Decease

We already know what is going to happen.

The teams will ride out of Montgeron.

The mood will be playful.

At a certain point the team cars will hand drinks to the riders.

Champagne, or beer in bottles.

The riders will toast themselves while having their photographs taken.

But something is wrong.

Team Philosophe and Team Condor are drinkless.

What has happened? Belle is usually organised, regarding these things.

.....

Belle has stayed behind in Marseille.

She is looking for Terence and Baldy.

So are the clowns.

The clowns are not feeling too well at the moment.

......

Tiny has been chosen to climb to the top of the Basilique Notre Dame de la Garde, and ask for Stupid.

He has snaked his way up and is addressing the Virgin.

Pardon, madam, says Tiny.

Granted, says the Virgin. You shall not decease.

Thank you, says Tiny. Can I ask a favour?

Go ahead, says the Virgin. What is it?

Can Stu..... your baby come down and.... play with his cousins?

Which cousins are these? asks the Virgin. He has many cousins.

Terence and Baldy, says Tiny. Terence is very responsible. And Baldy can point.

Baldy! says the Virgin. Point, can he? Stew, dear, would you like to go down and have a play date with your cousins?

Yay! says Stew.

Say hello to Maria inside, says the Virgin.

Poo! says Stew. No way he is going inside.

It's a long way down from the arms of his mother. Her height is 11.2 metres. The Basilica itself stands on a 149 metre limestone outcrop. So you do the maths.

Eventually though, Stew and Tiny make it to ground level.

Hello Stupid, says Baldy.

Call him Stew, says Tiny. It's his street name.

I want a street name, says Terence.

Terence is your street name, says Tiny. Start the lesson.

Baldy's doing it, says Terence. Go on, Baldy.

Baldy points upwards. See this?

Yes, says Stew. That's my mother. She's looking. Can we pretend to go in?

No, says Baldy. COPY!

Why? asks Terence.

Mother wants me to say hello to Auntie Maria inside, says Stew. But I don't want to.

Point! says Baldy.

I know, says Stew. It's a good point.

Shut up! says Terence. We're going inside.

They go inside, and at once see a virgin, looking awkward.

In her left hand she holds a bouquet of enamelled flowers, in the crook of her right arm, a baby holding a weapon.

Yippee! says Terence. Hello Dark Knight!

The baby stares down at Terence.

No one has ever called him Dark Knight before.

He looks at his mother.

She waves the bouquet at Terence. Shoo, shoo!

The Dark Knight drops his weapon.

Clang!

She is obliged to put him down, so she can pick up the weapon. Damn this bouquet!

Come on! cries Terence.

Terence, Baldy, Tiny, Stew and the Dark Knight run out into the daylight.

RUN! says Stew. Before mum sees us!

Two clowns loom up from a narrow alley close to the Basilique.

They have spotted the parrot gang.

The golden Virgin has spotted them too.

She dithers. Should she send down a dove, or something?

Now she sees a young woman on a motor bike, way down below her.

The young woman stops. Remonstrates with the clowns. The clowns are hopping.

The parrot gang escapes towards the harbour.

The Virgin relaxes.

It will be nice without Stew, for a time.

.....

Which explains why Team Philosophe and Team Condor are not drinking champagne on the final day of the Tour de France, and are feeling dudded.

But who is not feeling dudded?

Dylan Groenewagen perhaps, who wins the final sprint on the Champs Elysées.

Michael Matthews, who wears the Green Jersey.

One or two others.

Chris Froome is gracious. He accepts that there has been some booing. He calls it noise. In an interview he remarks that he has least five more Tour de France rides in him.

Oh. We can look forward to that, then......