Stage Eleven: Eymet to Pau - Pointless

Another flat stage in more ways than one.

The teams wait to start out of Eymet.

Third Sister rolls up to Tiny.

What's today's snack?

Another strawberry, says Tiny, opening the feed bag.

Don't let Terence hold it, says Third Sister.

Okay, says Tiny. He was holding it yesterday because I was spinning the plates.

Yes, and why were you doing that? asks Third Sister.

It's my new skill, says Tiny. Trick, actually.

So it's a trick, says Third Sister. I thought so.

How's the tactic going? asks Tiny, to change the subject.

Uhhh! sighs Third Sister. I'm not sure about this Vantablack coating. It lets too much wind through.

You should talk to Ageless, says Tiny. It was his idea.

Oh right! says Third Sister. And where is Ageless? Fine manager he's turned out to be.....

And so on. But we ought to follow the others.

Here they are, strung out along a straight road.

Bored, every one of them.

Here's just an example.

Vello: I must say, a bend would be welcome.

David: Oh for a bend!

Jacobi: I have to agree.

Here's another.

Sweezus: This is shit. Nothing's happening. When's the feed zone?

Gaius: Coming up at Labastide d'Armagnac, near the Chapel of the Cyclist.

Sweezus: Chapel of the Cyclist. What a head fuck!

Gaius: I don't see why....

Arthur: Maybe he's got a premonition. Have you?

Sweezus: Yeah, no, I don't know....

Gaius: A pointless premonition. Heads down, boys, keep going!

At the feed zone, Belle is waiting, with stuffed cabbage snacks, and protein shakes for Team Condor and Team Philosophe.

Tiny is waiting with a pristine strawberry for Third Sister.

Terence is spinning the plates.

Several riders are distracted when they see a cement Baby Jesus spinning plates on bamboo sticks so near to the Chapel of the Cyclist.

There is a crash, and some bones are broken.

Dario Cataldo is out, leaving Fabio Aru without a super domestique.

Twenty two kilometres out from the finish, Alberto Contador crashes. He suffers a blow to his left hip, and an injured right hand.

But it takes more than that to daunt Alberto.

Let's cut to the finish. Yes! It's Marcel Kittel, winning his fifth stage of the Tour!

Let's not jinx Marcel Kittel by saying anything further.