French Restaurants

Gaius, Lavender and Baby Pierre were walking along North Terrace on their way home from the Moon Lantern Festival.

That was good, said Baby Pierre. We were the only ones with volcano lanterns.

Yes, said Lavender. That was good. Volcanoes are really good.

No they aren't, said Gaius. Not real ones.

I wish we'd stayed to hear Anoctopus's story about the Krakatoans, said Lavender.

You were the one who didn't want to, said Gaius.

I know, said Lavender, but now I'm the one who wishes that we did.

Well, said Gaius, I may not have read The Twenty One Balloons, but I do know the general gist. Would you like me to tell you what I remember?

Yes please, said Lavender.

The professor met twenty families living on Krakatoa, said Gaius. They were fabulously rich because the island was built on diamonds. Each family had built a wonderful house in a different style, such as French, British, Dutch, Chinese or Indonesian. Each family had opened a restaurant which served food in the style that matched the architecture of the house. Each month it would be the turn of one of the families to open their restaurant and serve food to the other families. The rest of the time they had nothing to do but invent fantastic things to make their life easier.

I don't think that can be true, said Baby Pierre. About the restaurants, I mean.

It isn't, said Gaius. It's a children's book. The only parts that are true are about the eruption.

It would have been a nice island to live on, said Lavender.

What? said Baby Pierre. You never go to restaurants.

But diamonds are pretty, said Lavender,

I go to restaurants, said Gaius. I especially like French restaurants.

They walked on, each in their own little reverie. Gaius remembered the picnics Belle et Bonne and Marie had provided when he rode with Team Bumptious in the Tour de France. Suddenly he was stuck by a thought. Hadn't he promised them something?

Oops! he said. Hurry up everyone. I must get home as soon as possible. I've just remembered something I have to do!

Spagetti Bolognese.

Unfortunately the date was WHAT? said Lavender. Have you forgotten?

No, said Anoctopus. Not exactly. Sorry about that. I don't usually stop talking.

So what happened? asked Lavender.

Well, said Anoctopus, it was as though someone else's words were coming out of my mouth..... and then....I don't know.... it was like whoever it was suddenly had to go off and do something else, like cook spagetti bolognaise....and they didn't come back.

Perhaps they were too busy to come back, said Baby Pierre.

It is always possible, said Gaius, that they had a lot of relatives staying at their house, and had no spare time in which to invent the next words to come out of your mouth. It happens, he added. But couldn't you have come up with something independently?

No, said Anoctopus. I had no means of remembering the date. And I had already begun the sentence. But I do know the date now. The professor landed on Krakatoa a week before it exploded on the 27th of August 1883.

Did he escape? asked Lavender. And what about the others?

They all escaped, said Anoctopus. Using twenty one balloons. The inhabitants had prepared an escape plan for just such an emergency.

Most unlikely, said Gaius. Are you quite sure it's true? I didn't think there were any inhabitants on Krakatoa at that time.

True-shmue! said Anoctopus. Who cares if it's true? It's not like there are any octopuses in it.

I want to hear more about the professor, and the inhabitants, said Baby Pierre.

Alright, said Anoctopus. But don't be surprised if I suddenly......

Unfortunately The Date Is....

No, said Gaius, I haven't read The Twenty One Balloons, but I have heard of it. It is a very famous book I believe.

Very famous, said Anoctopus. Although I had no luck finding it in the book shops. I ended up buying it on ebay.

Nothing wrong with that, said Gaius. New or second hand?

Second hand, but in excellent condition, said Anoctopus.

Ebay items often are, said Gaius.

Why's it called The Twenty One Balloons if it's about volcanoes? asked Baby Pierre.

Ahh, said Anoctopus. It's about a professor who goes on a ballooning holiday, and is blown off course, and lands on Krakatoa. He meets the people who live there hidden from the rest of the world. They live in a sort of Utopia, but unfortunately the date is......

Suddenly Anoctopus stopped talking.

Nine Out of Ten

The boy went back to his home in Como, with his family. He hadn't told anyone about the octopus incident. One day his tutor gave him the task of composing a story, to test how his Latin was coming along.

The boy spent a long time on his story. He told it in the first person singular. He told of how, on a holiday with his family in Naples, he had ventured far out onto a reef and engaged in a mighty tussle with an octopus that was trying to drag him down into the sea, and of how he had eventually escaped.

He was pleased with his story, and so was his tutor.

A well told story, said the tutor. It is grammatically correct in every way, containing well chosen and evocative adjectives and adverbs, while all the verbs are properly placed at the end of each sentence. I shall award you nine out of ten. If the story had not been so ridiculously fanciful, you would have got ten out of ten.

Ooh! said Lavender. That's MEAN!

Woaah! said Baby Pierre. But your story was TRUE!

Yes, said Gaius. It was.

How do we know? said Anoctopus. We only have your word for it.

We know because the story is that the story was true, said Gaius.

Wup! said Anoctopus. Well said, old natural historian from Como! May I ask whether you are the famous Pliny the Elder?

I am, said Gaius, modestly.

So you know a lot about volcanoes? said Anoctopus.

More than I care to, said Gaius, if you include my last brush with one.

I am currently studying volcanoes, said Anctopus. Have you by any chance read The Twenty One Balloons?