French Restaurants

Gaius, Lavender and Baby Pierre were walking along North Terrace on their way home from the Moon Lantern Festival.

That was good, said Baby Pierre. We were the only ones with volcano lanterns.

Yes, said Lavender. That was good. Volcanoes are really good.

No they aren't, said Gaius. Not real ones.

I wish we'd stayed to hear Anoctopus's story about the Krakatoans, said Lavender.

You were the one who didn't want to, said Gaius.

I know, said Lavender, but now I'm the one who wishes that we did.

Well, said Gaius, I may not have read The Twenty One Balloons, but I do know the general gist. Would you like me to tell you what I remember?

Yes please, said Lavender.

The professor met twenty families living on Krakatoa, said Gaius. They were fabulously rich because the island was built on diamonds. Each family had built a wonderful house in a different style, such as French, British, Dutch, Chinese or Indonesian. Each family had opened a restaurant which served food in the style that matched the architecture of the house. Each month it would be the turn of one of the families to open their restaurant and serve food to the other families. The rest of the time they had nothing to do but invent fantastic things to make their life easier.

I don't think that can be true, said Baby Pierre. About the restaurants, I mean.

It isn't, said Gaius. It's a children's book. The only parts that are true are about the eruption.

It would have been a nice island to live on, said Lavender.

What? said Baby Pierre. You never go to restaurants.

But diamonds are pretty, said Lavender,

I go to restaurants, said Gaius. I especially like French restaurants.

They walked on, each in their own little reverie. Gaius remembered the picnics Belle et Bonne and Marie had provided when he rode with Team Bumptious in the Tour de France. Suddenly he was stuck by a thought. Hadn't he promised them something?

Oops! he said. Hurry up everyone. I must get home as soon as possible. I've just remembered something I have to do!

Not French, Not a Rabbit

Where can she be? said Ageless.

Who knows? said Baby Pierre. Perhaps she's decided to go to Henley tonight.

Would she do that? asked Ageless.

She would do anything, said Baby Pierre, if she felt like it.

She'll get lost, said Ageless. She won't know the way.

Her nose'll point her in the right direction, said Baby Pierre.

Is that her nose? said Ageless, surprised. The pointy end? I imagined it was the opposite.

Well, I say that, said Baby Pierre, but now you point it out....

Hee hee, laughed Ageless. Point it out! That's funny. Now, let's get some shut-eye. We'll find Lavender tomorrow.

.....

Meanwhile Lavender had sneaked out of the library and stopped at the foot of the statue of Robert Burns while she decided on a direction.

Hello, wee lassie, said Robert Burns. Where are ye off to, this chilly night?

Are you French? asked Lavender.

Noo lassie, I'm a Scot, said Robert Burns. They call me Rabbie.

You're a rabbit, said Lavender, uncertainly.

Silly wee girl, said Rabbie.

I'm going to Henley, said Lavender. Can you tell me the way? In English preferably.

Ye go west, said Rabbie. But 'tis a lang way.

How about showing me? said Lavender. I can't understand a word you say.

Noo lassie, I cannae show ye. I'm made o' stone.

Sheesh, said Lavender, and wandered off towards North Terrace, in the dark.

.....

Next morning, Ageless was woken by Baby Pierre, who hadn't slept a wink.

Happy Birthday Ageless, said Baby Pierre. You're two hundred and ninety one today. Get up.

Grrrrr,,,,,,click click,,,,,whaaat???? grumbled Ageless.

Sand and Yam Biscuits

So, said Lavender. When are we going to start looking for the Mortal Jellyfish?

It's the Immortal Jellyfish, said Baby Pierre. IM-mortal. That means it doesn't die. If it was a Mortal Jellyfish it would be just like all the other jellyfish.

Alright, the Immortal Jellyfish, said Lavender. Same difference. When?

Tomorrow morning, said Ageless. We'll go to Henley. Tonight we're going back to the library. We can stay there overnight. There are some things I want to take with me and ....

You talk like an old person, said Lavender. How old are you?

Two hundred and ninety, said Ageless. It's my birthday tomorrow.

Lavender looked at Baby Pierre, who looked shocked.

We're older than you then, said Baby Pierre. How come you seem older?

Because I'm more dangerous, said Ageless.

Yes, you are dangerous, said Baby Pierre, thinking of Frog.

Let's go, said Ageless. Soon the library will close.

They hurried back to North Terrace. Lavender couldn't help thinking about what Ageless had said. She wanted to be dangerous too. But she couldn't think of anything dangerous to do.

They were soon in the reading room at the library. Ageless shuffled around gathering books and tins of biscuits, and then discarding them only to pick them up again.

Which book? he muttered. Which tin?

Baby Pierre grew impatient.

Take the book about Sand, he said, and the tin of Yam bicuits.

Alright, said Ageless. Sorted. Now let's get some sleep.

Baby Pierre wasn't used to sleeping, but he decided to give it a try.

Now Lavender, said Ageless, you can sleep....hey! where's she gone?

But it seemed that Lavender had vanished.

The Mark of the Lobster Claw

But you've got one, said Lavender.

Got what? said Baby Pierre.

A tattoo, that tulip on your head, said Lavender.

That's not a tulip! It's the Mark of the Lobster Claw! said Baby Pierre.

It looks like a tulip, said Lavender. It should be a tulip.

Why? asked Baby Pierre. Why should it be a tulip?

Lavender and Tulip, said Lavender, as though that explained everything.

Why are you called Lavender, anyway? said Baby Pierre. Your'e a shell. Not even a shell, he added. A shell of a shell.

It was Auntie Kobo, said Lavender. I heard her sighing one day. She was saying Lavender, Lavender, oh Lavender. And I knew she meant me.

Hah! said Baby Pierre. She was sniffing, that's all. Sniffing the lavender.

No she wasn't, said Lavender, looking upset. She wasn't, she wasn't, she wasn't.

Alright, said Baby Pierre. She wasn't.

Are we there yet? asked Lavender.

Nearly, said Baby Pierre.

Where are we going again? asked Lavender.

To the library, said Baby Pierre patiently. To see Ageless.

Your daddy, said Lavender.

No....yes, said Baby Pierre.

What do you mean, no-yes? asked Lavender.

Probably, said Baby Pierre. Look here's our stop.

They got off the bus and crossed North Terrace to the State Library.

Oh look, there's your daddy! cried Lavender. He's waiting outside! Why's he up on that plinth?

Dangerous

The red knitted hat that Ageless produced was smaller than Baby Pierre had imagined, and full of holes.

It has a lot of holes in it, he said, trying to sound non-judgemental.

It has, agreed Ageless. I don't find knitting easy you know. I keep dropping stitches. But look on the bright side. You and your friend will be able to breathe.

Do you think we'll fit under it? asked Frog.

You don't know much about knitting, said Ageless. It stretches and stretches.

But the holes will get bigger too, said Baby Pierre. And then we'll fall out.

Dropped stitches don't work like that, said Ageless patiently. They go into ladders, like stockings.

Ladders, said Frog. That sounds safe enough. I'm happy to get in.

You don't need to get in just yet, said Ageless. The Royal Institution is right across town. And we're running late, so let's get a move on.

They set off, across North Terrace and through Gawler Place to Rundle Mall.

Are we there yet? said Frog.

Half way, replied Ageless. Would you like me to carry you?

He waved a large pincer at Frog.

No thankyou, said Frog. I can manage.

What's Synthetic Biology? asked Baby Pierre.

It's something scientists do, said Ageless. I'm against it myself.

But what is it? asked Baby Pierre.

Dangerous, said Ageless. But you two are younger than me. You may be all for it.

I'm not really younger than you, said Baby Pierre. You forget I'm a stone. Frog is certainly younger.

Then I may be all for it, said Frog. When I know what it is.

Missing his Daddy

Oh look! said a woman sitting on the front row. Someone's left a couple of exhibits on these seats. Looks like... a Pacific Cultures stone amulet and... a shrunken head!

Baby Pierre looked at Frog.

Time to go, he said.

They slipped off their seats and hurried down the stairs, emerging on North Terrace under a darkening sky.

Hee hee, laughed Baby Pierre. She thought you were a shrunken head!

Why did she? said Frog, looking worried. Have I started to shrivel up?

Baby Pierre peered closely at the leathery skin of his friend.

Yes, he said. You have. But only a little. Don't worry.

I want to see, said Frog. I need a mirror.

There'll be a mirror at the Library, said Baby Pierre. Come on!

There won't, said Frog, glumly. There will only be books.

There will be toilets, said Baby Pierre, airily. And they always have mirrors.

Alright, said Frog, wondering how Baby Pierre had come by such knowledge.

They walked up North Terrace until they came at last to the State Library. The lights were on inside but a number of people were coming out, amongst them, a middle-aged lobster.

Look, said Frog. Perhaps that's your daddy!

No, said Baby Pierre. That can't be my daddy. He isn't red.

The lobster ambled past them, in a purposeful way.

Poison

Baby Pierre and Frog got off the bus on North Terrace. They crossed the road.

I wonder which one of these buildings is the Library? said Frog.

I don't know,said Baby Pierre. We should have asked the bus driver. Let's sit down here in the sun and decide what to do.

They sat on a lawn in front of a building with open doors from which angry-looking people were emerging to the faint strains of a cello concerto. At the top of the steps was a movable sign that read SOLD OUT.

This is nice, said Frog. I can hear music. It sounds like Dvorjak.

So it does, said Baby Pierre. But look behind you.

Frog looked. A man with a mask and a backpack was squirting brown liquid onto the grass in a seemingly random fashion. Squirt, squirt, squirt, went the man. Then he went away.

Do you think it was poison? asked Frog.

Yes, said Baby Pierre. And now look. People are sitting on the grass that he poisoned, and eating their lunch.

He pointed to a young woman and a small child who were doing just that.

There's nothing wrong with poison, said Frog. It only kills bad things.

Frog! said Baby Pierre. You talk like a tomato!

Sorry, said Frog. I am a tomato. We are different, you and I.

A defeatist tomato, said Baby Pierre.

You'll be here long after I've shrivelled up and died, said Frog, disconsolately.

No I won't, said Baby Pierre. Get up. We're moving on.

The Unexpected

It's Saturday night. Marie and The VeloDrone head for the Garden of Unearthly Delights. Le Bon David and Belle et Bonne are going to see An Evening of the Unexpected. They walk up North Terrace to look for the Cavern Club in the Station Arcade. It appears to be down a set of stairs.

Le Bon David: How the dickens do you get in?

Belle et Bonne: The door's locked.

Le Bon David: I suppose this is the first Unexpected thing.

They eventually find their way into the Cavern Club, order drinks and sit down at a table near the front.

The Mindreader enters and begins his show.

The Mindreader: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Now first, I'm going to choose two people. You, and you. ( He points to Le Bon David and Belle et Bonne). Please stand up. Now I want you to think of something you would take with you to a desert island.

Belle et Bonne and Le Bon David stand up. They try and think of something. Their faces screw up revealing tiny clues as to what they are thinking.

The Mindreader: Sir, please come up on the stage and face the audience. Now I shall draw on this sheet of paper what it is you are thinking of. ( He draws an electronic book ). Now please tell us what you would take to a desert island.

Le Bon David: A ...um.... useful Satellite ...errr...er book sort of .......

The MindReader: Then I am correct! It is an electronic book! Isn't it, sir?

Le Bon David (confused) : I suppose so.

The Mindreader: And you ( he turns to Belle et Bonne). Please come up on stage. ( He draws a picture of a toothbrush). Could it be that you are thinking of a toothbrush?

Belle et Bonne: Umm... well, ...a hairbrush.

The Mind reader: How exactly like a toothbrush is that! I am correct again!

Applause.

Le Bon David and Belle et Bonne return to their seats.

Le Bon David: Remarkable! He knew exactly what I was thinking. Better than I did myself.

Belle et Bonne: Same.

Sunday Night

It is Sunday night. Le Bon David and the VeloDrone are walking down North Terrace admiring the Northern Lights. All the grand public buildings are lit up in a magical fashion, and look like story book illustrations.

Ooh, says the VeloDrone. I like that one. See the little gnome!

Vello, that is kitsch. I'm surprised at you! says Le Bon David. Now this one is much better. See, the Museum is covered in grapes.

Yes that is more classy, agrees The VeloDrone. Brrr. I'm cold. What's happened to the hot weather? A-choo!

Come on Vello! I want to see the Artists' Bar and the Spiegeltent down by the Torrens. Stop sneezing!

I can't help it. I think I'm coming down with something.

They cross King William Street, and stop to admire Parliament House which is, inexplicably, lit only at the back, and the Festival Theatre, where it appears to be interval for Le Grand Macabre. At last they reach Elder Park.

There it is, down by the river, says Le Bon David. Look at all those screens.

A-choo! says Vello, buttoning his coat. There's too much water and too much wind. Let's go home.

No, says Le Bon David. I want to go up on that jetty.

They walk out onto the jetty. They look down over the sides of the jetty and see people sitting in wobbly boats on the grass, near a fence made of illuminated bicycles. The people are few. The people look cold. At one end of the grassed enclosure is the Spiegeltent. Sounds of gaiety are coming from the under the closed doors.

We can't go in. says The VeloDrone, it's full. So let's go home.