Plump Lumps

A rest day. La Tour-du-Pin.

Team Philosophe is enjoying a picnic on the banks of the River Bourbré.

Belle opens the picnic basket. An aniseed scent issues out.

Sausages? asks Vello.

Yes, says Belle. Three types. These are rosettes de Lyon and these are jésus de Lyon. The aniseed ones are called murçons. Help yourself to the cheese.

Did you say...? asks Sweezus.

Cheese, says Belle. It's a Saint Marcellin.

No, the second type of sausage, says Sweezus.

Jésus de Lyon, says Belle I thought you'd want to try them. See the plump lumps of white fat? They represent tightly-swaddled babies.

Too much information, says Sweezus.

Let's see, says Vello. They look fine to me. I'll try one.

David peers at the sausage.

This one's got a face, says David.

That's pepper, says Belle.

What's to drink, dear? asks Vello.

Some Grenoble wines, and a bottle of green Chartreuse, says Belle. I couldn't resist the Chartreuse. It reminds me of Arthur. 

Let's get stuck into it, says Sweezus.

He opens the Chartreuse and pours himself a large shot.

Easy! says David.

I miss Arthur, says Sweezus,  pouring himself another. What was that poem.....?

Does a beast on the way to the slaughter house/ dream of fine herbs? says Belle. I remember that one.

Convulsing intestines of riders/ sucking in power/ excreting exhaustion/ in discarded paper bags, says Vello, spitting out a plump jésus.

Papa! I'm surprised you remember! says Belle.

It was quite a good poem, says Vello.

I hear Richie has finished his poem, says David. Has anyone seen it?

Yeah, says Sweezus. It goes like .....Once on Lingshan Mountain...

Really? says Belle. That sounds like something Shu might come up with.

It kind of does, says Sweezus. But the rest is pure Richie.

Go on, says David, licking his fingers.

Once on Lingshan Mountain, (says Sweezus)/ when I was the Richie who rode for Team Sky/ 

two Chinese ecologists thought/ that I might be a pilot.  

                    (Ha ha! laughs Vello. Team Sky!)

Several times at Stage Nine/ I've been forced to abandon/

I once believed nine was unlucky/ the number for cats.

                   (Cats? Oh, cats. I see, says David).

My first poem, a mash-up/ was about a potato/

eaten with butter and salt/ and black pepper.

                   (Belle smiles. She remember the potato).

I'm thirty six now/ I give myself two more years/

at this level/ and it won't be with Trek Segafredo.

And that's it, says Sweezus.

Fighting words, says Vello. Bravo Richie! 

He pours himself a large shot of Chartreuse.

Belle takes a tarte from the basket, a grande tarte aux noix.

Death Has Been Temporary

 At five to three, Gaius arrives at the Flinders Chase entrance.

You have two hours, before closing, says the ranger. 

Thank you, says Gaius. And if that's not enough?

Come back tomorrow, says the ranger.

Gaius pays eleven dollars. Terence is free.

Gaius remounts his bike.

Keep an eye out for Arthur and Louisa, says Gaius.

I'm keeping two eyes out, says Terence. And my orange peel.

He waves the orange peel which was half split in the middle.

One half of the orange peel drops off.

The ranger comes running.

No littering! says the ranger.

Apologies, says Gaius. Would you mind picking it up?

You do it, says the ranger. You dropped it.

Terence dropped it, says Gaius. But if you insist...

I'll do it, sighs the ranger.

She picks up the peel and returns it to Terence.

What's this? A juvenile Glossy! Don't you know they're endangered?

Of course we do, says Gaius. It was abandoned. We thought it might find a home here. 

Not likely, says the ranger. But worth a try I suppose. Have you given it some water?

Yes, says Terence. But it couldn't get the lid off.

The ranger is appalled.

That's not the case, Terence, says Gaius. Don't make up stories. It was you who couldn't get the lid off.

I suppose you blame the infant for everything? snorts the ranger.

Of course not, says Gaius. In fact now that I'm here, I'll offer it water myself.

He takes off his back pack, opens the bottle of water, and tips some into his hand.

 He offers it to Baby-Glossy, who is prostrate beside Terence, on top of Gaius's notebooks and clothes.

Baby-Glossy is unresponsive.

Hold his head, Terence, says Gaius. I'll drip water onto his beak.

Drip drip. He drips it.

Baby-Glossy hiccups. His beak opens. Water dribbles in.

It's clear that death in Baby-Glossy's case has been temporary.

Sqoo! says Baby-Glossy.

A happy outcome. 

We should tell Saint Roley, says Terence.

Next time we see him we shall, says Gaius. But it's more pressing that we should find Arthur.

Arthur? says the ranger. He's just over there with Louisa. Why didn't you say you knew Arthur? 

I didn't think to, says Gaius. Thank you.

Get him to tell you the poem, says the ranger.

Certainly, says Gaius. I wonder what inspired him to compose one?

It's not his poem, says the ranger. It's Richie Porte's poem. Arthur's friend Sweezus sent it to him, from France.

Dear me, says Gaiis. Was it a good one?

The ranger laughs. 

Richie's not a top poet, but it's a valuable insight. Quite introspective. And did you know he came third on the Grand Colombier this arvo? How good is that?

Very good indeed, says Gaius. Well, I mustn't waste any more of my precious two hours. See you at five.

He turns and rides towards Arthur.

Go Introspective

 Are we there yet? asks Terence.

Not far now, says Gaius. How's the bird doing?

Dead, says Terence.

I thought you were looking after it, says Gaius.

I was, says Terence. I still am looking after it.

It may not be dead, says Gaius. Try giving it some water.

Okay, says Terence. 

He tries. But he can't get the lid off Gaius's bottle of water.

Don't spill it, says Gaius. 

I can't if I can't get the lid off, says Terence.

Keep trying, says Gaius. I won't stop because the park closes at five, and they probably won't allow us in after three, if I know National Parks' regulations.

So Baby Glossy stays dead a while longer.

......

Back in France, it's Stage Fourteen already.

Clèrmont-Ferrand to Lyon.

Peter Sagan is determined to build up his points score to win back the green jersey from Bennett.

His team takes the lead, looking daunting.

We'll leave them to it.

What's that sweet smell?

Vello has reached into his food pouch, hoping for anything but Puy-balls.

He pulls out a pastry.

What's that? asks David. 

O joy! A praluline! says Vello, taking a bite of the pastry.

David hopes that he too has got one.

He has.

A sweet brioche infused with rose-coloured crushed almond and hazelnut praline, the pastry soft, rich and buttery.

Heaven. Thanks, Belle!

Sweezus, having dropped back to look for Richie, and not found him, catches up.

Sees his team members eating pralulines. 

O the temptation to reach into his food pouch and bite into that sugary pink-dotted pastry.

Losing even more seconds.

No, he speeds up, passing many riders until he draws level with Richie.

Hey Richie, says Sweezus.

Hey, says Richie.

I was talking to Arthur, says Sweezus. He said congrats on the poem.

He hasn't even heard it, says Richie.

On finishing it, says Sweezus. After all these years.

Yeah, says Richie. I tried so many styles. In the end I decided to go introspective.

Awesome, says Sweezus. Give us a sample.

No time, says Richie. The summit's only two k's off.

Shit, is it? says Sweezus. Better eat this pastry.

He pulls out his praluline.

Richie eyes it.

Wanna bite? asks Sweezus.

No, says Richie. No sharing food. That's the rules.

Yum, says Sweezus. 

Richie speeds away. He's good on the mountains.

In Negative Spaces

The next day, in France.

Stage thirteen, heading for Puy Mary in the Massif Central.

Team Philosophe is somewhere in the main peloton, eating snacks.

Vello: What are these green balls Belle's given us?

David: Delicious aren't they? 

Sweezus: Puy lentils. 

Vello: I might have known. 

Richie Porte (coming up behind them): That smells good. What is it?

Vello: Puy lentils.

Richie: Thought so. The jewels of gastronomie Auvergne.

Sweezus: Want one?

Richie: Ha ha, no thanks. Too volcanic.

He speeds up.

Vello: Probably wise.

But Sweezus thinks differently.

He speeds up too, determined to prove Belle's green lentil balls efficacious.

He draws level with Richie.

Richie: How come no Arthur this year?

Sweezus: He couldn't work for Vello.

Richie: I wanted to show him my poem. It's finally finished.

Sweezus: No kidding. What's it called?

Richie: Space May Be There For a Reason.

Sweezus: That's a line of Pablo's.

Richie: I know. I pinched it. But the rest of it's mine.

He speeds up again.

Sweezus can't match him.

Roman Bardet passes, with his team around him.

Roman looks slightly concussed.

He was in a crash earlier, but continued.

Why do we do this? thinks Sweezus. 

A negative thought, for which we may blame the Puy lentils.

.....

Meanwhile on Kangaroo Island in Gaius's back pack Baby-Glossy is also having negative thoughts.

This orange seed is no good for Baby-Glossy. Yuck-spoo!

And there's water, inside a plastic bottle, swishing around as the bicycle moves.

Baby-Glossy can't get it.

If he can't get it, he'll die.

It looks bad for Baby-Glossy

Not Counting Birds

Terence trudges back for the orange peel. Picks it up.

It's in one piece, but half split in the middle.

Terence will have to be careful, so it won't break in two.

Found it? asks Gaius. Good, let us continue.

Wait, says Terence. Is there a way to join this orange peel back together?

Gaius looks. I don't think so. No.

Terence climbs into the back pack and Gaius starts pedalling.

Pedal, pedal.

Ah! What is that on the road?

Gaius stops to examine it.

It's the baby Glossy Black Cockatoo who fell off the sheoak branch earlier.

Its parents have gone. Perhaps seeking help. If so, an ill-judged decision.

Gaius picks up the unhappy baby Glossy.

What to do now?

He decides to call Arthur.

Arthur is in Flinders Chase, with Louisa.

They are not counting birds.

They are talking about Peter Sagan. 

A shoulder barge is nothing, says Arthur. I've done them myself.

But in a final sprint, says Louisa. 

When else would you do it? says Arthur.

He deserved to lose points, says Louisa. 

Arthur's phone rings. It's Gaius.

Arthur, I've found a baby Glossy, with no parents. I'm bringing it. Where are you exactly?

Not far from the entrance, says Arthur. And bad news. There's no camping.

What? No camping! says Gaius. 

Due to limited amenities, says Arthur. Open from 9-5 only.

Dear me, says Gaius. I'll be there shortly. There's still time. Meanwhile perhaps you could look for a home for the baby Glossy.

Sure, says Arthur. Louisa'll know what to do.

Will I? asks Louisa.

He's found a baby Glossy, says Arthur. He's bringing it.

Great, says Louisa. Why should I know what to do?

Meanwhile Gaius is back on his bike pedalling towards the Flinders Chase entrance.

The Baby Glossy is in the back pack with Terence.

Terence is looking after it.

What would you like? says Terence.

Ma and Pa! squeaks the Glossy.

I've only got orange peel, says Terence.

This is too awful. What if it dies?

Let's go to France and see what's happening at the top of the Suc au May, where a gruelling Stage 12 is ending.

Oh too late. It's finished.

Marc Hirschi has soloed to victory for the last 30 kilometres. Well done, Marc Hirschi!

We're in time for the sprint of the peloton though, if anyone's interested.

Here they come.

Who's in front? 

Peter Sagan.

Just look at his face.

I'm Just A Tool

 Can I take a photo? asks Terence.

What of? asks Gaius.

My orange peel, says Terence.

Why do you want to? asks Gaius.

To send to Sweezus, says Terence. He asked me.

Wait till we get to Flinders Chase, says Gaius. I'll stop then. 

Can I practise? asks Terence. 

Just one photo, says Gaius. 

Terence reaches to the bottom of Gaius's back pack and pulls up a peel.

He drapes it over the flap of the back pack, where it dangles, half in and half out.

He presses the camera icon on Gaius's phone.

Now he can see what his photo will look like.

But where are the holes?

Has Alfonse got the peel with the holes in?

I know! thinks Terence. I'll make some new holes.

He reaches down to the lower depths of the back pack, and comes up with a pencil.

Air at last! says Ronnie. 

Are you any good at ears? asks Terence.

Ears, eyes, noses, says Ronnie. Even chins. What and where?

On the orange peel, says Terence. Hole ears.

Hole ears coming up, says Ronnie. 

Terence waits with the camera.

YOU'LL have to DO it, says Ronnie. I'm just a tool.

Camera, pencil, orange peel. It's all too much for Terence's small cement hands to handle.

Terence accidentally presses the button. Oops! Click! The camera jerks and the orange peel slithers onto the road.

STOP! cries Terence.

Gaius stops, but he seems to be irritated.

You can walk back and get it, says Gaius. And seeing we've stopped I may as well phone Arthur.

He tries, but Arthur is on a call to Sweezus.

Man! says Sweezus. Glad today's over.

What happened? asks Arthur.

Tight sprint finish, says Sweezus. 

Were you in it? asks Arthur.

Nah, says Sweezus. I was way back. Caleb Ewan smashed it. Bennett came second.

So Bennett kept the green, says Arthur.

Yeah and looks like Pete Sagan's done in his chances of getting it back, says Sweezus.

How come? says Arthur.

Docked points for dangerous sprinting, says Sweezus. Shoulder-barged Wout Van Aert near the finish. He's down to 85th position.

Tough, says Arthur.

Yeah, that's close to where I am, says Sweezus. 

Outside Box Thinking

Where are you headed? asks Perrot.

Flinders Chase, says Gaius. I'm documenting the regeneration.

That's where we're going, says Claudine. 

Might see you there, says Perrot.

Yay! says Terence.

Yay! says Alfonse. Let's split our orange peels. Half for you, half for me.

Okay, says Terence. We'll see whose is first to start talking.

But no cheating, says Claudine.

How could we cheat? asks Alfonse.

You could say it said something when it didn't, says Claudine.

When? asks Terence.

Never mind, says Claudine.

The holes might be ears, and that's why they're not talking, says Alfonse.

That's my boy, says Perrot. He thinks outside the box.

Alfonse looks pleased.

Or they might be noses, says Terence.

Perhaps Gaius will say Terence thinks outside the box.

But Gaius isn't listening.

Here, says Terence. These two short ones are for you. I'll keep the long ones.

Alfonse would prefer the long ones, but accepts the two short ones, remaining dad's boy.

Gaius scoops Terence into his back pack, and sets off.

Before long, his phone rings.

Answer that, Terence, says Gaius.

Hello, says Terence. 

Cool! He found you! says Sweezus.

Are you winning? asks Terence.

It's not over, says Sweezus. It's Stage Ten today. We're starting on an island and crossing a viaduct to the mainland, then back over a bridge to another island.

Woop! says Terence. 

Yeah, woop, says Sweezus. Did Gaius tell you I saw an elasmosaurus?

Any clowns? asks Terence. 

No clowns, says Sweezus. 

I've got an orange peel with ears, says Terence. 

Awesome! Send me a photo, says Sweezus. .

That's my boy, says Terence.

What? says Sweezus.

You didn't say it, mutters Terence.

Too late. Sweezus has ended the call, having reached the start line in Ile d'Oleron.