The Zigzag Path

My Ear's the winner, says Alfonse.

You haven't heard mine yet, says Terence.

That's right, says Louisa. Give our Ear a chance.

Give us a minute, says Terence's Ear.

Yes, give us a minute, says Terence.

Terence takes his Ear to the steps of the lighthouse.

What's the problem? asks Terence.

We need to talk tactics, says the Ear.

Okay, says Terence. What tactics?

Long words or short? asks the Ear.

Both, says Terence. Go for it.

He comes back with his Ear.

Everyone is waiting.

Terence's Ear speaks: 

Initially, the cliff face was inaccessible by land, so a jetty was constructed at Weir Cove, one mile north of here. Stores were carried up a zigzag path hewn into the rock face, until a flying fox became operative.

Yay! says Terence. A flying fox! We're the winner!

What's the flying fox got to do with it? asks Alfonse.

Solving the problem, says Terence. It flew backwards and forwards, carrying the nails and cement.

You don't even know what a flying fox is, says Alfonse. You think it's a bat.

No he doesn't, says Terence's Ear. He knows it's a cable and pulley.

Do I? says Terence. 

With a basket attached, says the Ear.  If the lighthouse keeper's wife wanted to go shopping, she could get into the basket and ride all the way down to the jetty.

What if she got stuck half way? asks Alfonse.

That happened, says the Ear. She had to swing in the air in the basket for HOURS.

How terrifying, says Louisa.

No one liked her, says the Ear. She had a sharp tongue.

Good story, says Alfonse. How about saying we both won?

Yes, we both won, says Terence. It's my orange peel anyway.

Want to swap? asks Alfonse.

No way, says Terence. Mine's the best. It knows long words like circumference. And oracular.

Auricular, says Terence's Ear.

Three cheers for the Auricles! says Alfonse's Ear.

The Ears are now best of friends.

Circumference

 Can we go in the lighthouse? asks Terence.

No, says Louisa. You can walk around the outside.

Boring, says Terence.

Let's do it, says the Ear. We'll think of long words.

Okay, says Terence.

He picks up the Ear and starts walking around the lighthouse.

Circumference, says the Ear.

That's a good one, says Terence. 

Do you know what it means? asks the Ear.

Yes, because I went to one, says Terence. It was in Melbourne.

You don't GO to a circumference, says the Ear.

You're right! says Terence. I was supposed to go, but I didn't. How did you know?

I didn't, says the Ear. 

Same, says Terence.

By this time they have completed the circumference of the lighthouse.

And guess what?

Alfonse has arrived with his dad and his sister.

They are talking to Louisa.

Alfonse has been so excited since his Ear started talking, says Claudine.

I bet, says Louisa. Look who's here, Terence!

Yay! says Terence. My Ear talked first.

My Ear talked straight away, says Alfonse. Arthur said yours took hours.

That's true, says Louisa. It didn't talk at first. It only talked when it got tired of other people talking for it.

Hey! says Terence. That wasn't the competition!

Alfonse has pulled his orange peel ear from his pocket.

It's pretty small.

Puh! says Terence. Let's hear it.

Talk, Ear, says Alfonse.

His Ear clears its throat. 

Here we are at the lighthouse, says Alfonse's Ear. It features a round masonry tower and a red dome. It was built from 2000 pieces of local stone. A flying fox was used to bring building supplies up the cliff face. 

Everyone is amazed, Terence's Ear included.

Could Alfonse's Ear have had coaching?

Auricular

I knew I was with the wrong person, says Terence.

It doesn't matter, says Louisa. We know where Alfonse is now. And he's coming.

When is he coming? asks Terence.

He doesn't say, says Louisa. 

What does he say? asks Terence. Read it again.

Terence get ready for the ear competition wait at the light house Alfonse, says Louisa. His spelling's atrocious.

Ha ha! laughs Terence. I win the spelling competition.

You don't, says Louisa. You can't even read. But you might win the ear competition.

The Ear has been admiring the lighthouse.

What did you say? asks the Ear.

Alfonse is coming, says Terence. You have to get ready.

I'm always ready, says the Ear. 

What was the competition exactly? asks Louisa. 

The first one to talk is the winner, says Terence.

That's me, says the Ear.

We don't know that, says Louisa. Let's hope Alfonse knows what time it was when his Ear spoke.

What time was it when I spoke? asks the Ear.

Yesterday afternoon, says Louisa.

Can you be more specific? asks the Ear.

Morning, says Terence.

I don't think it was, says Louisa.

I was being more specific, says Terence.

That's not what it means, says Louisa. But if the winner can't be decided by the timing, you could try something different.

Like what? asks the Ear. 

An Ear fight, says Terence.

No, says Louisa. A speech. Which Ear is the best speaker.

Yay! says Terence. Let's teach him some words.

I know plenty of words, says the Ear.

Long ones, says Terence. REALLY long ones.

Auricular, says the Ear.

The other ear might know that one, says Louisa.

Reddy For Ere Competion

 Arthur supposes that Gaius will expect a reply.

There are several options

a: is it a dunnart?

b: congratulations on finding a dunnart.

c: congratulations on finding a dunnart (?!!)

(better not mention the snake).

He goes with c:

Gaius can interpret the ?!! however he likes.

Arthur looks out at the ocean, which is blue.

A few tourists have arrived, and are photographing themselves under the proboscis. 

A child scrapes at the orange-gold lichen.

Is it Alfonse, for whom Arthur is meant to be looking?

Alfonse? says Arthur.

That's me, says Alfonse. Where's Terence? Does his orange peel talk yet?

Yes, says Arthur. Does yours?

Alfonse drags his orange peel out of his pocket.

The tiny mouth holes are silent.

Terence had help, says Arthur. First from Louisa, then from the bird Gaius rescued.

What did the bird do? asks Alfonse.

It fashioned an ear, says Arthur.

Ears don't talk, says Alfonse.

So you might think, says Arthur. This one does though. 

It was my idea, says Alfonse. The ear. I said the holes might be ears. 

Maybe it's not too late, says Arthur. Terence is at the lighthouse with Louisa.

Will you help me? asks Alfonse.

Not my thing, says Arthur. Where's your sister?

Getting a photo, says Alfonse.

Claudine is posing under the proboscis. Her dad holds the camera.

Ask her, says Arthur. Or your dad. The best ears are small. 

It's too late, says Alfonse. The competition was whose ear talked first.

There are ways to get round that, says Arthur. Terence's ear didn't say anything for hours.

Alfonse thinks he sees what he means. 

Want me to send Terence a message? asks Arthur.

Yes, says Alfonse. Can I write it?

Okay, says Arthur. It'll go to Louisa.

Give, says Alfonse.

Arthur sets up for a message to Louisa, and hands Alfonse the phone.

Alfonse writes TERENS GET REDDY FOR ERE COMPETION WATE AT LITEHOUSE ALFONSE,  and presses send.

Louisa, at the Cape du Couedic lighthouse, receives this message from Arthur, and relays it to Terence.

Happy times.

 

Never At Peace

Gaius is pleased with the selfie.

So is Saint Roley.

Is that all? asks the dunnart.

Yes, says Gaius. We'll leave you in peace now.

I am never at peace, says the dunnart.

Is that because I'm here? asks the copperhead.

No, I am haunted by fire dreams, says the dunnart. And the loss of my babies.

Do you think you would benefit from counselling? asks Saint Roley.

No, says the dunnart. I would benefit from having more babies.

We all would, says Gaius.

What does THAT mean? asks the dunnart.

He means no one wants dunnarts to go extinct, says Saint Roley.

Or anyone else, says the copperhead. 

There is no one else, says Saint Roley.

What about me? asks the copperhead. Vulnerable. And it's worse now.

You misunderstand, says Saint Roley. No one wants anyone...  O, never mind.

Will you be going now? asks the dunnart. 

Yes, says Gaius. Thank you for your cooperation, and apologies for waking you. And sorry to hear about your babies.

They weren't real babies, says the dunnart. 

Well, sorry to hear that, says Gaius.

He turns to go. Saint Roley turns with him. The copperhead lingers.

Coming? asks Gaius.

The copperhead indicates that she will be along in a minute.

Gaius walks back down the ravine, past the forty two grass clumps.

Let's see that selfie again, says Saint Roley, hovering overhead.

Gaius calls up the selfie.

Gaius, Saint Roley, the copperhead, and the dunnart in the middle. 

It's good of everyone, says Saint Roley.

Which rarely happens, adds Gaius.

He decides to send it to Arthur. See what he thinks of it.

Arthur is at Remarkable Rocks.

Under the one that looks like a giant proboscis. 

Or a decayed tooth, take your pick. It looks like something. Whatever.

His phone buzzes. Gaius has sent him a photo.

What is it? Gaius and Saint Roley with a sly-looking snake and a marsupial with a slim pointed nose and square ears.

Probably a dunnart. It doesn't look happy.

Ten Babies

The dunnart is asleep in the grass clump.

Every so often she trembles.

She dreams of fires coming closer. She runs over hot ground, followed by her ten babies.

Eeeh!

Each time she looks back, one less baby. 

O dear.

Gaius, Saint Roley and the copperhead are fast approaching. 

They are now at grass clump thirty nine.

Thirty nine, by my reckoning, says Gaius.

Three more to go, says the copperhead.

Four, says Saint Roley.

To forty two? says the copperhead.

It wasn't in clump forty two, but the next one, says Saint Roley. 

My mistake, says the copperhead, slithering ahead.

We'd better keep up, says Gaius.

I agree, says Saint Roley.

The copperhead reaches grass clump forty three. She waits there, politely.

Gaius bends down. He can't see a dunnart.

Are you sure it was this one? asks Gaius.

It's definitely this one, says the copperhead. I can smell it.

It was down in the heart of the clump, says Saint Roley. I only spotted it because I heard an Eeeh! and the grass moved.

All right, says Gaius. Quiet, all.

He parts the grass with his finger.

His finger smells strongly of orange.

The dunnart wakes up, startled, and bites his finger.

Ouch! says Gaius. Easy!

The dunnart collects herself. 

Sorry. What time is it?

Mid morning, says Gaius. I too must apologise. I didn't mean to wake you.

What's that smell? asks the dunnart.

Orange, says Gaius. My breakfast.

I feel sick, says the dunnart.

That's because you're nocturnal, says Gaius. Do please go back to sleep.

As if, says the dunnart. What do you want from me anyway?

Only to count you, says Gaius.

And that takes three of you? says the dunnart. 

I wouldn't have found you, but for Saint Roley, says Gaius. 

What about her? asks the dunnart.

Me? says the copperhead. I just tagged along with Mr Secundus. You know who he is, don't you?

No, says the dunnart.

I'm a natural historian, says Gaius. And I'm delighted to meet you.

Me not so much, says the dunnart. But you do seem innocuous.

How about a photo, with all of us in it? says Saint Roley.

Wonderful, says Gaius. How shall we do it?

You sit down, says Saint Roley. Me on your left, copperhead on the right, dunnart in the middle. Then you take a selfie.

Everyone is happy with this.

Saint Roley has a good sense of composition.

 

Placebo Wizard

 Is it asleep? asks Gaius.

It was when I left, says Saint Roley. I returned here at once.

And you remember where you left it? asks the copperhead.

Of course, says Saint Roley.

I'd like to sight it, says Gaius. 

I sighted it, says Saint Roley. Is that not enough?

Hearsay, says the copperhead. Mr Secundus no longer relies on hearsay, as much.

I gather you've been discussing his early works, says Saint Roley. 

We have, says the copperhead. I've just set him right about snakes.

I was already right about them says Gaius. As I was saying....

His remedy for toothache, says Saint Roley. 

So funny, says the copperhead.

Before you embarrass yourselves further, says Gaius, let me tell you I've had some success with erigeron.

Placebo effect, mouths Saint Roley.

You can't tell what he's mouthing, (it's a beak issue), but the copperhead is thinking the same.

Let's go, says Gaius. Is it far from here?

Not far, says Saint Roley. Just a little way up the ravine, over some boulders and past forty two clumps of grass.

Forty two! Impressive, says Gaius.

Saint Roley looks modest.

Is it all right if I come? asks the copperhead.

Gaius and Saint Roley eye one another.

They both know the copperhead has ambiguous views on the dunnart.

Only to help count the grass clumps, says the copperhead. I'm a wizard at mathematics.

One doesn't need to be a wizard at mathematics to count forty two, says Saint Roley. 

Give her the benefit of the doubt, says Gaius. You won't eat this dunnart, will you?

Of course not, says the copperhead. Not with two witnesses. And if it's asleep, where's the thrill?

Hum. Still ambiguous.

Nonetheless, all three of them go.