No Person Shall

And your other parrot? asks Julia.

Nose, says Terence, pointing at Nose. She's not a proper one either.

Julia looks at Nose.

Nose! says Julia. I remember you. You came top of my class in Fisheries Management Regulations.

Yes, says Nose. I loved Fisheries Management Regulations. No person shall have, sell or purchase any turtle or part thereof; or turtle eggs. Any person so doing will be fined fifty thousand dollars and serve two years in prison.

Very good thing too, says Julia.

Very bad, says Terence. What about my parrot?

Exempt, says Julia.

Terence looks relieved. Tiny Sacrifice at this moment is out there in the warm sand, digging.

Reception brings out the coffee and a few coconut cakes on a saucer.

Tiny Sacrifice comes in, his mouth sticky with yellow yolk and cracked white shell bits.

Lucky, says Terence. You deserve two years in prison, but I saved you.

Thanks, says Tiny Sacrifice. But why?

Because you're my parrot, says Terence.

But why two years in prison? asks Tiny Sacrifice/his parrot.

For eating turtle egg, says Terence. You've got it all over your face.

It's not turtle egg, says Tiny Sacrifice. I couldn't find any. It's tree egg.

There's no such thing as tree egg, says Nose.

I suppose he means bird's egg says Gaius. Was it in a nest in a tree? This is most fascinating. Did you climb up there?

Yes, says Tiny Sacrifice. I didn't think I could do it.

It's evidence that your father was arboreal, says Gaius. Wouldn't you say so, Griff?

Oh....yes, says Griff, who is not really listening. He is thinking of heading into Bridgetown to look up an old female acquaintance, now that things are winding down nicely.

Anyway, says Julia, it wouldn't have mattered. This little chap's not a person. The Regulations refer only to persons. What's this about his father?

My father, wails Tiny Sacrifice. Where is he?

Don't make a scene. He didn't want you, says Griff.

Fine thing for a Christian to come out with!

I'm just heading off for a while, says Griff, getting up abruptly. I may be away for some time.

What does that mean? asks Gaius. Some time? Tonight? Tomorrow?

Tomorrow, says Griff.

He goes out to his bicycle, and cycles off towards Bridgetown.

As his legs pump, his heart beats: Rachel! Rachel!

The coconut cakes are finished. Evening is falling.

Julia asks Gaius about his plans for tomorrow.

First, the results of the DNA test, says Gaius. Then I suppose I should think about leaving.

What a shame, says Julia. I'm sure you can't have seen much of Barbados.

True, says Gaius. Mainly the University, and Gun Hill.

Gun Hill! Young Richard Ligon now has the clue he's been wanting.

The home of the Barbados racer. It must be Gun Hill.

He picks up the weeping Tiny Sacrifice and drops him into his coffee cup.

Just taking this cup out, says Richard Ligon.

He speeds up as he reaches the doorway. Grabs his bicycle. and heads for Gun Hill with the coffee cup and contents.

See that? says Terence. He took my parrot.

Yes, says Nose. Maybe he's not a real person.

Am I a real person? asks Terence.

I think not, says Nose. What are you thinking?

I can do ANYTHING, says Terence.

Sensible People V Others

Late afternoon.The Lagoon is returning to Bridgetown.

On board, there is muted gaiety.

The catamaran cruise was the final thing on the agenda.

Early tomorrow, the guests will fly home.

No one wants to drink too many rum punches, and risk feeling terrible.

They are sensible people, who will go back to selling audiological equipment, when they get home.

The Jolly Roger floats by, to the sounds of crazy conga dancing.

Da-da, da-da, dah-DAH, da-da, da-da, dah-DAH. Woohoo!

Nose watches, from the deck of the Lagoon.

The two vessels are close now. She spies her friend Bertrand the cook, leaning over the side of the Jolly Roger.

Dropping something into the water.

That's not allowed!

Bertrand! Is that a lobster?

Yes, Nose. How did you know? And why are you on a catamaran when you should be helping me in the kitchen? There is much broken glass on the floor.

I know. I broke it. And I killed the lobster. So I can never come back. Don't forget me, Bertrand.

I won't forget you. And I will clean up the glass by myself. No questions asked.

Bye then, Bertrand.

Bye, Nose!

The Jolly Roger passes the Lagoon, leaving behind it a rollicking sea wake, faint conga music, and a dead floating crustacean, once known as Stede Bonnett.

Dancing, says Terence. When are we dancing?

I don't feel like dancing, says Nose.

Nor do I, says Tiny Sacrifice.

Terence determines to dance on his own.

He starts jigging up and down, and sticking out his bottom, this way and that way.

But the captain tells him off, so he has to stop dancing.
.......

Back on the beach, outside the Waves Resort Hotel, in the completely wrong direction for finding a Barbados racer, young Richard Ligon is waiting.

Julia turns up.

Is this your crime scene? asks Julia, looking sceptical.

Could be, says young Richard Ligon. See the scuffle marks?

You should stick to your field, say Julia. These aren't made by turtles.

Eh, shrugs young Richard Ligon.

Wrong size, wrong season, says Julia.

Okay. Want to help me look for snake tracks? asks young Richard Ligon.

Might as well, says Julia. I'm here now. How come you're looking for snake tracks? I thought you were holding the fort in the Chem and Biology labs?

Something came up, says young Richard Ligon. There was a sighting of a Barbados racer.

No kidding? says Julia. Here?

Here, says young Richard Ligon. But it doesn't live here. This is where it was spotted.

Who by? asks Julia.

A couple of natural historians, says young Richard Ligon. They brought in a snake egg for DNA testing. It hatched. I actually had the baby snake, but it jumped out of my beaker.

Julia is unimpressed with the scientific rigour of young Richard Ligon. If she were his supervisor, which she isn't, she would have more to say.....

Instead she says, It's four o'clock. Let's get cake and coffee.

They head back to the Waves Resort Hotel just as Gaius and Griff are arriving.

Richard Ligon! says Gaius. Any results yet?

Not yet, says young Richard Ligon. This is Julia Horrocks. She's in charge of the Sea Turtle Project in Barbados.

Indeed! says Gaius. The Sea Turtle Project! I imagine that keeps you busy.

It does, says Julia. Particularly during nesting. We have volunteers making sure the nests don't get disturbed. Some unscrupulous people try to collect them.

Excellent, says Gaius. I mean, what you do. Ah! Here comes Terence.

Good, says Richard Ligon. Is the snake with him?

I don't see him, says Gaius. But here's Nose! Nose! What are you doing back on dry land? Given up on the briny?

Nose nods, and sniffs, but says nothing.

Where's Tiny Sacrifice? asks young Richard Ligon.

On the beach eating a snack, says Terence. Hell be back in a minute. Then I'll have two parrots.

Is he a parrot? asks Julia. I like parrots.

No, he isn't says Terence.

Oh, I thought... says Julia.

So did I, says Terence.

Glassed In The Soft Parts

Stede Bonnett has no knowledge of seafaring, except as a passenger.

It's why he wants Nose back.

She was a natural.

She scrubbed decks, bailed out the bilges, fixed leaks and made lovely rum punches.

And then she left him.

All HE had done was....

Damn and blast it! Best not to think of that now.

Stealthily, he leaps from the Revenge to the Jolly Roger's ladder, a gleaming knife clenched in his mandibles.

Nose is in the galley, washing rum punch glasses, of which there are many, and humming a washing up song.

Stede Bonnett creeps up behind her.

Arr-harr! Got you, my pretty!

No you haven't!

Nose smashes a glass on the sink top and glasses his soft parts.

Arr-harr! Now who's in trouble?

Nose scampers up to the main deck and leaps over the side.

There are still some guests in the water. They don't try to detain her.

She swims, until she reaches the sand, where Terence and Tiny Sacrifice are digging, while trying not to look like they're digging.

Guys! cries Nose. I think I've just killed Stede Bonnett.

It's an exciting thing to have happened.

You're lucky, says Terence. We're digging a hole.

What for? asks Nose, with suspicion.

Nothing. We're just doing it, says Terence.

Then he thinks of something a bit more convincing.

We're burying the macaroni pie.

Well, I'm not going anywhere near it, says Nose. But I'm glad you're not digging for turtle eggs.

Tiny Sacrifice looks guilty. He hasn't learned not to.

Hmm, says Nose. Maybe you are. But I can't report you. I'm coming back with you, on the Lagoon.

Okay, says Terence. That means you'll miss the mad conga dancing.

We can do our own conga dancing, says Nose. Tiny Sacrifice will be good at it.

So will I, says Terence.

You'll be too stiff, says Nose.

I won't be too stiff, says Terence. He twirls in the sand, to show her.

So wow! It's all fixed and decided!

Only Tiny Sacrifice is disappointed, because he still hasn't had any dinner.

Shipwreck Lunch And Revenge

A shallow shipwreck.

Bright purple sea whips, yellow finger sponges, damselfish, blue tangs and sergeant majors.

Sea plumes and white anemones.

Lacy purple coral, in the shadows.

Humans, with flippers and snorkels. Not Terence.

On board the Lagoon, in a deck chair, Mrs Thomas Hume thinks of her children.

Today's her last day in Barbados.

Terence and Tiny Sacrifice are nearby, scheming.

How to lure Nose back.

How to get Tiny Sacrifice a proper live dinner.

......

On the beach outside the Waves Resort Hotel, young Richard Ligon has followed a false trail.

It has led to a pile of sand recently scuffled, and some tiny turtle footprints.

He calls Julia, who is in charge of the Sea Turtle Project.

.....

Gaius and Griff are cycling back from the university after tea and biscuits with Professor Tinto.

Nice biscuits, Hobnobs, says Griff. I've always liked them.

Indeed, says Gaius. A most pleasant morning. I learned a great deal about secondary metabolites. Speaking of which, I wonder if young Richard Ligon has any results yet?

A young woman cycles past them, going downhill in a hurry.

That will be Julia.

......

Reception is sitting at reception, reading a comic, when Griff and Gaius come in.

Did Terence go out on the catamaran? asks Gaius.

Yes sir, says Reception. Bit of a drama.

Drama? says Gaius.

This scientist chap came in with a snake in a beaker, says Reception. Long story short, the snake jumped on Terence's head and they ran out to the minibus together.

That snake was our specimen! says Gaius. Jumping Jupiter! Where's young Richard Ligon?

Down on the beach, says Reception.

Gaius wants to find him at once, but Griff reminds him it's lunch time.

....

It is lunch time too on the Jolly Roger.

And on the Lagoon.

Both vessels are anchored in a secluded harbour. After a delicious buffet on board (macaroni pie, carrot cake) the guests are free to swim, stroll on the beach and relax in the sunshine.

But what's this?

A small patched vessel slides up behind the Jolly Roger.

It's the Revenge.

My Dark Side

The Lagoon is about to move off to the site of a shipwreck.

Terence is regretting his plan.

The plan with no middle and no ending.

Kick Tiny Sacrifice into the water inside a snorkel and then what?

He leans dangerously over the railing.

What's that in the water? A snorkel?

He runs to find Mrs Thomas-Hume, who is drying her hair after swimming with turtles.

What is it, baby?

The snorkel's come back!

Go and tell Cally. She's over there, counting the snorkels.

Terence runs over to Cally.

You again, says Cally.

Look, says Terence, pointing. The snorkel's come back.

Cally fetches a long handled net.

The dripping snorkel is tipped onto the deck and Tiny Sacrifice emerges.

Yay! says Terence. You did it!

I did it, says Tiny Sacrifice.

You could have got into trouble, says Cally. Where were you?

The Jolly Roger, says Tiny Sacrifice. They made me eat sandflies.

That's the Jolly Roger for you, says Cally.

The Lagoon moves into position close to the shipwreck.

Guests are lining up for their snorkels.

The Jolly Roger looms alongside, and drops anchor.

It looks like everyone's diving the same shipwreck today.

Terence can see Nose, on the Jolly Roger, giving instructions.

How come she gets to give instructions? says Terence.

She had training, says Tiny Sacrifice. Hey. Do you know when lunch is?

After this, says Terence. But it's macaroni pie.

That's why I came back, says Tiny Sacrifice.

For the pie? asks Terence.

No, says Tiny Sacrifice. I discovered my dark side.

Where? asks Terence.

Life is a journey, says Tiny Sacrifice. Every mistake is a lesson. I made two mistakes. One, I did what you told me. Two, I ate a sandfly.

Woop! says Terence. You already told me you ate a sandfly. What was the lesson?

Don't eat a sandfly, says Tiny Sacrifice. But while I was trying, Nose told me about the baby sea turtles, the girl ones, that grow in warm sand.

What would she know? scoffs Terence. Why are they girl ones?

It's magic, says Tiny Sacrifice. Plump little girl ones. And I knew that I wanted to eat one. There, I've told you my dark side.

Okay, says Terence.

This is impressive. A dark side. Sweezus has a dark side. So does Arthur. Even Ageless has a dark side. Ageless especially. He killed Frog by dropping him out of a window. Splurt. Frog was dead. Red flesh and tomato seeds splattered over the pavement........

Of course, Frog was a tomato.

And Terence once tried a tomato. He likes red things. But not, it turned out, tomatoes.

I ate a frog once, says Terence.

Did you? Tiny Sacrifice is relieved of a burden.

He Would Give Anything

Come on, says Nose. I'll make up a snack pack.

She tips several dead insects into a lunch box.

They go up on deck.

I'm on duty, says Nose. Have to watch the sea turtles. Sit here and eat your insects.

Tiny Sacrifice can't open the lunch box.

Here, says Nose.

Flip. She does it.

She goes back to the railing.

Tiny Sacrifice tries a dead sandfly.

She turns. How is it?

Okay, says Tiny Sacrifice. It's my first one

Are you a local? asks Nose. I'm not a local.

I came from an egg, says Tiny Sacrifice. I thought Gaius was my mother.

I know Gaius, says Nose. He brought me here to Barbados. Who is your mother?

I don't know, says Tiny Sacrifice.

Think, says Nose.

Tiny Sacrifice tries to. He only sees Gaius's face.

I still don't know, says Tiny Sacrifice.

Okay, says Nose. I'll tell you my story. When I came here I had no trousers. Then Griff bought me these pirate pantaloons. Then we went on the Revenge for a day trip. The captain was Ageless's friend. They're both lobsters. The ship started sinking. Everyone left in the lifeboat but me and the captain.

Then what? asks Tiny Sacrifice.

I fixed the leak, says Nose. And bailed out the water. And we sailed back to shore. The captain let me go free.

Free? says Tiny Sacrifice. Were you a prisoner?

Course not, says Nose. No way. Not exactly.

To any one but Tiny Sacrifice this would have sounded suspicious.

So now I work on the Jolly Roger, says Nose. And I love it. We get training. Ask me anything about sea turtles. Go on.

Tiny Sacrifice tries to think of a question.

I know, says Nose. You can't think of one. That's because you're just tiny. Here's one. Where are all the babies?

I don't know, says Tiny Sacrifice.

I KNOW you don't! says Nose. But I do. The babies are out swimming in the deep ocean. Only the adults are here in the bay. They come back to the beach to make nests in the sand. What's the matter?

Nothing, says Tiny Sacrifice. I wish I knew everything.

Like me? says Nose. You're sweet. I don't know everything. Julia knows everything. She does the training. She says...

Tiny Sacrifice hiccups up a lump of dead sandfly.

He would give anything to eat something fresh and juicy.....

They get girl baby turtles if they lay their eggs in the warm sand and boy baby turtles if they lay them in the cold sand, says Nose. What? Don't you believe me?

It's not that he doesn't believe her. He is thinking of warm girl-baby turtles, and not in a good way.

Every Mistake Is A Lesson

On board the Lagoon, Cally is handing out snorkels, from a blue plastic container.

It's Tiny Sacrifice's turn to ask for a snorkel.

Is it for you? asks Cally. Because you're too small for a snorkel.

No, says Tiny Sacrifice. It's for my big friend.

Tell your big friend to line up for a snorkel, says Cally.

He's got a sore leg, says Tiny Sacrifice.

Then he doesn't need a snorkel, says Cally.

Tiny Sacrifice goes back to Terence, who doesn't have a sore leg because it was just a ruse to obtain a snorkel, and the ruse didn't work.

It's hard being a good Until-Parrot.

On the way back he is thinking: Terence can't go.

You can't go, says Tiny Sacrifice.

Why? says Terence.

You've got a sore leg, says Tiny Sacrifice. That's what I said, and that's why you can't go.

But I haven't, says Terence. The reason I can't go is I'm not allowed to. You should have got one for you and then given it to me.

I'm too small for a snorkel, says Tiny Sacrifice. I'm small enough to fit inside it.

Hey! says Terence. You're a genius! Come on, Until-Parrot.

He drags Tiny Sacrifice back to Cally.

Is this your big friend? asks Cally. His leg looks okay.

No, it's hurting says Terence.

Cally bends down to look. Terence reaches into the box of snorkels while she isn't looking.

Cally straightens up.

Uh-uh. Put it back, sweetheart. You're not allowed one.

Terence drops the snorkel, accidentally, on the deck of the catamaran.

Tiny Sacrifice stares at the snorkel.

Terence hasn't spelled out the plan.

Terence raises his little cement eyebrows.

What?

Get in, mouths Terence.

Quick as a flash Tiny Sacrifice squeezes into the snorkel, and quick as a second flash, Terence kicks the snorkel over the side.

Success. Now Tiny Sacrifice is in the water, inside a snorkel.

He can.....

But what is the rest of the plan?

.......

On board the Jolly Roger, Nose has finished handing out snorkels.

The guests are all snorkelling down there in the water, looking for turtles.

Here come a few turtles. How nice they are, swimming together, the people and the turtles.

Nose watches for signs of trouble or distress, as she takes her job seriously.

No, everything is good down there, look at that turtle, ooh... is it choking? no it isn't.... what's that?  someone's lost a snorkel.

She reports to the captain. Permission to go down, captain.

Yes, Nose. Go down. Let's hope it's not one of our snorkels.

Nose climbs down the Jolly Roger's rope ladder, reaches out as the snorkel floats nearer and grabs it!

Then she climbs back up the rope ladder.

Tiny Sacrifice is only too glad to be rescued. He was in difficulty. He slides out of the snorkel.

Holy-moly! says Nose. Where did you come from?

Terence, gasps Tiny Sacrifice.

Terence! says Nose. So he did see me!

Are you his parrot? asks Tiny Sacrifice.

Still evolving, says Nose. It's a journey. What about you?

I'm the Until-Parrot, says Tiny Sacrifice. But I keep stuffing up.

Don't think that way, says Nose. Every mistake is a lesson.

I love you, says Tiny Sacrifice. You think every mistake is a lesson.

(It seems Tiny Sacrifice falls in love often. That's twice already).

Come down to the galley, says Nose. We've got ...I shouldn't say this... but we've got a fine collection of dead insects.

Yum, says Tiny Sacrifice, who has eaten nothing since the fateful half raisin.