How Drink Makes You Melancholy

The trainee glares down at Spinoza.

Not you again! says the trainee.

No, says Spinoza, not me.

He wonders if that's the right answer.

If you're drunk I shall have to report you, says the trainee, stepping neatly over Spinoza, and proceeding to the end of the carriage where Stacey is admiring her zircon.

Stacey... says the trainee.

There you are, says Stacey. I want a word with you. You left this bottle and this oily rag in the bin. Please take it away.

But Stacey, I have to report.....says the trainee.

That man down there? It's just cough medicine, says Stacey, if that's what you have to report.

No, not that, says the trainee. There's a snake on the train.

Then why aren't you in more of a hurry? says Stacey.

It's sleeping, says the trainee.

Stacey and the trainee go off to deal with the snake.

Vindicated! says Arthur. There's a snake on the train. Zircons don't work and that proves it.

Hear hear, says David.

Nonsense, says Gaius. Stacey will deal with it, now she has the zircon.

Hee hee! says Vello. We'll soon see. Who's got the retsina?

They pass round the bottle.

Eeeeuuch! says Ageless. That is foul!

He burps and turns melancholy.

Ahhh, sighs Ageless. Oh to be home. How I miss Kobo. I wonder what she's reading now? Probably something on sand.....

Vello turns melancholy too.

You are fortunate to have Kobo, he says. I have no one.

You have Belle et Bonne, says David, who has also turned melancholy. It's I who have no one.

You have your mother, says Vello.

And she has a squeaking car, says David gloomily. Every time she reverses. I'm sure I won't know how to fix it.

Spinoza limps up with the bottle.

Anyone for retsina? he asks.

But it's here, says Vello. He looks at the bottle,

Oh no! It's the turps they've been drinking.

No wonder they're all feeling bad.