The Mood of Inquiry

Unsatisfactory, sniffed Pliny the Elder. Everything about your moon story is unsatisfactory. Had I been writing it I should have taken a very different tone.

Pliny you weren't there, I reminded him. And I was trying to evoke a mood.

There is only one mood when writing, he said firmly, and that is the mood of inquiry. Had I written it I would have addressed these issues:

1. Why had the electrifications failed? If, as I suspect, it was because too many people had turned on their airconditioners at the same time, I would have allowed myself a digression:

1a. People nowadays think only of their comfort, and fail to demonstrate the fortitude of their forbears. (I would have written at length about this, a hobbyhorse of mine. )

2. Why was the moon visible at the cricket so long before it rose over your neighbours' roof? I would have explained that the cricket was being played in Sydney, in a different time zone; that the cameras there may well have been placed on a high tower; and that the height of your neighbours' roof and its proximity would have further delayed your seeing the moonrise.

3. What is the true name of the Saucepan? It is Orion's Belt. I would have explained that it is not called Orion's Belt in the Antipodes because the sword appears to hang upwards from the belt rather than down, thus reminding Antipodeans of a saucepan with a handle.

4. What was tapping in the apricot tree? Surely you went to have a look?

5. What are these so-called invisible birds? are they owls, or daytime birds emboldened by the moonlight?

6. How is your home brewed lager made? I would have included a recipe, and recipes from other lands, particularly ones with outlandish ingredients, and listed their medicinal qualities.

7. Finally, you do not end your story. Did you sleep outside? If not, when did you decide to go in? At what time did the electrifications resume? And had you remembered to switch off the fan?

Thankyou Pliny, I said, through faintly smiling teeth. Next time I try writing something subjective like that I will consult you first. Together we could electrify the literary world.

That will be most gratifying, he replied.