Naughty Monkey

How do you mean, asked Pliny the Elder, to write a poem that rhymes in both French and English?

I mean to do it in the following manner, I replied. First, I shall write the poem in English, making it rhyme. Then, I shall translate it as closely as possible into French, making the French version rhyme. Finally, I shall present it as though the French version came first. I'm not getting very far.

That should not be too hard, said Pliny. Why are you doing it, may I ask?

I woke up yesterday morning and remembered it was my friend Julienne's 81st birthday. She used to send me funny links and emails. She never writes to me now. I think perhaps she can't. She used to love going to France for her holidays.

Oh, said Pliny. Well, let me see what you've got so far.

Alright I said, but don't laugh. This is the first verse:

Julienne! Quelle guenon mechante
Tu m'envoyais les spams plutot piquants
Mais je repondais jamais a telle chose;
Trop impersonelle, je suppose.

Well, it looks as though it rhymes in French, said Pliny. Now what's your English translation?

Julienne! You were a naughty monkey,
Sending spam links that were kind of funky.
I never replied to any of those,
Too impersonal, I suppose.

By the Gods! spluttered Pliny. Won't your friend find that rather insulting?

Yes, she might, I said, but maybe it will spur her into action. Anyway, it gets nicer. Or at least, it will. The second verse is all about her holidays. But it isn't ready yet.

You must show it to me tomorrow then , said Pliny. By the way, that bean soup could have done with some tomatoes.