Kobo couldn't believe Constantine Constantius. He advised his young friend to pretend he had another girlfriend on the side! But the young man couldn't face pretending to be guilty of deception when he was innocent. Instead, he decided to run away. Luckily for everyone, the original girlfriend in the meantime had got married to somebody else.
Hoorah! said Kobo. That is what I would have done. But this hardly seems like philosophy. It's more like a novel.
........
The lecture was finished.
Did you enjoy it? asked Mr Lee.
No, said Ageless. I'm worried now, about the warming of the Southern Ocean. I don't like to think of the shells of my fellow creatures being softened due to rising ocean temperatures.
Why would you care? said Lavender. I wouldn't care.
You ought to care, Lavender, said Baby Pierre. Imagine if your shell had been soft. You wouldn't have made an impression in your stone. You would have just decomposed.
So I wouldn't care, said Lavender. Because I wouldn't be here.
You aren't here anyway, said Baby Pierre. You're always telling us you're just empty space.
I am empty space, said Lavender, but I do have a shape.
Well, you wouldn't have had a shape, said Baby Pierre. If your shell was too soft.
I'd still be me, said Lavender.
No you wouldn't, said Baby Pierre. You'd be nothing.
Then I wouldn't care about others! said Lavender.
You should care about others, said Ageless. Then they'll care about you.
You're soppy, said Lavender. No one cares about me.
That's true, said Baby Pierre.
Well, said Mr Lee. I cared enough about her to want to keep her as a specimen.
Perhaps you're my daddy, said Lavender.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
The Happiness of Seals
Kobo was getting right into Kierkegaard. He was a strange sort of philosopher. He wrote in character. In Repetition he called himself Constantine Constantius. Constantine Constantius had some funny ideas, but you couldn't really blame Kierkegaard for any of them. Constantine Constantius was an older man who was trying to give helpful advice to a younger man. The younger man had split up with his girlfriend, because he had decided that after all he couldn't deal with getting married. The trouble was, how could he get out of it without feeling terribly guilty for the rest of his life?
Ageless should read this, thought Kobo.
........
Ageless was not thinking about Kobo at all. He was in the Pacific Cultures Gallery, sitting next to Mr Lee, munching corn chips, which he had brought up from dowstairs. On the other side of Mr Lee, Lavender and Baby Pierre each occupied a separate seat, althought they could easily have doubled up. Above them, suspended from the ceiling hung two woven straw alligators, and along the walls were various shields, spears and Pacific Cultures masks, arranged in patterns.
The lecture was about the Southern Ocean, which is warming, freshening and acidifying. This is known because scientists drop hundreds of yellow plastic data-gathering transmitter tubes into the ocean, and also attach transmitters to the heads of seals. Sucked in, seals. The speaker had a photo of one of the seals. It looked quite happy with its transmitter sitting on its head just like a fascinator. It smiled and stuck its large pink tongue at the camera. It could easily have been made of wax.
Lavender nudged Baby Pierre.
What? whispered Baby Pierre.
The speaker, Steve Rintoul, went on to say that the transmitters didn't hurt the seals. The transmitters dropped off when their fur began to moult, sometimes even before. As he spoke he looked directly at Lavender who was looking back at him and wondering if he could be her daddy. But she wasn't going to say anything, not this time.
Ageless should read this, thought Kobo.
........
Ageless was not thinking about Kobo at all. He was in the Pacific Cultures Gallery, sitting next to Mr Lee, munching corn chips, which he had brought up from dowstairs. On the other side of Mr Lee, Lavender and Baby Pierre each occupied a separate seat, althought they could easily have doubled up. Above them, suspended from the ceiling hung two woven straw alligators, and along the walls were various shields, spears and Pacific Cultures masks, arranged in patterns.
The lecture was about the Southern Ocean, which is warming, freshening and acidifying. This is known because scientists drop hundreds of yellow plastic data-gathering transmitter tubes into the ocean, and also attach transmitters to the heads of seals. Sucked in, seals. The speaker had a photo of one of the seals. It looked quite happy with its transmitter sitting on its head just like a fascinator. It smiled and stuck its large pink tongue at the camera. It could easily have been made of wax.
Lavender nudged Baby Pierre.
What? whispered Baby Pierre.
The speaker, Steve Rintoul, went on to say that the transmitters didn't hurt the seals. The transmitters dropped off when their fur began to moult, sometimes even before. As he spoke he looked directly at Lavender who was looking back at him and wondering if he could be her daddy. But she wasn't going to say anything, not this time.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Repetition
Kobo wasn't really a wanker. She liked the letter K, that was all. So she had chosen Kierkegaard. She knew nothing about him. She opened the book. It was called Repetition. That's amazing, said Kobo, given that I'm doomed to repeat the process of sending my friends to the museum on quests and losing them there. I wonder what Kierkegaard can teach us about that?
.....
Lavender caught the bus to the city. She took her quest seriously. She paid no attention to the man who was singing, and the two who were talking at cross purposes about Mad and Cracked magazines.
She got off the bus, raced across the road and burst into the museum, demanding to know where her friends were.
The information officer guessed at once who she meant.
They're downstairs in the lab with Mr Lee, she said.
Lavender charged downstairs and looked around for a laboratory. Down a dark corridor to the right she saw a door with a LABORATORY sign on it. She kicked it open.
Hah! she said. I'm here!
Who are you? asked Mr Lee.
I'm Lavender! said Lavender. Where's Ageless? Where's Baby Pierre?
We're here, said Ageless. What are you doing here?
Rescuing you! said Lavender. Or kicking you. Where's Baby Pierre?
I'm alright, said Ageless. Baby Pierre is in the cupboard.
Let him out! cried Lavender. He's not a SPECIMEN!
He is, said Mr Lee. And let me look at you! You're a pretty little augur, aren't you.
No way! said Lavender. I'm the space where an augur used to be. And I'm not going in your stinky cupboard. Let Baby Pierre out right now, or I'll.... I'll prick you!
I don't think so, said Mr Lee, given that you're just an empty space. But I take your point. And I apologise. I was acting in the interests of science. I don't know what came over me. I can only say in my defence that I haven't had any lunch.
He opened the cupboard.
Hello Lavender, said Baby Pierre. There are lots of interesting specimens in this cupboard. Want to see?
No, said Lavender. Get down. We're going home.
None of you are going home yet, said Mr Lee. It's nearly time for the Sprigg lecture.
A LECTURE! said Lavender How BORING!!!
.....
Lavender caught the bus to the city. She took her quest seriously. She paid no attention to the man who was singing, and the two who were talking at cross purposes about Mad and Cracked magazines.
She got off the bus, raced across the road and burst into the museum, demanding to know where her friends were.
The information officer guessed at once who she meant.
They're downstairs in the lab with Mr Lee, she said.
Lavender charged downstairs and looked around for a laboratory. Down a dark corridor to the right she saw a door with a LABORATORY sign on it. She kicked it open.
Hah! she said. I'm here!
Who are you? asked Mr Lee.
I'm Lavender! said Lavender. Where's Ageless? Where's Baby Pierre?
We're here, said Ageless. What are you doing here?
Rescuing you! said Lavender. Or kicking you. Where's Baby Pierre?
I'm alright, said Ageless. Baby Pierre is in the cupboard.
Let him out! cried Lavender. He's not a SPECIMEN!
He is, said Mr Lee. And let me look at you! You're a pretty little augur, aren't you.
No way! said Lavender. I'm the space where an augur used to be. And I'm not going in your stinky cupboard. Let Baby Pierre out right now, or I'll.... I'll prick you!
I don't think so, said Mr Lee, given that you're just an empty space. But I take your point. And I apologise. I was acting in the interests of science. I don't know what came over me. I can only say in my defence that I haven't had any lunch.
He opened the cupboard.
Hello Lavender, said Baby Pierre. There are lots of interesting specimens in this cupboard. Want to see?
No, said Lavender. Get down. We're going home.
None of you are going home yet, said Mr Lee. It's nearly time for the Sprigg lecture.
A LECTURE! said Lavender How BORING!!!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Choosing Kierkegaard
Kobo was furious. Now what? Had Baby Pierre got himself locked in a dark cupboard by Mr Lee, who thought he was an interesting conglomerate?
Or was Baby Pierre, just like his so-called daddy, having her on? That bus trip to the city, the people in tinselly hats, the three boys with their bowl full of livers, couldn't really have happened, could it? So where was that naughty Baby Pierre?
She had two options now. Forget about it, or ask Lavender to help. She decided to ask Lavender.
Lavender was perching nearby on the window sill on the other side of a pale blue saki jar filled with white roses.
Lavender, said Kobo, would you mind catching the bus into town and going in to the museum to check up on Ageless and Baby Pierre? They either need rescuing, or kicking.
Yay! said Lavender. You mean I can go on my own?
Yes, said Kobo. There's no one else here to ask, except Pierre and the Manifest Stone, who are both utterly useless.
I heard that, Kobo! said Pierre. You are the one who is utterly useless, not me. You've corrupted my Baby Pierre. You've alienated your boyfriend. You can't even see out of your shell. And as for the Manifest Stone how dare you criticise the All-Knowing?
The Nothing-Doing, you mean, said Kobo, rudely. Anyway Lavender's going. Now Lavender....
But Lavender had already gone.
Right, said Kobo, now shut up Pierre, and leave me alone.
A pleasure, dear sister, said Pierre.
Now, said Kobo loudly, the only way to deal with these disturbingly ambiguous events is to read something philosophical while I'm waiting. Let me see. I believe I shall choose Kierkegaard.
What a wanker you are, said Pierre.
Or was Baby Pierre, just like his so-called daddy, having her on? That bus trip to the city, the people in tinselly hats, the three boys with their bowl full of livers, couldn't really have happened, could it? So where was that naughty Baby Pierre?
She had two options now. Forget about it, or ask Lavender to help. She decided to ask Lavender.
Lavender was perching nearby on the window sill on the other side of a pale blue saki jar filled with white roses.
Lavender, said Kobo, would you mind catching the bus into town and going in to the museum to check up on Ageless and Baby Pierre? They either need rescuing, or kicking.
Yay! said Lavender. You mean I can go on my own?
Yes, said Kobo. There's no one else here to ask, except Pierre and the Manifest Stone, who are both utterly useless.
I heard that, Kobo! said Pierre. You are the one who is utterly useless, not me. You've corrupted my Baby Pierre. You've alienated your boyfriend. You can't even see out of your shell. And as for the Manifest Stone how dare you criticise the All-Knowing?
The Nothing-Doing, you mean, said Kobo, rudely. Anyway Lavender's going. Now Lavender....
But Lavender had already gone.
Right, said Kobo, now shut up Pierre, and leave me alone.
A pleasure, dear sister, said Pierre.
Now, said Kobo loudly, the only way to deal with these disturbingly ambiguous events is to read something philosophical while I'm waiting. Let me see. I believe I shall choose Kierkegaard.
What a wanker you are, said Pierre.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
A Series of Unfortunate Events
Baby Pierre went straight to the museum shop.
Do you have a positive negative trilobite? he asked the woman behind the counter.
You're out of luck, said the woman. We had one, but we just gave it away to a lobster fellow who was inconvenienced in the Santos Fossils Gallery.
Oh good! said Baby Pierre. I know that lobster! Do you happen to know where he is now?
No, said the woman. But you could enquire at the information desk.
Baby Pierre went to the information desk. I'm looking for a lobster, he said.
The one with the backpack? asked the information officer.
That's him, said Baby Pierre. Do you know where he is?
He went down to the lab with Mr Lee, said the information officer. Down those stairs and to the right.
Baby Pierre thanked her and turned towards the stairs. So! Ageless was not unreliable. His story was true. At least so far.
He reached the bottom of the stairs and followed a dark corridor to the right. He came to a door marked LABORATORY. He knocked.
Come in, said Mr Lee.
Baby Pierre went in. There was a fishy smell in the room, mingled with the odour of coffee.
Ageless! he cried.
What have we here? asked Mr Lee. A small round pebble with the mark of a tulip on its head! A conglomerate perhaps?
I'm Baby Pierre, said Baby Pierre.
Ageless looked out groggily from under the plaster on his head.
Baby Pierre! he said. What are you doing here?
Kobo sent me, said Baby Pierre. She thought you were still in the library. But I knew I'd find you here.
Oh, said Ageless. Is she angry? Is she impatient? I have just experienced a series of unfortunate events.
She thinks you've been playing her for a fool, said Baby Pierre. Pretending her what-ifs had come true.
That serves her right, said Ageless. No wait! It doesn't. It serves me right!
Never mess about with counterfactuals, said Mr Lee, sternly. Especially before the event. Afterwards, of course, you can do what you like.
Baby Pierre had always fancied himself as a thinker. He thought hard about this.
He was still thinking, when Mr Lee's hand closed around him, and everything went dark.
Do you have a positive negative trilobite? he asked the woman behind the counter.
You're out of luck, said the woman. We had one, but we just gave it away to a lobster fellow who was inconvenienced in the Santos Fossils Gallery.
Oh good! said Baby Pierre. I know that lobster! Do you happen to know where he is now?
No, said the woman. But you could enquire at the information desk.
Baby Pierre went to the information desk. I'm looking for a lobster, he said.
The one with the backpack? asked the information officer.
That's him, said Baby Pierre. Do you know where he is?
He went down to the lab with Mr Lee, said the information officer. Down those stairs and to the right.
Baby Pierre thanked her and turned towards the stairs. So! Ageless was not unreliable. His story was true. At least so far.
He reached the bottom of the stairs and followed a dark corridor to the right. He came to a door marked LABORATORY. He knocked.
Come in, said Mr Lee.
Baby Pierre went in. There was a fishy smell in the room, mingled with the odour of coffee.
Ageless! he cried.
What have we here? asked Mr Lee. A small round pebble with the mark of a tulip on its head! A conglomerate perhaps?
I'm Baby Pierre, said Baby Pierre.
Ageless looked out groggily from under the plaster on his head.
Baby Pierre! he said. What are you doing here?
Kobo sent me, said Baby Pierre. She thought you were still in the library. But I knew I'd find you here.
Oh, said Ageless. Is she angry? Is she impatient? I have just experienced a series of unfortunate events.
She thinks you've been playing her for a fool, said Baby Pierre. Pretending her what-ifs had come true.
That serves her right, said Ageless. No wait! It doesn't. It serves me right!
Never mess about with counterfactuals, said Mr Lee, sternly. Especially before the event. Afterwards, of course, you can do what you like.
Baby Pierre had always fancied himself as a thinker. He thought hard about this.
He was still thinking, when Mr Lee's hand closed around him, and everything went dark.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Stranger Than Fiction
Kobo had read Ageless's adventures in the museum with mounting disbelief. So he hoped she was reading it, did he? That proved he was making it up!
He had probably never even left the museum.
She asked Baby Pierre if he would mind checking up on her unreliable boyfriend.
Oh come on, Aunty Kobo! said Baby Pierre. He couldn't have invented it all. He's just winding you up.
But Kobo insisted, so Baby Pierre waited for the rain to stop and then caught the bus into the city.
It was the day of the Norwood Christmas Pageant, and the bus was full of wet people in tinselly hats. Baby Pierre had to sit at the back.
Three boys got on with a big canvas bag, a large metal amplifier and a bowl of cooked livers. They attempted to open a window, but the bus windows were locked. The boys laughed. The livers were smelly, but at least they had tried.
Baby Pierre was glad when he had to get off. Now, should he go to the museum or the library?
That depended on the exact point in Ageless's story where it had turned counterfactual. He was sure it was after the hypnotism, which had the ring of truth. Baby Pierre had seen QI as well.
Yes, he would go to the museum. Ageless would be there. In fact, if the story was true, he might be in need of first aid.
He had probably never even left the museum.
She asked Baby Pierre if he would mind checking up on her unreliable boyfriend.
Oh come on, Aunty Kobo! said Baby Pierre. He couldn't have invented it all. He's just winding you up.
But Kobo insisted, so Baby Pierre waited for the rain to stop and then caught the bus into the city.
It was the day of the Norwood Christmas Pageant, and the bus was full of wet people in tinselly hats. Baby Pierre had to sit at the back.
Three boys got on with a big canvas bag, a large metal amplifier and a bowl of cooked livers. They attempted to open a window, but the bus windows were locked. The boys laughed. The livers were smelly, but at least they had tried.
Baby Pierre was glad when he had to get off. Now, should he go to the museum or the library?
That depended on the exact point in Ageless's story where it had turned counterfactual. He was sure it was after the hypnotism, which had the ring of truth. Baby Pierre had seen QI as well.
Yes, he would go to the museum. Ageless would be there. In fact, if the story was true, he might be in need of first aid.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
All Her What-Ifs
I assure you I do have the sort of brains that can ooze out, said Ageless, highly offended. You've been reading the wrong sort of website.
What do you mean? asked Mr Lee, looking around for something to wipe up his spoiled lunch.
The ones that tell you how to kill and cook a lobster, said Ageless. They all insist we don't have brains, because it suits them to believe we don't feel pain. But the scientific ones say that we do.
I know, said Mr Lee crossly, drumming his fingers on the back of his giant trilobite, so that it rocked alarmingly. I am a scientist myself, remember, and I specialise in arthropods. You may have a sort of brain, but it is composed of simple ganglia. They allow you to feel pain, but they don't ooze out.
They DO! said Ageless, firmly. Of course I don't intend to prove it.
He was about to turn tail and leave Mr Lee to his dirty floor and rocking giant trilobite when all at once the giant trilobite rolled off the desk and fell on top of Ageless, cracking him on the head.
Oh help! cried Ageless. Look what's happened now!
He lay on the floor half-stunned, waving his legs helplessly. What was it Kobo had said? What if, what if....? All her what-ifs had come to pass. He looked at the uncarpetted floor. It was slippery with something that looked and smelled like lobster juice. But it could easily have been sushi mixed with milky coffee. On the other hand it could well be his brains.
This was all Kobo's fault.
Ageless hoped that she was reading this.
What do you mean? asked Mr Lee, looking around for something to wipe up his spoiled lunch.
The ones that tell you how to kill and cook a lobster, said Ageless. They all insist we don't have brains, because it suits them to believe we don't feel pain. But the scientific ones say that we do.
I know, said Mr Lee crossly, drumming his fingers on the back of his giant trilobite, so that it rocked alarmingly. I am a scientist myself, remember, and I specialise in arthropods. You may have a sort of brain, but it is composed of simple ganglia. They allow you to feel pain, but they don't ooze out.
They DO! said Ageless, firmly. Of course I don't intend to prove it.
He was about to turn tail and leave Mr Lee to his dirty floor and rocking giant trilobite when all at once the giant trilobite rolled off the desk and fell on top of Ageless, cracking him on the head.
Oh help! cried Ageless. Look what's happened now!
He lay on the floor half-stunned, waving his legs helplessly. What was it Kobo had said? What if, what if....? All her what-ifs had come to pass. He looked at the uncarpetted floor. It was slippery with something that looked and smelled like lobster juice. But it could easily have been sushi mixed with milky coffee. On the other hand it could well be his brains.
This was all Kobo's fault.
Ageless hoped that she was reading this.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
What If?
Ageless and Mr Lee went downstairs to Mr Lee's laboratory. It was full of shelves and glass cases, dimly lit.
Would you like an iced coffee before we start? asked Mr Lee.
No thanks, said Ageless. I told you I don't like ice.
There's no ice in iced coffee, said Mr Lee. You add it, if you want it. Why don't you like it?
It presages death for lobsters, said Ageless. They keep us on ice before they drop us into boiling water.
Oh bad luck! said Mr Lee, feelingly. Well I'll have one, if you don't mind. And do you mind if I also eat my lunch? It's sushi.
Go ahead, said Ageless, wrinkling up his nose.
Mr Lee went over to the fridge and took out an iced coffee and a small plastic tray of sushi. He opened the coffee and put it on his desk next to the tray.
Now, said Mr Lee, I'll show you my giant trilobite.
He leaned across Ageless to lift his giant trilobite down from an upper shelf.
Oops! said Mr Lee, dropping the giant trilobite onto his lunch.
Sheeezz! said Ageless. This is getting too much like Kobo's counterfactual for my liking.
What are you talking about? asked Mr Lee crossly. Look at my lunch, it's ruined!
What if your giant trilobite had rolled off the table and cracked me on the head? What if my brains oozed out? said Ageless. That could easily have happened.
No it couldn't, said Mr Lee.
Why not? said Ageless. Don't tell me you are of the opinion that a counterfactual can't happen?
It's not that, said Mr Lee, I don't quite know if I should say this, but I'm sure you know.....
What? said Ageless, moving slightly to avoid the dripping coffee and falling lumps of fishy-smelling rice.
A lobster. said Mr Lee, has a primitive nervous system and doesn't have the sort of brain that can ooze out.
Would you like an iced coffee before we start? asked Mr Lee.
No thanks, said Ageless. I told you I don't like ice.
There's no ice in iced coffee, said Mr Lee. You add it, if you want it. Why don't you like it?
It presages death for lobsters, said Ageless. They keep us on ice before they drop us into boiling water.
Oh bad luck! said Mr Lee, feelingly. Well I'll have one, if you don't mind. And do you mind if I also eat my lunch? It's sushi.
Go ahead, said Ageless, wrinkling up his nose.
Mr Lee went over to the fridge and took out an iced coffee and a small plastic tray of sushi. He opened the coffee and put it on his desk next to the tray.
Now, said Mr Lee, I'll show you my giant trilobite.
He leaned across Ageless to lift his giant trilobite down from an upper shelf.
Oops! said Mr Lee, dropping the giant trilobite onto his lunch.
Sheeezz! said Ageless. This is getting too much like Kobo's counterfactual for my liking.
What are you talking about? asked Mr Lee crossly. Look at my lunch, it's ruined!
What if your giant trilobite had rolled off the table and cracked me on the head? What if my brains oozed out? said Ageless. That could easily have happened.
No it couldn't, said Mr Lee.
Why not? said Ageless. Don't tell me you are of the opinion that a counterfactual can't happen?
It's not that, said Mr Lee, I don't quite know if I should say this, but I'm sure you know.....
What? said Ageless, moving slightly to avoid the dripping coffee and falling lumps of fishy-smelling rice.
A lobster. said Mr Lee, has a primitive nervous system and doesn't have the sort of brain that can ooze out.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Ice Wind and Waves
All sorted? asked Dr Suzanne Miller.
Yes, said Mr Lee. He's having the positive negative.
Good choice, said Dr Suzanne Miller. Would you like it in a bag, Mr Ageless?
No thank you, said Ageless. I have a backpack at the information desk.
Well goodbye then, Mr Ageless, said Dr Suzanne Miller. Perhaps we shall see you next week at the final Sprigg Lecture for the year?
Err...what is it about? asked Ageless.
Ice, Wind and Waves, said Dr Suzanne Miller.
Count me in, said Ageless. We lobsters don't like ice, but two out of three's not bad.
Mr Lee accompanied him to the information desk.
I need to pick its eyes out, said Ageless.
The trilobite's? said Mr Lee. Maybe I can help you. And if you're not pressed for time, perhaps you'd like to see my own collection of fossils in the lab downstairs. I have some trilobites, including several giant ones.
I would, said Ageless, little realising the counterfactual that was about to happen.
Yes, said Mr Lee. He's having the positive negative.
Good choice, said Dr Suzanne Miller. Would you like it in a bag, Mr Ageless?
No thank you, said Ageless. I have a backpack at the information desk.
Well goodbye then, Mr Ageless, said Dr Suzanne Miller. Perhaps we shall see you next week at the final Sprigg Lecture for the year?
Err...what is it about? asked Ageless.
Ice, Wind and Waves, said Dr Suzanne Miller.
Count me in, said Ageless. We lobsters don't like ice, but two out of three's not bad.
Mr Lee accompanied him to the information desk.
I need to pick its eyes out, said Ageless.
The trilobite's? said Mr Lee. Maybe I can help you. And if you're not pressed for time, perhaps you'd like to see my own collection of fossils in the lab downstairs. I have some trilobites, including several giant ones.
I would, said Ageless, little realising the counterfactual that was about to happen.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Defunct
Speaking German! marvelled Ageless. What a thought!
Not really, shrugged Doctor Suzanne Miller. It's a common enough counterfactual. Imagine, on the other hand if Hitler had a different name entirely, such as Butler.
Ageless was impressed.
You are a brainy woman, he said.
I was born in Scotland, said Dr Suzanne Miller.
Nevertheless, said Ageless, chivalrously.
Fortunately by then they had arrived at the Museum Shop. Mr Lee pointed to the cabinet that contained the trilobites.
Do please choose one, Mr Ageless, said Dr Suzanne Miller. Take your time. She walked over to the counter to explain the situation to the sales assistant.
Ageless peered into the cabinet. All the trilobites looked very small. But then Kobo was quite small. Any one of them would do. He decided to choose the one that was the most expensive. But he could only see one trilobite that had a price tag. The price was $199.00. Was that expensive? For all he knew it could be cheap.
That's a good one, said Mr Lee, pointing to the one with the tag. It's a positive negative fossil, which is always nice. That means you get the fossil and the rock it was embedded in. See?
Hmmm, said Ageless. Hmmm. Is it ... is it the best one? I'm looking for a trilobite with calcite eyes.
I see you know your fossils, said Mr Lee, appreciatively. Yes I think this one has eyes.
But are they working? persisted Ageless.
Working? said Mr Lee. It's a fossil.
What does that mean? said Ageless.
It's pretty much defunct, said Mr Lee.
Oh, said Ageless. Well never mind, I'll have it anyway.
Not really, shrugged Doctor Suzanne Miller. It's a common enough counterfactual. Imagine, on the other hand if Hitler had a different name entirely, such as Butler.
Ageless was impressed.
You are a brainy woman, he said.
I was born in Scotland, said Dr Suzanne Miller.
Nevertheless, said Ageless, chivalrously.
Fortunately by then they had arrived at the Museum Shop. Mr Lee pointed to the cabinet that contained the trilobites.
Do please choose one, Mr Ageless, said Dr Suzanne Miller. Take your time. She walked over to the counter to explain the situation to the sales assistant.
Ageless peered into the cabinet. All the trilobites looked very small. But then Kobo was quite small. Any one of them would do. He decided to choose the one that was the most expensive. But he could only see one trilobite that had a price tag. The price was $199.00. Was that expensive? For all he knew it could be cheap.
That's a good one, said Mr Lee, pointing to the one with the tag. It's a positive negative fossil, which is always nice. That means you get the fossil and the rock it was embedded in. See?
Hmmm, said Ageless. Hmmm. Is it ... is it the best one? I'm looking for a trilobite with calcite eyes.
I see you know your fossils, said Mr Lee, appreciatively. Yes I think this one has eyes.
But are they working? persisted Ageless.
Working? said Mr Lee. It's a fossil.
What does that mean? said Ageless.
It's pretty much defunct, said Mr Lee.
Oh, said Ageless. Well never mind, I'll have it anyway.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
The Kindness of Strangers
Please calm down, Mr...umm..., began Dr Suzanne Miller.
Ageless, said Ageless.
Mr Ageless, she continued. What a lovely name for a lobster. Its significance is certainly not lost on me. Now, Mr Ageless, I'm very sorry to have to tell you that trilobites are not currently on display here in the museum.
Not on display! spluttered Ageless. Why not?
Ask Santos, said Dr Suzanne Miller. They sponsor the Fossils Gallery. However, we may have one or two trilobites in the Museum Shop.
In the shop! repeated Ageless. Don't tell me you expect me to BUY one!
No, no, Mr Ageless, said Dr Suzanne Miller placatingly. In view of the inconvenience you've suffered...
Indeed! said Ageless. Inconvenience with knobs on!
Tang and Dragon d'Or began to snigger. Their teacher silenced them with the most severe of looks.
In view of that, said Dr Suzanne Miller, I think it only fair that we should take you to the Museum Shop and allow you to choose a trilobite to take home with you.
How kind, said Ageless, with a triumphant look at Tang and Dragon d'Or. And maybe THEY should pay for it.
No, no, said Dr Suzanne Miller. They were just being boys.
Well, said Ageless. I would like to whack them with a ruler.
Everyone looked horrified.
Only joking, said Ageless.
Tang and Dragon d'Or went back to join their classmates, with their teacher. Mr Lee and Dr Suzanne Miller walked Ageless over to the Museum Shop.
No one spoke. It was awkward. Ageless thought perhaps he ought to start a conversation.
Do you ever wonder what would have happened if Hitler had won the war? he asked his companions.
We would all be speaking German, said Dr Suzanne Miller.
Ageless was astonished. It had never crossed his mind that THAT might be the answer.
Ageless, said Ageless.
Mr Ageless, she continued. What a lovely name for a lobster. Its significance is certainly not lost on me. Now, Mr Ageless, I'm very sorry to have to tell you that trilobites are not currently on display here in the museum.
Not on display! spluttered Ageless. Why not?
Ask Santos, said Dr Suzanne Miller. They sponsor the Fossils Gallery. However, we may have one or two trilobites in the Museum Shop.
In the shop! repeated Ageless. Don't tell me you expect me to BUY one!
No, no, Mr Ageless, said Dr Suzanne Miller placatingly. In view of the inconvenience you've suffered...
Indeed! said Ageless. Inconvenience with knobs on!
Tang and Dragon d'Or began to snigger. Their teacher silenced them with the most severe of looks.
In view of that, said Dr Suzanne Miller, I think it only fair that we should take you to the Museum Shop and allow you to choose a trilobite to take home with you.
How kind, said Ageless, with a triumphant look at Tang and Dragon d'Or. And maybe THEY should pay for it.
No, no, said Dr Suzanne Miller. They were just being boys.
Well, said Ageless. I would like to whack them with a ruler.
Everyone looked horrified.
Only joking, said Ageless.
Tang and Dragon d'Or went back to join their classmates, with their teacher. Mr Lee and Dr Suzanne Miller walked Ageless over to the Museum Shop.
No one spoke. It was awkward. Ageless thought perhaps he ought to start a conversation.
Do you ever wonder what would have happened if Hitler had won the war? he asked his companions.
We would all be speaking German, said Dr Suzanne Miller.
Ageless was astonished. It had never crossed his mind that THAT might be the answer.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
An Unflattering Description of The Museum
The schoolboy, whose name was Tang, held Ageless in a remorseless grip.
Go on, said his friend Dragon d'Or. I bet you can't.
I can, said Tang. I saw Stephen Fry do it on QI last week.
Ageless couldn't believe what he was hearing. He quite liked Stephen Fry.
Tang began to stroke his back from nose to mid point rhythmically. Almost immediately Ageless found he had lost the ability to move.
Tang! called out his teacher. What are you up to over there?
He's found a lobster, miss! said Dragon d'Or.
Bring it here at once, said the teacher. Tang! Did you find this in the Marine Invertebrates Gallery?
No miss, said Tang. It was in here, looking at the fossils.
Don't be ridiculous Tang, said the teacher. It's obviously dead. Wait till Mr Lee has finished his fossil talk, and then we'll hand it in.
Ageless was outraged, but there was nothing he could do.
Mr Lee looked puzzled when he was handed the supine Ageless, and frowned at Tang and Dragon d'Or.
Nevertheless he invited them to come with him to the New Specimens Room, where the lobster could be properly identified.
Soon Ageless found himself flat out on a specimen table. He was starting to get some feeling back in his legs. He sat up. There were several people standing round the specimen table, including Tang, Dragon d'Or, their teacher, Mr Lee and Dr Suzanne Miller.
It's an arthropod, said Dr Suzanne Miller. But somewhat unusual.
I am indeed! said Ageless. And I am not accustomed to being treated in his manner. This would never happen in the library! However, forgive and forget, that's my motto. Now, can ANY of you people tell me where in this hotchpotch rabbit warren of galleries and staircases I might find some TRILOBITES!
Go on, said his friend Dragon d'Or. I bet you can't.
I can, said Tang. I saw Stephen Fry do it on QI last week.
Ageless couldn't believe what he was hearing. He quite liked Stephen Fry.
Tang began to stroke his back from nose to mid point rhythmically. Almost immediately Ageless found he had lost the ability to move.
Tang! called out his teacher. What are you up to over there?
He's found a lobster, miss! said Dragon d'Or.
Bring it here at once, said the teacher. Tang! Did you find this in the Marine Invertebrates Gallery?
No miss, said Tang. It was in here, looking at the fossils.
Don't be ridiculous Tang, said the teacher. It's obviously dead. Wait till Mr Lee has finished his fossil talk, and then we'll hand it in.
Ageless was outraged, but there was nothing he could do.
Mr Lee looked puzzled when he was handed the supine Ageless, and frowned at Tang and Dragon d'Or.
Nevertheless he invited them to come with him to the New Specimens Room, where the lobster could be properly identified.
Soon Ageless found himself flat out on a specimen table. He was starting to get some feeling back in his legs. He sat up. There were several people standing round the specimen table, including Tang, Dragon d'Or, their teacher, Mr Lee and Dr Suzanne Miller.
It's an arthropod, said Dr Suzanne Miller. But somewhat unusual.
I am indeed! said Ageless. And I am not accustomed to being treated in his manner. This would never happen in the library! However, forgive and forget, that's my motto. Now, can ANY of you people tell me where in this hotchpotch rabbit warren of galleries and staircases I might find some TRILOBITES!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Hypnosis in the Fossil Gallery
Excuse me sir! called the information officer. Excuse me!
Ageless turned around at the bottom of the stairs.
Yes? said Ageless.
No backpacks in the museum, said the information officer officiously.
Ageless was annoyed. How was he to steal anything without his backpack? He had little choice, however, because the information officer had followed him to the stairs.
Thank you sir, she said, pulling at his backpack.
Eowwwh! said Ageless. That hurt!
Sorry sir, said the information officer. Is there anything I can help you with at all?
How do I get to Level Three? asked Ageless. I'm interested in looking at the trilobites.
The information officer looked blank.
Trilobites? she said. Are they some sort of fossils?
Of course they are, said Ageless. What sort of information officer are you? Perhaps you could inform me whether or not there's a lift?
Through there, said the information officer, pointing. There's a lift at the end of the Aboriginal Cultures Gallery.
Thank you, said Ageless, glad he didn't have to climb up all those stairs.
He came out of the lift on Level Three and blinked. It was rather dark. Then he saw in front of him a door leading to the Santos Fossils Exhibition. He went in. A group of schoolchildren was sitting on the floor listening to a man tell them about the fossils.
He gazed around the room. Where were the trilobites? He could see ammonites and belemnites, opalised snail shells and fossilised dinosaur bones, but there wasn't a single trilobite to be seen!
They must be somewhere else, he thought.
He was about to wander into the next gallery when he was roughly seized from behind.
Hey guys! A lobster! said a schoolboy's voice. Who wants to see me hypnotise a lobster?
Ageless turned around at the bottom of the stairs.
Yes? said Ageless.
No backpacks in the museum, said the information officer officiously.
Ageless was annoyed. How was he to steal anything without his backpack? He had little choice, however, because the information officer had followed him to the stairs.
Thank you sir, she said, pulling at his backpack.
Eowwwh! said Ageless. That hurt!
Sorry sir, said the information officer. Is there anything I can help you with at all?
How do I get to Level Three? asked Ageless. I'm interested in looking at the trilobites.
The information officer looked blank.
Trilobites? she said. Are they some sort of fossils?
Of course they are, said Ageless. What sort of information officer are you? Perhaps you could inform me whether or not there's a lift?
Through there, said the information officer, pointing. There's a lift at the end of the Aboriginal Cultures Gallery.
Thank you, said Ageless, glad he didn't have to climb up all those stairs.
He came out of the lift on Level Three and blinked. It was rather dark. Then he saw in front of him a door leading to the Santos Fossils Exhibition. He went in. A group of schoolchildren was sitting on the floor listening to a man tell them about the fossils.
He gazed around the room. Where were the trilobites? He could see ammonites and belemnites, opalised snail shells and fossilised dinosaur bones, but there wasn't a single trilobite to be seen!
They must be somewhere else, he thought.
He was about to wander into the next gallery when he was roughly seized from behind.
Hey guys! A lobster! said a schoolboy's voice. Who wants to see me hypnotise a lobster?
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Suspicion
Ageless was alarmed by Kobo's letter. He was sure he wouldn't look as handsome flat. He decided to go to the museum straight away, and see how difficult it would be to steal two eyes. He could work out how to fit them onto Kobo later.
He ambled over from the library to the museum. It was hot and he proceeded slowly. On the way he amused himself by wondering what would have happened if Butler had won the war. He rather wished that Kobo had spelled it with a double t. Buttler. If Buttler won the war he would kick butts. He thought that would be very funny....for an American. For himself, he always preferred the term bottom.
He entered the museum. Ahh. It was refreshingly cool. And there was a thick red carpet on the grand central staircase. He must remember to tell Kobo. No he mustn't. Was it him who'd said there wouldn't be a carpet, or was it her? Sometimes he got confused about who'd said what.
He shuffled up to the information board. Fossils were on Level Three. He moved towards the staircase, unaware that the information officer was eying him suspiciously.
He ambled over from the library to the museum. It was hot and he proceeded slowly. On the way he amused himself by wondering what would have happened if Butler had won the war. He rather wished that Kobo had spelled it with a double t. Buttler. If Buttler won the war he would kick butts. He thought that would be very funny....for an American. For himself, he always preferred the term bottom.
He entered the museum. Ahh. It was refreshingly cool. And there was a thick red carpet on the grand central staircase. He must remember to tell Kobo. No he mustn't. Was it him who'd said there wouldn't be a carpet, or was it her? Sometimes he got confused about who'd said what.
He shuffled up to the information board. Fossils were on Level Three. He moved towards the staircase, unaware that the information officer was eying him suspiciously.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Nothing Sticking Out
Kobo didn't know who Hitler was, but she was sure he didn't get his name because he hit people. She asked Baby Pierre to ask Pierre, his mummy. Pierre said she would ask the Manifest Stone. The Manifest Stone answered ommmmmmm. Pierre relayed this answer to Baby Pierre who then told Kobo: Hitler is an om. Hmmm thought Kobo. Is that English or French?
She wrote back to Ageless.
dear ageless (she wrote)
i'mm not thick. you are the one who doesn't know who hitler is. you are thick for thinking that if hitler won the war he would hit people. what if hitler was called cutler, ageless? would he win the war and cut people?
what if he was called butler??? ha ha ageless it doesn't mmake any sense.
and anyway, everybody knows that hitler is an ommmm.
ageless i amm becommming worried about the new eye you are going to steal for me, although of course i don't approve of stealing. i amm worried because i only have one aperture. i amm not sure one eye alone will work, what about the depth of vision, ageless, what?
how handsomme will you be if you look flat?
and as for kissing i know about kissing ageless. i will not know where to kiss you if there is nothing sticking out for me to kiss.
help mme out ageless
love frommm your smmarter-than-you but unhappy girlfriend kobo clammm
She wrote back to Ageless.
dear ageless (she wrote)
i'mm not thick. you are the one who doesn't know who hitler is. you are thick for thinking that if hitler won the war he would hit people. what if hitler was called cutler, ageless? would he win the war and cut people?
what if he was called butler??? ha ha ageless it doesn't mmake any sense.
and anyway, everybody knows that hitler is an ommmm.
ageless i amm becommming worried about the new eye you are going to steal for me, although of course i don't approve of stealing. i amm worried because i only have one aperture. i amm not sure one eye alone will work, what about the depth of vision, ageless, what?
how handsomme will you be if you look flat?
and as for kissing i know about kissing ageless. i will not know where to kiss you if there is nothing sticking out for me to kiss.
help mme out ageless
love frommm your smmarter-than-you but unhappy girlfriend kobo clammm
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Whoever Hitler Is
Ageless did not like the tone of Kobo's reply. He wrote back at once.
haha kobo!!! ( he wrote )
YOU are thick!!!
at the talk on counterfactuals,,,, i learned this,,,,,,,,history has to HAPPEN first,,,,THEN you make up a stupid different story,,,,,WHAT IF hitler had won the war???? there is a book about it ,,,,,whoever hitler is,,,,,he would have hit people,,,,hitler,,,,yes even the clever lobsters and the creamy girly clams,,,,,
you didn't do a counterfactual,,,,,you made up your stupid story too soon,,,,i haven't even been to the museum yet ha ha,,,!! i might not go,,,,,especially NOW,,,,, i am in danger of being smashed on the head by a falling trilobite,,,,and slipping on the carpet,,,,,yerk!! i don't think they have a carpet kobo,,, you don't know anything,,,,
i don't have to go kobo,,,,i know the answer,,,,their eyes had double lenses, two layers of calcite with different refractive indices,,,,, who is the thick one now kobo????,,,,not me,,,, not ageless
i think you WANT me to go,,,kobo,,,to the museum,,,,really???
four millimetres,,,mmm,,, that is not very big,,,,tell baby pierre that when ageless sees him ageless will give him a ruler,,,whack whack,,, don't tell him i might be only joking
kissykiss
from your boyfriend
ageless lobster
haha kobo!!! ( he wrote )
YOU are thick!!!
at the talk on counterfactuals,,,, i learned this,,,,,,,,history has to HAPPEN first,,,,THEN you make up a stupid different story,,,,,WHAT IF hitler had won the war???? there is a book about it ,,,,,whoever hitler is,,,,,he would have hit people,,,,hitler,,,,yes even the clever lobsters and the creamy girly clams,,,,,
you didn't do a counterfactual,,,,,you made up your stupid story too soon,,,,i haven't even been to the museum yet ha ha,,,!! i might not go,,,,,especially NOW,,,,, i am in danger of being smashed on the head by a falling trilobite,,,,and slipping on the carpet,,,,,yerk!! i don't think they have a carpet kobo,,, you don't know anything,,,,
i don't have to go kobo,,,,i know the answer,,,,their eyes had double lenses, two layers of calcite with different refractive indices,,,,, who is the thick one now kobo????,,,,not me,,,, not ageless
i think you WANT me to go,,,kobo,,,to the museum,,,,really???
four millimetres,,,mmm,,, that is not very big,,,,tell baby pierre that when ageless sees him ageless will give him a ruler,,,whack whack,,, don't tell him i might be only joking
kissykiss
from your boyfriend
ageless lobster
Monday, November 14, 2011
Counterfactuals
Kobo disapproved of stealing. She decided she had better make that clear.
dear ageless (she wrote)
sorry ageless dear about the commmas. and thankyou for prommmising to go to the museummm to steal a calcite eye. but ageless i do not approve of stealing. i was thinking mmore of learning how they work. i think a rigid lens could not accommmmodate for focal length. once the problemmm is explained (by you dear ageless) i shall ask baby pierre to get mme a prescription frommm the optommmmmetrist
the mmeasuremment of mmy aperture is four mmmillimmmetres in diammeter. according to our scallywag, who mmay be wrong because he has lost his ruler and is guessing
now agelesss, i have to tell you off. i think that you have got the wrong end of the stick about the heads and car bonnets. surely ageless the idea is to save heads, not bonnets. it is typical of you to get it wrong
and ageless yes i know about counterfactual history. i hope you are capable of understanding it. you are quite thick sommetimmmes. the idea is you say WHAT IF? to history
what if you,ageless, went to the mmuseummm and tried to steal a trilobite? what if you opened up the glass case and the trilobite, which was a big one, rolled out and smmashed you on the head? what if you had to spend the night in the mmuseummm amongst the scary bones with your brains oozing out onto the carpet? what if there was no carpet so the floor was slippery as well?
you see how it works ageless? you learn something frommm thinking counterfactually
bye bye now hurry up ageless i amm waiting
kiss kiss frommm your girlfriend kobo clamm
dear ageless (she wrote)
sorry ageless dear about the commmas. and thankyou for prommmising to go to the museummm to steal a calcite eye. but ageless i do not approve of stealing. i was thinking mmore of learning how they work. i think a rigid lens could not accommmmodate for focal length. once the problemmm is explained (by you dear ageless) i shall ask baby pierre to get mme a prescription frommm the optommmmmetrist
the mmeasuremment of mmy aperture is four mmmillimmmetres in diammeter. according to our scallywag, who mmay be wrong because he has lost his ruler and is guessing
now agelesss, i have to tell you off. i think that you have got the wrong end of the stick about the heads and car bonnets. surely ageless the idea is to save heads, not bonnets. it is typical of you to get it wrong
and ageless yes i know about counterfactual history. i hope you are capable of understanding it. you are quite thick sommetimmmes. the idea is you say WHAT IF? to history
what if you,ageless, went to the mmuseummm and tried to steal a trilobite? what if you opened up the glass case and the trilobite, which was a big one, rolled out and smmashed you on the head? what if you had to spend the night in the mmuseummm amongst the scary bones with your brains oozing out onto the carpet? what if there was no carpet so the floor was slippery as well?
you see how it works ageless? you learn something frommm thinking counterfactually
bye bye now hurry up ageless i amm waiting
kiss kiss frommm your girlfriend kobo clamm
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Just Rubber Ones
Ageless did not take kindly to the criticsm of his commas. Although he was busy he replied at once.
dear kobo (he wrote),,,,,,now it is you kobo who are rude,,,,and you who are INSENSITIVE!!! ,,,why do you think i make so many commas kobo??? do you think it is for punctuation purposes???? no kobo,,,,,,,,,, it is because it is difficult to type with lobster claws,,,,,,,clikclik,,,,,sorry to be TEDIOUS!!
kobo i have been very busy seeing the heads being fired at the cars at the university,,,,,,,,, it is research week this week,,,, a human head can damage the bonnet of a car quite badly,,,,,who knew???,,,,,imagine what a lobster's head might do,,,,,splattt,,,yerk,,,,,,,,,nothing probably,,,,hee hee,,,,,,clikclik,,,they weren't real human heads just rubber ones!! tomorrow i am going to a talk on counterfactual history,,,,,do you know what that is???
you know kobo i used to think i had all the time in the world ,,,then i became your friend and you were always in a hurry for me to do something,,,,remember when you wanted me to find you,,,,, you said you had fallen off the window sill down a horrid smelly hole,,,,,because you had been laughing,,,,,,but you were just pretending,,,,
so now kobo i do not jump to do everything you want immediately,,,but i will go to the museum for you soon,,,,old ageless has a plan,,,,,, but i need to know the measurement of your biggest hole,,,,oops sorry kobo....aperture,,,, because i am going to steal a trilobite eye for you kobo,,, then i will bring it to you,,,, and you can put it in,,,ooh,,,clikclik,,,,and see me for the first time kobo,,,,i am a handsome lobster,,,,,do you believe me????
yours forever,,, creamy girlfriend,,,,ooh,,,kisskisss
ageless lobster
dear kobo (he wrote),,,,,,now it is you kobo who are rude,,,,and you who are INSENSITIVE!!! ,,,why do you think i make so many commas kobo??? do you think it is for punctuation purposes???? no kobo,,,,,,,,,, it is because it is difficult to type with lobster claws,,,,,,,clikclik,,,,,sorry to be TEDIOUS!!
kobo i have been very busy seeing the heads being fired at the cars at the university,,,,,,,,, it is research week this week,,,, a human head can damage the bonnet of a car quite badly,,,,,who knew???,,,,,imagine what a lobster's head might do,,,,,splattt,,,yerk,,,,,,,,,nothing probably,,,,hee hee,,,,,,clikclik,,,they weren't real human heads just rubber ones!! tomorrow i am going to a talk on counterfactual history,,,,,do you know what that is???
you know kobo i used to think i had all the time in the world ,,,then i became your friend and you were always in a hurry for me to do something,,,,remember when you wanted me to find you,,,,, you said you had fallen off the window sill down a horrid smelly hole,,,,,because you had been laughing,,,,,,but you were just pretending,,,,
so now kobo i do not jump to do everything you want immediately,,,but i will go to the museum for you soon,,,,old ageless has a plan,,,,,, but i need to know the measurement of your biggest hole,,,,oops sorry kobo....aperture,,,, because i am going to steal a trilobite eye for you kobo,,, then i will bring it to you,,,, and you can put it in,,,ooh,,,clikclik,,,,and see me for the first time kobo,,,,i am a handsome lobster,,,,,do you believe me????
yours forever,,, creamy girlfriend,,,,ooh,,,kisskisss
ageless lobster
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Apertures
Kobo was a little disappointed. Ageless remained as insensitive as ever. She had not liked his reference to her holes. And he was still so unreliable. When would he actually get round to visiting the museum? But at least he had responded, so she ought to persevere.
dear ageless (she replied),
how rude you are. don't you know how rude it is to ask the size of people's holes? well now you do. i ammm offended please next timme refer to APERTURES.
well ageless thanks for asking. i do not know the size or nummmber of mmmy apertures. so i asked baby pierre. you are right he is a little scallywag. do you know what he said agelesss do you?? baby pierre said by apertures do you mmean holes?
this shows mmore than anything, mmore than your precious mmark of the lobster claw, that if he is not your natural son he should be you are both so rude.
anyway ageless he said i had one big one and several that were extremmely smmall. i hope that helps. he also said that the big one was on mmmy underside ( but he did not say underside!!!) and that it would not be a good place for an eye. yes i could kill himmm too, and i'mmm not joking ageless.
when are you going to the mmuseummm ageless?? what is this about the university??? and firing heads at cars from yellow mmmachines??? is that what happens nowadays at universities????? it sounds like mmore like mmmythbusters to mme
dear ageless i know you are busy but i will be your girlfriend i prommmise i will kiss you do you really think i look creammmy that is nice i would ask baby pierre if it is true but it is too emmmbarrassing asking himm
and ageless do try and use less commmmmmas will you, it is very tedious reading all those commmas
love frommmm kobo clammmmmm
kisss kisss mmmm
dear ageless (she replied),
how rude you are. don't you know how rude it is to ask the size of people's holes? well now you do. i ammm offended please next timme refer to APERTURES.
well ageless thanks for asking. i do not know the size or nummmber of mmmy apertures. so i asked baby pierre. you are right he is a little scallywag. do you know what he said agelesss do you?? baby pierre said by apertures do you mmean holes?
this shows mmore than anything, mmore than your precious mmark of the lobster claw, that if he is not your natural son he should be you are both so rude.
anyway ageless he said i had one big one and several that were extremmely smmall. i hope that helps. he also said that the big one was on mmmy underside ( but he did not say underside!!!) and that it would not be a good place for an eye. yes i could kill himmm too, and i'mmm not joking ageless.
when are you going to the mmuseummm ageless?? what is this about the university??? and firing heads at cars from yellow mmmachines??? is that what happens nowadays at universities????? it sounds like mmore like mmmythbusters to mme
dear ageless i know you are busy but i will be your girlfriend i prommmise i will kiss you do you really think i look creammmy that is nice i would ask baby pierre if it is true but it is too emmmbarrassing asking himm
and ageless do try and use less commmmmmas will you, it is very tedious reading all those commmas
love frommmm kobo clammmmmm
kisss kisss mmmm
Friday, November 11, 2011
Not To Say You Don't Have Holes
Ageless was at the library when he received Kobo's communication. He wrote back straight away.
oooh,,,,clikclik,,,,, dear kobo is it really you and you are not angry with me????
this is my lucky day,,,,,and your lucky day,,,,i am still wanting to kiss you ,,,,but not in a nice way,,,,,i mean not too nice,,,,,,clikclik
sorry kobo i did not mean that sorry,,,,,i was too excited by your words,,,,,i did mean nice,,,,
i will go to the museum for you kobo it is just next door,,,,they have a collection of trilobite fossils there including giant ones,,,,what size eyes do you want??? i will get some for you,,,but it might be hard,,,,they are in a glass case,,,,
i am in the library now,,, i have a book on trilobites,,,,,, they do have calcite eyes that is calcium carbonate,,, how strange,,,,,,,calcium carbonate is transparent in its purest crystalline form,,,,,they could see through their crystal eyes,,,,,,,have you got holes in your head for the calcite eyes dear pretty kobo????,,,,,,have you???? ,,,,,,,,,yes i did see you through the kitchen window you are very,,,,,clikclik,,,,creamy,,,,,but i did not see your holes,,,,that is not to say you don't have holes,,,,,,,i bet you have,,,,kobo,,, clikclik,,,,,
by the way who told you that i saw you??? was it that scallywag baby pierre????,,i'll kill him,,,only joking kobo,,,
i'm busy tomorrow i have to go to something at the university i will tell you all about it next time it's about testing cars for safety by firing heads at them from a yellow machine,,,,i will like it,,,you will like it too,,,,,,oh kobo
kisss kisss clik,,,,,
from ageless lobster!!!
oooh,,,,clikclik,,,,, dear kobo is it really you and you are not angry with me????
this is my lucky day,,,,,and your lucky day,,,,i am still wanting to kiss you ,,,,but not in a nice way,,,,,i mean not too nice,,,,,,clikclik
sorry kobo i did not mean that sorry,,,,,i was too excited by your words,,,,,i did mean nice,,,,
i will go to the museum for you kobo it is just next door,,,,they have a collection of trilobite fossils there including giant ones,,,,what size eyes do you want??? i will get some for you,,,but it might be hard,,,,they are in a glass case,,,,
i am in the library now,,, i have a book on trilobites,,,,,, they do have calcite eyes that is calcium carbonate,,, how strange,,,,,,,calcium carbonate is transparent in its purest crystalline form,,,,,they could see through their crystal eyes,,,,,,,have you got holes in your head for the calcite eyes dear pretty kobo????,,,,,,have you???? ,,,,,,,,,yes i did see you through the kitchen window you are very,,,,,clikclik,,,,creamy,,,,,but i did not see your holes,,,,that is not to say you don't have holes,,,,,,,i bet you have,,,,kobo,,, clikclik,,,,,
by the way who told you that i saw you??? was it that scallywag baby pierre????,,i'll kill him,,,only joking kobo,,,
i'm busy tomorrow i have to go to something at the university i will tell you all about it next time it's about testing cars for safety by firing heads at them from a yellow machine,,,,i will like it,,,you will like it too,,,,,,oh kobo
kisss kisss clik,,,,,
from ageless lobster!!!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
New Opening
Kobo stopped reading. Two things had excited her imagination. One, that trilobites had eyes made of calcite. Two, that Margaret and Gaius might be about to fall in love.
Immediately she thought of Ageless. She hadn't contacted him for months. It served him right of course. She knew that he had come by one evening and looked at her through the kitchen window. And then he had fallen off the window sill and carelessly squashed Frog. But Ageless was Ageless. He was unreliable, and you couldn't really blame him for that.
She decided it was time to restart things between them. Perhaps this time they too would fall in love. Oh, love!
mmy dear ageless ( she wrote)
it is such a long timmmme since we had commmmunications. it is your fault. i forgive you ageless.
ageless i know you work nowadays in the library. that is near the mmmuseum is it not???? have you ever heard of trilobites ageless???? trilobites had eyes that were mmmade of stones.
i learned this from a blog i'mmm reading, gaius in the blog is a natural historian he says their eyes were mmmade of calcite
ageless you are mmmy friend the only friend i can trust well no but you are mmmy friend
will you go to the mmuseum for mmme and learn about the eyes of calcite???? i have always longed to SEE, it is HORRID HORRID to live in the darkness of being a fossilised clammmm.
ageless if you help mmme you can be mmmy boyfriend immagine that!!! and i could see you and you could kiss mmme
in a nice way, ageless
mmmmmmm
frommm kobo clammmm
Immediately she thought of Ageless. She hadn't contacted him for months. It served him right of course. She knew that he had come by one evening and looked at her through the kitchen window. And then he had fallen off the window sill and carelessly squashed Frog. But Ageless was Ageless. He was unreliable, and you couldn't really blame him for that.
She decided it was time to restart things between them. Perhaps this time they too would fall in love. Oh, love!
mmy dear ageless ( she wrote)
it is such a long timmmme since we had commmmunications. it is your fault. i forgive you ageless.
ageless i know you work nowadays in the library. that is near the mmmuseum is it not???? have you ever heard of trilobites ageless???? trilobites had eyes that were mmmade of stones.
i learned this from a blog i'mmm reading, gaius in the blog is a natural historian he says their eyes were mmmade of calcite
ageless you are mmmy friend the only friend i can trust well no but you are mmmy friend
will you go to the mmuseum for mmme and learn about the eyes of calcite???? i have always longed to SEE, it is HORRID HORRID to live in the darkness of being a fossilised clammmm.
ageless if you help mmme you can be mmmy boyfriend immagine that!!! and i could see you and you could kiss mmme
in a nice way, ageless
mmmmmmm
frommm kobo clammmm
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Understandings
Leave the chicken and icecreams with us, said The VeloDrone.
Okay, said the president. Enjoying yourselves?
Mmmm, said Le Bon David, eying the esky.
Yes, said The VeloDrone. All these rocks. It's hard not to.
The president smiled benevolently and wandered off.
You'll note, said The VeloDrone, that I didn't say what would happen to the chicken and icecreams.
Noted, said Le Bon David. Shall we eat them on the train?
We shall, said The VeloDrone. Let's go.
......
Meanwhile Margaret and Gaius were deep in fascinating conversation.
I should very much like to see this Exeloo you speak of, Margaret, said Gaius. And the Contemplation, and the Tjilbruke monument as well. You obviously know a great deal about this coastline.
Oh yes, said Margaret, but it's always nicer to be with someone who appreciates what they're seeing.
I'm sure that David and Vello appreciated what you showed them, said Gaius.
I'm not so sure they did, said Margaret, but I somehow feel that you would. Did you know, she continued, that the fossilised remains of giant red kangaroos have been found inland from the southern end of this beach?
Wonderful, said Gaius. I take it you are interested in fossils?
I am, said Margaret. I am particularly interested in trilobites.
So am I , said Gaius, Did you know that their eyes were made of calcite?
Yes. How good is that, said Margaret.
Not very good I shouldn't have thought, said Gaius.
Margaret giggled.
Gaius understood that she thought he'd made a joke.
Okay, said the president. Enjoying yourselves?
Mmmm, said Le Bon David, eying the esky.
Yes, said The VeloDrone. All these rocks. It's hard not to.
The president smiled benevolently and wandered off.
You'll note, said The VeloDrone, that I didn't say what would happen to the chicken and icecreams.
Noted, said Le Bon David. Shall we eat them on the train?
We shall, said The VeloDrone. Let's go.
......
Meanwhile Margaret and Gaius were deep in fascinating conversation.
I should very much like to see this Exeloo you speak of, Margaret, said Gaius. And the Contemplation, and the Tjilbruke monument as well. You obviously know a great deal about this coastline.
Oh yes, said Margaret, but it's always nicer to be with someone who appreciates what they're seeing.
I'm sure that David and Vello appreciated what you showed them, said Gaius.
I'm not so sure they did, said Margaret, but I somehow feel that you would. Did you know, she continued, that the fossilised remains of giant red kangaroos have been found inland from the southern end of this beach?
Wonderful, said Gaius. I take it you are interested in fossils?
I am, said Margaret. I am particularly interested in trilobites.
So am I , said Gaius, Did you know that their eyes were made of calcite?
Yes. How good is that, said Margaret.
Not very good I shouldn't have thought, said Gaius.
Margaret giggled.
Gaius understood that she thought he'd made a joke.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Pre-ordered Icecreams
Margaret looked at Gaius. She hadn't paid much attention to him before, when he'd been talking to the president. He reminded her of an old Roman, even though he wasn't wearing sandals, but sensible enclosed shoes like everyone else.
Hello Gaius, she said. What's all this fun you've been having?
We've been looking at Black Cliff, said Gaius. We identified glacial striations, chatter marks and crescentic gouges in the bedrock. Then we found evidence of the more recently formed layers of fossiliferous sandstone.
Oh where? asked Margaret. I'm sorry I missed seeing that.
Over there, said Gaius, waving a finger in the general direction of the layers of fossiliferous sandstone.
Will you show me? asked Margaret. I shouldn't like to go home without having seen it. And did you find the place where you can stand with one foot in the Permian.....
....and one in the Pleistocene! Yes! said Gaius. I'll show you that too Margaret. Come with me.
Wait a minute, Gaius, said Le Bon David. Have you saved us any chicken?
No, said Gaius. I assumed you had eaten something at Kingston.
We did, said Le Bon David, but it was a mere mouthful.
It was a whole foccaccia, said Margaret.
She walked off with Gaius over the calcrete layer and rubbly limestone that lay around the rim of the Hallett Cove amphitheatre.
They're getting on well, observed The VeloDrone.
Yes, said Le Bon David. We're saved.
The president came up, with an esky.
Where did Gaius and Margaret go? he asked. I've got Margaret's chicken, and two pre-ordered icecreams.
Hello Gaius, she said. What's all this fun you've been having?
We've been looking at Black Cliff, said Gaius. We identified glacial striations, chatter marks and crescentic gouges in the bedrock. Then we found evidence of the more recently formed layers of fossiliferous sandstone.
Oh where? asked Margaret. I'm sorry I missed seeing that.
Over there, said Gaius, waving a finger in the general direction of the layers of fossiliferous sandstone.
Will you show me? asked Margaret. I shouldn't like to go home without having seen it. And did you find the place where you can stand with one foot in the Permian.....
....and one in the Pleistocene! Yes! said Gaius. I'll show you that too Margaret. Come with me.
Wait a minute, Gaius, said Le Bon David. Have you saved us any chicken?
No, said Gaius. I assumed you had eaten something at Kingston.
We did, said Le Bon David, but it was a mere mouthful.
It was a whole foccaccia, said Margaret.
She walked off with Gaius over the calcrete layer and rubbly limestone that lay around the rim of the Hallett Cove amphitheatre.
They're getting on well, observed The VeloDrone.
Yes, said Le Bon David. We're saved.
The president came up, with an esky.
Where did Gaius and Margaret go? he asked. I've got Margaret's chicken, and two pre-ordered icecreams.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Meet Margaret
No no, Gaius isn't married at all, said The VeloDrone. Not as far as I know. Are you married at all, Margaret?
I'm a widow, said Margaret.
Oh, said The VeloDrone. Aha. Well, let us hurry along. It is getting near lunch time.
They retraced their steps past the Contemplation and up and around the cliff path back to the Exeloo at Marino Rocks.
Phew! said Le Bon David. That was taxing! I say, where is everyone?
They looked around, but the Field Geologists were nowhere to be seen.
What's the time? asked Margaret, looking at her watch. Oh it's twelve thirty. They'll have gone on to Hallett Cove, in the bus.
What! said Le Bon David. Why?
That was the plan, said Margaret. There's nowhere to sit here. We were going to have the picnic lunch on the grass at Hallett Cove. Never mind, we can walk.
No we can't, said Le Bon David. I've had enough.
We'll catch the train, then, said Margaret. The station is just up the road.
There's a train? said The VeloDrone. Does it go back to town?
NO! said Margaret. Well, it does, but we are not going back into town. Whatever are you thinking!
Nothing, said The VeloDrone. Alright, let's catch the train. Gaius owes us some of his chicken.
So he does, said Le Bon David. Two thirds of his chicken. I could just do with that. And icecream was mentioned.
And an introduction, said Margaret.
......
They walked up the road to the station and waited for the train. Half an hour later they arrived at Hallett Cove to find Gaius and the Field Geologists sitting on the grass polishing off the last of the chickens.
They sat down next to Gaius.
Where have you been? asked Gaius, wiping chicken grease from his lips. You've missed all the fun.
Not all of it, said Le Bon David. Gaius, meet Margaret.
Gaius looked at Margaret.
Hello Margaret, he said.
I'm a widow, said Margaret.
Oh, said The VeloDrone. Aha. Well, let us hurry along. It is getting near lunch time.
They retraced their steps past the Contemplation and up and around the cliff path back to the Exeloo at Marino Rocks.
Phew! said Le Bon David. That was taxing! I say, where is everyone?
They looked around, but the Field Geologists were nowhere to be seen.
What's the time? asked Margaret, looking at her watch. Oh it's twelve thirty. They'll have gone on to Hallett Cove, in the bus.
What! said Le Bon David. Why?
That was the plan, said Margaret. There's nowhere to sit here. We were going to have the picnic lunch on the grass at Hallett Cove. Never mind, we can walk.
No we can't, said Le Bon David. I've had enough.
We'll catch the train, then, said Margaret. The station is just up the road.
There's a train? said The VeloDrone. Does it go back to town?
NO! said Margaret. Well, it does, but we are not going back into town. Whatever are you thinking!
Nothing, said The VeloDrone. Alright, let's catch the train. Gaius owes us some of his chicken.
So he does, said Le Bon David. Two thirds of his chicken. I could just do with that. And icecream was mentioned.
And an introduction, said Margaret.
......
They walked up the road to the station and waited for the train. Half an hour later they arrived at Hallett Cove to find Gaius and the Field Geologists sitting on the grass polishing off the last of the chickens.
They sat down next to Gaius.
Where have you been? asked Gaius, wiping chicken grease from his lips. You've missed all the fun.
Not all of it, said Le Bon David. Gaius, meet Margaret.
Gaius looked at Margaret.
Hello Margaret, he said.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Coming Down
You're very sharp, Mr Vello, said Margaret. For a philosopher, she added.
I'm not just any philosopher, said The VeloDrone. I've been at it for a very long time, and so has David.
Why haven't I heard of you? said Margaret. It's not as though there are many philosophers about these days. There's that nice young Alain de Botton....
Yes yes, Alain de Botton! said The Velodrone. There is him. But perhaps you've heard of Voltaire and David Hume?
That's you? exclaimed Margaret.
One of them is, said The VeloDrone. Guess which one.
You are Voltaire , said Margaret, because David is too fat. I apologise for not knowing who you were. We weren't introduced. Well well, I am in luck!
The VeloDrone was already regretting that he had revealed himself.
In luck, he said faintly.
Yes, said Margaret. Because I'm learning French.
Aha, said The VeloDrone. David is excellent at French. Shall we go down?
They went down the zigzag path and found Le Bon David snoozing in the sun.
Bonjour David, said Margaret. Comment ca va?
Pardon? said David, waking suddenly. Oh Margaret. It's you. Why are you speaking in French?
Margaret is taking lessons, said The Velodrone quickly. And she's heard that you speak excellent French.
I speak excellent French for a Scotsman, said Le Bon David. Vello here is your man if you want a native speaker.
And here's something that will amuse you, David, said The VeloDrone. She thinks you're too fat to be me.
What does she mean? said Le Bon David. I've lost weight since I rode in the Tour de France.
You rode in the Tour de France! said Margaret. Now I'm really in luck. I'm thinking of buying a bicycle....
I think it's time we got back to the Field Geologists picnic, said Le Bon David. We were going to introduce you to Gaius. He rides a bicycle too.
Really? said Margaret. Tell me, your friend Gaius, is he married at all?
I'm not just any philosopher, said The VeloDrone. I've been at it for a very long time, and so has David.
Why haven't I heard of you? said Margaret. It's not as though there are many philosophers about these days. There's that nice young Alain de Botton....
Yes yes, Alain de Botton! said The Velodrone. There is him. But perhaps you've heard of Voltaire and David Hume?
That's you? exclaimed Margaret.
One of them is, said The VeloDrone. Guess which one.
You are Voltaire , said Margaret, because David is too fat. I apologise for not knowing who you were. We weren't introduced. Well well, I am in luck!
The VeloDrone was already regretting that he had revealed himself.
In luck, he said faintly.
Yes, said Margaret. Because I'm learning French.
Aha, said The VeloDrone. David is excellent at French. Shall we go down?
They went down the zigzag path and found Le Bon David snoozing in the sun.
Bonjour David, said Margaret. Comment ca va?
Pardon? said David, waking suddenly. Oh Margaret. It's you. Why are you speaking in French?
Margaret is taking lessons, said The Velodrone quickly. And she's heard that you speak excellent French.
I speak excellent French for a Scotsman, said Le Bon David. Vello here is your man if you want a native speaker.
And here's something that will amuse you, David, said The VeloDrone. She thinks you're too fat to be me.
What does she mean? said Le Bon David. I've lost weight since I rode in the Tour de France.
You rode in the Tour de France! said Margaret. Now I'm really in luck. I'm thinking of buying a bicycle....
I think it's time we got back to the Field Geologists picnic, said Le Bon David. We were going to introduce you to Gaius. He rides a bicycle too.
Really? said Margaret. Tell me, your friend Gaius, is he married at all?
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Picky Picky
Picky, picky, said Margaret.
I thought you were trying to be nicer, said The VeloDrone.
This is me being nicer, said Margaret. Now, would you two like to reconsider and climb up to look at the Tjilbruke Monument? It's worth it.
But it's so steep, said Le Bon David. Look at all those vertical steps.
We don't have to go up the vertical steps, said Margaret. We can go up the zigzag path and look at the plants on the way.
Oh alright, said The VeloDrone. I'm in. What about you David?
No, I'll wait down here, said Le Bon David. Tell me about it when you get back.
Margaret and The Velodrone zigzagged up the path, past various dead plants, and prickles of interest. At the top they were rewarded by the sight of a huge stone monument, made up of five stones, representing Old Tjilbruke carrying the dead Kulultiwi.
This monument has been here since 1972, said Margaret. The sculptor John Dowie said he found the stones at Tungkillo, lying near one another, as though the sculpture was simply waiting to be assembled.
Eerie, said The VeloDrone. And what's the rock?
Gneiss, said Margaret.
I thought it was meant to be his nephew, said The Velodrone.
I thought you were trying to be nicer, said The VeloDrone.
This is me being nicer, said Margaret. Now, would you two like to reconsider and climb up to look at the Tjilbruke Monument? It's worth it.
But it's so steep, said Le Bon David. Look at all those vertical steps.
We don't have to go up the vertical steps, said Margaret. We can go up the zigzag path and look at the plants on the way.
Oh alright, said The VeloDrone. I'm in. What about you David?
No, I'll wait down here, said Le Bon David. Tell me about it when you get back.
Margaret and The Velodrone zigzagged up the path, past various dead plants, and prickles of interest. At the top they were rewarded by the sight of a huge stone monument, made up of five stones, representing Old Tjilbruke carrying the dead Kulultiwi.
This monument has been here since 1972, said Margaret. The sculptor John Dowie said he found the stones at Tungkillo, lying near one another, as though the sculpture was simply waiting to be assembled.
Eerie, said The VeloDrone. And what's the rock?
Gneiss, said Margaret.
I thought it was meant to be his nephew, said The Velodrone.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Food for Thought
Margaret seemed to acquiesce. They walked over to the Kingston Caravan Park cafe where Le Bon David ordered a smoked salmon and avocado foccaccia and The VeloDrone ordered salami with semidried tomato. Margaret took a bottle of water from her backpack.
Now, said Le Bon David, tell us the story of Old Tjilbruke.
It's a story from the Dreamtime of the Kaurna people, said Margaret. This is their traditional country. The story explains how the seven freshwater springs between here and Rapid Bay came into existence.
Aha, said Le Bon David. Here's our food! Go on, Margaret.
Old Tjilbrike was a man of the law, continued Margaret. One day his nephew Kulultuwi killed an emu that should have been Tjilbruke's to kill. Tjilbruke forgave his nephew, but some time later Kulultuwi was killed by his two half brothers for breaking the law, or so they claimed. Tjilbruke being a man of the law had to determine whether the killing was legal.
Let me guess, said The VeloDrone, picking at a slice of salami. He found it was illegal.
Yes, said Margaret. He judged it to be murder. So he speared the two brothers and burned them. This happened at Warriparinga, not far from here. Then Tjilbruke carried the partly smoked and dried body of his nephew here to the spring to complete the smoking.
Le Bon David swallowed a piece of smoked salmon thoughtfully. The VeloDrone chewed on a sundried tomato.
Then, said Margaret, he carried the body all the way down the coast to Rapid Bay, for burial in a cave. Many times on the way he wept, overcome by sadness, for he had loved his nephew. In the seven places where Tjilbruke wept seven freshwater springs were formed. After that Tjilbruke no longer wanted to live as a man. His spirit became a bird, the tjilbruke, or glossy ibis, and his body became a rocky outcrop of iron pyrites somewhere north of Nairne.
Bravo the Kaurna people! A wonderful multi-layered story, said The VeloDrone.
Indeed, said Le Bon David. A story of creation, the law, human relationships.....
But there's one thing wrong with it, said The VeloDrone.
What's that? asked Margaret, taking a sip of spring water.
I thought human tears were salty, said The VeloDrone.
Now, said Le Bon David, tell us the story of Old Tjilbruke.
It's a story from the Dreamtime of the Kaurna people, said Margaret. This is their traditional country. The story explains how the seven freshwater springs between here and Rapid Bay came into existence.
Aha, said Le Bon David. Here's our food! Go on, Margaret.
Old Tjilbrike was a man of the law, continued Margaret. One day his nephew Kulultuwi killed an emu that should have been Tjilbruke's to kill. Tjilbruke forgave his nephew, but some time later Kulultuwi was killed by his two half brothers for breaking the law, or so they claimed. Tjilbruke being a man of the law had to determine whether the killing was legal.
Let me guess, said The VeloDrone, picking at a slice of salami. He found it was illegal.
Yes, said Margaret. He judged it to be murder. So he speared the two brothers and burned them. This happened at Warriparinga, not far from here. Then Tjilbruke carried the partly smoked and dried body of his nephew here to the spring to complete the smoking.
Le Bon David swallowed a piece of smoked salmon thoughtfully. The VeloDrone chewed on a sundried tomato.
Then, said Margaret, he carried the body all the way down the coast to Rapid Bay, for burial in a cave. Many times on the way he wept, overcome by sadness, for he had loved his nephew. In the seven places where Tjilbruke wept seven freshwater springs were formed. After that Tjilbruke no longer wanted to live as a man. His spirit became a bird, the tjilbruke, or glossy ibis, and his body became a rocky outcrop of iron pyrites somewhere north of Nairne.
Bravo the Kaurna people! A wonderful multi-layered story, said The VeloDrone.
Indeed, said Le Bon David. A story of creation, the law, human relationships.....
But there's one thing wrong with it, said The VeloDrone.
What's that? asked Margaret, taking a sip of spring water.
I thought human tears were salty, said The VeloDrone.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Getting On
Lick it! said Le Bon David. Lick the sand?
Well, you don't have to lick it, said Margaret, but you could.
Why would we? asked The VeloDrone.
Because, said Margaret grandly, it is wet with the waters of a natural freshwater spring! Come with me, and I'll show you.
They walked a little further round the bay. The sand looked rather powdery and dry.
Oh dear, said Margaret. You can see it sometimes. Perhaps it's better in the evening. The freshwater seeps out through the sand and drains into the sea. They say it's the tears of Old Tjilbruke.
She waited for The VeloDrone or Le Bon David to ask her about Old Tjilbruke, but neither of them seemed inclined to do so.
Is that the cafe over there? asked Le Bon David. I rather fancy a nice filled foccaccia, or baguette.
And a coffee, said The VeloDrone.
Margaret looked mightily put out.
Oh, come on, Margaret, said The VeloDrone. You can tell us about Old Tjilbruke later.
Before we do that, she said, I thought we might climb up the hill to the Tjilbruke monument, and see the interesting native vegetation on the way.
She gestured towards the hill. It was small enough but the path looked rather steep.
Margaret, said Le Bon David, I think it's time we had a little talk.
No,no, said Margaret. I know what you're going to say. I always end up overdoing things and driving people mad. I think perhaps they find me rather bossy.
She looked as though she might be going to cry.
There, there, said Le Bon David. Do you know what I think, Margaret? I think we should go to the cafe and have something to eat while you tell us the story of Old Tjilbruke.
Absolutely, agreed The VeloDrone. Then, we should wander back to the Field Geologists' picnic. I think we ought to introduce you to our good friend Gaius. I have a feeling that you and he would get on swimmingly.
Well, you don't have to lick it, said Margaret, but you could.
Why would we? asked The VeloDrone.
Because, said Margaret grandly, it is wet with the waters of a natural freshwater spring! Come with me, and I'll show you.
They walked a little further round the bay. The sand looked rather powdery and dry.
Oh dear, said Margaret. You can see it sometimes. Perhaps it's better in the evening. The freshwater seeps out through the sand and drains into the sea. They say it's the tears of Old Tjilbruke.
She waited for The VeloDrone or Le Bon David to ask her about Old Tjilbruke, but neither of them seemed inclined to do so.
Is that the cafe over there? asked Le Bon David. I rather fancy a nice filled foccaccia, or baguette.
And a coffee, said The VeloDrone.
Margaret looked mightily put out.
Oh, come on, Margaret, said The VeloDrone. You can tell us about Old Tjilbruke later.
Before we do that, she said, I thought we might climb up the hill to the Tjilbruke monument, and see the interesting native vegetation on the way.
She gestured towards the hill. It was small enough but the path looked rather steep.
Margaret, said Le Bon David, I think it's time we had a little talk.
No,no, said Margaret. I know what you're going to say. I always end up overdoing things and driving people mad. I think perhaps they find me rather bossy.
She looked as though she might be going to cry.
There, there, said Le Bon David. Do you know what I think, Margaret? I think we should go to the cafe and have something to eat while you tell us the story of Old Tjilbruke.
Absolutely, agreed The VeloDrone. Then, we should wander back to the Field Geologists' picnic. I think we ought to introduce you to our good friend Gaius. I have a feeling that you and he would get on swimmingly.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
of the....
We're not sitting on rocks! said Margaret crossly.
No, we're sitting on a hard wooden plank, said Le Bon David. I do know the difference. I was merely observing that sand is much nicer to sit on.
I agree with you there, said The VeloDrone. But only in part.
How's that? asked Le Bon David.
It's important to have a rest for the back, said The VeloDrone. Otherwise one can't sit for long. I have often had recourse to digging a small hole, with a pleasantly angled bottom, and a heap of sand for a back rest. That I find is quite comfortable.
As long as the sand is not damp, said Le Bon David.
Agreed, said The VeloDrone. It is advisable to cover it with a large beach towel.
Yes, one should always remember a beach towel, said Le Bon David. As well as a spade.
Is this what philosophers talk about? scoffed Margaret. Here we are, in the midst of the Contemplation, and you're on about beach towels and spades! Do you realise you're sitting on the words of a Croatian poet?
Sorry, Margaret, said The VeloDrone, looking down at the text in the wood.
But Margaret was sitting on it, which made it difficult to read.
"of the....." read The VeloDrone.
Never mind, said Margaret. You two like damp sand. You'll get damp sand. Come with me.
We don't like damp sand, said Le Bon David mildly. We just said.
No matter, said Margaret. You don't sit on this sand, you just lick it.
No, we're sitting on a hard wooden plank, said Le Bon David. I do know the difference. I was merely observing that sand is much nicer to sit on.
I agree with you there, said The VeloDrone. But only in part.
How's that? asked Le Bon David.
It's important to have a rest for the back, said The VeloDrone. Otherwise one can't sit for long. I have often had recourse to digging a small hole, with a pleasantly angled bottom, and a heap of sand for a back rest. That I find is quite comfortable.
As long as the sand is not damp, said Le Bon David.
Agreed, said The VeloDrone. It is advisable to cover it with a large beach towel.
Yes, one should always remember a beach towel, said Le Bon David. As well as a spade.
Is this what philosophers talk about? scoffed Margaret. Here we are, in the midst of the Contemplation, and you're on about beach towels and spades! Do you realise you're sitting on the words of a Croatian poet?
Sorry, Margaret, said The VeloDrone, looking down at the text in the wood.
But Margaret was sitting on it, which made it difficult to read.
"of the....." read The VeloDrone.
Never mind, said Margaret. You two like damp sand. You'll get damp sand. Come with me.
We don't like damp sand, said Le Bon David mildly. We just said.
No matter, said Margaret. You don't sit on this sand, you just lick it.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
The Contemplation
Margaret strode ahead of them along the cliff path.
Phew! said Le Bon David. What a bossy woman!
Come on, said The VeloDrone. We'd better catch up. The sooner we see the Contemplation the sooner we'll get something to eat.
They caught up to Margaret, who had descended into a small bay in which they could see a ship's mast, an upturned cement boat and a flat wooden panel inscribed with text.
Oh no, groaned Le Bon David. Another artwork!
Sit down here, said Margaret. Isn't this tranquil. It's the Contemplation. It is the work of Marjiana Tadic, and it represents the relationships between cultural groups and individuals with the surrounding environment.
Lovely, said The VeloDrone. A sort of shipwreck.
They sat down on the flat panel and contemplated the Contemplation.
Look! said David. It's much nicer around the bend there! It even looks like there might be some sand!
You like sand? asked Margaret. Then you are a geologist after all.
I't's better than rocks, said Le Bon David. You can sit on it comfortably.
Phew! said Le Bon David. What a bossy woman!
Come on, said The VeloDrone. We'd better catch up. The sooner we see the Contemplation the sooner we'll get something to eat.
They caught up to Margaret, who had descended into a small bay in which they could see a ship's mast, an upturned cement boat and a flat wooden panel inscribed with text.
Oh no, groaned Le Bon David. Another artwork!
Sit down here, said Margaret. Isn't this tranquil. It's the Contemplation. It is the work of Marjiana Tadic, and it represents the relationships between cultural groups and individuals with the surrounding environment.
Lovely, said The VeloDrone. A sort of shipwreck.
They sat down on the flat panel and contemplated the Contemplation.
Look! said David. It's much nicer around the bend there! It even looks like there might be some sand!
You like sand? asked Margaret. Then you are a geologist after all.
I't's better than rocks, said Le Bon David. You can sit on it comfortably.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
