A Series of Unfortunate Events

Baby Pierre went straight to the museum shop.

Do you have a positive negative trilobite? he asked the woman behind the counter.

You're out of luck, said the woman. We had one, but we just gave it away to a lobster fellow who was inconvenienced in the Santos Fossils Gallery.

Oh good! said Baby Pierre. I know that lobster! Do you happen to know where he is now?

No, said the woman. But you could enquire at the information desk.

Baby Pierre went to the information desk. I'm looking for a lobster, he said.

The one with the backpack? asked the information officer.

That's him, said Baby Pierre. Do you know where he is?

He went down to the lab with Mr Lee, said the information officer. Down those stairs and to the right.

Baby Pierre thanked her and turned towards the stairs. So! Ageless was not unreliable. His story was true. At least so far.

He reached the bottom of the stairs and followed a dark corridor to the right. He came to a door marked LABORATORY. He knocked.

Come in, said Mr Lee.

Baby Pierre went in. There was a fishy smell in the room, mingled with the odour of coffee.

Ageless! he cried.

What have we here? asked Mr Lee. A small round pebble with the mark of a tulip on its head! A conglomerate perhaps?

I'm Baby Pierre, said Baby Pierre.

Ageless looked out groggily from under the plaster on his head.

Baby Pierre! he said. What are you doing here?

Kobo sent me, said Baby Pierre. She thought you were still in the library. But I knew I'd find you here.

Oh, said Ageless. Is she angry? Is she impatient? I have just experienced a series of unfortunate events.

She thinks you've been playing her for a fool, said Baby Pierre. Pretending her what-ifs had come true.

That serves her right, said Ageless. No wait! It doesn't. It serves me right!

Never mess about with counterfactuals, said Mr Lee, sternly. Especially before the event. Afterwards, of course, you can do what you like.

Baby Pierre had always fancied himself as a thinker. He thought hard about this.

He was still thinking, when Mr Lee's hand closed around him, and everything went dark.