It Laughs A Hollow Laugh

At Spiky Bridge:

Ah, says Gaius. Built by convicts in the 1840s. They made a good job of it.

But why the spikes? asks Unni. Did they have skateboards in those days?

Arthur jumps up on the wall and squeezes between the random spikes of upward pointing stones.

They are mysterious. Were the convicts just being artistic?

From there he has a good view of the sea.

It looks cold and grey and spitty.

He jumps down, and almost lands upon another tourist.

Hey, says the tourist.

Sorry, says Arthur. I was thinking.

That's all right, says the tourist. Interesting bridge. What's the reason for the spikes?

To stop skateboarders, says Arthur.

Ha ha! laughs the tourist. That's a good one. I heard another one. They stop cows falling off.

Gaius joins in the conversation.

The cows would first have had to clamber up the walls, says Gaius. An unlikely scenario.

This is boring, says Unni.

She is cross with Arthur, for stealing her joke about the skateboards. She wants to leave.

She gets on her bicycle, and heads for the Tasman Highway. Arthur and Gaius follow in her wake.

The tourist gets in his car and drives off in the opposite direction, towards Hobart.

The Spiky Bridge is left to ponder its own raison d'etre, as it has ever since Major de Gillem, superintendent of the Rocky Hills Probation Station, ordered its construction by his convicts in 1843.

......

Schopenhauer and Captain Louttit have reached Swansea, and are now heading for the seaside.

How does one gather oysters? asks Schopenhauer.

I suppose one picks them up, says Captain Louttit. It may involve wetting one's trouser bottoms.

I'm not happy about that, says Schopenhauer. Perhaps we could look for something on the sand.

Of course, says Captain Louttit. As a matter of fact I only mentioned oysters as a ruse.

A ruse? says Schopenhauer. You pique my interest.

Good, says Captain Louttit. The thing is, I wished to spend some time with you alone.

Understandable, says Schopenhauer. The others can sometimes be a little shallow.

Not that, says Captain Louttit. I want to learn to ride a bicycle, and yours looks the easiest.

Schopenhauer can't believe what he is hearing.

A lobster, ride a bicycle! And his is not the easiest. But he does not wish to ridicule Captain Louttit.

By now they have reached Jubilee Beach.

The sea is cold and grey and spitty. Pretty much the same sea Arthur saw.

Schopenhauer and Captain Louttit stroll along the sand discussing how best to ride a bicycle if one is a lobster.

You might need to strap up a few stray legs , says Schopenhauer.

Which ones? asks Captain Louttit.

Any. All but four, says Schopenhauer.

I knew you would be helpful, says Captain Louttit.

May I ask why you wish to ride a bicycle? asks Schopenhauer.

I have a dream, says Captain Louttit. Call me foolish.

I won't rule it out, says Schopenhauer.

A dream of riding in the Tour de France with Ageless lobster, says Captain Louttit.

Very foolish, says Schopenhauer. But only because I don't believe there is any such individual as Ageless lobster.

They have reached the end of Jubilee Beach. They have stopped beside a heap of seaweed.

The heap of seaweed laughs a hollow laugh.