I Hang Out Here

Wait here, says Sharon. I'll get someone to show you around.

No need! says Rachel. I'll do it. Just give me one of those guide sheets.

Are you sure? says Sharon.

Yes, says Rachel, seizing a guide sheet.

All right, says Sharon. That would be helpful. Be careful on the paths in those slippers. When you've finished your tour, we've a very nice café. Drop in for coffee and cakes.

Okay, says Rachel. Come on, peeps! Follow me. I'll be tour leader.

Gaius, Griff and Julia follow Rachel down the winding path through the garden.

Hurry up! says Rachel. We don't have all day.

We know you want to go swimming, says Griff. But let's take our time, shall we.

Rachel ignores him.

There's a grotto-like lily pond marked here, says Rachel. Look, Julia.

The two women pore over the  map.

That way, says Julia.

No, look, says Rachel. The sea is at the bottom, so that must be East, don't you think.

So the map's upside down, says Julia. That means we've already passed the pond.

But we haven't, says Rachel.

The lyrical sound of tree frogs reaches their ears.

Do tree frogs live in lily ponds? asks Rachel.

I'm more of a Sea Turtle person, says Julia.

Shall we separate? says Gaius. I believe I could do better on my own.

No, says Rachel. Let's keep together. So what if we've missed it? Does anyone else smell the sea?

I do, says Griff.

Good, says Rachel. Lets follow our noses.

The garden sweeps down a steep hillside among giant fossil encrusted coral boulders, a riotous leafy cascade of colours.

Seen all these at Hunte's Gardens, says Griff.  Seen that one. Seen that. Bearded Fig Tree. Seen that. Ginger lilies....

Look at this heliconia, says Gaius. The label says..... it's named after Iris Bannochie!

Let me see, says Julia. O how lovely. Heliconia stricta Iris Bannochie. So pretty.

I am not pretty, says the heliconia stricta.

Did you hear that? says Rachel.

I did, says Julia. The plant spoke.

Impossible, says Gaius.

I thought I heard someone say 'I am not pretty', says Griff. There are visitors all over the place in this garden. Perhaps it was an echo.

Perhaps it was the spirit of Iris Bannochie, says the heliconia stricta.

Gaius bends down.

Is that a stuffed snake in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me? asks the heliconia stricta.

What! says Gaius, shocked to the core, at the lewd implication.

I've always wanted to say that, says the heliconia stricta. Mae West said it. So hilarious. But in her case, the man had a gun. Not many people these days pass by me with guns in their pockets, so I took the opportunity. Don't worry, I know it's a stuffed snake. What type of snake is it? A racer?

What's it saying? asks Rachel. Does it think it's Iris Bannochie?

My spirit resides in the garden, says the heliconia stricta. I usually hang out here. Nice view of the sea and the boulders. You can hear tree frogs. Once Prince Charles visited. He was only a boy then. Another time, the Queen of Denmark. She stayed for morning tea.

In the café? asks Julia. Is it nice?

Yes, says Iris Bannochie. Very nice indeed. I recommend the ginger biscuits. Or the scones, jam and cream.

You must know a great deal about plants, says Gaius, having somewhat recovered.

I do, says Iris Bannochie. I was awarded the Veitch Memorial Medal for services to tropical horticulture.

And do you know Anthony Hunte? asks Gaius.

Of course, says Iris Bannochie. We both established fine gardens in deep gullies. There are not too many large gardens in Barbados. Too many sugar cane fields. But don't get me started....

Would you happen to know why Anthony would want Seaside Bean cuttings? asks Gaius.

Good heavens, no! says Iris Bannochie. I can only think he was pulling your leg. Or trying to prevent you from doing something else. Were you thinking of swimming?

I was, says Rachel

There you are then, says Iris Bannochie. Can't say you weren't warned.

It takes more than the Atlantic to get the better of me, says Rachel.

Are those fluffy pink slippers I see on your tootsies? asks Iris Bannochie.

Meaning ? says Rachel.

Oh ....nothing, says Iris.