No Nonsense Parental

The night ( which is still last night) continues.

Young Richard Ligon becomes impatient.

He shouts down the snake hole: Hoy! Come out now!

Tiny Sacrifice is having too much fun entertaining his brothers and sisters.

They can't get enough of his tales.

Even Tangerine and Masteego are listening.

The first thing I tried was half a raisin, says Tiny Sacrifice. And that was okay. But then they stuck a cotton bud down me.

What's a cotton bud? asks Third Sister, eyes wide.

A long white plastic thing with soft ends, says Tiny Sacrifice. I was as stiff as a snorkel.

What's a snorkel? asks Second Brother.

I'm getting to that, says Tiny Sacrifice. The raisin came out with the cotton bud, then I was fearfully hungry.

The brothers and sisters have never been fearfully hungry, because of the chocolate.

My friend....begins Tiny Sacrifice.

What friend? snaps Masteego.

Terence, says Tiny Sacrifice. He's a nice little boy. He took me on a mission to rescue his parrot, called Nose. I had to hide inside a snorkel and float from one ship to another...

That's enough now, children, says Tangerine. Bed time.

Aw, say the brothers and sisters.

No, that's it, says Masteego. Sleep, and no whispering!

Tiny Sacrifice loves this example of no-nonsense parental discipline.

He is the first to curl up in the corner.

....

He's not coming out, observes Not-Henry-Wilkinson. If you want to go, I'll keep watch until morning.

Very kind, says young Richard Ligon. I could do with some shut eye.

All I ask, says Not-Henry-Wilkinson, is a little red paint, to smarten my ball up.

Sure, says young Richard Ligon. Red paint. Not a problem.

.......

The next morning young Richard Ligon heads to the University for the results of the DNA test.

Professor Tinto is already there.

This could be a big thing for the University, says Professor Tinto. Imagine the funding we'll attract.

They examine the three sets of printouts.

Y Chromosome testing, showing variations in the Y chromosome passed from father to son. The test shows that Tiny Sacrifice's father is an arboreal tree snake.

Mitochondrial DNA testing, providing information about the direct female line. The test shows that Tiny Sacrifice's mother is a Barbados racer, therefore not extinct.

The Single Nucleotide Polymorphism test, evaluating large numbers of variations across the subject's entire genome, estimates Tiny Sacrifice's ethnic background. He is 50 % Barbadian, 25% African 20% Asian and 5% unknown.

Eureka! cries young Richard Ligon. What do we do now?

Keep it under wraps for the moment, says Profesor Tinto. I'll organise a conference. The important thing is, we have the....where is he? And where is the mother?

Young Richard Ligon promises to produce both the subject and the mother, after a quick trip to the paint store.