No Cost To A Friend

Sticking plaster, says Saint Roley.

I've got two, says Terence. See.

Too big for the beetle, says Saint Roley.

We'll deal with that problem later, says Gaius. Right now, we must get you a passport. Come with me.

Can I come? asks Terence.

Yes, says Gaius, since you are the owner.

Of me? says Saint Roley. No one owns me.

Don't quibble, says Gaius. Now where is this place? Who is this person, Tangi?

You'll easily find it, says the Virgin. It's on Rue Bellevue, just round the corner.

Thank you, madam, says Gaius. You have been most helpful.

That's what I'm here for, says the Virgin. Addresses. But don't expect me to patch up your beetle.

Wouldn't dream of it, says Gaius.

He heads out into the street with Terence and Saint Roley.

Soon they are entering the tiny shop of the man called Tangi.

Bonjour, messieurs, says Tangi. How may I help you?

We need a passport in a hurry, says Gaius. We were given your address.

Who by? asks Tangi. One can't be too careful.

The Virgin of the Eglise de Saint Méen, says Gaius.

In that case, says Tangi, I shall be pleased to help you. Is it for the young cherub?

Terence? No, it's for this young bird.

Bien! Bird passports are easy, says Tangi. Falcon or Parrot?

Oystercatcher, says Saint Roley.

Yes, says Tangi. But there are only two passports for birds, Falcon and Parrot. The Falcon Passport is from United Arab Emirates. It lasts three years, costs 130 euros, and the ID number corresponds to the number on the leg ring.

I'm not having a leg ring! says Saint Roley.

It's evident this bird is a parrot, says Tangi.

I want a leg ring! says Terence.

This is not about you, says Gaius. How much is the Parrot Passport?

It's free, says Tangi. It includes a photo, rings (optional), microchip, details of unique markings, and it is authorised by the Security Advisor of the Parrot Society UK.

We'll have that one, says Gaius.

The downside is that there is a great deal of paperwork, says Tangi. Have a seat, while I download the form.

Gaius sits down. What a nuisance. Another time wasting enterprise. Meanwhile the Queensland developers... but what can you do......

Here we are, says Tangi. Four pages. First, who is the owner?

Me, says Saint Roley.

It must be a human, says Tangi.

Me, then, says Gaius. Gaius Plinius Secundus.

Species?

Parrot.

Hatch date?

October 2017.

Significant identifiable details?

He looks like an oystercatcher, says Gaius. That should suffice.

It will, says Tangi. Beak? Feet? Claws? Words spoken?

He has a wide vocabulary, says Gaius. Speak, Saint Roley.

I do, says Saint Roley.

Very good says Tangi. I do. It would be amusing to hear at a wedding. Likes, dislikes?

No one has ever asked these things of Saint Roley.

What does he like? What does he dislike?

I like the scent of potatoes, says Saint Roley. And I dislike the pointing finger of god which pointed my brother towards the horizon where he doubtless perished.

Even Terence is moved by this statement.

Tangi photographs and microchips Saint Roley, fills in the number. No leg ring required.

The form is completed.

Tangi stamps it, with his blurry all purpose stamp.

Thank you. How much do we owe you? asks Gaius.

No cost to a friend of the Virgin, says Tangi.