Soft Spot

Don't kill them! says Belle.

We can't have them running round the office, says David.

Why not? asks Terence.

Someone might step on them, says Sweezus.

Very funny, says Belle. I'm going to catch them.

We could catch them, says Celia. Me and Saint Roley.

A fine solution, says Vello. Very natural.

By now some of the spiders have run under the door and out to the stairwell.

We should catch those ones first, says Saint Roley.

I agree, says Celia.

David opens the door, and Celia and Saint Roley flutter out in pursuit of the spiders.

This is just the sort of situation we want in our play, says Vello. Problems come up, and pose a moral dilemma, before an ethical outcome is achieved. Are you noting this, Sweezus?

Yeah, says Sweezus. So what do we reckon?

What do you mean what do we reckon? snaps Vello. Celia and Saint Roley are birds. Birds are entitled to eat tiny spiders. We are absolved of a murder.

Yeah, but, says Sweezus, in the play the birds play two regular people.

This is real life, says Vello. I trust you'll come up with a dramatic equivalent.

Sweezus is embarrassed not to have understood this. He thinks fast.

Like, Terence is a stink bug, says Sweezus. He could kill something.

The spiders! says Terence. Inside the vacuum cleaner. Boof boof!

Not so fast, says Belle. We're getting ahead of ourselves. The stink bug is in the vacuum cleaner because he himself is a doomed creature.

Sucked in by the humans, says Gaius. Good point.

What's doomed? asks Terence.

It means you have an unfortunate and inescapable outcome, says David.

Don't worry, says Sweezus. You're not doomed, only your character.

So I don't have an outcome? asks Terence.

He looks at Gaius's vacuum cleaner, lying open.

The blow hole is tiny and still blocked with hairs.

It's true. He will not have an outcome, from there.

Can we change the story? asks Terence. I know! Someone opens the vacuum cleaner, and I jump out!

That works, says Sweezus. The old lady could do it.

Do we have an old lady? asks Vello.

I thought you might play the old lady, says David.

No, says Vello. She has only one buttock. I should feel most uncomfortable.

You should try, papa, says Belle. You could wear a special cushion.

Vello doesn't like this idea. He hopes someone else will take up the challenge.

What about Gaius?

Gaius has always had a soft spot for the theatre.

I'll do it, says Gaius.