I Doubt Myself Sometimes

They're back.

Sweezus and Arthur turn up at the Velosophy office.

The door is closed. Sweezus knocks.

Oh, it's you, says David. Come in. How was San Sebastian?

Been in Weipa, says Sweezus. Chasing snakes and wild crocs.

What a life you lead, says David. Vello, you can come out now! It's only Sweezus.

Vello comes out from the tiny kitchen.

Can't be too careful, says Vello.

You can be, says David. You're being far too careful.

Did the hologram turn up? asks Sweezus.

Yes, says David. This is it. I've been calling it Vello.

Arthur extends his damaged hand to poke at the Vellogram.

Get off ! says the Vellogram. I won't tolerate being poked at by scabs.

What scabs? says Arthur. I picked them off earlier.

You may well have, says the Vellogram. But you haven't cleaned under your nails.

He's not like the original Vello, says Sweezus.

You're telling me, says David. He's a tidiness freak. Go and look in the kitchen.

Sweezus looks. It looks like a different kitchen.

Woah! says Sweezus. How come it's so tidy?

Living in Ferney, says David. It's right on the Swiss border. You know what they're like. Tidy.

Nothing wrong with tidy, says the Vellogram.

The door opens and Vello comes in.

Sweezus and Arthur! You're back from San Sebastian! I see you've met my counterpart.

Yeah, says Sweezus. It's cool that you're different.

That's a comfort, says Vello. You've noticed we're different. I doubt myself sometimes.

The Vellogram is silent, also doubting himself. How is he different?

You riding in the Tour this year? asks Sweezus.

Why wouldn't we? snaps Vello.

His piles have vanished up his arse, says David. We have high hopes this year. In fact we are planning....

Shut up, David, says Vello.

Shut up, says the Vellogram.

Too late. Sweezus and Arthur know at once what they're planning.

Belle enters the office.

Sweezie! You're back! She runs to give him a hug.

She shakes her head at Arthur's dirty fingernails. Like fathergram, like daughter.

Where's Terence?

He stayed back with Ageless to wait for Humboldt, says Sweezus. He's got a new parrot.

Lovely, says Belle. What is it this time?

A parrot, says Sweezus.

He's growing up, says Belle.

Yeah kind of, says Sweezus. He's learned to make pots.

Coffee, everyone? asks Belle. Chocolates?

She goes into the tidy kitchen.

Bangs about opening cupboards.

Where is everything?