Switching To Blow

Eat a stink bug? No, says Celia. I wouldn't.

It's ME! cries Terence.

I just thought, says Vello, if a bird eats him, that does away with the moral problem.

Yeah, but do we want to do away with the moral problem? asks Sweezus.

No we don't, says David. We want to demonstrate the virtues of gardening.

Nevertheless, says Gaius, certain birds will eat stink bugs.

Will they get them out of a vacuum cleaner? asks Terence.

What's this about a vacuum cleaner? asks Celia.

I'm inside it, says Terence. For EVER! Unless you get me out.

I could get you out, says Celia.

Really? says Belle. How would you do it?

Switch it to blow, says Celia.

Can you just DO that? asks Sweezus.

Mine will do it, says Gaius. But not at my behest. There's something wrong with it.

Maybe we could use yours then, says Belle. How about it?

Certainly, says Gaius.

Problem solved, says Vello.

But wait! says Celia. What happens when Terence is blown out?

I get crushed between two planks, says Terence. That's if you won't eat me.

This play is outrageous! says Celia.

Yes, outrageous. That's what we want, says Vello.

What YOU want, says David. I want a proper debate. Does everyone agree about human happiness?

What about it? asks Celia.

David says it consists of action, pleasure and indolence, says Belle. And that gardening is a perfect example.

Hah! says Celia. HUMAN happiness! What about Terence? What about me?

What about the snails? asks Terence.

What about them? asks Celia.

They have to eat dandelion greens, says Terence. With me, in a corner.

Is that an alternative? asks Celia.

But then there is no part for you in Candide's Garden, says Vello.

Surely there is, says Celia. List the characters.

Candide, Cunégonde, the old woman, Paquette, Brother Giroflée, Dr Pangloss and Martin, says David.

Could I play Brother Giroflée? asks Celia. He sounds like a bird

We don't usually bother with Brother Giroflée, says Vello. He's a carpenter.

And I hate carpenters! says Terence. They whack you.

Between planks of wood! says Vello. Perfect! This is dovetailing nicely.