Human Happiness

Richie leaves, having given some useful input.

Sweezus comes in.

Guess what? says Terence. I'm a Bronze Orange Stink Bug.

It was Richie's idea, says Belle. He knew about garden pests and their colours.

Yeah, says Sweezus. And he's improved as a poet.

That's nice, says Belle. But now we have a stage management problem.

I have to get KILLED! says Terence. I have to get sucked into a vacuum cleaner.

Cool, says Sweezus.

That's not the problem, says Belle. It's getting him out that's the problem.

Don't they have paper bags inside, these days? asks David.

I'm surprised you know that, says Belle. But how would that make it easier?

I don't know, says David. Pardon my input.

Gaius comes in.

Hello everyone. Recovered?

Of course we have, says Vello. We're working on my play now.

Excellent, says Gaius. And is Terence to be in it?

I'm a Bronze Orange Stink Bug, says Terence. In a vacuum cleaner. I can't get out.

This is not the play I imagined, says Gaius.

He will get out, says Belle. We'll just have to workshop it.

Why is he inside it? asks Gaius.

Richie told us it's the best way to get rid of a Bronze Orange Stink Bug. You suck them into an old vacuum cleaner, then you drown them in meths, explains Belle.

I don't want to be drowned, says Terence.

Great. Another problem, says Belle.

Well, says Gaius. There is another tried and true way. Crush the Stink Bug between two planks of wood. Of course, Terence may object to this, too.

Yeah! says Sweezus. That's the point. It's all philosophical. We might not go with any of those methods.

Yes, yes, says Vello. Don't get your hopes up, little Terence. It is only a play. And the philosophical aspects of gardening must remain at the forefront.

Indeed, says David. I was wondering when you would remember.

So what happens to me? asks Terence.

You may go and live in a pleasant corner of the garden with the snails, says Vello.

And feast on dandelion greens, says David. Would that work?

No! says Terence. It's not a philosophical aspect.

Ha ha! laughs David. He's right. I take it we all agree gardening is a virtue?

For the purposes of the drama, it is, says Vello. It's really only a metaphor.

I disagree, says David. Human happiness consists of three ingredients, action, pleasure and indolence.....

Oh, shut up, says Vello. No need to get complicated.

I've barely started, says David.

Before things can heat up over human happiness, Celia flies in, in a flutter.

Am I too late? asks Celia.

Perhaps not. Would you eat a Stink Bug? asks Vello.