A Device Like My Sister

I don't see how a cushion will do it, says Gaius. Won't that just increase the size of the old woman's ...err ...backside?

Depends where we position it, says Belle. If we attach it on one side only, that should give the impression that one buttock is missing.

My ingenious daughter! says Vello. What a whizz you are at costumes!

There'll need to be some sort of covering, I suppose, says Gaius. So the audience doesn't spot the cushion.

Yes, a skirt, says Belle. Are you all right with that?

He used to wear a toga! says David.

That's quite different, says Gaius. But of course I'm all right with it. It's the theatre.

Do I get a costume? asks Terence.

You've got the wig and the eyebrows, says Belle. But I could run up a stink bug costume.

Will it STINK? asks Terence.

He imagines a stink bug has that quality.

Yes I suppose so, says Belle. I could arrange it so you press a button and a horrid smell comes out. You can't stink all the time.

Terence is pleased with the concept of his costume.

I get a stink button, says Terence to Celia and Saint Roley, who have returned. If I press it, a stink will come out.

Saint Roley laughs. So does Celia.

What's so funny? asks Terence.

All humans have those, says Saint Roley.

Gaius feels compelled to explain that farting is not quite that simple. But thinks better of it.

Did you catch any spiders? asks Belle.

No, they all escaped down the stairs says Celia. We used the time to get to know one another. Now we want to research our characters.

Here, read this, says Vello. He hands them a printed paper.

What is it? asks David.

List of characters, says Vello.

That's very industrious of you, says David. Let's see it.

He looks over Celia's feathered shoulder.

That's you, says David. Brother Giroflée. Your parents forced you into a monastery to enlarge the fortune of your brother. There's something to chew on.

I can't quite... says Celia. What is a monastery? How would my going there increase the fortune of my brother?

I can explain, says Saint Roley. It meant your parents wouldn't have to support you. So there would be more for your brother.

Is my brother a good person? asks Celia.

You'll have to ask Vello, says David.

No! says Vello. How could he be good or bad? He is merely a device. You don't need to delve that far into your character.

Okay! says Celia. A device. Like my sister. I get it.

She is intelligent. She really does get it.

What about Paquette? asks Saint Roley. Any devices?

She was a chambermaid, says David. She gave Pangloss syphilis. By the way, who's playing Pangloss?

You are, says Vello.

Again? says David. Why can't you do it?

I'll play Martin, says Vello. In case the Velogram turns up. I 'm not having him playing Pangloss. Too much glory.

So I give someone syphilis, says Saint Roley. Can we change that?

It's in the past, says David. We can't. But we don't need to mention it.

Okay, says Saint Roley. What else?

You have turned to prostitution, says David. And Brother Giroflée is one of your clients.

Celia coughs.

Can we change that? asks Saint Roley.

No. We just won't mention it, says David. This play is set in a garden. It is all about how to live from now on. In your new life you become very good at making pastry.

That's more like it, says Saint Roley. And how do you make pastry?

You make dough then you roll it out with a rolling pin, says Belle.

Ha ha! Saint Rolling-Pin! sniggers Terence.