A Slow Bamboozle

The boy offered me a biscuit, says the honeyeater. And the crab claimed to be a parrot.

He was told not to, says Gaius.

It was a female, says the honeyeater.

The crab, yes, says Gaius. I referred to the boy, as you call him.

Surely it was a simple matter to refuse, says Kierkegaard. How one lives is a matter of personal choice.

Don't try to bamboozle me with philosophy, says the honeyeater. This is a conservation park. We expect a degree of protection.

As I understand it, you are not endangered, says Gaius.

Others are, says the honeyeater. And it was more than a biscuit. It had Smarties for eyes.

He offered you Smarties? asks Gaius. I really must talk to him.

No, he didn't, says the honeyeater. Worse than that. He picked off the Smarties.

No harm in that, says Gaius.

None, says Kierkegaard. But what did he do with them?

Good question, says Gaius.

It is, says the honeyeater. He was about to throw them into a puddle, surrounded by common reeds and ferns, when his so-called parrot prevented him.

Good for the so-called parrot, says Gaius. What is the nature of your complaint exactly?

What he did next, says the honeyeater.

Go on, says Gaius, taking a bite of his Danish. He has a feeling he should eat it now.

Kierkegaard takes a bite of his too, with a feeling of nostalgia (being Danish).

He placed the Smarties side by side in the mud and said they were eyes, says the honeyeater.

Eyes? What colour were they? asks Kierkegaard.

Red and yellow, says the honeyeater. What difference does that make?

I wonder what prompted him, says Kierkegaard. To see them as eyes would only have occurred to me if they were blue ones. They do make blue ones.

I'm surprised you should know that, says Gaius.

Kierkegaard shrugs. He thought everyone knew that.

So you want us to come and remove the Smarties, says Gaius, finishing the last of his Danish.

Yes, and you might bring a spare pair of shorts, says the honeyeater.

Why? asks Gaius. I don't think I....

The eyes sank, says the honeyeater, and your boy tried to retrieve them, and the so called parrot was too parrotty to help him, and the result is he's up to his shoulders in mud or at least he was when I last...

Jumping Jupiter!

Gaius is on his feet already.