The Wrong Philosopher

Why Heraclitus and Thales? asks Arthur.

I admire the old Greek philosophers, says Gaius. They thought of everything.

That's debatable says Kierkegaard. 

So, not them? asks Sweezus.

No, I'll work with them, says Kierkegaard. We'll fit them into the story.

Cool, says Sweezus. You start thinking. I'd better find that receipt.

We don't have it, says Arthur. Saint Roley's returning the thermometer. He's not back yet.

Bummer! says Sweezus. Did you remind him to ask for one.

No, says Arthur. When's Victor coming?

Now.

The doorbell rings. Carol answers.

Come in, Victor, You're just in time for the trifle.

I'm here to pick up a piece of evidence, says Victor.

Have some trifle anyway, says Carol.

Is there alcohol in it? asks Victor.

Cherries, says Carol. Cream and custard. Jelly. Stale cake, silver balls...

No need to give me the recipe, says Victor.

He comes in.

Sits on the sofa. Beep!

He shifts hastily.

Ha ha, laughs Kierkegaard. You sat on Terence's digital pet.

Oops! says Victor, uncovering the Charigotchi.

Very nice. It's riding a motor bike!

What? says Terence. It's a road bike.

I know a motor bike when I see one, says Victor. It looks like a Harley.

Terence runs over.

His Charigotchi is riding a Harley. 

You can't just get what you want, says Terence. 

I can! boasts Charigotchi.

You'll pay for this, says Terence. 

It sounds threatening and it's supposed to.

Not now, says Victor.

Carol offers him a bowl of trifle, with silver balls but no glacé cherry.

Delicious, says Victor. Now, where's that receipt?

On its way, says Sweezus.

From where? asks Victor.

It's probably in the air at the moment, says Sweezus. Saint Roley's bringing it.

Hello? says Victor. So I'm here under false pretences.

Which turns out to be fortunate, says Gaius. Weren't you a member of the Ear rescue team?

I was, says Victor.

Kierkegaard is helping Sweezus reconstruct the story for his Velosophy magazine, says Gaius.

It's not my magazine, says Sweezus.

Vello's magazine, says Gaius. And they have come to a critical juncture.

Yeah, says Sweezus, do you wanna be in it?  

No, says Victor. It wouldn't look good for the police force. We broke through the fence. And trespassed without a warrant.

That's the cool bit, says Sweezus. We'll give you an alias. Like, you'd be an old Greek philosopher.

Heraclitus, or Thales, says Gaius.

You do know the difference? asks Kierkegaard.

One was a strong man, says Victor.

That was Hercules, says Gaius.