Bay of Naples

My story begins, said Gaius, many hundreds of years ago. It is about a young boy who went to the Bay of Naples with his family for a holiday. The boy, being adventurous and a budding natural historian, spent much of his time wandering alone on the reefs looking into rock pools and peering into crevices.

One day he was standing at the edge of a lonely reef staring absently out to sea when he felt something slimy wrapping slowly around his ankle. He looked down, and was astonished to see that a giant octopus had grabbed hold of his leg with one of its tentacles and was trying to pull him into the water.

I know what's going to happen! cried Lavender. It's a girl octopus. She wants to marry you!

How do you know it's me? asked Gaius.

We all know it's you, said Anoctopus.

Gaius looked at Baby Pierre. Baby Pierre nodded.

Alright, said Gaius. It' me. But it wasn't a girl octopus wanting to marry me. At least I didn't think so at the time.

How did it look? asked Anoctopus.

Large, said Gaius, and extremely frightening.

That's what I like to hear, said Anoctopus. This is shaping up to be a true story.

Wait, said Gaius. You haven't heard it all yet. The boy made a mighty effort to drag himself free of the octopus. Eventually he succeeded. The octopus slid back into the water and disappeared.

Shame, said Anoctopus.

Boring, said Lavender.

Wait, said Baby Pierre. Maybe the story still isn't finished.

Thank you, Baby Pierre, said Gaius. You are correct. The most intriguing part of the story is yet to come.

I Don't Think it's True

You're in luck, said Gaius. It happens that I found a tin of biscuits on the beach this evening.

Baby Pierre and Lavender looked at one another.

It's Ageless's tin of yam biscuits, said Lavender.

Yam biscuits! said Anoctopus. Let me try one.

He took a tiny yam biscuit from the tin with one of his tentacles and inserted it carefully into his beak.

Ahuchhghh, he said, trying to swallow the crumbs without choking. Anyone else want one?

No thanks, said everyone else.

Well, I'll get on with the story, said Anoctopus:

The octopus was becoming more and more like a man. He said to the woman, let's go and visit my brothers in law. What's happened to my octopus? said the woman. They went to visit the brothers in law.

One day the octopus went out to sea. He made a big mistake and picked a fight with a whale. The whale killed him.

The woman went back to the sea to visit the octopus's relatives. A short time after that she died.

When the young octopuses grew big they decided to get their revenge. They went into the sea looking for the whale. They fought the whale and killed it. They killed it for their mother's brothers.

After that they went back to the sea for good and their uncles never saw them again.

That's the end.

Anoctopus looked at his audience. So, what did you think of my story?

You said it was true, said Lavender. I don't think it's true.

Neither do I, said Baby Pierre. Octopuses don't turn into men. They don't cook seals by lying on them.

What about you? said Anoctopus, looking at Gaius.

I should like to hear why you claim it is true, said Gaius.

Aha, said Anoctopus. You are no fool. I'll be happy to tell you the reason.

Thinking About Squid Hats

A squid hat! What would that be like?

In fact there are many different types.

There is the white felt squid hat which looks a paper bag, that fits over your head. It has two round black plastic eyes, one for each side of the head. The arms are a little too short to look convincing, and the tentacles hang down in front of your shoulders like two thick white plaits. It's not a very good squid hat.

There is the horrid scary grey squid hat, with fake red blood marks and one detachable bloodshot eye. Not for the faint hearted.

There is the comical yellow squid hat, a high stuffed yellow felt cone with fins, yellow and black eyes, eight long furry yellow arms with suckers attached, and two longer tentacles that hang down at the front. A good all-purpose squid hat.

There is an attractive purple and pink velvet squid hat, suitable for ladies. This hat is in the form of a purple hood representing the squid's mantle, with fins well to the back, eight long purple velvet arms lined with pink, and two longer tentacles that may be used as gloves when the wearer's hands are inserted from behind. This enables the lady to wave them about and frighten her children.

I was thinking about these squid hats as I was walking in to town. Then I stopped thinking about them, because I had arrived.

I was thinking about the squid hats again when sitting in the Elder Hall listening to " Kegelstatt" by Mozart. Then I became distracted by an interesting question, that had nothing to do with squid hats, but something to do with "Kegelstatt".