Need To Think, And Wink

It's lights out in the camp site.

You can't make too much noise after that. The other campers are sleeping.

Ray starts the 300 metre trek back to the ute.

Wait for me, Ray, says Katherine. I'm sleeping in the cabin.

I thought you were already asleep in that camp chair, says Ray.

No such luck, says Katherine. Too much going on.

Too right, says Ray. Didn't much like the look of that Woppa.

He was all right, says Katherine. He turned out to be a geneticist. Unni certainly warmed to him.

My worst fears realised, says Ray.

It won't seem so bad in the morning, says Katherine.

The track crunches under their feet, like Rice Bubbles. The Milky Way crunches above in the heavens, like a Crunchie.

Back at Doris's tent...( the tent of Doris ), Keanu and Beau are in their sleeping bags, not sleeping.

They are examining the dead Jacky lizard with their mum's torch.

Doris has puttered off down to the showers. Free at last.

Where are Unni and Woppa?

Best not to ask.

Sweezus and Daz know not to go back to the tent though.

They open another can of Mother's.

It might keep them awake.

Big morning tomorrow, says Sweezus.

Yeah, what's happenin'? says Daz.

Doctor Wallenius, says Sweezus. To be honest, I'm thinking of not turning up.

You crook ? asks Daz. Must be pretty bad if the doc's comin' all the way out here.

No, mate , says Sweezus. I have to show him where I found the funnel web spider.

How hard can that be, says Daz. They're everywhere.

Not this one, says Sweezus, slurping his Mother's. Maybe Unni remembers.

Yeah, says Daz. She's pretty bright that one. Makin' a snake on a 3D printer.

This reminds Sweezus once again of the snake phallus genome, and yeah, it's not that he's jealous....

Stupid rhyme game? says Sweezus.

Okay, says Daz.

D: need to think
S: and wink
D: it's not kink
S: to ride the countryside
D: it's very wide
S: but don't take a plane
D: TAKE A TRAIN

You guys! says Doris, who has just returned from the showers in a nightie. She goes into the tent.

Put that torch out! Get rid of that lizard NOW, boys!

Sweezus and Daz stretch out on the grass, eyes wide open, focused on the Crunchie.

The Crunchie revolves in the heavens, spitting like foam.

Genomes And Other Necessities Of Invention

Can we just stop for a moment and find out the name of Doris's kids?

Then I won't have to keep writing 'Doris's's's' ......

Doris!

What is it? says Doris. I'm busy peeling an orange, without a knife mind you, it's hard......

Doris what are the names of your children?

You're kidding! says Doris. Just make something up.

.........

Doris is scolding her kids, and peeling oranges with her fingers.

Keanu! Beau! Get inside that tent and put on your jackets. You're SHIVERING!

Keanu and Beau disappear into the tent to look for their jackets.

Unni appears, followed by Sweezus, Daz and Woppa.

Daz and Woppa! says Doris.

You know these guys? says Unni.

Oh yes they're regulars, says Doris.

Yo, Doris, says Woppa.

Where's that red box? asks Unni.

Here, says Katherine. Just let me take out my book first.

She opens the red box, and extracts her book, Love Sweat and Tears, by Zelie Bullen.

Epic book, says Daz, spotting the title.

Oh yes, epic, says Katherine.

This one's better, says Ray, patting his bible. Plenty to think about. Horses, leviathans, wicked snake.

Unni is becoming impatient. She takes olive python (the simulacrum) out of the red box to show it to Woppa.

Now to see if he's a snake man.

A Pilbara olive python, says Woppa. That would've been tricky.

It was, says Unni. So you really are a snake man.

Yup, says Woppa. In my real life, I'm a geneticist currently working on snake genes.

My apologies, says Unni. I thought you were a wanker.

He he, laughs Daz.

Tell me about your research, says Unni.

Well, says Woppa, it's technical.

Try me, says Unni.

I've been comparing the expression of phallus genes from organism to organism, says Woppa. Turns out many limb control elements or limb enhancers found in limbed animals are still present in snake genomes.

That's amazing, says Unni.

To her maybe, but Sweezus and Daz are bored shitless.

They start playing a stupid rhyming game they used to play when they were younger.

S: for heaven sake
D: am late
S: for my date
D: on this night
S: of my flight
D: hope they fly the plane right
S: so I can get my
D: FLIGHT !

They collapse into laughter, but they are the only two people who think this is funny.

Katherine is snoozing. Ray is gazing at the Milky Way. Doris is continually peeling.

Keanu and Beau emerge from the tent for their orange.

Wow! says Keanu. A Pilbara olive python. Is it a real one?

Wow! says Beau. Liasis olivaceus barroni.

Smart kids you got, Doris, says Woppa.

My Python Lives In A Red Box

The torch flicks from xanthorrhea to hakea, and a dense stand of tea trees (L.laevigatum).

No one in there.

Unni keeps going, towards the cold showers.

There's a queue for the showers, and Doris's kids are next in line to go in.

Hi kids, says Unni. Your mum was worried. I'll go back and tell her you're okay.

The kids look at Unni like: duuh, whatever.

Well if they don't care, thinks Unni, I'll keep looking for Sweezus.

She turns down the track to Cave Beach.

The moon shines on the water. The water shines back at the moon.

The sand is silky, until ach! she steps on a lizard.

It's a dead one, so that is okay.

She picks it up and heads back to the camp site.

Sweezus must have hooked up with someone. She walks past groups of campers, stealing looks at their faces.

Unni! says Sweezus loudly from where he is sitting outside Daz and Woppa's blue tent, scoffing a big lamb chop, with Daz and Woppa, who are scoffing big lamb chops too.

She goes over.

So you didn't get eaten by a shark then, says Unni.

You know me, says Sweezus.

I do, says Unni, but I don't know these guys.

This is Daz and Woppa, says Sweezus. Me, Daz and Woppa go way back. We used to catch tadpoles together.

Yeah, back in the day, says Daz, nodding. And Woppa's a snake man.

Woppa makes a slightly lewd gesture.

Not a good move by Woppa.

No kidding, says Unni. I'm a snake person myself, coincidentally.

Woppa looks taken aback. So does Daz. This is not usually how 'snake man' unfolds with the women.

Yeah, says Unni. You guys want to come over and see my python? I keep it in a red box, But I'll open it if you're really interested.

Sweezus is trying to hold a big laugh in, by pressing his neck muscles.

Which never works.

And explains why Sweezus is laughing.

Look at this, says Unni. I stepped on it earlier.

She whips out the dead lizard. It has a big yellow mouth and a well defined crest down its spine.

That's a Jacky lizard, says Woppa.

Nice try, says Daz.

No, it is, says Woppa.

Woppa's right. It is a Jacky.

Come on, says Unni. The kids'll have finished their showers.

Kids! squeaks Daz. Is she your woman?

What kids? says Sweezus.

Ha ha, laughs Woppa. He's forgotten his kids!

Up! Python! Now! says Unni.

The three lamb chop scoffers get up and follow Unni back to where Doris is scolding her kids for taking so long in the showers.

Uncertainty And The Subliminal

Cave Beach. There will be a cave.

Let's say there is, and Sweezus has entered.

His good mood has turned sour.

He sits in the cave and reviews his situation.

Here he is at a dope surfing beach with no surfboard, that's fucked for a start.....and no dudes he knows here.....and he's starving....what's up with Katherine and her freakin biocheese....yeah...... and Doctor Wallenius fronting up tomorrow and he can't even remember where he found that lame-ass spider.

Yes, Sweezus is having a downer.

He hears sounds from deep within the cave. He stiffens, and stops his endo-whinge-rant.

'Blown out'. One of the sounds forms itself into a verb (or past participle).

'My bad'. Another sound forms into an adjective, used as noun.

Two guys appear to be talking.

That is they appear, and are talking.

Now Sweezus realises he knows them.

Daz and Woppa!

Daz and Woppa are not surprised to see Sweezus. Dudes never are.

Mate, says Daz. You here camping?

Yeah, says Sweezus. But it's kind of random.

No board? says Woppa. I'd lend you mine but it's friggin delammed.

You can use mine mate, says Daz. We're heading back to the campsite to get dinner.

Sweezus is torn. Dinner or surfing. He consults his internals.

........

Back at the campsite, Doris is serving up sausages to her kids and to Katherine, Ray and Unni.

Her kids have eaten numerous sausages smothered in sauce.

Go to the showers, kids, says Doris, and then we'll divide up the oranges.

The kids head off to the showers, with their towels and their peejays.

Good kids, says Ray. They do what you tell them.

Not always, says Doris.

.......

I'm worried about Sweezus, says Unni. He hasn't come back yet.

Your boyfriend? asks Doris.

Not exactly, says Unni.

Was he surfing? asks Doris. There were sharks spotted in Jervis Bay early this morning.

Eek. And now darkness is falling.

Only Ray is not worried.

As if, says Ray, patting his bible, of which two pages (of Job 39)  are now stuck together.

I wonder where those kids are, says Doris. They're taking their time.

I'll go and find them, says Unni.

Take a torch, says Doris, taking a torch from a hamper.

The torchlight flickers across the tents and the low bushes, as the crunch of Unni's footsteps fades to somewhere below the subliminal.......

Her Rapport With Animals

Ray's ute pulls up in the car park.

Ray, Katherine, Unni and Sweezus hop out.

Look at that! says Unni. Cave Beach Campsite 300 metres. No cars past this point. 

We'll have to carry our stuff in, says Sweezus. That's cool. Except.....

We don't have any stuff, says Unni. Looks like we sleep in the carpark, or sleep on the grass.

I don't want to sleep on the grass, says Katherine. There could be bandicoots and possums.

Come ON, says Sweezus, striding off down the path.

I'll bring the oranges, says Ray. 

Grab my book will you, says Katherine. It's in the red box, in the back. With the python.

The python that Unni made with her 3D printer,

Not a real python, but very realistic. 

Be assured though, no misunderstandings will occur with the python.

Ray grabs the oranges and the box with the book and the python, and follows Katherine and Unni down the track to the campsite.

The campsite is dotted with little blue tents. A few campers, the ones with young children, are cooking early sausages.

No surfboards in sight.

And no Sweezus. 

I bet he's down at the beach already, says Unni. I'll go find him.

Katherine sits down on the grass. She inspects it for droppings. Can't see any. Lucky.

Ray sits down beside her. Plonks the red box down. Selects the best orange.

Katherine takes out her book, Love, Sweat and Tears. A woman and a horse on the cover. 

You surprise me, says Ray. I wouldn't have picked you to read that.

Nor would I, says Katherine. I acquired it through a series of accidents. But I'm enjoying it.

A camper who has been turning sausages nearby and eyeing the newcomers smiles widely at Katherine.

She has read that book too. It's lovely. About a trick rider and animal trainer who works in films. Zelie Bullen. She was on Australian Story.

Hello, says the camper. I'm Doris. I just came over because I saw what you were reading. How are you liking it?

It's a revelation, says Katherine.

Ray thinks back to earlier, and Job 39. So what constitutes a revelation, for Katherine? He must remember to ask her.

Oh YES, gushes Doris. You can just feel Zelie's wonderful rapport with animals in every sentence.

You certainly can, agrees Katherine. Are those vegetarian sausages?

Doris looks perplexed for a moment.

Oh no, ha ha, no, they're pork sausages, the kids's favourite. Better get back to them. Look, I've cooked far too many, would you like some? Of course, that is unless you're both vegetarian....?

No, no, we're not vegetarian, says Ray. Thanks for the offer. We hadn't planned to stay overnight, but as scientists.....

Shut up Ray, says Katherine. Thank you Doris. May we offer you some of our oranges?

Sure, says Doris, skipping back to the barbecue to check on her sausages. When the kids get back from surfing, come over and we'll all eat together.

This is just one example of the great camaraderie of people who like reading horse books.

There may yet be others.

The Endangered Remains Unidentified Thanks To Horses

If Doctor Wallenius is coming tomorrow, says Unni, we'll have to camp here.

Cool, says Sweezus. Can we camp near a beach?

We have three campsites in Booderee, says Rose. One is at Cave Beach. It's popular with the surfers. But it's school holidays, so we're full.

No worries, says Sweezus. We can sleep in the ute.

Well, since it's for science, says Rose. And for Doctor Wallenius.....

Awesome, says Sweezus. Do you have a spare surfboard?

No, says Rose. And I'm late for pest management. I'll see you tomorrow.

We'll be going now, says Merve. It's a three hour drive back to Blaxland.

Mark comes across with the children, who all look grumpy.

What's the matter? asks Unni.

We can't have an ice cream, says Mo.

It's her fault, says Faith. She said .....

Don't say it! says Joybells.

Quite right, says their mother. I don't want to hear that rude word ever again.

But WE didn't say it, says Faith.

Did you give Mo that rubber spider? asks Merve.

Yes I did, says Unni. She can keep it.

She doesn't want it, says Merve. Give it back, Mo.

Mo pulls the rubber spider out from under her shorts.

The nice day is unravelling.

As for you, says Merve, looking directly at Sweezus.

What? says Sweezus.

As for you, I don't know what we were thinking, letting you near our children, says Merve.

Hey! He's okay with children, says Unni.

Not in our book, says Mark.

The family heads back to their Jeep and the spiderless, my-little-poniless journey to Blaxland.

Mo looks back at Sweezus, silently mouthing what looks like an f and a u.

Let's go back and tell dad and Katherine we're staying, says Unni.

They go back to the tree.

Staying! says Ray. What about sleeping arrangements?

It'll be fun, Ray, says Katherine. You three can sleep in the back of the ute and I'll sleep in the cabin.

Sweet, says Sweezus. And we'll camp at Cave Beach. Hang on, what about food?

Oranges, says Ray. I knew you'd be grateful.

There are one or two leftover sandwiches, says Katherine. That wasn't proper cheese you know. It was dairy free bio-cheese.

Sweezus is undaunted.

There'll be other dudes at the campsite, with proper food, and surfboards. Let's get going.

Dad, what's your bible doing open? asks Unni.

Drying, says Ray. A bird shat on it.

What kind of bird? asks Unni.

Grey-brownish, with a long tail, says Ray.

Underparts? asks Unni.

Dappled, says Ray. Why are you asking?

Did it have bristles around its beak? asks Unni, beginning to feel a little excited.

Couldn't say, says Ray. Did you notice, Katherine?

I was reading, says Katherine.

Dad's Bible? says Unni.

Don't look so surprised, says Katherine. It's very nice on the subject of horses.

The Failings Of Superposition

Ray has not caught Katherine's meaning.

He thinks she apologised because the horse bible story is unexpectedly charming.

(Which it is: Horses hear trumpets; horses cry Aha! Who among us does not find that charming?)

But Katherine was being ironical re the bird poo which dropped on Ray's bible. And apologising, as it was she who inadvertently exposed it to the seedy brown faeces.

Job 39, if I'm not mistaken, says Ray, leaning forward.

Shit, Katherine! What is that substance?

Bird dirt, says Katherine. Have you got any Wet Ones?

Me? says Ray. I never have wet ones.......

Tissues? says Katherine. I've only got one I wiped my nose with.

Just wipe the damn stuff OFF, Katherine, says Ray. Then we'll dry it.

Katherine wipes her used tissue across Job 39.

The bulk of the poo comes off on the tissue leaving a sticky brown smear across verse 25.

The Bristlebird (critically endangered) has remained on the branch above Katherine.

He had been reading Job 39 upside down, and had not quite finished his poo.

Plink, a small brown seedy drop falls on Ray's forehead.

Ray looks up, spots the Bristlebird, picks up a stone.

Of course he doesn't know it's a Bristlebird, or he wouldn't.

The Bristlebird flies off, having learned something useful.

Not the bit about horses, but the rest, in which GOD sets out his full job description, thereby explaining (to the suffering Job) why HE cannot always be everywhere.

........

Meanwhile, at the Visitor Centre,  Sweezus calls Doctor Wallenius.

Sends him the photo of himself with funnel web spider.

Dr Wallenius is excited, and says he'll be back in Booderee tomorrow.

.....

The Bristlebird flies down to his mate, who is sitting on two dull eggs in her ovoid dome with a side entrance.

Hello dear, says Mr Bristlebird. I've just read something interesting.

Was it science? asks Mrs Bristlebird.

Sort of, says Mr Bristlbird. It was about not being everywhere at once.

Like quantum physics? says Mrs Bristlebird.

No, quantum physics IS being everywhere at once, says Mr Bristlebird. Unless you're not moving.

Then I've got it all wrong, says Mrs Bristlebird. What about the Big Question?

No joy there, says Mr Bristlebird. Looks like we'll never find out why we've got rictal bristles.