Guess what? says Terence.
You're going to Barbados, says Baby Pierre. And Nose is going.
I know, says Terence.
I don't, says Nose. Where is Barbados?
In the ocean, says Baby Pierre. Ageless and Kobo are there already.
I can't swim, says Nose.
Me either, says Terence. We'll be flying.
I can't fly, says Nose.
You're an idiot, says Terence. You just have to sit down. The flying happens.
I can't go anyway, says Nose. I'm endangered. I have to stay here. What if there aren't any blackberries?
There will be, says Terence.
In the ocean, says Nose. I don't think so.
It's an island, says Baby Pierre.
My parrot came from an island, says Terence.
I thought you'd forgotten your parrot, says Baby Pierre.
I have, says Terence. But I still have the memory.
That doesn't make sense, says Baby Pierre.
Do you like parrots? asks Nose.
I LOVE parrots, says Terence. If you were a parrot, I would love you. And you could be my blood brother.
Sister, says Nose.
Gaius comes into the kitchen.
We have a problem.
What is it? asks Baby Pierre.
The bandicoot, says Gaius. It's protected. It may not be able to leave the country.
It isn't a bandicoot, says Terence. It might be a parrot.
Nonsense, says Gaius. Anyone can see it's a bandicoot.
I want to come, says Nose. I want to be Terence's sister.
Blood sister, says Terence. You have to give me a claw.
And what does she get? asks Baby Pierre.
Later, says Terence. Something always falls off me.
This is ridiculous, says Gaius. I've called Arthur, but he's not answering his phone.
Griff has followed Gaius into the kitchen.
Shouldn't we be leaving?
Yes, says Gaius. As soon as we've dealt with the problem.
No time, says Griff. We must get to the airport.
Gaius thinks quickly.
......
At the airport.
Time for boarding.
Griff walks up the steps with his carry on luggage. Gaius follows, with Terence, and a basket.
The flight attendant bends down charmingly to Terence.
Hello there, little fellow, what have we got in the basket?
A parrot, says Terence.
How cute, smiles the flight attendant. Will he be staying in the basket?
It's a girl parrot, says Terence.
What a long nose she has for a parrot, says the flight attendant. You're a lucky little boy. She looks almost real. May I pat her?
No, says Terence. She's growing new feathers.
The flight attendant looks at Gaius.
What a lovely imagination your little boy has!
Hm, says Gaius. We seem to be holding people up here.
Of course sir, seats 18A and B, on the right.
They join Griff, who is already seated, his seat belt done up.
Terence has to sit in the middle.
Put the basket under the seat in front of you, says Gaius.
I can't, says Terence.
I'll do it, says Griff.
He snatches the basket from Terence.
He peers in at Nose, who isn't a parrot.
He has a bad feeling. The Lord is not happy with this type of deception.
He kicks the basket under the seat in front of the unholy infant.
He closes his eyes, and prays for guidance.
Guidance which is forthcoming.
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Clik Clik Sweet Lips
Ageless finds his seat on the plane. He tucks himself underneath it.
Is it a window seat? asks Kobo, from inside the bag.
No, sweet lips, says Ageless. You should have asked me if you wanted a window seat.
Are there clouds? asks Kobo.
O yes, says Ageless. But we have not taken off yet.
A heavy person squeezes past Ageless, and sits in the window seat.
I sense dark patches, says Kobo.
Clik,,,,clik,,,, says Ageless. Did you pack a skimpy swimsuit?
I shiver when you say clik,,,, clik,,,, says Kobo. Especially with commas. And no, I didn't.
The heavy person hears something clicking, under the middle seat.
He leans down and pulls out the yellow plastic carry bag.
He calls the flight attendant over.
Yes sir, what is it?
Do you people call this a life jacket?
No sir. Your life jacket is located under your seat, sir.
I hope it's more substantial than this one.
I'll take it away, sir.
No! cries Ageless. It's my life jacket!
Good lord! says the heavy man. It's a lobster.
And I paid for my seat, says Ageless.
That's correct sir, says the flight attendant. But not for the next one.
She holds up the carry bag.
Hm. Is there something in it?
She peers in. It's a fossilised clam!
It's my own beloved, says Ageless. We're off to Barbados.
Let's get her out then, says the flight attendant. She can share your seat. Will she be needing a baby seat belt?
No, snaps Kobo. I will NOT need a baby seat belt.
Barbados, says the flight attendant. How WONDERFUL! But hey, are you flying via LA and Miami?
What of it? says Ageless.
I'd ditch the yellow carry bag, says the flight attendant. Just saying.
She heads back down the aisle to arm doors and be seated for takeoff.
Ageless is pressed next to Kobo. Clik,,,, clik,,,,
The yellow carry bag lies flat on the middle seat, beside them.
The heavy man is glancing sideways at the carry bag that had better be ditched before Los Angeles.
But he can't work out the reason.
Is it a window seat? asks Kobo, from inside the bag.
No, sweet lips, says Ageless. You should have asked me if you wanted a window seat.
Are there clouds? asks Kobo.
O yes, says Ageless. But we have not taken off yet.
A heavy person squeezes past Ageless, and sits in the window seat.
I sense dark patches, says Kobo.
Clik,,,,clik,,,, says Ageless. Did you pack a skimpy swimsuit?
I shiver when you say clik,,,, clik,,,, says Kobo. Especially with commas. And no, I didn't.
The heavy person hears something clicking, under the middle seat.
He leans down and pulls out the yellow plastic carry bag.
He calls the flight attendant over.
Yes sir, what is it?
Do you people call this a life jacket?
No sir. Your life jacket is located under your seat, sir.
I hope it's more substantial than this one.
I'll take it away, sir.
No! cries Ageless. It's my life jacket!
Good lord! says the heavy man. It's a lobster.
And I paid for my seat, says Ageless.
That's correct sir, says the flight attendant. But not for the next one.
She holds up the carry bag.
Hm. Is there something in it?
She peers in. It's a fossilised clam!
It's my own beloved, says Ageless. We're off to Barbados.
Let's get her out then, says the flight attendant. She can share your seat. Will she be needing a baby seat belt?
No, snaps Kobo. I will NOT need a baby seat belt.
Barbados, says the flight attendant. How WONDERFUL! But hey, are you flying via LA and Miami?
What of it? says Ageless.
I'd ditch the yellow carry bag, says the flight attendant. Just saying.
She heads back down the aisle to arm doors and be seated for takeoff.
Ageless is pressed next to Kobo. Clik,,,, clik,,,,
The yellow carry bag lies flat on the middle seat, beside them.
The heavy man is glancing sideways at the carry bag that had better be ditched before Los Angeles.
But he can't work out the reason.
Monday, March 6, 2017
The Perils Of Flying
We cannot take a knife on a plane, says Gaius. That is why I asked for a pencil.
Griff puts down the knife. He had picked it up inadvertently.
He looks for a pencil.
Arthur would have found a way to secrete a knife, says Gaius. But we need not try to emulate Arthur.
Griff looks in the pantry.
On a high shelf in a corner, is a zip top pencil case.
He lifts it down. Opens it. A smell of wood shavings drifts out.
Pencils, says Griff.
Excellent, says Gaius. Just drop the case into my back pack. Now what else do we.....?
Is the lobster coming with us to Barbados? asks Griff.
Ageless? He and Kobo have already left for the airport, says Gaius. An enterprising pair. Kobo wanted to go in a handbag, but, of course ....
You couldn't find a handbag, says Griff.
Ha ha, laughs Gaius. I don't own a handbag. But he couldn't carry her. So I lent them a thin plastic carry bag I had in the pantry.
Very good, says Griff, so we travel alone, you and I?
Not exactly, says Gaius. It seems I've been landed with Terence...
The unholy infant is coming? Griff can't believe it!
Whose is he? asks Griff.
Strictly speaking, no one's, says Gaius. No, I tell a lie. One could say he belongs to Sweezus.
Who is Sweezus? asks Griff.
Best I don't tell you, says Gaius. Let me just say, Terence fell from the Sagrada Familia into the arms of Sweezus and they are inseparable.
Inseparable, eh? says Griff. Where is this Sweezus?
Probably off surfing with Arthur, says Gaius. Or interviewing a philosopher. Or in a café, drinking that ridiculous cold drip coffee he favours.....
Inseparable, says Griff. I don't quite grasp it.
Perhaps it was not the right word, says Gaius. But Terence believes he will grow up to be Sweezus. Sweezus fears the same, and therefore tends to avoid him.
All right, says Griff. And the bandicoot?
Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. I had forgotten her.
Griff envisions the party expanding in horrible ways.
........
Ageless has arrived at the airport, with Kobo in the thin plastic carry bag.
Ageless, dear? says Kobo.
Yes, my beloved? answers Ageless.
Why does everything seem yellow? Is it the sunshine? asks Kobo.
No, precious, says Ageless. It's not the sunshine. The bag you are inside is yellow.
Yellow, that's nice, says Kobo. Where did it come from?
Why are you asking me now? says Ageless. (They are boarding a flight to Sydney).
Lunch? smiles the Jetstar attendant.
Ageless slaps the bag carelessly, as you would, if it contained a sandwich.
Prick! mutters the sandwich.
Griff puts down the knife. He had picked it up inadvertently.
He looks for a pencil.
Arthur would have found a way to secrete a knife, says Gaius. But we need not try to emulate Arthur.
Griff looks in the pantry.
On a high shelf in a corner, is a zip top pencil case.
He lifts it down. Opens it. A smell of wood shavings drifts out.
Pencils, says Griff.
Excellent, says Gaius. Just drop the case into my back pack. Now what else do we.....?
Is the lobster coming with us to Barbados? asks Griff.
Ageless? He and Kobo have already left for the airport, says Gaius. An enterprising pair. Kobo wanted to go in a handbag, but, of course ....
You couldn't find a handbag, says Griff.
Ha ha, laughs Gaius. I don't own a handbag. But he couldn't carry her. So I lent them a thin plastic carry bag I had in the pantry.
Very good, says Griff, so we travel alone, you and I?
Not exactly, says Gaius. It seems I've been landed with Terence...
The unholy infant is coming? Griff can't believe it!
Whose is he? asks Griff.
Strictly speaking, no one's, says Gaius. No, I tell a lie. One could say he belongs to Sweezus.
Who is Sweezus? asks Griff.
Best I don't tell you, says Gaius. Let me just say, Terence fell from the Sagrada Familia into the arms of Sweezus and they are inseparable.
Inseparable, eh? says Griff. Where is this Sweezus?
Probably off surfing with Arthur, says Gaius. Or interviewing a philosopher. Or in a café, drinking that ridiculous cold drip coffee he favours.....
Inseparable, says Griff. I don't quite grasp it.
Perhaps it was not the right word, says Gaius. But Terence believes he will grow up to be Sweezus. Sweezus fears the same, and therefore tends to avoid him.
All right, says Griff. And the bandicoot?
Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. I had forgotten her.
Griff envisions the party expanding in horrible ways.
........
Ageless has arrived at the airport, with Kobo in the thin plastic carry bag.
Ageless, dear? says Kobo.
Yes, my beloved? answers Ageless.
Why does everything seem yellow? Is it the sunshine? asks Kobo.
No, precious, says Ageless. It's not the sunshine. The bag you are inside is yellow.
Yellow, that's nice, says Kobo. Where did it come from?
Why are you asking me now? says Ageless. (They are boarding a flight to Sydney).
Lunch? smiles the Jetstar attendant.
Ageless slaps the bag carelessly, as you would, if it contained a sandwich.
Prick! mutters the sandwich.
Saturday, March 4, 2017
Unspecified Misbehaviours
Griff launches into part two of his lecture.
And as for Saint Joseph, he is a man who loves nature, says Griff.
He isn't, says Terence. He hates me,
Being formed of cement, you are not strictly part of nature, says Griff.
I win, says Terence. That means I can say what I like.
Does it? asks Baby Pierre.
No, says Griff. It means he must be defeated.
Hear that? says Baby Pierre. You must be defeated.
I'm telling Grandpa, says Terence.
And what do you suppose he would say? says Griff grimly.
Terence has no idea what grandpa would say. Something about a meeting. But what if he asked him for something? A red drink. It's possible he might say yes.
Yes, says Terence.
Ha ha, laughs Baby Pierre. You just said that Grandpa would agree that you must be defeated.
Griff admires Baby Pierre's way of thinking.
He could never have come up with that. The unholy infant had replied Yes, which was the wrong answer. Yet Baby Pierre had managed to turn it to Griff's advantage.
He finds himself looking kindly at Baby Pierre.
What? says Baby Pierre, seeing Griff looking kindly.
I like your way of thinking, says Griff.
I don't, says Terence. Only Grandpa's. When are you going?
I'm not going, says Griff. Not till you are defeated.
Okay, I'm defeated, says Terence. Goodbye, loser.
Griff decides to retreat now. Would it be winning?
It's hard being a Reverend. And now here he is, about to return to Barbados, where his congregation rejected him for unspecified misbehaviours....
He returns to the kitchen.
Gaius is searching for pencils.
I may not come to Barbados, says Griff.
Nonsense says Gaius. You'll be invaluable. Not as invaluable as Arthur, but here's a test for you. Help me find a pencil.
Griff picks up a knife.
I did say a pencil, says Gaius.
And as for Saint Joseph, he is a man who loves nature, says Griff.
He isn't, says Terence. He hates me,
Being formed of cement, you are not strictly part of nature, says Griff.
I win, says Terence. That means I can say what I like.
Does it? asks Baby Pierre.
No, says Griff. It means he must be defeated.
Hear that? says Baby Pierre. You must be defeated.
I'm telling Grandpa, says Terence.
And what do you suppose he would say? says Griff grimly.
Terence has no idea what grandpa would say. Something about a meeting. But what if he asked him for something? A red drink. It's possible he might say yes.
Yes, says Terence.
Ha ha, laughs Baby Pierre. You just said that Grandpa would agree that you must be defeated.
Griff admires Baby Pierre's way of thinking.
He could never have come up with that. The unholy infant had replied Yes, which was the wrong answer. Yet Baby Pierre had managed to turn it to Griff's advantage.
He finds himself looking kindly at Baby Pierre.
What? says Baby Pierre, seeing Griff looking kindly.
I like your way of thinking, says Griff.
I don't, says Terence. Only Grandpa's. When are you going?
I'm not going, says Griff. Not till you are defeated.
Okay, I'm defeated, says Terence. Goodbye, loser.
Griff decides to retreat now. Would it be winning?
It's hard being a Reverend. And now here he is, about to return to Barbados, where his congregation rejected him for unspecified misbehaviours....
He returns to the kitchen.
Gaius is searching for pencils.
I may not come to Barbados, says Griff.
Nonsense says Gaius. You'll be invaluable. Not as invaluable as Arthur, but here's a test for you. Help me find a pencil.
Griff picks up a knife.
I did say a pencil, says Gaius.
Friday, March 3, 2017
Grandpa Marx Or Evil Saint Joseph?
Terence is talking to Nose, in the kitchen.
I used to live in a palace, says Terence. I had a parrot.
What kind of parrot? asks Nose.
A pigeon, says Baby Pierre.
A pigeon isn't a parrot, says Nose.
Do you think you know better than Terence? asks Lavender.
Yes, says Nose. I used to live in the country. We learned about nature.
My palace had nature, says Terence. Saint Joseph hated the nature.
Of all moments, Griff chooses this to come in.
HA! says Griff. Caught you out in a blasphemy! Sit down, young man.
Okay, says Terence. He sits.
Griff hardly knows where to begin.
Karl Marx aka Grandpa, or Evil Saint Joseph?
He makes a quick calculation.
God pips Saint Joseph.
Assuming you believe yourself to be a cement version of the infant Jesus, says Griff.
No, says Terence.
I have not finished my sentence, says Griff.
Can we listen? asks Lavender.
Certainly, says Griff. Where are you?
She's there, says Baby Pierre. You just can't see her.
Can Nose listen? asks Lavender.
Yes, says Griff. Now, be silent. Terence, do you believe God is your father?
The cement one, says Baby Pierre.
No, not the cement one, says Griff. He would be what we call a false idol.
Okay, says Terence. And is there a parrot?
What do you mean by a parrot? asks Griff.
DOES HE HAVE A PARROT? asks Terence. For taking messages.
Let us stick to the logical argument, says Griff. Forget the parrot.
Wah! says Terence. I've forgotten the parrot!
Remember the balloon one? asks Baby Pierre.
It popped, says Terence.
Silence! says Griff. The point I am trying to make is, God is your father.
And all the air flew out, says Terence. It went all floppy.
I'm listening, says Nose.
At least someone is, says Griff. You understand, do you, a bandicoot?
Yes, says Nose. Karl Marx must be Terence's daddy.
Father, says Griff. And of course, he isn't. But yes, you have understood. MARX CANNOT BE TERENCE'S GRANDPA!
Ha ha, laughs Lavender.
Shut up Lavender, says Baby Pierre.
Don't worry, says Terence. My Grandpa is smarter than this guy.
I used to live in a palace, says Terence. I had a parrot.
What kind of parrot? asks Nose.
A pigeon, says Baby Pierre.
A pigeon isn't a parrot, says Nose.
Do you think you know better than Terence? asks Lavender.
Yes, says Nose. I used to live in the country. We learned about nature.
My palace had nature, says Terence. Saint Joseph hated the nature.
Of all moments, Griff chooses this to come in.
HA! says Griff. Caught you out in a blasphemy! Sit down, young man.
Okay, says Terence. He sits.
Griff hardly knows where to begin.
Karl Marx aka Grandpa, or Evil Saint Joseph?
He makes a quick calculation.
God pips Saint Joseph.
Assuming you believe yourself to be a cement version of the infant Jesus, says Griff.
No, says Terence.
I have not finished my sentence, says Griff.
Can we listen? asks Lavender.
Certainly, says Griff. Where are you?
She's there, says Baby Pierre. You just can't see her.
Can Nose listen? asks Lavender.
Yes, says Griff. Now, be silent. Terence, do you believe God is your father?
The cement one, says Baby Pierre.
No, not the cement one, says Griff. He would be what we call a false idol.
Okay, says Terence. And is there a parrot?
What do you mean by a parrot? asks Griff.
DOES HE HAVE A PARROT? asks Terence. For taking messages.
Let us stick to the logical argument, says Griff. Forget the parrot.
Wah! says Terence. I've forgotten the parrot!
Remember the balloon one? asks Baby Pierre.
It popped, says Terence.
Silence! says Griff. The point I am trying to make is, God is your father.
And all the air flew out, says Terence. It went all floppy.
I'm listening, says Nose.
At least someone is, says Griff. You understand, do you, a bandicoot?
Yes, says Nose. Karl Marx must be Terence's daddy.
Father, says Griff. And of course, he isn't. But yes, you have understood. MARX CANNOT BE TERENCE'S GRANDPA!
Ha ha, laughs Lavender.
Shut up Lavender, says Baby Pierre.
Don't worry, says Terence. My Grandpa is smarter than this guy.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Metaphysical Nonsense
It is remarkable, Ageless's transformation.
He jumps out of the bath tub.
He is resplendent.
His carapace gleams darkly. His dominant claw flashes with menace.
Ageless! says Gaius. You've finished moulting. Off you go. Kobo is waiting.
Ageless swaggers into the kitchen, to find his beloved.
Gaius looks down at the floor, which is flooded.
And the bath, containing the apple.
At Terence, who is spluttering.
At Baby Pierre, who is staring at Griffith Hughes accusingly
And at Griffith Hughes,who looks smug.
He tried to kill Terence! says Baby Pierre.
Impossible, says Gaius.
He TRIED, says Terence. That's not impossible. And now he's SMILING.
I am not smiling, says Griffith Hughes.
I can see you're not smiling, says Gaius. What did you think of the apple?
I was tempted, says Griff. But I came to my senses. What is this unholy infant doing in your house?
Is it the claw? asks Gaius. I assure you it's perfectly natural for a young person like Terence to have a blood brother. It's generally a parrot. In this case it was a baby bristlebird. Whatever happened to him, Terence?
I don't know! wails Terence.
Now Terence is crying, says Baby Pierre.
Go and show him the bandicoot, says David.
Baby Pierre takes Terence down to the kitchen to find Lavender, and Nose.
No thanks, says Griff.
Do you refer to the apple? says Gaius. I didn't expect you to eat one that fell in the bath.
I get no thanks, says Griff. The usual story.
What did you do, besides try to drown Terence? asks David.
Startled Ageless out of his funk, says Griff. Created a diversion.
Well done, says Gaius. If that was your motivation. I rather think that it wasn't.
We know you Christians, says David.
That reminds me, says Griff. Does the infant really believe Karl Marx is his grandpa?
One might ask Marx the same question, says Gaius.
He behaves like a grandpa, says David. He bought Terence a Peruvian hat. On the other hand, he lost him in Melbourne.
Where Terence lost the hat, says Gaius
Enough of this metaphysical nonsense! says Griffith. Remind me to give Terence a lecture before we leave for Barbados.
You're actually going? says David. Well done. I was speaking to mother this morning. She has an address for you in Barbados. Butterfly and Fish's parents are staying at the President's Club. You must look them up.
We shall be busy looking for endangered species, says Gaius. The Atlantic Goliath Grouper, the Eskimo Curlew, the Smalltooth Sawfish, the Barbados racer.....I doubt we'll have time for luxurious consumption.
Griff thinks that he may find the time.
He jumps out of the bath tub.
He is resplendent.
His carapace gleams darkly. His dominant claw flashes with menace.
Ageless! says Gaius. You've finished moulting. Off you go. Kobo is waiting.
Ageless swaggers into the kitchen, to find his beloved.
Gaius looks down at the floor, which is flooded.
And the bath, containing the apple.
At Terence, who is spluttering.
At Baby Pierre, who is staring at Griffith Hughes accusingly
And at Griffith Hughes,who looks smug.
He tried to kill Terence! says Baby Pierre.
Impossible, says Gaius.
He TRIED, says Terence. That's not impossible. And now he's SMILING.
I am not smiling, says Griffith Hughes.
I can see you're not smiling, says Gaius. What did you think of the apple?
I was tempted, says Griff. But I came to my senses. What is this unholy infant doing in your house?
Is it the claw? asks Gaius. I assure you it's perfectly natural for a young person like Terence to have a blood brother. It's generally a parrot. In this case it was a baby bristlebird. Whatever happened to him, Terence?
I don't know! wails Terence.
Now Terence is crying, says Baby Pierre.
Go and show him the bandicoot, says David.
Baby Pierre takes Terence down to the kitchen to find Lavender, and Nose.
No thanks, says Griff.
Do you refer to the apple? says Gaius. I didn't expect you to eat one that fell in the bath.
I get no thanks, says Griff. The usual story.
What did you do, besides try to drown Terence? asks David.
Startled Ageless out of his funk, says Griff. Created a diversion.
Well done, says Gaius. If that was your motivation. I rather think that it wasn't.
We know you Christians, says David.
That reminds me, says Griff. Does the infant really believe Karl Marx is his grandpa?
One might ask Marx the same question, says Gaius.
He behaves like a grandpa, says David. He bought Terence a Peruvian hat. On the other hand, he lost him in Melbourne.
Where Terence lost the hat, says Gaius
Enough of this metaphysical nonsense! says Griffith. Remind me to give Terence a lecture before we leave for Barbados.
You're actually going? says David. Well done. I was speaking to mother this morning. She has an address for you in Barbados. Butterfly and Fish's parents are staying at the President's Club. You must look them up.
We shall be busy looking for endangered species, says Gaius. The Atlantic Goliath Grouper, the Eskimo Curlew, the Smalltooth Sawfish, the Barbados racer.....I doubt we'll have time for luxurious consumption.
Griff thinks that he may find the time.
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Logic Of A Trickster
Now, says Gaius. Take this into the bathroom, and give it to the man. Tell him it's green.
It was red, says Terence.
It was pink, says David.
Now it's white, says Terence.
Tell him it was a green one, says Gaius.
Terence heads for the bathroom.
The Reverend Griffith Hughes looks up.
He is taken aback for a moment.
It's the infant Jesus holding an apple! A vision!
He falls to his knees.
This is a green one, says Terence.
You ning-nong, says Baby Pierre. What does that mean?
I don't know, says Terence.
My deliverer! cries Griff, ignoring the colour.
See. He knows, says Terence. Gaius said you had to eat this.
And what do YOU say? asks Griff humbly.
I say, it used to be red, says Terence. David says red is pink. Gaius says green. It only looks white because Gaius is an idiot.
White is the colour of purity, says Griff. I accept it. Give me the apple.
Terence throws him the apple. It lands in the bath, next to Ageless.
It is at this point that Griff sees the infant has a claw instead of a finger.
.......
In the kitchen, Gaius is explaining his jape to David Hume.
Griff claims he only eats green ones, says Gaius. Let's see if he can tell the difference.
How shall we know? asks David.
If he eats it, says Gaius, it means he can't tell the difference.
Not necessarily, says David, unused to the logic of a trickster.
They tiptoe to the bathroom.
Just in time!
Griff is forcing Terence's head under the water.
Terence is struggling and shouting:
My blood brother's got my finger. This is his claw!
It's TRUE, says Baby Pierre. It's a bristlebird claw .
Griff is in no mood to look closely at a sign of the devil.
He puts extra pressure on Terence's head.
Save him, Ageless! cries Baby Pierre.
And Ageless rises to the occasion.
Stop this! says Ageless. You win. I have finished moulting. I am ready to come out now. No, leave the apple. When do we leave for Barbados?
It was red, says Terence.
It was pink, says David.
Now it's white, says Terence.
Tell him it was a green one, says Gaius.
Terence heads for the bathroom.
The Reverend Griffith Hughes looks up.
He is taken aback for a moment.
It's the infant Jesus holding an apple! A vision!
He falls to his knees.
This is a green one, says Terence.
You ning-nong, says Baby Pierre. What does that mean?
I don't know, says Terence.
My deliverer! cries Griff, ignoring the colour.
See. He knows, says Terence. Gaius said you had to eat this.
And what do YOU say? asks Griff humbly.
I say, it used to be red, says Terence. David says red is pink. Gaius says green. It only looks white because Gaius is an idiot.
White is the colour of purity, says Griff. I accept it. Give me the apple.
Terence throws him the apple. It lands in the bath, next to Ageless.
It is at this point that Griff sees the infant has a claw instead of a finger.
.......
In the kitchen, Gaius is explaining his jape to David Hume.
Griff claims he only eats green ones, says Gaius. Let's see if he can tell the difference.
How shall we know? asks David.
If he eats it, says Gaius, it means he can't tell the difference.
Not necessarily, says David, unused to the logic of a trickster.
They tiptoe to the bathroom.
Just in time!
Griff is forcing Terence's head under the water.
Terence is struggling and shouting:
My blood brother's got my finger. This is his claw!
It's TRUE, says Baby Pierre. It's a bristlebird claw .
Griff is in no mood to look closely at a sign of the devil.
He puts extra pressure on Terence's head.
Save him, Ageless! cries Baby Pierre.
And Ageless rises to the occasion.
Stop this! says Ageless. You win. I have finished moulting. I am ready to come out now. No, leave the apple. When do we leave for Barbados?
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