Arthur is thinking of going out to the shed, to pack Gaius's bicycle.
But it's freezing outside.
Ding dong! He hears the front door bell.
It's Sweezus.
Hey, bro, says Sweezus. You cranked up the heating!
I was cold, says Arthur.
You should've put on a jumper, says Sweezus.
This was easier, says Arthur. Gaius won't mind. I've just been talking to him.
Yeah? says Sweezus. He in Düsseldorf yet?
Just got there, says Arthur. Wanted me to find him accommodation.
A cheap backpackers? says Sweezus. How'd you go?
I picked the first one that came up, says Arthur. Max Brown Hotel Midtown. Close to the hotspots, luxury brand shopping, and the longest bar in the world.
Man! says Sweezus. That doesn't sound like Gaius.
He'll like it, says Arthur. The rooms are tiny.
Sweezus looks doubtful.
........
Düsseldorf Airport.
The policeman stops.
Gaius looks up at the policeman.
Victor! says Gaius. What are you doing here?
Seconded, says Victor. What are you doing here?
Here for the Tour, says Gaius.
With a suspicious parcel, says Victor.
Nothing gets past you, Victor, says Gaius. In fact, this is a valuable stuffed Barbados racer. I intend to present it to the Natural Science Museum.
Let's see it, says Victor.
Gaius tips out the stuffed snake.
It's broken, says Victor, who is trained to be sharply observant.
So it is, says Gaius. The end of the tail's broken off. Where is it?
He shakes out the bread bag. Nothing. Not even a bread crumb.
It's been nibbled, says Victor.
It has, agrees Gaius. I can only reach one conclusion.
Just then Tiny Sacrifice, Terence and Ageless return from the toilet.
Travelling with the usual suspects I see, says Victor. Except for this one.
My parrot, says Terence.
You never learn, do you, says Victor.
Learn what? asks Terence.
The difference between species, says Victor. How would you like to be a policeman?
Yay! says Terence.
That's just it, says Victor. You couldn't be. This is a baby snake. Am I right or am I right, Gaius?
This is the culprit, says Gaius. Tiny, did you take a bite of the stuffed snake from which you were meant to draw comfort?
Hee-hee, sniggers Ageless. That's why he took so long in the toilet.
It's not funny, says Tiny.
No, it isn't, says Gaius. How can I present it to the Science Museum in this condition?
Tell you what, says Victor. It might be easily fixed with a police issue pencil sharpener.
Mercury's mandibles! says Gaius. What a clever suggestion. Do you have one?
Not on me, says Victor. Would you like to accompany me to the nearest police station?
No, I must check into my accommodation, says Gaius. Kreuzsstrasse 19A. Do you know it?
Victor punches the address into his German police phone.
Max Brown, whistles Victor. Very classy! Close to luxury shopping and the world's longest bar. That's not like you.
Gaius frowns.
But the rooms are quite tiny, says Victor.
Gaius stops frowning. Of course. He can always trust Arthur.
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
Suspicious Bread Bag
The plane has landed in Düsseldorf. Everyone has got off.
Gaius consults his to do list.
It occurs to him that Arthur might find him some suitable accommodation, via some sort of app.
It may well be quicker.
He calls Arthur. Arthur answers. Hello?
Arthur, says Gaius. I've just arrived in Düsseldorf. Have you packed up my bicycle?
Yes, says Arthur (because he intends to).
I need to let you know where I'll be staying, says Gaius. But I don't yet know myself. Any useful suggestions?
Not really, says Arthur.
Do you have some sort of application? asks Gaius.
You're joking, says Arthur. Other people have applications.
Drat, says Gaius. I suppose I'll have to....
No, I'll do it, says Arthur. Wait there. I'll call you back.
Don't go yet! says Gaius. Ageless has a message for Kobo.
Kobo? says Arthur. I thought she was with him.
No, she's returning home with Griff, Nose and Third Sister, says Gaius. Tomorrow she'll be at my house.
I'm at your house already, says Arthur. Living cheap.
I hope you're not being wasteful with the electricity, says Gaius.
What's the message? says Arthur, changing the subject, because he is being wasteful.
Ageless sends his regards to Kobo, says Gaius.
I bet he didn't put it that way, says Arthur.
Well, no, says Gaius. He licks her. Secondly, he wants Baby Pierre to get hold of some Vantablack coating. And thirdly, he wants Ouvert to keep his mouth shut.
Which one? asks Arthur.
Either one, says Gaius. And, while you're looking things up, could you find out the location of the Natural Science Museum?
Okay, says Arthur. Sit tight.
Gaius has no choice but to. He finds a seat in the airport.
Terence is bored after only one minute.
Can I go...?
No. We're waiting for Arthur to ring back.
But Tiny wants to go to the toilet!
Does he?
Yes I do, says Tiny. Look at me, bulging.
I'll take him, says Ageless. I could do with a pee.
I'm coming too, says Terence.
Gaius is left with the stuffed Barbados racer in the bread bag which is covered with pencilled instructions, looking suspicious.
Ring ring!
Let it be Arthur.
It is.
Max Brown Hotel, says Arthur. Kreuzestrasse 19A. It's near the main station. You can catch a train from the airport.
Excellent, Arthur! says Gaius. I don't know how I've got on without you. What about the Museum?
Benrather Schlossallee 102, says Arthur.
Good man, says Gaius. When are you coming over?
Not yet, says Arthur. But Vello and David are on their way. They have to bond with Jacobi.
Jacobi who? asks Gaius.
Friedrich Heinrich Jacobi. He's the new man in their team.
You don't say, says Gaius. I know old Jacobi. Crackpot philosopher. Not much of a rider.....
That's good, says Arthur.
Sportsmanship, Arthur! says Gaius. But I must go now. There's a policeman.....
Gaius consults his to do list.
It occurs to him that Arthur might find him some suitable accommodation, via some sort of app.
It may well be quicker.
He calls Arthur. Arthur answers. Hello?
Arthur, says Gaius. I've just arrived in Düsseldorf. Have you packed up my bicycle?
Yes, says Arthur (because he intends to).
I need to let you know where I'll be staying, says Gaius. But I don't yet know myself. Any useful suggestions?
Not really, says Arthur.
Do you have some sort of application? asks Gaius.
You're joking, says Arthur. Other people have applications.
Drat, says Gaius. I suppose I'll have to....
No, I'll do it, says Arthur. Wait there. I'll call you back.
Don't go yet! says Gaius. Ageless has a message for Kobo.
Kobo? says Arthur. I thought she was with him.
No, she's returning home with Griff, Nose and Third Sister, says Gaius. Tomorrow she'll be at my house.
I'm at your house already, says Arthur. Living cheap.
I hope you're not being wasteful with the electricity, says Gaius.
What's the message? says Arthur, changing the subject, because he is being wasteful.
Ageless sends his regards to Kobo, says Gaius.
I bet he didn't put it that way, says Arthur.
Well, no, says Gaius. He licks her. Secondly, he wants Baby Pierre to get hold of some Vantablack coating. And thirdly, he wants Ouvert to keep his mouth shut.
Which one? asks Arthur.
Either one, says Gaius. And, while you're looking things up, could you find out the location of the Natural Science Museum?
Okay, says Arthur. Sit tight.
Gaius has no choice but to. He finds a seat in the airport.
Terence is bored after only one minute.
Can I go...?
No. We're waiting for Arthur to ring back.
But Tiny wants to go to the toilet!
Does he?
Yes I do, says Tiny. Look at me, bulging.
I'll take him, says Ageless. I could do with a pee.
I'm coming too, says Terence.
Gaius is left with the stuffed Barbados racer in the bread bag which is covered with pencilled instructions, looking suspicious.
Ring ring!
Let it be Arthur.
It is.
Max Brown Hotel, says Arthur. Kreuzestrasse 19A. It's near the main station. You can catch a train from the airport.
Excellent, Arthur! says Gaius. I don't know how I've got on without you. What about the Museum?
Benrather Schlossallee 102, says Arthur.
Good man, says Gaius. When are you coming over?
Not yet, says Arthur. But Vello and David are on their way. They have to bond with Jacobi.
Jacobi who? asks Gaius.
Friedrich Heinrich Jacobi. He's the new man in their team.
You don't say, says Gaius. I know old Jacobi. Crackpot philosopher. Not much of a rider.....
That's good, says Arthur.
Sportsmanship, Arthur! says Gaius. But I must go now. There's a policeman.....
Monday, June 5, 2017
Until Now No One Knew
I'll ask for a snack, says Gaius.
Anything, gasps Tiny Sacrifice.
The flight attendant comes by.
What snacks are available? asks Gaius.
Pretzels and peanuts, she answers. But wait, is it for the little one?
Little one? says Gaius.
Me, says Terence. No it isn't. What's for little ones?
Frucht-gummis, says the flight attendant. Or you might like a nice Corny Big?
Both, says Terence.
He doesn't know what they will be. Nor does Tiny.
They turn out to be fruit gums and a big chocolate biscuit.
Terence picks out the red fruit gums, Tiny tries a hard corner of Corny Big.
Gaius has resumed writing his notes on the bread bag.
It is a to do list, with three simple items.
1.) Accommodation.
2.) Call Arthur.
3.) Locate the Natural Science Museum.
That's it, says Gaius. How are the fruit gums?
Terence can't answer. His mouth is stuffed full of red ones.
Gaius has to act quickly. He doesn't want Terence choking.
Hold these! says Gaius, giving his to do list to Ageless, along with the pencil.
Ageless is only too glad to take charge of these items.
Mouth open! commands Gaius.
Terence opens.
Gaius pokes in his finger and hooks it around the back of the gummies. Thwoop! Out pops a wad of red gummies, into Terence's lap.
One at a time, says Gaius.
I was! says Terence.
It doesn't appear so, says Gaius.
Now what? says Terence.
I'll eat it, says Tiny Sacrifice. I don't like Corny Big.
In fact, a red wad of half chewed red fruit gummies is just the thing that baby snakes eat. Not all snakes, but these particular ones. Until now, no one knew that.
Tiny Sacrifice makes short work of the gummies.
Note paper, pencil! says Gaius.
Meaning, Ageless should return them.
But Ageless is busy He is writing a to do list of his own. Not for himself, but for Arthur.
So when Gaius gets his to do list back, item two has seven subsections.
2a.) tell kobo I lick her,,,, clik,,, clik,,,,,
2b.) tell her
2c.) requirements for baby pierre
2d.) vantablack coating
2e.) requirements for ouvert
2f.) keep one mouth shut
2g.) either will do,,,
Gaius hardly has room to add the new dietary information.
Anything, gasps Tiny Sacrifice.
The flight attendant comes by.
What snacks are available? asks Gaius.
Pretzels and peanuts, she answers. But wait, is it for the little one?
Little one? says Gaius.
Me, says Terence. No it isn't. What's for little ones?
Frucht-gummis, says the flight attendant. Or you might like a nice Corny Big?
Both, says Terence.
He doesn't know what they will be. Nor does Tiny.
They turn out to be fruit gums and a big chocolate biscuit.
Terence picks out the red fruit gums, Tiny tries a hard corner of Corny Big.
Gaius has resumed writing his notes on the bread bag.
It is a to do list, with three simple items.
1.) Accommodation.
2.) Call Arthur.
3.) Locate the Natural Science Museum.
That's it, says Gaius. How are the fruit gums?
Terence can't answer. His mouth is stuffed full of red ones.
Gaius has to act quickly. He doesn't want Terence choking.
Hold these! says Gaius, giving his to do list to Ageless, along with the pencil.
Ageless is only too glad to take charge of these items.
Mouth open! commands Gaius.
Terence opens.
Gaius pokes in his finger and hooks it around the back of the gummies. Thwoop! Out pops a wad of red gummies, into Terence's lap.
One at a time, says Gaius.
I was! says Terence.
It doesn't appear so, says Gaius.
Now what? says Terence.
I'll eat it, says Tiny Sacrifice. I don't like Corny Big.
In fact, a red wad of half chewed red fruit gummies is just the thing that baby snakes eat. Not all snakes, but these particular ones. Until now, no one knew that.
Tiny Sacrifice makes short work of the gummies.
Note paper, pencil! says Gaius.
Meaning, Ageless should return them.
But Ageless is busy He is writing a to do list of his own. Not for himself, but for Arthur.
So when Gaius gets his to do list back, item two has seven subsections.
2a.) tell kobo I lick her,,,, clik,,, clik,,,,,
2b.) tell her
2c.) requirements for baby pierre
2d.) vantablack coating
2e.) requirements for ouvert
2f.) keep one mouth shut
2g.) either will do,,,
Gaius hardly has room to add the new dietary information.
Sunday, June 4, 2017
Gender Divide
Frankfurt.
Griff boards a Lufthansa flight bound for Adelaide via Hong Kong.
With him are Kobo, Nose and Third Sister.
Females. They should give him no trouble.
He settles himself in his seat, does up his seat belt.
Beside him, Nose does up hers.
Ouch! says Third Sister.
Sorry, says Nose. Did I clip you?
Yes, says Third Sister. But I'm okay. Do I get a seat belt?
No, says Kobo, who is wedged in between them. You don't need a seat belt. If we crash, wrap yourself around me.
How will that help? asks Nose.
Cushioning, says Kobo.
For you, says Nose. What about her?
Hush! says Griff. Stop all that nattering. Would you like to watch an in-flight movie?
Yes, says Nose. I would. What is there?
Griff flicks through the choices. Happy Feet Two.... Jackie First Lady.....Wonder Woman.
Wonder Woman, says Kobo. That sounds good.
Having watched the trailer, and seen the spectacular Woman, Griff thinks it looks good as well.
........
Gaius is on a domestic Lufthansa flight to Düsseldorf, with Ageless and Terence.
In the overhead locker is Tiny Sacrifice, still in the bread bag.
In the bread bag with Tiny Sacrifice is the stuffed Barbados racer.
Tiny has eaten the crumbs. There were hardly any.
He missed out on breakfast and dinner.
He tries a tentative nibble of the stuffed snake which resembles his mother.
Ach! Uch! One should never do this.
Under the overhead locker, Gaius is fumbling in his pocket for a small notebook he thought he had put there.
Under Gaius's seat, Ageless, who has been resting, is disturbed by a foot movement.
Found one? asks Ageless, (referring to the eternally missing pencil).
No, says Gaius, (referring to the newly missing notebook), but I did find a pencil.
Can I have it? asks Terence.
No, says Gaius. I need it to make a few notes. If I could just find that cursed notebook.... I don't know.... Griff must have it.
There is a banging sound, in the overhead locker.
A flight attendant comes running, and opens the locker.
Your bread bag sir, says the flight attendant. It was knocking. Perhaps it could go under your seat.
Certainly! says Gaius. I shall make use of the bread bag as makeshift notepaper. Thank you, flight attendant.
It is perhaps fortunate that the flight attendant is busy. She does not remain to see what drops out of the bread bag.
Tiny Sacrifice! says Terence. What happened? You changed colour!
Nothing, I'm just hungry, says Tiny Sacrifice. Where's Third Sister?
She went home with Griff and Nose, says Terence.
Whaaa...? says Tiny Sacrifice. (He had no idea, being all the time in the bread bag).
I know, it sucks, says Terence. She was the only one who could fly. She would have been my truly best parrot.
She can't fly, says Tiny Sacrifice. She's my sister.
She can, says Terence.
Did you see her? asks Gaius, stopping his note writing.
Yes, says Terence. She was just doing it when you came in and stopped her.
She was not, says Gaius. If she were, I should certainly have remarked upon it.
She said she was about to, says Terence. And I believed her.
Is there anything to eat? asks Tiny Sacrifice. I'm so hungry I....
He stops. You don't broadcast that you've nibbled an entity resembling your mother.
Griff boards a Lufthansa flight bound for Adelaide via Hong Kong.
With him are Kobo, Nose and Third Sister.
Females. They should give him no trouble.
He settles himself in his seat, does up his seat belt.
Beside him, Nose does up hers.
Ouch! says Third Sister.
Sorry, says Nose. Did I clip you?
Yes, says Third Sister. But I'm okay. Do I get a seat belt?
No, says Kobo, who is wedged in between them. You don't need a seat belt. If we crash, wrap yourself around me.
How will that help? asks Nose.
Cushioning, says Kobo.
For you, says Nose. What about her?
Hush! says Griff. Stop all that nattering. Would you like to watch an in-flight movie?
Yes, says Nose. I would. What is there?
Griff flicks through the choices. Happy Feet Two.... Jackie First Lady.....Wonder Woman.
Wonder Woman, says Kobo. That sounds good.
Having watched the trailer, and seen the spectacular Woman, Griff thinks it looks good as well.
........
Gaius is on a domestic Lufthansa flight to Düsseldorf, with Ageless and Terence.
In the overhead locker is Tiny Sacrifice, still in the bread bag.
In the bread bag with Tiny Sacrifice is the stuffed Barbados racer.
Tiny has eaten the crumbs. There were hardly any.
He missed out on breakfast and dinner.
He tries a tentative nibble of the stuffed snake which resembles his mother.
Ach! Uch! One should never do this.
Under the overhead locker, Gaius is fumbling in his pocket for a small notebook he thought he had put there.
Under Gaius's seat, Ageless, who has been resting, is disturbed by a foot movement.
Found one? asks Ageless, (referring to the eternally missing pencil).
No, says Gaius, (referring to the newly missing notebook), but I did find a pencil.
Can I have it? asks Terence.
No, says Gaius. I need it to make a few notes. If I could just find that cursed notebook.... I don't know.... Griff must have it.
There is a banging sound, in the overhead locker.
A flight attendant comes running, and opens the locker.
Your bread bag sir, says the flight attendant. It was knocking. Perhaps it could go under your seat.
Certainly! says Gaius. I shall make use of the bread bag as makeshift notepaper. Thank you, flight attendant.
It is perhaps fortunate that the flight attendant is busy. She does not remain to see what drops out of the bread bag.
Tiny Sacrifice! says Terence. What happened? You changed colour!
Nothing, I'm just hungry, says Tiny Sacrifice. Where's Third Sister?
She went home with Griff and Nose, says Terence.
Whaaa...? says Tiny Sacrifice. (He had no idea, being all the time in the bread bag).
I know, it sucks, says Terence. She was the only one who could fly. She would have been my truly best parrot.
She can't fly, says Tiny Sacrifice. She's my sister.
She can, says Terence.
Did you see her? asks Gaius, stopping his note writing.
Yes, says Terence. She was just doing it when you came in and stopped her.
She was not, says Gaius. If she were, I should certainly have remarked upon it.
She said she was about to, says Terence. And I believed her.
Is there anything to eat? asks Tiny Sacrifice. I'm so hungry I....
He stops. You don't broadcast that you've nibbled an entity resembling your mother.
Saturday, June 3, 2017
Team Claw
Later, on the flight to Frankfurt.
Ageless is snoozing under Gaius's seat. Kobo is awake beside him.
She overhears Gaius and Griff talking.
Griff: Not long until we part ways.
Gaius: Indeed. I ought to thank you for your assistance.
Griff: Not at all. It is I who should thank you. I feel I have blossomed as a person, whilst in Barbados.
Gaius: How so?
Griff: It began on the flight over. I had a revelation. I believe it was the voice of the Lord. The voice said clearly, GO FOR IT. And I took the Lord's advice and I went for it.
Gaius: Go for it? Are you sure?
Griff: Certain.
Gaius: Very strange. And what are your plans, when you return to Adelaide?
Griff: Oh, back to the library.
Gaius: You wouldn't consider taking Terence with you?
Griff: No, I wouldn't.
Gaius: Just a thought. What about the others?
Griff: Prefer not. But if you like, I'll take Nose and Third Sister.
Gaius: That would leave me with Terence and Tiny Sacrifice. And of course Ageless and Kobo. But they are more or less independent.
Griff: Done.
Under the seat, Kobo is making a decision.
She will go home as well. But Ageless won't like it.
She pokes Ageless awake.
I'm not going to Düsseldorf, says Kobo. I'm going home.
Good, grunts Ageless. You can organise Baby Pierre. I'll make a list of requirements.
I'm sure Baby Pierre will have organised everything perfectly, says Kobo. You know how he looks after that bicycle.
It's the other member of his team I'm concerned with, says Ageless. You know who it is?
No, says Kobo.
Ouvert, says Ageless.
Ooo! says Kobo. Ouvert! That little two-mouth scallywag.
Exactly, says Ageless. Have you got a pencil?
For goodness sake, Ageless, says Kobo. When have I ever had a pencil?
Did someone call for a pencil? asks Gaius.
Me, says Ageless. I'm about to write a list of requirements for Team Claw.
Griff will have one, says Gaius.
But Griff doesn't have one.
The hot meal trolley trundles by, backwards, leaving a delicious smell of herbed gnocchi, fried chicken breast and cranberry crumble in its wake.
By the time it returns, Ageless will have thought up a long list of requirements.
But he will not have written them down.
Ageless is snoozing under Gaius's seat. Kobo is awake beside him.
She overhears Gaius and Griff talking.
Griff: Not long until we part ways.
Gaius: Indeed. I ought to thank you for your assistance.
Griff: Not at all. It is I who should thank you. I feel I have blossomed as a person, whilst in Barbados.
Gaius: How so?
Griff: It began on the flight over. I had a revelation. I believe it was the voice of the Lord. The voice said clearly, GO FOR IT. And I took the Lord's advice and I went for it.
Gaius: Go for it? Are you sure?
Griff: Certain.
Gaius: Very strange. And what are your plans, when you return to Adelaide?
Griff: Oh, back to the library.
Gaius: You wouldn't consider taking Terence with you?
Griff: No, I wouldn't.
Gaius: Just a thought. What about the others?
Griff: Prefer not. But if you like, I'll take Nose and Third Sister.
Gaius: That would leave me with Terence and Tiny Sacrifice. And of course Ageless and Kobo. But they are more or less independent.
Griff: Done.
Under the seat, Kobo is making a decision.
She will go home as well. But Ageless won't like it.
She pokes Ageless awake.
I'm not going to Düsseldorf, says Kobo. I'm going home.
Good, grunts Ageless. You can organise Baby Pierre. I'll make a list of requirements.
I'm sure Baby Pierre will have organised everything perfectly, says Kobo. You know how he looks after that bicycle.
It's the other member of his team I'm concerned with, says Ageless. You know who it is?
No, says Kobo.
Ouvert, says Ageless.
Ooo! says Kobo. Ouvert! That little two-mouth scallywag.
Exactly, says Ageless. Have you got a pencil?
For goodness sake, Ageless, says Kobo. When have I ever had a pencil?
Did someone call for a pencil? asks Gaius.
Me, says Ageless. I'm about to write a list of requirements for Team Claw.
Griff will have one, says Gaius.
But Griff doesn't have one.
The hot meal trolley trundles by, backwards, leaving a delicious smell of herbed gnocchi, fried chicken breast and cranberry crumble in its wake.
By the time it returns, Ageless will have thought up a long list of requirements.
But he will not have written them down.
Friday, June 2, 2017
The Art Of Appropriate Choosing
The Condor DE flight to Frankfurt boards in ten minutes.
I need to make a quick phone call, says Gaius.
He phones Arthur Rimbaud.
Arthur is not expecting a call from Gaius. He has just recharged his phone.
Hello, Gaius, says Arthur. How was Barbados?
I'm still here, says Gaius, about to head to Düsseldorf via Frankfurt. I wonder if you could do something for me?
What? says Arthur.
Pack up my racing bicycle and bring it with you to Düsseldorf, says Gaius.
Okay, says Arthur. What team are you in?
I take that to mean I'm not in Team Condor, says Gaius. Funny. I thought the fact that I was flying with Condor may have been an omen.
Maybe it was, says Arthur. Pablo's hurt his knee. Crashed in the Giro.
Excellent, says Gaius. Think of me as available. Ah! We're boarding! See you in Düsseldorf.
......
Arthur calls Sweezus.
Yeah? says Sweezus. What's up?
Gaius is available, says Arthur.
That's cool, says Sweezus. We can use him. The boss doesn't need him in his team. He's got this new guy.
Who's he got? asks Arthur.
Richie Rich, says Sweezus. Lives in Düsseldorf. That saves the boss money.
Come on, says Arthur. He's not called Richie Rich.
Friedrich Heinrich Jacobi, says Sweezus. He's a knobhead. We had to teleconference him.
A philosopher? asks Arthur. Is he fit?
Yeah, a philosopher. Skinny, says Sweezus. Could be fit. The boss loves him. David doesn't.
Let me guess, says Arthur. He's a critic of the enlightenment.
Got it in one, says Sweezus. And a knobhead.
.........
Because the Condor long haul ( Zone 3) flight departs before 10 am, breakfast is included.
Gaius and Griff are sitting together. Terence is one seat in front, with Nose and Third Sister.
Tiny Sacrifice is in one of the bread bags with the dead mother.
He likes it that way.
But to more cheerful subjects....the breakfast.
Terence! says Gaius sharply, from behind.
What? says Terence.
Don't eat all the breakfast! It represents conspicuous consumption of the worst sort. Choose one thing each and send the rest back to the galley.
Boo, says Terence, under his breath. I bet he eats all of his breakfast.
No, he won't. says Nose. Gaius is sensible. What have we got?
Fruit yogurt, ham with bayleaf, salami and gouda, scrambled eggs with bratwurst, potato cubes and veg, fresh fruit salad, croissant, roll, bread, jam and chocolate, says the smiling flight attendant. Does that sound yummy?
I only eat tree eggs, says Third Sister.
I eat red things says Terence. What kind of jam?
You can choose the colour, says the flight attendant. And ham is also red, in a way.
Ham and jam! says Terence.
Yuk, says Nose. I'll have the yogurt.
I need to make a quick phone call, says Gaius.
He phones Arthur Rimbaud.
Arthur is not expecting a call from Gaius. He has just recharged his phone.
Hello, Gaius, says Arthur. How was Barbados?
I'm still here, says Gaius, about to head to Düsseldorf via Frankfurt. I wonder if you could do something for me?
What? says Arthur.
Pack up my racing bicycle and bring it with you to Düsseldorf, says Gaius.
Okay, says Arthur. What team are you in?
I take that to mean I'm not in Team Condor, says Gaius. Funny. I thought the fact that I was flying with Condor may have been an omen.
Maybe it was, says Arthur. Pablo's hurt his knee. Crashed in the Giro.
Excellent, says Gaius. Think of me as available. Ah! We're boarding! See you in Düsseldorf.
......
Arthur calls Sweezus.
Yeah? says Sweezus. What's up?
Gaius is available, says Arthur.
That's cool, says Sweezus. We can use him. The boss doesn't need him in his team. He's got this new guy.
Who's he got? asks Arthur.
Richie Rich, says Sweezus. Lives in Düsseldorf. That saves the boss money.
Come on, says Arthur. He's not called Richie Rich.
Friedrich Heinrich Jacobi, says Sweezus. He's a knobhead. We had to teleconference him.
A philosopher? asks Arthur. Is he fit?
Yeah, a philosopher. Skinny, says Sweezus. Could be fit. The boss loves him. David doesn't.
Let me guess, says Arthur. He's a critic of the enlightenment.
Got it in one, says Sweezus. And a knobhead.
.........
Because the Condor long haul ( Zone 3) flight departs before 10 am, breakfast is included.
Gaius and Griff are sitting together. Terence is one seat in front, with Nose and Third Sister.
Tiny Sacrifice is in one of the bread bags with the dead mother.
He likes it that way.
But to more cheerful subjects....the breakfast.
Terence! says Gaius sharply, from behind.
What? says Terence.
Don't eat all the breakfast! It represents conspicuous consumption of the worst sort. Choose one thing each and send the rest back to the galley.
Boo, says Terence, under his breath. I bet he eats all of his breakfast.
No, he won't. says Nose. Gaius is sensible. What have we got?
Fruit yogurt, ham with bayleaf, salami and gouda, scrambled eggs with bratwurst, potato cubes and veg, fresh fruit salad, croissant, roll, bread, jam and chocolate, says the smiling flight attendant. Does that sound yummy?
I only eat tree eggs, says Third Sister.
I eat red things says Terence. What kind of jam?
You can choose the colour, says the flight attendant. And ham is also red, in a way.
Ham and jam! says Terence.
Yuk, says Nose. I'll have the yogurt.
Thursday, June 1, 2017
Stiff Mother
It's very late now. Reception is closed for the night.
Griff has already gone to bed, unwilling to wait up for Gaius.
He is dreaming of Rachel Pringle Polgreen, in an un-Christian way.
Terence is staying awake.
He walks up and down in Reception.
Stomp stomp.
This is boring.
Until:
Tiny Sacrifice wriggles under the door with Third Sister.
Yay! says Terence. There's two of you.
This is Third Sister, says Tiny Sacrifice. Where's Gaius?
I'm waiting for Gaius, says Terence. He went to get something.
We'll wait with you, says Tiny Sacrifice.
You'll be safe waiting with me, says Terence.
They are still waiting for Gaius, when Kobo and Ageless come in, with Nose in between them.
Tiny! says Nose. I was waiting for you! Did you find your parents?
Yes, says Tiny Sacrifice. It was pretty good, but I couldn't stay. This is Third Sister.
Hello Third Sister, says Nose.
I heard all about you, says Third Sister. You killed Stede Bonnet.
I had to, says Nose.
How did you do it? asks Third Sister.
I glassed him in the soft parts, says Nose.
Wow, says Third Sister. I bet he deserved it.
Yes, he deserved it, says Nose. but I'm on the run now.
We are too, says Tiny Sacrifice. We're waiting for Gaius.
That's not running, says Terence.
Being on the run isn't running, says Nose.
It could be flying, says Terence. But you can't do that either.
I can, says Third Sister.
It is late and she is delirious.
Show me, says Terence. If you can you can be my new parrot.
Enough! says Ageless. Bedtime! We fly to Düsseldorf in the morning.
Would Nose and Third Sister like to sleep with us on our cushion? asks Kobo.
NO! says Ageless. They wouldn't.
It is now that Gaius comes in, with his long parcel.
Aha! says Gaius. All up? Terence, you should be in bed. Tiny Sacrifice, I have something for you.
He thrusts forth the parcel.
Tiny Sacrifice slithers forward.
No way can he open the parcel.
Seeing you're still up, Terence, says Gaius. You may do the honours.
Terence tears at the string and rips apart the two bread bags.
The stuffed Barbados racer drops out.
Everyone stares at the stuffed Barbados racer.
Who's that? asks Tiny Sacrifice.
It looks like mother, says Third Sister. But she's stiff.
She's a stiff mother, says Terence. The best sort of mother. The Virgin was stiff.
You said she was a rubbish mother, says Nose.
Depends, says Terence. Sometimes you need a stiff mother.
Nose tries to think of a time when she might need a stiff mother.
Yes, she can think of an instance.
A stiff mother would stand up to developers. But only if she could speak..... no, Nose wouldn't like a stiff mother.
Third Sister is looking at the stuffed Barbados racer with tears in her eyes.
Don't worry, says Nose. It's no use to anyone.
No use to anyone, says Tiny.
No use, snivels Third Sister.
I'm glad you all think that, says Gaius. Because it releases me from my initial intention of providing Tiny Sacrifice with a comfort. Instead, I shall present the stuffed racer to the Düsseldorf Natural Science Museum. Any objections?
Kobo feels sorry for the stuffed racer.
She feels she ought to speak up.
I have no objections, says Kobo, but it ought to be recognised that stiffness in a mother is sometimes no fault of the mother.
Fine sentiments Kobo, says Gaius. I applaud you.
We should all applaud the stiff mother, says Kobo.
If it is a mother, says Ageless.
In spite of which undermining comment, the stiff mother is applauded.
And now it is bed time. They fly to Düsseldorf tomorrow.
Griff has already gone to bed, unwilling to wait up for Gaius.
He is dreaming of Rachel Pringle Polgreen, in an un-Christian way.
Terence is staying awake.
He walks up and down in Reception.
Stomp stomp.
This is boring.
Until:
Tiny Sacrifice wriggles under the door with Third Sister.
Yay! says Terence. There's two of you.
This is Third Sister, says Tiny Sacrifice. Where's Gaius?
I'm waiting for Gaius, says Terence. He went to get something.
We'll wait with you, says Tiny Sacrifice.
You'll be safe waiting with me, says Terence.
They are still waiting for Gaius, when Kobo and Ageless come in, with Nose in between them.
Tiny! says Nose. I was waiting for you! Did you find your parents?
Yes, says Tiny Sacrifice. It was pretty good, but I couldn't stay. This is Third Sister.
Hello Third Sister, says Nose.
I heard all about you, says Third Sister. You killed Stede Bonnet.
I had to, says Nose.
How did you do it? asks Third Sister.
I glassed him in the soft parts, says Nose.
Wow, says Third Sister. I bet he deserved it.
Yes, he deserved it, says Nose. but I'm on the run now.
We are too, says Tiny Sacrifice. We're waiting for Gaius.
That's not running, says Terence.
Being on the run isn't running, says Nose.
It could be flying, says Terence. But you can't do that either.
I can, says Third Sister.
It is late and she is delirious.
Show me, says Terence. If you can you can be my new parrot.
Enough! says Ageless. Bedtime! We fly to Düsseldorf in the morning.
Would Nose and Third Sister like to sleep with us on our cushion? asks Kobo.
NO! says Ageless. They wouldn't.
It is now that Gaius comes in, with his long parcel.
Aha! says Gaius. All up? Terence, you should be in bed. Tiny Sacrifice, I have something for you.
He thrusts forth the parcel.
Tiny Sacrifice slithers forward.
No way can he open the parcel.
Seeing you're still up, Terence, says Gaius. You may do the honours.
Terence tears at the string and rips apart the two bread bags.
The stuffed Barbados racer drops out.
Everyone stares at the stuffed Barbados racer.
Who's that? asks Tiny Sacrifice.
It looks like mother, says Third Sister. But she's stiff.
She's a stiff mother, says Terence. The best sort of mother. The Virgin was stiff.
You said she was a rubbish mother, says Nose.
Depends, says Terence. Sometimes you need a stiff mother.
Nose tries to think of a time when she might need a stiff mother.
Yes, she can think of an instance.
A stiff mother would stand up to developers. But only if she could speak..... no, Nose wouldn't like a stiff mother.
Third Sister is looking at the stuffed Barbados racer with tears in her eyes.
Don't worry, says Nose. It's no use to anyone.
No use to anyone, says Tiny.
No use, snivels Third Sister.
I'm glad you all think that, says Gaius. Because it releases me from my initial intention of providing Tiny Sacrifice with a comfort. Instead, I shall present the stuffed racer to the Düsseldorf Natural Science Museum. Any objections?
Kobo feels sorry for the stuffed racer.
She feels she ought to speak up.
I have no objections, says Kobo, but it ought to be recognised that stiffness in a mother is sometimes no fault of the mother.
Fine sentiments Kobo, says Gaius. I applaud you.
We should all applaud the stiff mother, says Kobo.
If it is a mother, says Ageless.
In spite of which undermining comment, the stiff mother is applauded.
And now it is bed time. They fly to Düsseldorf tomorrow.
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