Appreciating the Paleoshoreline

They climbed the wooden steps to the cliff path where Margaret pointed to a lookout with a seat.

We'll sit there for a few minutes, she said. I'll point out some of the geological features to you.

Ahuff..ahuff, puffed Le Bon David. Good idea. I could do with a seat.

Here you see something of the late Precambrian Marinoan sequence, said Margaret. Due to strongly fluctuating sea levels we see silt depositions and thin sandstone intervals along the paleoshoreline....

What's that? asked The VeloDrone.

Excuse me? said Margaret sharply. Don't you know?

No, we are not geologists, said The VeloDrone. Are you talking about those rocks down there?

Yes, said Le Bon David. Are you? Because they just look like small dull-coloured irregular rocks of no particular interest....

Shame on you, said Margaret. You must be looking at the wrong rocks!

I prefer to look at the sea, said Le Bon David. The way it heaves and swells, how it glitters and sparkles, and changes colour with the passing clouds.

David, said The VeloDrone, I have never known you to appreciate the sea.

You've never known me to have so little else to appreciate, said Le Bon David. At least at Port Elliot we saw whales. And then, there were those delicious pies....

Pies! snapped Margaret. You'll get pies! But first I'm determined to get you excited about our coastal landscape! Come on, get up! We're going down to see the Contemplation.

The Exeloo

Margaret was the bossy type.

First we'll visit the toilet, she said.

I don't need to go, said The VeloDrone. Do you, David?

No, said Le Bon David.

Nor do I, said Margaret. But a visit to the Marino Rocks Exeloo is not to be missed.

Lead on then, Margaret, said The VeloDrone.

Margaret led them around the corner to a public toilet colourfully decorated with mosaics in a triangular design with a coastal theme, featuring cliffs, walking trails, rocks, fish, boats, leafy sea dragons, seabirds, seals and a mermaid.

You see! she said, pointing to Exeloo. This wonderful artwork was completed by local residents in 2006. It is entitled Celebrating our Coast and was designed by the artist Michael Tye. The theme is the cycle of nature and the nature of edges.

The cycle of nature, said Le Bon David. On a toilet. A rare insight.

And the nature of edges, said The VeloDrone. In that case, one might hesitate to enter and sit down.

People usually say that they love the sea creatures, and the mermaid, said Margaret, disapprovingly.

We are philosophers, said Le Bon David. Not naturalists, or artists. I say! Is that a cafe over there?

It is, said Margaret, but we aren't going there.

But it's so close, said Le Bon David. We don't need to do the cliff walk to Kingston if we go there.

No no! Far too expensive! sniffed Margaret, Come on now. Up the steps! Chip chop! Unless you've changed your mind about the loo.

My Name's Margaret.

It was the day of the Field Geologists picnic. They met in the city and all piled onto the hired bus. Gaius sat next to the president. The VeloDrone and Le Bon David sat behind them.

Where are we going again? asked The VeloDrone.

Who knows? said Le Bon David, glumly. Somewhere rocky, no doubt.

He tapped Gaius on the shoulder.

Where are we going? he asked.

Marino Rocks, said Gaius. A fascinating geological site. Isn't that right? he nudged the president.

Oh yes, said the president. Very fascinating. Of course we've all been there before. Many times. Today is really all about having fun.

Gaius frowned.

Fun? said The VeloDrone. That sounds more like it. What sort of fun?

Well, said the president, we'll be looking for the spot where you can stand with one foot in the Permian and one in the Pre-Cambrian.

Oh, said The VeloDrone. Super!

........

They arrived at Marino Rocks. Everyone got out of the bus. The Field Geologists adjusted their backpacks, put on their hats and prepared to spread out. The beach was very rocky, and there was nowhere to sit down.

There's nowhere to sit down! protested Le Bon David.

You aren't supposed to sit down, said Gaius. Look at all this wonderful geology! What a spectacle! Go and spread out, like the others.

I thought it was a picnic, said Le Bon David. I'm feeling rather peckish already.

Well, eat your own picnic now, said Gaius crossly.

My own picnic, said Le Bon David. I thought I was a guest at this thing!

You are, said Gaius, but if you didn't pre-order a chicken, you had to bring your own food.

Wonderful, said Le Bon David. I haven't pre-ordered a chicken and neither has Vello. What shall we do?

I don't know, said Gaius. If it was me, I'd do without.

You invited us, said Le Bon David. Why don't you do without, and give us your chicken.

I'll share my chicken with you, said Gaius, but the picnic isn't till later.

I say, said a lady Field Geologist. I couldn't help overhearing. If you want to buy something to eat, take the cliff walk back to the caravan park at Kingston. It's that way, she added, pointing north. I'll come with you. By the way, my name's Margaret.

Unexpected Consternation

Next morning Marie and Belle et Bonne were already in the office when The VeloDrone and Le Bon David arrived.

What are you two laughing at? asked Le Bon David.

Belle sent your Baroness Susan a winking smiley face emoticon, said Marie. And the Baroness has just sent you a 'tongue out' one.

This must be stopped! cried David. It's getting out of hand!

That'll be the end of it, said Belle et Bonne. Trust me Uncle David. It's the language of emoticons.

Alright, said Le Bon David, doubtfully. But it beats me how you know about such things.

It's not much different from the old language of fans, said Belle et Bonne.

I never understood that either, said Le Bon David.

How was the Our Mob opening event? asked Marie. Did you both enjoy yourselves?

We did, said The VeloDrone. We met Auntie Josie, and had an interesting conversation with her about art. You know, she reminds me a little bit of our friend Gaius.

How? asked Belle et Bonne. Because she's an elder?

Because she's quirky, said The VeloDrone. In a good way. I can just imagine Gaius claiming that he couldn't paint a cat.

And telling everyone they ought to go home early, said Le Bon David.

Speaking of Gaius, said Marie, he called this morning with some good news. He's managed to get you both invited to the Field Geologists' picnic after all. It's this weekend. I told him you'd be coming.

The faces of the invitees expressed unexpected consternation.

What's the matter? asked Marie. I thought you'd want to go.

Painting a Cat

That evening The VeloDrone and Le Bon David went to the opening of the Our Mob exhibition.

They entered the Artspace, to be met with a grand explosion of colour largely composed of dots.

Dots, said Le Bon David. I used not to enjoy them as much as I do now.

Me too, agreed the VeloDrone. Do you think the artists have improved, or are we more discerning?

Both, perhaps, said Le Bon David. But look out there! They're serving wine and dips. And filled baguettes! And pies and sausage rolls! Let's go.

They went outside. A band played eighties music and people stood around talking, or sat at tables eating.

The speeches began. Auntie Josie gave a Welcome to Country. Then she said. It's so nice to be here and to see this lovely art. I wish I could paint, I couldn't paint a cat! Now all you people, remember to go home early, this is a bad place, especially that place over there. She waved in the direction of the casino.

A troupe of young boys danced the red kangaroo dance, the emu and the brolga dance, and the dingo dance, kicking up the red dust.

Afterwards The VeloDrone and Le Bon David found themselves standing next to Auntie Josie.

I enjoyed your speech, Auntie Josie, said The VeloDrone.

Thanks, said Auntie Josie.

You set the bar quite high, he went on. I note that none of the artists represented here has tried to paint a cat.

Auntie Josie laughed.

What would those fellers want to paint a cat for?

Coquin!

Don't worry, Uncle David, said Belle et Bonne. These things happen all the time.

Not to ME! said Le Bon David. Oh this is dreadful!

What's up, David? asked The VeloDrone, coming into the office.

I've sent Susan a link to a porn site, said Le Bon David.

Good for you, said the VeloDrone. But that's not your usual style.

I didn't do it on purpose, said Le Bon David. In fact, I didn't do it at all.

You can't have it both ways, said the Velodrone.

I was hacked, said Le Bon David. And everyone's been sent the link.

I see, said The VeloDrone, grinning. Have you had any replies?

I don't know, said Le Bon David. Have I had any replies, Belle dear?

Yes, there's one from Jean Jaques Rousseau, said Belle et Bonne. Do you want me to read it?

Le Bon David nodded.

She began to read primly: Coquin! I always knew you had it in for me! Thanks to you I'm in the shit with Therese! JJR.

Haha! laughed The VeloDrone. Serves him right. Are there any more?

Professor Freud, said Belle et Bonne. He's written: Dear David! You surprise me! But better out than in!

Goodness! said Le Bon David. Whatever does he mean by that? Better out than in? Doesn't that usually refer to flatulence?

I don't know, said Belle et Bonne. But oh dear, one's just come in from your Baroness friend.

What does it say? groaned Le Bon David.

It's just a smiley face, said Belle et Bonne. That's all.

The VeloDrone roared with laughter.

A smiley face! said Le Bon David. What do you suppose it means? Did she get it or didn't she? Should I reply? I don't know what to say.

I'll reply for you, Uncle David, said Belle et Bonne. Don't you worry about a thing. Now look, here's a nice invitation for you and papa to attend an opening at the Artspace tonight. Our Mob, it's called. There'll be indigenous art, speeches, dancing and refreshments. I think you should go. It'll cheer you up.

Old Boys

The fitting of electrodes to The VeloDrone's and Le Bon David's heads was not to be accomplished that night, however. The Baroness had agreed to dine with the headmaster of Saint Peter's and some Old Boys.

The headmaster came over.

Are you two Old Boys? he asked.

The VeloDrone gave him a withering look.

I thought not, said the head. Well Susan, it's time we were leaving.

Alright, said Susan. Goodbye David, and Vello. Here's my email address. We must keep in touch.

Thank you, said Le Bon David, taking her card. It was a pleasure to meet you, Susan.

Likewise, said Susan, over her shoulder, walking off with the head.

........

Next morning Le Bon David arrived at the office, to find Belle et Bonne looking troubled.

You'll never guess what's happened, Uncle David, she said. Someone's hacked into your email account, and sent horrid spam links to all of your contacts.

What does that mean, my dear? asked Le Bon David. I don't understand.

It means, said Belle et Bonne, that everyone you know has received a link to a porn site from you.

Oh well, said Le Bon David. They all know me......oh no!

What Uncle David? said Belle et Bonne.

Good heavens! said David. I've just added the Baroness to my list of contacts!