She Sucks It From Under

Karl Marx, father of socialism, cycles back to Marrawah with Ying, Cradle Coast campus student.

Well, Ying..... says Marx, in order to open the conversation.

Yes? says Ying.

She grips the handlebars tightly, and presses down hard on the seat.

Nice name, says Marx. What does it mean?

Clever, says Ying. It means clever.

Clever, says Marx. That was optimistic of your parents. Are you clever?

I'm at uni, says Ying. So far I'm going okay. Got a distinction for Regional Science A.

Ah, regional science, says Marx, swerving to avoid a tin can. I'm afraid I can't stomach the country.

But it's so beautiful, says Ying, pointing through the trees to the coastline.

It's the country people, says Marx. They suffer from what I call idiocy.

That's a bit rich, says Ying.

In the classical sense, says Marx quickly. From the Greek 'idiotes', meaning concerned with their private affairs.

What's wrong with that? says Ying, thinking about her own private affairs, and how she never seems to get any closer to Arthur.

Except that she's riding his bicycle.

She looks down at the cross bar.

It is smeared with something like cheese.

Everything, says Marx. What do you think the purpose of life is?

To understand things, says Ying.

(Such as is that really cheese?  And why is Arthur elusive?)

That's where you are wrong, says Marx. The purpose of life is to CHANGE things through the constant revolutionising of production and the disturbance of all social conditions.

That's for old guys like you, says Ying. Good luck with it. Nowadays we're into tourism and making artisan honey and chocolates. And by the way, what does YOUR name mean? And what do you reckon THIS is? This sticky stuff here?

Marx is taken aback at the abruptness of his young comrade.

It looks like blood, says Marx. But it also exhibits the properties of dried up soft cheese. I suggest you scrape some off and lick it. As for my name, Karl simply means man.

Your parents were not optimistic, says Ying, scraping away at the hard stuff.

She sucks a bit out from under her fingernail. It tastes metallic and salty, with hints of crab.

Yuk, says Ying. That was disgusting.

You are courageous, says Marx.

They are now getting on as two equals, which is an improvement.

They arrive in Marrawah fifteen minutes behind Zak's Hilux and the Wicked camper.

They stop at the Marrawah General Store.

It's open, and their famous scallop pies are on the menu again.

And you can buy ice there.

The Power Of Erotic Suggestion

Terence is not allowed to do the alteration.

He walks to the edge of the cliff.

Blowhole! says Terence.

Gaius said everyone has one.

Terence looks out to sea, where Arthur and Sweezus are both riding in on a wave.

He tries to picture their blowholes.

But he isn't sure where they would be.

.......

Sweezus paddles out again.

Arthur follows.

They bob up and down.

Cold salt water drips from their hair down their noses and onto their surfboards.

Drip, drip, drip.

What day is it? asks Sweezus.

Arthur says he doesn't know.

.......

Gaius and Marx are drinking tea out of cracked melamine tea cups.

Just look at Arthur out there, says Gaius.

The energy of youth, says Marx. Sun, sea and exercise. Commendable.

What I mean is, says Gaius, that he has no right to be out there when I need his assistance.

Can I help? says Marx. I'm not young but I do like to keep myself occupied.

I need a fridge, says Gaius.

Oh, says Marx. Isn't there one in the camper?

No, says Gaius. And because there isn't, my specimens are compromised.

May I say something? says Marx. I'm not being critical.

Go ahead, says Gaius.

For a scientist, you are woefully short on equipment, says Marx.

I seldom need it, says Gaius. And when I do, Arthur.....

I should like to see him come up with a fridge, says Marx.

What's this about a fridge? says Rosamunda.

Arthur is to acquire one, says Marx. Out of nowhere.

What nonsense, says Rosamunda. A fridge isn't a knife. Or a pencil. Why don't you just get some ice?

Ice! There's a simple solution.

..........

Sweezus and Arthur leave the water and make their way up to the car park.

You guys look a bit green, says Zak, taking charge of the surfboards.

It only needs someone to tell you you look a bit green.

Brupghh!! says Sweezus, burping up fish paste.

Arthur turns pale as a turnip.

You guys are not riding bicycles, says Rosamunda. Get in the camper. We're going back to Marrawah for ice.

I'll ride Arthur's bike, says Ying, looking up from her work on the SPHINCTER.

And I shall ride with you, on the other one, says Marx. Don't be alarmed! I have no ill intentions.

Ugh. The idea of riding Arthur's bicycle suddenly becomes less erotic.

The Great Anatomical Orifice

At last, Zak, Surfing-With-Whales and Stew come out of the water.

They trek up to the carpark, surfboards dripping.

Who wants a sandwich? says Zak.

Me, I'm starving, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Me too, says Stew.

Zak opens the door of the Hilux, and looks for his sandwiches.

Weird, says Zak. They're not there.

He opens several compartments. No sandwiches.

Sweezus and Arthur come over.

We ate your sandwiches, says Sweezus. Hope you don't mind.

No worries, says Zak. They were pretty old anyway. Are you ...?

Yep, says Surfing-With-Whales. Our mates. Sweezus and Arthur.

Pleased to meet you, says Zak. Wanna borrow a couple of boards? Awesome breaks out there.

Yeah, thanks, says Sweezus. Come on Arthur.

Sweezus and Arthur grab a couple of surfboards and head down the track to the beach.

Zak, Surfing-With-Whales and Stew head across to the camper.

Hey, says Surfing-With-Whales. Nice camper. What's a SPINCER?

It's not meant to say SPINCER, says Terence.

Inside every princess... says Zak. I know this one. It's not SPINCER.

Dear me, says Gaius. This won't do. Let me think.

Hi guys, says Rosamunda. Admiring our camper?

Is there any food in it? asks Surfing-With-Whales.

No, says Rosamunda. That's why we ate your sandwiches. Sorry.

She is about to offer everyone a cup of tea when:

SPHINCTER! says Gaius. Inside every princess! In fact .....

There's a sphincter inside everybody, says Unni.

Ha ha, laughs Stew, (thinking about the particular).

It's not funny, young man, says Marx. It's a tenet of socialism. A leveller. I vote we change SPINCER to SPHINCTER. All in favour?

I vote for SPHINCTER, says Gaius. We all have them. In the eye, the oesophagus, the stomach, the small intestine, the urethra, the anus and capillaries. Whales have them in their blowholes.

Blowholes! says Terence, brightening. I vote for blowholes!

Don't let him do it, says Unni.

Sometimes We Just Know Things

Ying gets out of the camper, where she has been writing labels for the swamp mud specimen jars.

She is still holding the pencil.

Where is everyone?

Oh. Round the back.

She goes round the back of the camper, and bumps into Arthur.

Arthur! says Ying. Have you been surfing?

Not yet, says Arthur. I went to the Edge of the World.

Nice, says Ying. Did you throw in a pebble?

No, says Arthur, the pebble.......

But Ying has just seen the pre-revolutionary slogan. 'Inside every princess....'

That's so wrong, says Ying. Is that why they were laughing? And what's Terence up to?

He's thinking of altering it, says Arthur.

But I haven't got a pencil, says Terence.

You don't need a pencil, says Ying. You need paint.

I need a pencil FIRST, says Terence.

Ying gives him the pencil.

Thank you , says Terence. Now how do you spell it?

Spell what? says Arthur.

Prince, stupid, says Terence. Write it in small writing down here for me to copy.

He can't spell! says Ying.

I can spell, says Terence, but I don't want to.

Arthur takes the pencil and writes in small writing on the side of the camper: PRINCE

That looks wrong, says Terence.

It isn't, says Arthur.

Sweezus comes up from the sand dune.

Anything to eat?

In the Hilux, says Arthur. Some sandwiches.

Good, says Sweezus, I'm starving.

They open the door of the Hilux which Zak never locks.

They open the sandwiches, from which the aroma of fish paste arises.

Marx appears round the side of the van.

Do I smell fish paste? Ah, the food of the masses.

Yes, says Sweezus. Have one.

Marx takes a fish paste sandwich.

Bloater, says Marx.

I don't think so, says Gaius, sniffing a sandwich. Salmon and pilchard.

Any paint? says Terence. I need it.

What for? says Rosamunda.

To do PRINCE, says Terence.

Oh yes, says Rosamunda, peering into the back of the Hilux. Here's some black paint in a spray can.

She gives it to Terence.

But don't use it all, says Rosamunda. It's not ours, remember.

Black paint! says Terence. Now watch this everybody.

He takes the black paint spray can over to the back of the camper, and sets to work.

No one is watching.

They are busy eating fish paste sandwiches, before Zak and the others come back.

But there are not all that many sandwiches. Zak's mum only made them for Zak.

Pretty soon they stop eating and one by one head back to the camper.

Oh Terence, says Ying.

What's he done? says Rosamunda.

Let's see, says Unni. Oh Terence.

What is it? says Marx

What? says Terence. What's wrong with it? Inside every princess .....

......is a SPINCE, says Marx. What does that mean?

SPINCE? says Terence. Um....it's not finished. Is it, Arthur?

It can't be finished, says Arthur.

Yes it can, says Gaius, frowning. Put an R in.

Terence puts an R on.

I said IN, says Gaius. Not on. What on earth is a SPINCER?

No such thing, says Marx.

Yes there is , says Rosamunda. It means 'one who is the keeper of provisions'.

Rosamunda is correct, but it is not clear how she came to know this.

Inside Every Camper

What has been happening, since Zak turned up at Green Point in the Hilux?

Cool things.

The waves have got bigger.

And Zak has brought two extra surfboards.

So when Sweezus and Arthur rock up there are three surfers out on the water.

Zak must've turned up, says Sweezus.

They drop their bikes and sit in a sand dune.

Best cold water surf breaks in the world, mutters Sweezus.

Arthur looks out to sea, where Zak is weaving and darting, Surfing-With-Whales is inside a wave tunnel, and Stew has come off in the spume.

Arthur gets up, walks over to the Hilux, looks in the window.

Yes! Sandwiches wrapped up in cling wrap.

Life is good.

Bruuummm? Errrk! Squuee! It's the camper. (A Wicked. You get what you pay for.)

Arthur! shouts Unni. You're here!

Arthur! shouts Terence. Look what we've got!

A camper, says Arthur.

We hired it, says Rosamunda. We didn't want to leave you guys with no transport.

No, says Arthur. You did though.

I mean for too long, says Rosamunda. Katherine wanted her car back.

Gaius climbs down from the camper.

Wonderful! says Gaius. Arthur, I have a job for you.

He is about to elaborate when Marx utters an exclamation.

Ach! ( or something like that).

Marx has emerged from the camper and noticed the writing on the back for the first time.

He reads aloud: 'Inside every princess there's a slut who wants to try it just once.'

Try what? says Terence.

I object to such pre-revolutionary slogans, says Marx. You girls disappoint me.

Unni and Rosamunda go round to the back of the camper.

That's why it was cheap says Unni. It's the holidays, and there was no one to do a new paint job.

Yes, says Rosamunda. We promised to fix it before we return it. Meanwhile we can't drive near any minors.

Am I a minor? says Terence.

Yes but you're on the inside, says Rosamunda.

I'm getting out now, says Terence. What does slut mean?

It's a fairy story, says Rosamunda. About a princess. But we need to change the ending. Any ideas?

Terence starts thinking.....thinking......thinking......what goes with princess?

Inside every princess is a PRINCE! says Terence.

Oh yes, like that works, says Unni.

It kind of DOES, says Rosamunda.

They both laugh.

What's so funny? says Gaius, who till now has been occupied talking to Arthur.

He reads the pre-revolutionary slogan.

Ha ha, laughs Gaius. I see. Oh, but....

Too late.

Everyone is offended.

One Step On The Way To Omniscience

Mohammed was wrong.

Only one of the ladies will return, thus spoke Mohammed.

Yet here are Unni and Rosamunda bowling along the Bass Highway towards Dismal Swamp in a camper.

I hope they're still there, says Unni.

They will be, says Rosamunda. They didn't have enough bikes.

But they had Arthur, says Unni.

They pull in to the Dismal Swamp car park.

There they are! says Rosamunda. Gaius!

Rosamunda! says Gaius. And Unni! We thought we were stranded.

Yes, says Terence. STRANDED! Arthur and Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales and Stew nicked off with the bikes.

Look what we've got though, says Rosamunda. A camper. Where would you like to go now?

We must follow the others, says Gaius. I believe they've gone to Marrawah.

Marrawah it is, says Rosamunda. Get in.

Wait, says Unni. I haven't been down the slide. It's the single reason I came back to Tassie.

And Grandpa's not ready, says Terence. He's gone to the toilet.

And where's Ying? asks Unni. Did she go surfing?

I don't know, says Gaius. No she didn't. Ying! Where are you?

She's buying a postcard, says Terence.

It's most commendable that you know where everyone is, says Gaius.

Terence glows. It's one step on the way to omniscience.

I keep my eye out, says Terence. Like Grandpa.

Grandpa Marx emerges from the toilet, doing his straps up.

I don't like these eco-toilets says Marx. Not good for my boils, and my liver complaint. And my eyes are all watery.

That's not because of the toilet! says Rosamunda, aghast.

No, no, well yes, possibly, says Marx. But I used to be a heavy smoker.

La la la, says Terence. Not listening. You wouldn't do anything bad.

Ah, says Marx. Socialism at its finest. And the girls have returned. One of them, anyway....

Both of them, says Gaius. But where's Unni?

Gone down the slide, says Rosamunda. She won't be long.

She will, it takes AGES, says Terence.

Five minutes later Unni comes back up the track in a buggy.

My eye! says Gaius. If I'd known you could come up in a buggy......

You wouldn't have done it, says Unni.

He Only Knows Thrusting

Are we walking? asks the pebble.

No, we're on bikes, says Sweezus. You can go in my pocket.

Then I won't be able to direct you, says the pebble.

What do you suggest? asks Sweezus.

Up to you, says the pebble.

I can ride and hold a pebble, says Arthur.

Yeah? says Sweezus. Have a practice first.

This is nice of Sweezus. He doesn't want Arthur to fall off his bike out here far from anywhere.

Arthur has a practice first.

He wobbles. Rights himself. Wobbles.

No, says Sweezus. I don't think it's safe.

Arthur can be a problem solver if he wants to. He places the pebble between his teeth.

This is good, says the pebble. (Or Arthur).

Off they go, in a southerly direction, Arthur leading with the pebble in his mouth.

It has not occurred to Sweezus this is even more dangerous.

Over there! ( says the pebble in the mouth of Arthur).

Cool, says Sweezus. The famous Lineament.

Yes, my comfy home ( says pebble-Arthur).

Geology is mega-cool, says Sweezus. I should have studied harder.

What's to know? says pebble-Arthur.

Why it looks like that, says Sweezus. All this-way and that-way.

Good description, says pebble-Arthur. In fact it was formed by two folding events.

What were they? asks Sweezus.

He may regret asking this question.

And so may Arthur, who needs to swallow.

The first event, (says pebble-Arthur), produced a schistose axial planar fabric and isoclinal folds synchronous with thrusting.

Sweezus thinks about these interesting words. He hardly knows any of them. Except thrusting.

The second deformation (continues pebble-Arthur) produced a coarser schistosity and tighter isoclinal folds.

At this point Arthur decides to spit the pebble. It lands upon a meta-sedimentary composition, upside down.

What happened to the pebble? asks Sweezus.

It's somewhere down there, says Arthur.

With all the others, says Sweezus.

What do we do now? says Arthur.

Dunno, says Sweezus. Head off back to Green Point I suppose.

The pebble turns slowly, slowly, assessing his upside down home.

He begins the long process of righting himself.

This will take aeons.

Welcome back, says (you guessed it) no one, because pebbles don't think in that way...........