The Tadpoles Didn't Hear It

 Arthur is outside his tent, reaching in for an apple.

Terence comes up.

I need some more water, says Terence.

Arthur puts down the apple and feels around for a bottle of water.

He pulls one out, and hands it to Terence.

Now what? says Terence.

You drink it, says Arthur.

It's not for me, it's for my tadpoles, says Terence. 

Shouldn't they have creek water? asks Arthur. 

Yes! says Terence. I'll take them down to the creek.

I'll come with you, says Arthur. 

Okay, says Terence.

They go.

Here they are at the edge of the creek now.

Terence holds the bottle half-filled with creek water and the three pobblebonk children.

Take the lid off, says Arthur, then lie on your stomach and dip the bottle into the water. It'll pour in.

Terence's eyes light up. No one but Arthur would have suggested he do this.

He takes the lid off, and lies on his stomach.

Don't let them get away, says Arthur.

The three best children look at one another. Where would they want to get away to?

Terence dips the bottle. Creek water pours in.

Hey, Arthur! says Nerida.

Hey, says  Arthur. 

It's good you came back, says Nerida. 

I might not stay long, says Arthur.

How come? asks Nerida.

The Tour de France starts at the end of June, says Arthur.

Oh wow! says Nerida. Are you in it?

I'm in it, says Arthur. Team Condor. And Sweezus is captain.

Him? says Nerida. I thought he was an actor.

Not really, says Arthur. He just does one Fringe show every year for his boss.

Cool, says Nerida. Do you reckon this year you might win it?

Not likely, says Arthur. Tadej's on a roll at the moment.

Who's Taddy? asks Nerida.

Pogacar, says Arthur. He just won the Giro.

Taddy won the Giro! 

Lucky the tadpoles didn't hear that. 

But Terence is not underwater and he hears it.

And says nothing. 

Not yet.

Precious Little

Terence goes back to his tent with his three tadpole children, in their bottle.

In or out? asks Terence.

The tadpole children don't answer.

Terence leaves the bottle outside and goes in.

He has gone in head first, which is not the best way.

He comes back out, knocking over the bottle.

The lid has not been screwed on tight.

Water starts dripping out of the bottle. 

The three tadpole children try to alert Terence.

Hey-Hey-Hey!

But Terence has gone back inside, feet first this time.

What did he go in for?

He can't remember. 

The pobblebonk has gone.

The Kroombit tinker is with Gaius.

But there was someone else....

Greedy! What happened to her? Where was she when he last saw her?

He pokes his head out of the tent, and sees the water draining out of his bottle of children.

Yikes! 

He sets the bottle upright and screws the lid back on tight.

But now the three tadpole children only have half a bottle of water to swim in.

That might not be enough. 

What happens when their legs grow?

Their heads will stick out and they'll die, or will they?

Terence realises he doesn't know much about tadpoles. 

Frogs yes, after all he's on the frog team, but not tadpoles.

Maybe they know?

He opens the lid and shouts in.

Do you guys need more water?

The children nod vigorously. Yes we do. Creek water please.

Nodding conveys a yes, but not the rest of the answer.

Terence picks up the bottle and heads for Arthur's tent.

Does he mean to replace the children's water with springwater?

There'll be precious little nutrition for tadpoles in that.

Leg-Like Lumps

That is not how you win, says the pobblebonk. 

But I will win, says Terence. 

Then what is your blessing? asks the pobblebonk.

Terence looks at the pobblebonk. 

Looks at the three best children, swimming around in the bottle.

Soon they will be his three best children.

Not that they are any fun at the moment.

But when they grow legs, he can let them out of the bottle.

The pobblebonk said so.

May you... begins Terence, and stops.

He had been going to say 'May you decide that I win'.

But he has just thought of something longer and better.

May your children grow legs fast so I can let them out of the bottle, says Terence.

The pobblebonk is taken aback by this blessing.

He looks at the children.

They are pressing their little tadpole faces against the side of the bottle.

That's not really a blessing for me, says the pobblebonk. 

In a way it is, says Gaius. Your children will know that you cared for their future.

And the gods will grant you what you deserve, says Nerida.

If there are any gods, says Katherine.

That is irrelevant, says Gaius. 

How come? asks Nerida.

Irrelevant if the pobblebonk chooses Terence's blessing, says Gaius.

Can't I accept all of them? asks the pobblebonk. I'm choosing the winner, but they are all blessings I shall treasure.

That's so sweet, says Nerida. 

Except for 'May you never be dissected', adds the pobblebonk. I won't treasure that one.

Surely you don't want to be dissected, says the Kroombit tinker.

I don't wish to be reminded of the possibility, says the pobblebonk.

Fair enough, says the Kroombit tinker. I guess I wouldn't either.

So do I win? asks Terence?

Yes, says the pobblebonk. You win my three best children. And the gods, if there are any, will see I am a provident father.

The tadpole children roll their small eyes.

Hurry up and get going, daddy. Let us get on with our future!

Goodbye, all, says the pobblebonk. Goodbye my children. May you grow legs and prosper.

He hops away, counting his blessings.

Terence claims the bottle.

He stares hard at the three tadpole children. 

Yippee! They already have leg-like lumps on their sides.

Third Eyelids And Teeth

I'll go next, says Gaius.

Please do, says the pobblebonk.

This is an old Roman blessing, says Gaius.

I don't mind, says the pobblebonk. 

May the gods grant you all you deserve, says Gaius.

The pobblebonk tries to digest this.

His three best childen have stopped cavorting, and are watching his face.

No wonder the Roman Empire collapsed, says Katherine.

Do you like it? asks Terence.

That depends, says the pobblebonk.

What on? asks Terence.

The meaning, says the pobblebonk.

Ask Gaius, says Terence. He said it.

What do I deserve? asks the pobblebonk.

What indeed, says Gaius. This blessing is intended to encourage you to examine your life.

Frogs don't do that, says the pobblebonk.

Speak for yourself, says the Kroombit tinker.

I was, says the pobblebonk.

You weren't, says the Kroombit tinker. 

Next! says Gaius. As Terence is going last, it must be you,  Arthur.

May you never be dissected, says Arthur.

That's a mysterious blessing, says the pobblebonk. What is dissected?

It's when a scientist pins you to a board by your appendages, and cuts you open to see what's inside, says Arthur.

Ha ha, laughs the pobblebonk. That wouldn't happen.

It does happen, says Gaius, but these days they anaesthetise you first.

No, they actually kill you, says Nerida. So it's a useful type blessing.

Why would a scientist want to see what's inside me? asks the pobblebonk.

For biology, says Nerida. My friend did it. She said her frog had a third eyelid and two sets of teeth.

She didn't have to cut her frog open for that, says the pobblebonk.

There was other stuff, says Nerida. But it was kind of disgusting.

So do I win? asks Arthur.

The pobblebonk looks at his three best children. They are inspecting one another, for teeth and third eyelids.

But they are still fat little tadpoles, and don't have them.

No, says the pobblebonk. You don't win. You have made me feel disconcerted.

Yay! says Terence. That means I do!

Jump Anyway

Everyone has gathered outside Katherine's tent.

Katherine hands out paper packets of instant porridge.

Gaius tears open his packet.

Ideally we'd add warm milk, says Katherine. But we'll use cold spring water. Pour it in.

Do we have spoons? asks Gaius.

I forgot the spoons, says Katherine. Use your fingers.

This is fun, says Nerida, stirring her porridge with her fingers.

Arthur has finished eating his. Dry porridge, washed down with spring water.

Gaius tries pouring his porridge into his mouth.

Squeeze the packet, says Katherine.

Unusual, says Gaius. Lumpy, but no doubt nutritious.

I could have stirred it for you, says the pobblebonk.

I did think of asking, says Gaius.

Whatever made you think of asking? asks Katherine.

The pobblebonk has shovel-shaped toes, says Gaius. He uses them to burrow underground in dry times.

And then you thought better of it, says Katherine. Very wise.

When's the blessing competition? asks Terence (who was not given porridge).

Now, says the pobblebonk. Who wants to go first?

Me, says Terence. No wait. I'll go last.

Then I'll go first, says Katherine. Bless you, pobblebonk. May the waters rise up to meet you.

Thank you Katherine, says the pobblebonk. That is a good blessing. I like how you adapted a well known Irish blessing to suit me.

You're welcome, says Katherine.

Who's next? asks Nerida. I've got mine ready.

You, then, says the pobblebonk.

Bless you, pobblebonk, says Nerida. Whenever you're fearful, may you jump anyway.

Woah! says the pobblebonk. That's inspirational. 

It's a quote from Taylor Swift, says Nerida. 

Nevertheless, says the pobblebonk, I do like it. Who's next?

Me, says the Kroombit tinker (who also was not given porridge).

I'm all ears, says the pobblebonk.

May you remain 'of least concern', says the Kroombit tinker.

That's a good one, says Gaius. Very relevant.

Somewhat dismissive, don't you think? says the pobblebonk.

It's meant to be dismissive, says the Kroombit tinker. No offence. You get blessed, then you leave.

Anyone would think you didn't want to win my three best children, says the pobblebonk.

She probably doesn't, says Katherine.

Eaten For Nothing

 It's a competition, says Terence. And the winner gets these!

My three best children, says the pobblebonk.

The three best children look pleased.

They speed up, doing aquatic tricks in the bottle.

They look energetic, says Arthur. What's the competition?

Best blessing, says the pobblebonk.

Is it for you? asks Arthur.

Yes, says the pobblebonk. I choose the best blessing, then I leave with the blessing, and the winner gets three of my children. Of course, I have others.

The three best children start doing ever more complex manoeuvres.

The pobblebonk raps on the bottle.

Enough of that, my children! 

I might enter, says Arthur.

You can't, says Terence. You only just got here.

He can, says the pobblebonk. All blessings welcome.

Not fair, says Terence. Freddy got eaten for nothing.

I'm sorry, says Arthur. But I'm going to enter.

Arthur goes off to see about emptying his tent, which has been filled with apples and springwater, during his absence.

Gaius is already there, looking for an apple.

Arthur! says Gaius. At last! When did you get here?

A couple of hours ago, says Arthur. What's been happening?

Many things, says Gaius. Terence found a Kroombit tinker. A female. She seems to be missing her old life. Fascinating. Oh and I have been latched onto by a pobblebonk, but we are dealing with that situation in a manner you might find amusing.

I know, says Arthur. The blessing competition. I told Terence I'm going to enter. 

Good for you, says Gaius. 

And by the way, I ate Freddy, says Arthur. 

That's not like you, says Gaius.

In a way, it is, says Arthur.

If you say so, says Gaius. Anyway, first things first. All these supplies must be moved back into the 4WD vehicle. I'd help you, but I'm interviewing the Kroombit tinker.

I could sleep in the vehicle, says Arthur.

As you wish, says Gaius. 

Katherine appears in a track suit.

Arthur! says Katherine. What fun! Ready for the blessing competition?

Ready, says Arthur. When is it?

Straight after breakfast, says Katherine. Come to my tent if you'd like instant porridge.

Instant porridge? says Gaius. Why have I not heard of this?

You just add water, says Katherine. 

Remarkable, says Gaius.

As We Know It

We'll have to tell Terence, says Nerida.

I'll tell him, says Arthur. Where is he?

He went back to his tent with the pobblebonk, says Nerida.

Who's the pobblebonk? asks arthur.

Some weird frog that's been following Gaius, says Nerida. We've been trying to get rid of him in a nice way. We had a singalong earlier.

Glad I missed that, says Arthur.

I bet you would've liked it, says Nerida. There were all these retro songs. And Terence made one up about Freddy.

Freddy, who I just finished eating? says Arthur. I feel a bit bad.

I guess Freddy was yours in the first place, says Nerida. But he was just a chocolate frog then.

He was still a chocolate frog, says Arthur, except for the bead in his head.

Yeah, but he learned to talk and everything, says Nerida. And he had a favourite song.

What was it? asks Arthur.

The End of the World, says Nerida. 

By R E M? asks Arthur.

Don't know. Does it go..'it ended when you said goodbye'? asks Nerida.

No, says Arthur, it goes...'and I feel fine'.

That wasn't it then, says Nerida. Freddy's was sad. Especially in the light of what happened.

I'm going, says Arthur.

He wriggles past her, still smelling of chocolate (aka Freddy).

He stops outside Terence's tent.

Bonk bonk! noises come from inside it.

He pokes his head in.

Arthur! says Terence, turning quickly. Guess what?

No, first you guess what, replies Arthur.

You're back, says Terence. But look....

I accidentally ate Freddy, says Arthur.

Silence. Arthur ate Freddy. 

Accidentally. Oh well.

That's one less in the competition, says Terence. But look at these tadpoles!

What competition? asks Arthur.