The Rules of Paintball

Professor Freud spotted them at once. He walked towards them, pushing up his goggles.

How nice to see you, he said shaking each of them by the hand. But what are you doing here?

We are on holiday, said Wittgenstein. But we are not sure of what we're doing here.

Saint Nicholas and Herr Wittgenstein, said Professor Freud, since you are here, may I invite you to join us in a game of Paintball ?

I know a lot of games, said Saint Nicholas, due to my profession, but I do not know the rules of Paintball.

Nor do I, said Wittgenstein, because I know no games.

Language-games, said Saint Nicholas. You know a few of them.

Paintball is a simple game, gentlemen, said Professor Freud. You put on overalls and goggles, you choose a team, and you try to capture the flag of the other team. In order to do this each player has a gun that fires paintballs. If you are hit by a paintball it will explode and you will then have paint all over your overalls. When this happens, you are eliminated from the game.

That sounds easy said Wittgenstein, I am good at dodging.

No you aren't, said Saint Nicholas. You never pay attention.

And you are rather slow, said Wittgenstein. Because you are so fat.

I shall put you on different teams, said Professor Freud. By the way Saint Nicholas, I hope you will not be tempted to cheat. There are serious penalties for cheating.

Why are you picking on me? asked Saint Nicholas. Wittgenstein is just as likely to cheat as I am.

No he isn't, said Professor Freud. You said yourself he doesn't pay attention. It is you I am worried about, because I know that you can do miracles.

Oh, don't worry about him, said Wittgenstein. He has just done one. And can't do another for quite some time.

Professor Freud looked somewhat disappointed.