Always Know What You Are Thinking

It is the following night. Vello and David are going to a Fringe show at the Bakehouse. David has not brought  his Mayan trinket.

This show will be good, says Vello. I guarantee it.

As if you could guarantee it, says David.

So again you are a sceptic, remarks Vello. I thought you had become a new age believer.

You heard it though, said David. It knew what I was thinking.

Easiest thing in the world, says Vello. I always know what you are thinking.

What? says David. What am I thinking?

Where is everyone? says Vello.

David looks around. The foyer of the Bakehouse is deserted.

Very good, says David. You knew what I was thinking before I did. Why isn't anybody here?

We're early, says Vello. Lets order ginger beers and sit here on this comfy couch until show time.

They sit on the comfy couch and wait for others to arrive.

Soon there are twenty people, waiting in the foyer.

Welcome to Bombay to Beijing By Bicycle, says the manager. Please go to the toilet now. If you leave the theatre during the performance I can't let you back in.

David goes to the toilet. Vello finishes his drink.

They all file in. David and Vello sit in the second row. The only other people in the row are an Indian man and his daughter.

The show begins. It is written and performed by Russell. He recounts his journey from Bombay to Beijing by bicycle, a journey during which he suffers hilariously from the pains of long term bicycle riding, gastroenteritis, and malaria, wild dogs, angry monkeys and an irritating girlfriend. Russell is very talented at depicting these afflictions with nothing but a water bottle and a curtain.

Ha ha! laughs everyone but the Indian man, sitting next to Vello.

Vello laughs, Ha ha! but leaning slightly away from the man so as not to annoy him.

He wonders what it would be like to be the Indian man, whose accent, countrymen and country are being mocked, and who has brought his daughter.

The show is over. Everybody claps, including the Indian man. But the Indian man's clapping is restrained.

Russell is now going to give away some copies of the e-book of his journey, so he is going to ask some questions.

Did I really get malaria? asks Russell.

Yes, says a woman in third row.

Correct, says Russell, handing her a voucher. And did I really travel with a girl called Rachel?

Yes, says another woman.

No, says Russell, but have an e-book anyway. And did a monkey really sit on my head and cover my eyes with its testicles?

Yes, says the Indian man.

Correct, says Russell, handing him a voucher.

The man diverts the voucher to his daughter.