Three Ancient Dead Babies

What are you doing here? says Pastor Moon, to Sweezus.

Come to rescue Arthur. But I want to watch the incantations and head spinning, says Sweezus. When do they start?

Not till this program's over, says Pastor Moon. I always watch it.

What is it? says Sweezus. History Cold Case? Oh yeah. I like that Doctor Xanthe. Specially now she's blonde.

Sweezus sits down on a settee to watch the end of Cold Case. Arthur sits down too.

Professor Susan has just finished explaining how the bones of the three babies came to be so strangely placed around their mother.

Then Doctor Caroline will reveal the mother's face.

This'll be cool, says Sweezus.

It will not be cool, says Pastor Moon. This is a sad sad story. Please have some respect.

Sheesh, says Sweezus. Sorr-ee!. You're the one who's eating Cheetos. How about handing them around?

Be quiet! says Pastor Moon. You are a guest here. If I decide to offer Cheetos, it's up to me.

Sweezus looks at Arthur for support, but Arthur does not like Cheetos, and has had his dinner. Sweezus has eaten nothing but tiny chocolate animals since lunchtime. His tummy growls.

At last the program ends. The mother is revealed in all her pathos. The babies were expelled from her dead womb by noxious gases.

Arthur winces.

Gross! says Sweezus. Like we needed to know THAT!

You are a crass young man, says Pastor Moon. I find myself teetering on the verge of a crisis of faith.

So, do the exorcism, says Sweezus. Then Arthur and me can go.

I, says Arthur, absently.

Good man, says Sweezus. See! He wants to come.

I meant I, says Arthur. As opposed to we. I hate bad grammar.

There you are, says Pastor Moon. I'm making headway.

He turns off the television. Pfft.

Now, says Pastor Moon, handing out the crucifixes. I want you both to empty your minds of those dead babies, and follow me upstairs.