Porto-Vecchio to Bastia : Short Exchanges

It is the first day of the tour. The sun is shining and the course is flat. Everyone is riding normally. But someone is not there.

There goes Ageless! says Sweezus to Surfing-With-Whales.

Ageless lobster whizzes past them looking like a puce-banded orange-shod bee.

Yeah, says Surfing-With-Whales. Bloody Ageless.

Exchanges are short in the tour. But what happened was this:

Gaius failed to wake up in the morning in time for the start. Arthur cobbled together an outfit for Ageless out of scraps, toothpicks and glue. But Ageless is not yet the team leader of Team Provenance. Just so you know.

There is a slight fracas ahead.

What's up? says Sweezus.

Froome's down! says Surfing-With-Whales.

Brill! says Sweezus. Oh bugger no. He's up again.

David and Vello ride up behind them

What a beautiful day! says Vello . Smell the Corsican pine trees. And you, here you are riding along in the middle. Any chance of you going a bit faster?

Not unless you've got any Power Bars, says Sweezus. I haven't had breakfast.

No, says David . We forgot 'em. But don't worry, Belle et Bonne will be turning up soon.

This news gives a boost to Sweezus and Surfing-With Whales. They pedal harder, and soon disappear.

Poor old Gaius, says David.

Indeed, says Vello. But perhaps it is all for the best.

Not if he's ill, says David. That's not all for the best.

Do you want to debate now, says Vello. Or shall we speed up?

They speed up.

Nothing much happens for ages. The crowd clap and cheer at the side of the road and wave flags

Near the finish, a series of crashes. Contador and Sagan are down.

A bus is wedged over the finish line. Disaster! The finish line will have to be moved!

But no. The tyres are let down. The bus is wheeled off. The finish line will stay where it is.

Who is this approaching the finish line? Saint Niko, his wheels hardly touching the ground.

Marcel Kittel just pips him at the last minute. Well done, Kittel! He wins the stage.

Here comes Ageless, just a few seconds later. Followed by Arthur and Unni.

Team Provenance is peaking too soon.

Drugged And Massaged To Sleep In Porto-Vecchio

It's the eve of the Tour de France. Team Provenance are in their hotel room, in Porto-Vecchio. Ageless is lobbying for a place on the team, as a replacement.

No, no and no, says Gaius definitively. Both Niko and I will be perfectly fine. We just need a good sleep tonight. And furthermore, you don't have an outfit.

This sounds like a weak point to Ageless.

He sidles over to Arthur.

Any spare outfits? says Ageless.

No, says Arthur. I just ordered four. How do you like them?

You all look like bees, says Ageless, with a touch of sour grapes.

I think we look brilliant, says Unni, looking fondly at Arthur. Black and gold, with puce leg grips, and bright orange shoes.

But no spare ones, says Arthur. And anyway, it would be hard to fit you.

No it wouldn't, says Ageless. Is there any material left over?

No, says Arthur.

That looks like that.

But Ageless has thought of a plan.

Alright, says Ageless. Looks like I'm just the team gopher. I shall endeavour to do a good job.Would you like a sleeping draught, Gaius and Niko?

What a wonderful idea, says Gaius.

Yes please, says Saint Niko. And an embrocation. Oh, my back!

Ageless skitters away to the chemist, and not the official team chemist.

As if we'd use Ageless, says Gaius. Remember his old team, Team Crustacean?

No, says Unni. What happened?

Ageless was captain, and the rest of the team were two crabs and a comatose octopus called Starpuss, says Gaius. They dragged her behind in a cart. It all ended in tears and destruction.

Ha ha, laughs Niko. I can just picture it. Except .....how does he ride?

Yeah, says Unni. With eight legs. How does he?

He has no problem with that, says Gaius. He pedals with the two biggest ones, grips the handlebars with the next two, and straps the rest up. He rides rather well, in the circumstances. But we need not concern ourselves with that. He is just the team gopher, as he so aptly described it.

Ageless returns with a bottle of pills and a jar of embrocation. Gaius and Niko retire to the bedroom, to be drugged and massaged gently to sleep.

Arthur, says Unni, is there really no material left?

There are a few scraps, says Arthur. Here in my pocket.

Don't throw them out yet, says Unni.

Hopes And Fears For The Tour De France

Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen are discussing the Tour de France teams and their prospects.

Paul Sherwen: Well, Phil, have you got any tips for us? Who'll win this year??

Phil Liggett: First let me say how wonderful it is to be in Corsica for the one hundredth Tour de France.

Paul Sherwen: And who do you think's going to win it?

Phil Liggett: Chris Froome's shaping up as the favourite. But Alberto Contador will give him a run for his money. And we mustn't forget Cadel Evans. He's older, but he came third in the Giro D'Italia this year, so he'll be in there with a chance. Andy Shleck's talking down his own chances.

Paul Sherwen: And what about some of the lesser known prospects? I hear intriguing stories about Team Philosophe this year. A new young talented rider.

Phil Liggett: Indeed they have, Paul. He goes by the interesting name of Surfing-With-Whales. He's certainly a contender to win a few stages, but I've heard a rumour that he isn't a happy man today. He's been going around with a very long face. Broken up with his girlfriend.

Paul Sherwen: Let's hope he can remain focused. He has two old stalwarts in his team to keep him on the straight and narrow. The Velodrone and David Hume are back for another year. I don't know how they do it. And of course they have Sweezus to do the hard work. He's never won a stage, but he's a very dependable rider.

Phil Liggett: And of course Gaius Plinius Secundus has a new team this year, Team Provenance.   He's enlisted Saint Niko, Arthur Rimbaud, and a new young man, Unni Moon. No one knows much about Unni Moon except that he's European. He popped up out of nowhere. I hear he's strong in the mountains and fast in the sprints.

Paul Sherwen: Perhaps you haven't heard the latest, Phil? About Gaius and Niko?

Phil Liggett: No, enlighten me, Paul.

Paul Sherwen: It seems they went riding yesterday in the mountains and both pulled up rather sore.

Phil Liggett: Oh deary dear, that is bad news. Will they be alright for Saturday?

Paul Sherwen: They hope so. The only possible replacement for either of them is a lobster.

Phil Liggett: You're pulling my leg.

Paul Sherwen: No, it's Ageless lobster. He's ridden before, in the Tour Down Under.

Phil Liggett: Oh yes, I remember. Team Crustacean. Haha.  Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Hot Blistering Tears

The teams have arrived in Porto Vecchio. Team Provenance waits in a cafe for Team Philosophe to turn up.

Where are they? says Gaius. We've been waiting ten minutes. I wanted to test my new bike.

Me too, says Niko. Let's do it. Arthur and Bunny, I mean Unni, you wait here.

Alright, says Bunny. Off you go. Don't over do it. Those mountains look awfully steep.

Pooh, says Gaius. We are both fit as a fiddle.

He and Niko go off on their bikes.

Suddenly Sweezus appears, followed by Vello and David.

Arthur! Bunny! says Sweezus. Guys, what's happening? We heard you're in a new team!

Yes, says Vello, and we're disappointed.

We certainly are, says David. We thought we had Arthur teed up.

Bad luck, says Bunny. Arthur's in our team, Team Provenance. So who have you got in his place? Ageless is hoping...

No, we don't need Ageless, says Vello. We have engaged a young rider of talent. Here he is now!

The young rider with talent walks up to the table and stands directly in front of Bunny, looking sheepish.

Shit! says Bunny. Surfing-With-Whales! Hi!

Hi, Bunny, says Surfing-With-Whales. Long time no see.

So EMBARRASSING! says Bunny, turning pink.

Arthur gives her a nudge.

Oh yes, says Bunny. Not embarrassing.

What's up? says Sweezus. I thought you guys would be happy to see us.

We are, says Arthur. Its just that Bunny's no longer a girl.

I get it, says Sweezus, understanding at once.

So do Vello and David. They are quite used to bending the rules.

But Surfing-With-Whales is heartbroken. He sits down at the next table and stares out to sea through a veil of hot blistering tears.

How To Stop Being A Girl

Team Provenance is flying to Corsica. Arthur and Bunny are leaning over their seats talking to Gaius and Niko, who are seated behind them. They are having a meeting.  Ageless has not been invited, as he is not part of the team.

We'll need bikes, says Gaius.  I assume you can buy them in Corsica.

Oh yes, surely, says Niko. And if not, I can always get bikes. But perhaps not the best ones.....

Another thing, says Bunny. I'm a girl. How do we get around that?

Change your name, says Arthur. That's what I'd do.

Cool, says Bunny. What name shall I have? Let me think.

How about Unni? says Ageless, from under the seat.

Unni? says Bunny. How did you come up with that? I quite like it. It sounds kind of European. What do you think Arthur?

Yes, says Arthur. It sounds European. Unni. Androgynous. No one will guess.

Niko isn't so sure. He has known many names in his job as a bishop, and never a boy's name of Unni.

He shrugs. Never mind. It will do. Time is short.

Anything else? says Gaius. The dinner trolley is approaching.

Outfits, says Ageless from under the seat. What are we wearing?

We? says Gaius. Ageless, you are not in the team.

I am, says Ageless. Because if I'm not, I shall spill the beans about Unni.

You can be the team runner, says Gaius. You can organise sports drinks and snacks.

We'll see about that, says Ageless. I accept, but conditionally. If I get a better offer, I'll take it. Team Philosophe might be short now they haven't got Arthur.

Arthur stiffens. Team Philosophe! He would rather be riding for them. His old team, with his brother in arms, Sweezus. Perhaps he could swap places with Ageless.....

Arthur says nothing. He is thinking, but not about outfits.

The dinner trolley arrives.

He and Unni turn round and sit down.

Hardening Cream Versus Egg

Arthur is at the chemist's. He peruses the bandages. There are many sorts. He wants very long ones, good quality, as he has no intention of paying. He is engrossed in his task.

He hears the sound of a ruckus, over at the counter.

It is Ageless.

Hardening cream, Ageless seems to be saying repeatedly.

Ageless increases the volume. HARDENING CREAM!

How? says the assistant, astonished, and not speaking very good English.

Arthur goes over to the counter, having dropped an extra long roll of white gauze wrapped in cellophane into his pocket.

Ageless, says Arthur. What's up?

Arthur! says Ageless. My saviour! Tell this person what it is that I want.

What is it you want? asks Arthur. Did I hear you say hardening cream?

Yes! Yes! shouts Ageless. Can't you see I'm in all sorts of trouble? I got out of the water too soon. I feel like a peeled egg.

Egg? says the chemist's assistant. He want egg?

No egg, says Arthur. And he doesn't want hardening cream. He doesn't want anything. We're leaving.

He drags Ageless outside.

You're as hard as a nut, says Arthur. This is all in your head. Are you coming with us over to Corsica? We're leaving today for the Tour.

Me? says Ageless. But I'm soft in the head. And a meanie!

So what? says Arthur.  This is all about Twitcher. When something is dead we forget it. What's the matter with you? Harden up!

Urrgh, says Ageless. That's what Baby Pierre said.

He was right, says Arthur. And he's only a stone.

This thought acts magically upon Ageless. Told to harden up by a stone. Until now he had not seen the irony. He laughs. Haha! He becomes stronger by the second. He swells visibly. He will go to Corsica.

Not only that. He will RIDE!

An Oil To Good Relations

Bunny has now arranged everything. Team Provenance will take the bus to Denizli, catch a flight to Istanbul, then fly on to Corsica. It can be done in a day. Well done Bunny.

All that remains is to say goodbye to Katherine, and Professor D'Andria, and tie up some loose odds and ends.

Katherine is sitting in a deckchair.

Bye bye, dear Katherine, says Bunny. I wish you were coming as well.

I shall stay here a while longer, says Katherine. It suits me. I feel I'm becoming younger by the minute.

Do you indeed? says Gaius. Wonderful!  I assume you mean on the inside.

Gaius, says Katherine. If I didn't know you so well I might consider that rudeness.

Rudeness? says Gaius How so? Do you mean to say you have also improved on the outside?

Certainly. Look at my feet, says Katherine, holding them up.

Gaius inspects them.

Remarkable, says Gaius What a pity I haven't time to investigate further. The hot springs are reputed to cure many things but an old woman's misshapen talons, horny bunions and protrusions I would have thought beyond the pale........

Professor D'Andria feels it timely to interrupt at this point.

Indeed, a great pity, says he. It has been a pleasure to meet you Gaius Plinius Secundus. And  I must thank you for the loan your two assistants at the Portal back there. Without them we should never have learned so much about the miasma. Or indeed, the canine features of the God of the Underworld.

Professor D'Andria grins, and makes an elegant bow.

Gaius nods graciously. Politeness is an oil to good relations.

You will no doubt find much to interest you in Corsica, adds Professor D'Andria. The Roman settlements and the Old Roman Port.....

 As to that, says Gaius, I shall be entirely taken up with the Tour. I have not had much time for cycling practice. And I must get a bike.

I wonder if David and Vello are as organised as you are, says Katherine. Do say hello when you get there.
Well, goodbye Gaius, goodbye Bunny, goodbye Niko. And Arthur.......where has Arthur disappeared to?

Arthur has gone to the chemist, to buy bandages, and there has met someone he knows.....

Team Provenance

Arthur's plan is quite simple.

He goes back to where Nikolaos is drying himself off, and talking to Gaius.

These are yours, Nikolaos, says Arthur, handing him the gold coins.

Why thank you! says Nikolaos. Didn't realise I'd lost them. Where were they?

On the boat, says Arthur. You must have dropped them.

He looks at Nikolaos expectantly.

Nikolaos remembers himself.

Oh yes, says Nikolaos. Of course, you must keep them.

Not those ones, says Arthur. Can I have two from your sack?

What difference will that make? asks Gaius.

All the difference, says Arthur. Those two were found artifacts. I'm supposed to hand them in.

Well I never, says Gaius. Does Nikolaos have to hand his coins in?

Ho! I certainly hope not! says Nikolaos. They are mine and have always been mine. Here you are, Arthur. Have three.

Thank you , says Arthur. Can I have a receipt?

Wise boy, says Nikolaos. Gaius, do you have a pen?

Gaius only has a pencil.

They go back to the others, to borrow a pen.

Professor D'Andria has one. Nikolaos writes out the receipt.

Provenance is everything, says Professor D'Andria, approvingly. You have a smart head on your shoulders young man. What will you do with your coins?

Buy a bicycle, says Arthur, and ride across Europe to France.

The Tour starts in Corsica, says Katherine.You must fly there like everyone else.

Yes, says Gaius. Our team must stick together. That's one thing I learned from last year. Right then, we need to book tickets. Bunny, you're good at that sort of thing. Will you do it?

Tickets? says Bunny. Book them yourself.

What's wrong, Bunny dear? asks Katherine. Surely you're going as well?

No one asked me, says Bunny. And Arthur is going . And I'm a better rider than him.

So you are, says Gaius. Bunny, will you be our fourth rider?

Bunny thinks about how it will be, in a team with Gaius, Nikolaos and Arthur. But she does not let that put her off.

Yes, says Bunny. I will, and thank you, Gaius,  for asking. I'll sort out a late registration and organise the tickets. What's our team called?

I hadn't thought, says Gaius. What do you think, Arthur? You're a words man.

Team Provenance, says Arthur.

Bunny likes it. She thinks it sounds lucky.

A Man With A Plan

It's embarrassing, but Gaius attempts to save face.

Yes yes, says Gaius. Pluto is a dog. But you must remember, gods can change shape.

Of course, says Nikolaos, getting awkwardly out of the pool. But I imagine that soon you'll be leaving.

I shall, agrees Gaius. As you mentioned I don't have very long.

The Tour? says Nikolaos. By the way, are you short of a member?

I beg your pardon! says Gaius. Oh, a team member! Why? Don't tell me you ride?

I ride like the devil, says Nikolaos. In fact often I don't touch the ground. It's a talent honed over the centuries.

Well then, says Gaius. I do need a team member. In fact I have been quite remiss, what with cuttlefish issues and more recently the Portal. I assume I am registered! Arthur?

Arthur looks blank. Registered? Not that he knows.

He nods in an ambiguous fashion, and goes back to where Bunny is laughing and splashing water over Katherine and the Professor, which they seem not to mind.

Bunny, says Arthur, in a low tone. Are we registered?

I suppose you mean for the Tour? says Bunny. Not if you haven't done it. Has Gaius?

I don't think so, says Arthur. I guess we'll just have to turn up. They won't even notice.

The Tour de France? says Professor D'Andria. It won't be as simple as that. They have strict regulations.

They do, agrees Katherine. And Arthur, you don't have  bike.

Arthur looks pointedly at Bunny, who does not meet his gaze.

He sticks his hands in his pockets. At least he has two gold coins. He takes them out and looks at them thoughtfully.

What have you there? asks Professor D'Andria. They look antique.

He examines the coins and immediately becomes excited. Fourth century! Good heavens! Where did Arthur get those?

Found them, says Arthur. On the boat that we borrowed. Are they worth much?

Worth much! cries Professor D'Andria. They are priceless! However, strictly speaking you should surrender them to the Turkish authorities.

No, says Bunny. They belong to Nikolaos. And he's got more in.... uh...no.... never mind.

But it is way too late now. She has said it.

And Arthur is a man with a plan.

I Usually Dress Like A Bishop

Ha ha, says Baby Pierre. A black nose!

You laugh, Baby Pierre, says Gaius. But you did not enter the Portal.

I can't help it, grins Baby Pierre. Lavender's funny.

I'm not funny, says Lavender. Pluto had a black nose.

And was he yellow? asks Baby Pierre.

Now Bunny is laughing as well, and her colour returns. Well, that's something.

Now Professor D'Andria twigs it.

Ah ha ha ha, laughs Professor D'Andria. Pluto! Ha ha. Very good.

Katherine thinks hard. A black nose, yellow, named Pluto. Of course. Ha ha ha.

Gaius is baffled. He beckons Baby Pierre.

They withdraw to a spot further along the rim of the pool. Splish, splash, splish!

I should be grateful if you would explain the joke to me, says Gaius.

No, says Baby Pierre. If you don't watch cartoons, you won't think it's funny.

No one seems to be taking this seriously, says Gaius, annoyed. It's a massive discovery.

Suddenly, Woosh! a large figure emerges from under the milky white water, wearing red swimming trunks.

Gaius! cries the figure. You, here!

Gaius peers at the figure, who looks somewhat familiar, but not quite.

It's the clothes, cries Nikolaos. I usually dress like a bishop. But I'm swimming.

Nikolaos! cries Gaius. Of course! Well met, old friend!  What are you doing here? Taking the waters?

Protecting the young ones, says Nikolaos. It happens to be rather pleasant as well.

Pleasant? says Gaius, looking around at the beautiful cascades of white pools. Yes, I suppose so.

So what brings you here? asks Nikolaos.

The Gate to Hell, explains Gaius. We've just made a mighty discovery.

So your work is done, says Nikolaos. You'll be pleased. You don't have much time left you know.

Arthur comes over.

So what was so funny? says Arthur.

Pluto's a dog, says Baby Pierre. That's what was so funny.

Was that your mighty discovery? asks Nikolaos.

Great Jupiter! Was it? Gaius is aghast.

Like Most In The World

Oof! says Gaius, waking up with a start. Lavender! How did you get out?

I don't know, says Lavender. I suppose I was thrown out by that husband in there.

Husband? says Gaius, thinking quickly. Could Lavender have come face to face with the God of the Underworld?

Lavender, says Gaius. Tell me truthfully. What was his name?

Not telling, says Lavender.

Well, what did he look like? asks Gaius.

Couldn't see, says Lavender. It was dark.

You must have seen something, mutters Gaius.

No, says Lavender. Nothing.

This is why I didn't want you to be my assistant, says Gaius.

No, Gaius, says Lavender. This is BECAUSE you didn't want me to be your assistant.

Gaius tries another tack.

Lavender, says Gaius, what would you like most in the world?

A happy ending, says Lavender.

Ah, says Gaius. We shall both have a happy ending, if you just try to recall what you saw. Or wait! You called him a husband. He must have said something. Tell me what you heard.

He asked for a date, says Lavender. He misses his wifey. He wants a happy ending too. But I know you don't. And I won't tell you anything else until we see Baby Pierre. I want him to be listening when I tell it. And Arthur. And Professor Francesco.

Alright Lavender, says Gaius. Let us descend to the hotel and have a debriefing.

He picks up little Lavender and puts her in his knapsack, then sets off down the hill.

In a short time he is at the hotel. No one is there but the manager.

Your friends are at the hot calcium springs, says the manager.

Gaius is surprised. Even Bunny? She could not be as sick as she looked.

He arrives at the pool where that morning he had left Katherine soaking. There is Arthur, Professor D'Andria, and Baby Pierre. Also Bunny, looking white as a sheet.

Wonderful news! says Gaius. Lavender saw and heard something in the depths of the Portal. Gather round, everyone. Lavender, speak.

He pulls Lavender out of his knapsack. Puts her down on the rim of the pool.

She looks straight at Baby Pierre.

I was all by myself, says Lavender. But I wasn't afraid. I saw Pluto. And he had a black nose.

She Thought She Would Die

Lavender is in the dark underground hole. She can't see a thing.

Approach! says a horrible voice. It is Pluto.

Can't, says Lavender. I mean....I can not.

Why did you change can't to can not? asks Pluto.

I regretted my grammar, says Lavender. You seem important.

I am very important, says Pluto. What are you? And where is my wife? I thought I saw her come in.

No, that was Bunny, says Lavender. Who are you? Are you Mister Pluto?

I am the God of the Underworld, says Pluto. My name is Pluto, not Mister Pluto.

Then, says Lavender, everyone knows your wife is away for the summer.

What's the date? asks Pluto. Time gets away from me here.

June, says Lavender. The middle of June. Or just after......

I miss her, says Pluto. My beautiful wifey. Who was Bunny, and why did she go?

She thought she would die, says Lavender. And she nearly did die. She was coughing. It's stinky down here.

No it isn't , says Pluto. That's just near the entrance. Inside I have proper ventilation. Approach! There's no danger.

I can not, says Lavender. I'm sorry.

Why not? asks Pluto.

Because I'm tied up, says Lavender. Otherwise I could come further in and ......tell you the future.

Tell me the future! roars Pluto. You insult me!  Come closer and say that again.

Lavender tugs at the bandage. Nothing happens.

Pluto stands up. He moves forward heavily. The earth trembles.

Tell you the future! squeaks Lavender, saying it again.

She is picked up summarily and flung out through the Portal, landing hard in the rubble beside Gaius.

The Stone Trembles

A lot can happen in a second. Thoughts race through the minds of the observers.

Professor D'Andria wonders how this will be reported in the newspapers.

Gaius is impressed by the Roman style courage of Bunny.

Arthur thinks gloomily that if Bunny dies Pastor Moon will inherit her money.

And then....

Bunny's head emerges from the Portal, coughing and choking.

Arthur drags her out.

Bunny is greenish and whitish. She lies flat on the ground, staring up blankly at Arthur.

Ughh! says Bunny. That was sicko!

What could you see? asks Arthur.

Pchuh! coughs Bunny. It was .....uch!

Bunny throws up.

We need to get her down from the plateau, says Professor D'Andria. Perhaps a hot bath.....and some tea.

You and Arthur take her, says Gaius. I shall stay and pull Lavender out. Now where is the end of that string?

Bunny doesn't have it. The professor and Arthur carry her away.

Gaius approaches the hole.

Yes, he can just see the end of the twisted bandage string that had been wrapped around Lavender, dangling at the edge of the hole.

You might think he would pull it.

He does not.

Not straight away.

He sits down and thinks about what might be happening to Lavender. She is in no danger. She is a space in the shape of a ....what does she call it?...... an augur. Strange little non-creature. He will give her a chance to have a proper look around.

Who knows? thinks Gaius. She might encounter Pluto himself, god of the Underworld, and Persephone the maiden. Better than nothing. Best wait a few minutes at least.

He picks up the end of the string. Places a stone on it. Wouldn't do to let it get away. How long is it? he wonders.

If only he had some more string. Or another bandage. He could make the string longer, then Lavender could go further in....

Pity Arthur was gone.... Arthur could always come up with a bandage....good and reliable.... Arthur....Arthur will be back in a minute, bringing Baby Pierre.....

The sun is warm on Gaius's face. He is sleepy.

The stone on the string trembles slightly; the earth rumbles.

Something is happening down there.

Slithering Into The Black Hole Feet First

The Gate to Hell is a hole in a rock wall under a crumbling archway, topped by a heavy black rock. Wisps of noxious fumes drift out now and then from the hole. It smells nasty.

What I want you to do, Arthur, says Gaius, is convince Baby Pierre to go in.

I know, says Arthur. But Baby Pierre doesn't want to.

If he did, says Gaius, would I need to ask you?

Arthur will not be diverted.

Do you know what the date is? he says.

One ninety BC, we think, says Gaius.

Professor D'Andria laughs, and looks at his date watch.

It's the middle of June, he says. Hence the wonderful weather.

Middle of JUNE? says Gaius, Did you say the middle of JUNE? Good heavens, Arthur, when does the Tour de France start?

End of June, says Arthur. I thought you'd forgotten.

Dear me, says Gaius. I must get my skates on. Do be a good chap and put pressure on Baby Pierre.

He only listens to Ageless, says Arthur. But the good news is, Ageless is in Pamukkale, down at the hot springs. You should ask him.

Ageless is down there! says Gaius. Lazing in the sunshine no doubt. This might take hours.

Why not reconsider Lavender, Gaius? says Professor D'Andria. She is just over there. It would save you some time.

..........

Yes, Lavender is just over there, by the column, talking to Bunny. They are hatching a plan.

After several minutes they join the others at the Portal.

Lavender's going in, says Bunny. She doesn't care what you men think. And I'm going in with her.

Gaius and Professor D'Andria recoil in alarm.

Girls can't just do that! Can they?

Arthur, says Bunny, have you got any string?

Arthur feels in his pockets. Shoe horn, two gold coins, bandages, dried piece of old cucumber, no string.

Give me the bandages, says Bunny. They'll do.

She twists them into a dirty white string, and ties it round Lavender.

Then she slithers feet first into the noxious black hell hole, with Lavender bouncing behind.

Dilemma At The Portal To Hell

Now, says Katherine, who wants to go to the calcium pools, and who wants to go and find Gaius?

I want to find Gaius, says Arthur. Where is he?

He'll be up on the plateau, in the ruins of Hieropolis, says Katherine. It's where he goes every day with poor Lavender.

Why poor Lavender? asks Bunny. Is he throwing her in with the sparrows?

No he isn't, says Katherine. That's why she's upset.

Let's go there right now, says Bunny to Arthur. Where is this plateau?

Up there, says Katherine, pointing. Tell Gaius Saint Nicholas is here.

Nikolaos, says Saint Nicholas quickly. He'll know it's me.

He and Katherine go off to the calcium pools at their own pace while Bunny and Arthur head quickly towards the plateau.

They know each other, says Bunny. I wonder how?

Who? says Arthur. Katherine and Nikolaos? Perhaps he knows David and Vello..

No, Gaius and Nikolaos, says Bunny.

Don't know, says Arthur. You'll have to ask him.

They soon arrive at the ruins of ancient Hieropolis. They bypass the museum, and head for the Sacred Pool.

There they see Gaius, and another man, talking. They approach.

Yes? says the man, turning. May we help you?

Gaius looks round.

Great Jupiter! Arthur! says Gaius. I thought you weren't going to come!

And me, says Bunny. You thought I wasn't going to come.

I wanted to come, says Arthur. But not without her.

Bunny looks happy, then sad, when she remembers the money.

This is Professor Francesco D'Andria, a colleague of mine, says Gaius grandly. Professor, this is Arthur, my reliable young right hand man. We're discussing a slight difficulty with the Portal to Hell, Arthur. Perhaps you might have a suggestion.

Where is Lavender? asks Bunny, interrupting.

Oh... off somewhere sulking, says Gaius. He points vaguely towards a broken column at the top of some steps.

Bunny goes off to find Lavender. Arthur remains.

You see, Arthur, says Professor D'Andria, Gaius here has an idea, but it seems he feels he has brought the wrong equipment. I am not so sure. This Lavender may function quite well as a control.....

She will not function quite well as anything, my dear Professor, as I keep pointing out, says Gaius. She is mere empty space.

But she maintains a high degree of cognition, says the Professor. You must admit that.

Hmmm, says Gaius. I remain unconvinced of her utility.

Now Arthur understands the dilemma. He knows what to do.

Yet he may not do it.

He has another agenda.

Filming A Sort Of Confession

Baby Pierre is lazing in the warm health-giving water of a shallow white calcium carbonate pool with his new friends, Eugenie and Adrian, who are French children.

Eugenie picks up a handful of white clay and wipes it all over her face. Hoooh, she says, scarily.

Adrian ducks his head under the water, then shoots up to splash Baby Pierre. Whoosh!

The children's mother stands at the edge of the natural pool with her video camera, filming her children.

To this delightful and peaceful scene, Ageless rocks up.

Baby Pierre! cries Ageless. Is that you?

Ageless! cries Baby Pierre. Is that YOU?

Where is your identifying tulip, asks Ageless, if that is you?

You're bigger, and you smell funny, says Baby Pierre. I'm covered in clay. And it isn't a tulip.

Thus, the recognition scene winds to its natural conclusion.

Un homard! says Eugenie. Regarde, Adrian!

Adrian regards the homard, aka Ageless.

This is Ageless, my daddy, says Baby Pierre. Ageless this is Eugenie and Adrian. We're swimming. Come in, its warm.

Le papa de vous? says Eugenie.

Wee, says Baby Pierre.

Ageless has had enough of this nonsense.

Get out, Baby Pierre, he says.  I need your advice.

Baby Pierre leaps out of the warm white cloudy water onto the rim of the pool. Ageless needs his advice, for the first time! That is prestigious.

What is it? asks Baby Pierre.

Come over here, says Ageless. It's private.

They move away from the children, but closer to mum and her camera.

What would you think, says Ageless, of a killer?

Badly, says Baby Pierre. Although I'm a pebble, I believe it's wrong to kill, except in.....

Never mind that, says Ageless. I'm not really a killer.

What about Frog? says Baby Pierre.

That was in another carapace, says Ageless. It can hardly be thought to be me.

How new is that carapace? asks Baby Pierre. Just for the sake of asking.

Very new, says Ageless. I acquired it last week in Dubai.

So you take no responsibility, says Baby Pierre.

But this happened last week, says Ageless.

What happened? asks Baby Pierre. Is this about Twitcher? Is he dead?

That's it, says Ageless. Is he dead? Or is he still copulating madly. Could I have rescued him? I didn't try.

You're just being soft, says Baby Pierre. It's understandable.

True, says Ageless. I must harden up. Thank you Baby Pierre. I'll have a dip now.

Baby Pierre and Ageless step into the water, and join the children.

Their mother continues her filming.

Out Of The Box And Not Guilty

Hours and hours later, Arthur, Bunny and Nikolaos get off the bus in Pamukkale.

Bunny is carrying a box, from which complaints are emitted at regular intervals by Ageless.

Ahh! says Nikolaos. The beauteous white cliffs of Pamukkale! I have long wanted to come here.

So have I, grumbles Ageless, thumping the lid of his box. At least 48 hours. LET ME OUT!

Not yet, says Bunny. Nearly there. We have to find Gaius and Katherine. I know where they're staying.

She finds the hotel, and calls Katherine.

Katherine. It's us! Come downstairs!

Katherine hurries downstairs to the lobby.

My dears! says Katherine. How wonderful to see you! And who is... why, it's Saint Nicholas! It's two years since I saw you. Why on earth are you dressed as a fisherman?

A long story, says Nikolaos. When I learned my young companions had stolen a boat, I came along to protect them, but naturally incognito.......

Stolen a boat! says Katherine, looking sharply at Arthur.

Not really, says Bunny. Not stolen. And now the Polis have reclaimed it, so that's alright.

Katherine smiles. And what have we here in the box? she says. I suppose it's the Twitcher?

Not exactly, says Bunny.

It's ME, Ageless Lobster! cries Ageless. Let me out!

Bunny opens the box. Ageless steps out.

He is resplendent, if a little smelly, and quite a lot larger.

Where is Baby Pierre? mutters Ageless. I want his advice.

Baby Pierre is down at the calcium pools soaking in the hot springs, says Katherine. He has made some new friends. He chose not to go with Gaius to Hieropolis. So did I. It's pleasant here, and good for my feet.

How are your feet? asks Bunny.

Katherine kicks off her shoes, and shows off her much improved feet.

Arthur and Nikolaos look elsewhere.

Katherine puts her shoes on.

How lovely this is, says Katherine. Let's put your things upstairs in my room, then we'll go and find Baby Pierre. Nikolaos, you must come too. And you, Ageless, you may wait here.

They all go upstairs, except Ageless, who has no intention of waiting there.

He heads off in the direction of the calcified pools, to find Baby Pierre.

On the way, he thinks briefly of the Twitcher.

Twitcher wouldn't have liked it in Pamukkale.

He's much better off where he is.

No, no.  Ageless has no reason to feel guilty.....

Solve All Our Problems

Arthur and Bunny walk down to the harbour. Nikolaos is not on the boat.

He must have left already, says Bunny.

Arthur sees something glinting on the deck. A gold coin. And another. He picks them up and shoves them into his pocket.

Let's explore Kas, says Bunny. Before Ageless gets here.

They wander off to explore Kas. The King's Tomb. The Cistern. The Ancient Theatre.

That done, they go back to their hotel.

There is a large wet box sitting on the desk at reception, labelled BUNNY, Hotel Kayahon.

That'll be him, mutters Bunny, poking the box.

Let me out, grates a voice that could only be Ageless.

Let's wait a bit, says Arthur. Let's have lunch first.

They go up to the rooftop cafe to have lunch.

Who should be there?

Nikolaos!

Hello, says Bunny. What's up?

We have to leave town, says Nikolaos. I have been arrested and imprisoned for stealing a boat.

We? says Bunny. Wait a minute. You aren't imprisoned.

Who am I? says Nikolaos.

Oh, yes of course. Saint Nicholas. So you did some self- whisking, says Bunny.

I prefer not to call it that, says Nikolaos, but yes. However, you are in danger. The Polis know you are here.
I suggest you don't wait for your cuttlefish, but pack up at once and escape.

We don't need to wait for the cuttlefish, says Arthur. It's dead.

All the better, says Nikolaos.

Yes, says Bunny, but now we're stuck with a lobster, newly moulted, downstairs.

Lobster? says Nikolaos. Am I missing something? Is it your lunch?

If only, says Bunny. It's our travelling companion, turned up like a bad penny.

Very good, says Nikolaos. So where shall the four of us go?

Pamukkale, says Arthur decisively. That will solve all our problems.

Bunny wonders how.

Piracy, Death, Substitution

In the early hours of the morning Saint Nicholas wakes. Where is he? Ah yes, on the deck of a boat that was stolen by those youngsters Arthur and Bunny. My goodness, they must be no more than seventeen. One of them wanted a bicycle. The other one didn't. Very strange. And why were they waiting for a cuttlefish? And didn't want any help. Most disappointing. Ooh, it does feel uncomfortable. He adjusts his hessian sack. Two gold coins roll out. There is a sound of scuffling. The Turkish water Polis have arrived. Saint Nicholas is arrested for piracy on the high seas, and taken away.

...........

Arthur and Bunny wake early. It is a beautiful morning. They go down to the beach.

We shouldn't have had cuttlefish stew last night , says Bunny. What were we thinking?

Yes, agrees Arthur. It was indigestible.

Not just that, says Bunny. Think of the Twitcher.

Arthur thinks of the Twitcher. He hopes he is dead.

I think we should call up the Dubai Aquarium, says Bunny. And just see how he is.

She calls the number she has for Jamila.

........

Hello, says Jamila.

Hello Jamila, says Bunny. How is the Twitcher?

Err......, says Jamila. I have some bad news.

He's dead, says Bunny. I knew it.

We are really most awfully sorry, says Jamila. He was so active at first.

It doesn't matter, says Bunny. I'll get a refund from the courier.

Ah, as to that, says Jamila. How would you feel about the lobster taking his place?

Ageless? says Bunny, making a face at Arthur. Oh god. I suppose.

Thank goodness, says Jamila. I mean that is most generous. The lobster has recently moulted, and has started to become.....

Unbearable, says Bunny. Don't tell me, I know. Alright. We'll expect him in Kas at the end of the week.

Actually, says Jamila. He should be arriving today.

The Sleep Of The Innocent

Everyone knows that Nikolaos can't whisk the boat back.

They sail into the harbour in Kas. It is late but the bars are still open.

They go into a bar, order drinks, and cuttlefish stew.

Nikolaos goes into the toilet.

He's so weird, says Bunny. How are we going to get rid of him?

I don't know, says Arthur. Send him up to Gaius. They'd get on well.

Yeah, says Bunny. Two weird old guys.

Nikolaos comes back.

Where are we staying? he asks.

We're staying in a hotel, says Bunny. But...

You can sleep on the boat, says Arthur. But first, eat your cuttlefish stew.

My stew, says Nikolaos. Yes. Now what was I thinking in there?......I know! When is your Giant Cuttlefish due?

At the end of the week, says Bunny. He's coming by courier. Unless he turns out to have died. That'll save me some money.

Save us some money, says Arthur.

Yes, save us some money, says Bunny.

Money I could use for a bike, says Arthur.

You don't need a bike, says Bunny.

You want a bike? asks Nikolaos. I can get you a bike. What colour bike would you like?

Irrelevant, says Arthur. I need one I can ride in the Tour.

Arthur, says Bunny. You're not thinking of going in the Tour?

Yes I am, says Arthur. I was in it last year.

But we're on holiday, says Bunny.

You want him to stay? asks Nikolaos.

Stop interfering, says Bunny.

Nikolaos stops interfering. He finishes his stew, picks up his hessian sack, and walks out of the bar, heading down to the harbour.

He intends to sleep the sleep of the innocent, on the deck of the stolen gulet.

Pressure To Perform

Saint Nicholas ducks behind a crumbling stone structure, and emerges seconds later looking different.

He wears fisherman's clothes, and seems to have dispensed with the halo.

He carries a hessian sack.

Call me Nikolaos, says Saint Nicholas. And now, let's be off.

It's dark, says Bunny. perhaps we should wait until dawn.

No, says Arthur.

No, says Nikolaos. You will be fine with me.

They go down to the shore, board their small wooden vessel, and sail off in the direction of Kas.

Tell me what brings you to Turkey, says Nikolaos.

A cuttlefish, says Bunny. Do you think that sounds funny?

Not at all, says Nikolaos. There are many cuttlefish here.

This one is a Great Australian Cuttlefish, says Bunny. And he's currently stuck in Dubai.

I could whisk him here in a flash, says Nikolaos. Would that help?

What is this about whisking? says Arthur. A special talent you have?

I'm surprised you don't know, says Nikolaos. I am a protector of children. I whisk them away out of slavery and back to their mothers.

Obviously not all of them, says Arthur.

No, not all of them says Nikolaos. Miracles don't work like that.

That's true, says Bunny, remembering Lourdes.

What's in the sack? asks Arthur.

Gold coins, says Nikolaos. That's another thing I do.

He leans back against the railing, and nods off like an old man.

Why'd you ask him? whispers Bunny. Did you know about that?

No, says Arthur. That's not why I asked him. I thought he might have some food.

You knew he didn't have food, says Bunny. Remember he asked us if we had any? You shouldn't have asked him.

Did someone say food? says Nikolaos, waking up suddenly.

No, says Arthur. But we'll be in Kas soon. You can eat something there before you take the boat back.

I'm not taking the boat back, says Nikolaos. Is that why you asked me along?

Yes, says Arthur. But it doesn't matter, if you don't want to. I suppose you can just whisk it back.

Nikolaos looks alarmed momentarily.

Yes of course, says Nikolaos. Yes, I can do that.

A Holy Passenger

Saint Nicholas Island is small. Arthur and Bunny go ashore to explore.

The bones of Saint Nicholas are said to be interred in the rocks, reads Arthur, from the book that he took from the reading room.

Is it THE Saint Nicholas? asks Bunny. I didn't know he was Turkish.

Nor did I, says Arthur. Alright, shall we go?

An old man appears from behind an ancient stone ruin. He is frowning.

Not Turkish, Greek, says the man. I am Nikolaos, Bishop of Myra.

Bunny turns around  to look at the old man, who is wearing robes and a halo.

Arthur! says Bunny. It's HIM! It's Saint Nicholas.

Go away, says Saint Nicholas. This is my solitary island. Unless you've brought food.

No we haven't brought food, says Bunny. What do you normally eat?

I like apricots, says Saint Nicholas. Australian ones are the best.

Wow! Are they? says Bunny. My dad always used to buy Turkish.

You're Australian, says Saint Nicholas. I remember the accent.

Yeah, says Bunny. I'm from New South Wales.

Never been there, says Saint Nicholas. Been to Adelaide. I have a friend there. Professor Freud.

I know him, says Bunny. We were at Middleton together.

Paintball? asks Saint Nicholas.

Stick insects, says Arthur. And the Miracle Tent.

Well, well, says Saint Nicholas. Come in you two. We must have a chat about our mutual friend.

Come in? says Bunny. Come in where?

Come around then, says Saint Nicholas. No need to split hairs.

You live in a ruin, says Bunny. Poor you.

Oh, says Saint Nicholas, who needs a roof.......?

......when you have a halo, says Arthur.

Smart lad, says Saint Nicholas. Do sit down.

They all sit down on flat rocks. It is almost dark. There are streaks of red cloud in the sky.

Saint Nicholas looks reflective.

The Ripple and Swirl....he says. Freud treated us all to ice creams. And the twins, what were their names, Emma and Irma?

I know the twins, says Arthur. I met them in Alice Springs.

Small world, says Saint Nicholas. Where are you two off to? Is that your boat?

Back to Kas, says Bunny, and it isn't our boat. We just kind of took it.

That's a serious crime, says Saint Nicholas. I suggest you return it at once.

We're returning it to Kas, says Arthur. That's where it came from. The owners are...mathematicians.

Saint Nicholas looks stern. His halo gleams brightly.

Mathematicians or not, says Saint Nicholas. You will get into trouble.

We never get into trouble, says Bunny.

Nevertheless, says Saint Nicholas. My specialty is miraculously whisking young persons from one place to another, as no doubt you have heard.

Neither Arthur nor Bunny have heard.

Here's what I'll do, says Saint Nicholas. Leave the boat here. I'll whisk you back to Kas. But only one at a time. I mustn't overdo it.

Thanks for the offer, says Arthur. But we have to stay together. Would you like to come with us?

I would! says Saint Nicholas. I'll just take a minute to pack.

Escape From Butterfly Valley To St Nicholas Island

When Bunny, Arthur and Steve arrive back at the beach settlement, Chucky is swinging in a hammock, talking to a girl in a bikini, who is smoking something aromatic and home made.

Hi guys! says Chucky. How was the climb?

Awe....amazing, says Steve.

But not fatal, says Arthur. How long are we staying?

A few days, or whatever..., says Chucky.

Yeah... whatever, says the smoking girl, sashaying her hips.

Bunny does not like this girl. And she can hear jet skis. She doesn't like those.

Arthur and I, we're thinking of leaving, says Bunny. We don't like jet skis and stuff. We might head off.

Don't go! says Steve. There are dancing classes. And diving. And romantic nights by the campfire.

O please, says Bunny. Anyway, we have to get back. We're expecting a delivery from Dubai.

Steve and Chucky are not interested in the delivery from Dubai.

Arthur pulls Bunny away. He has seen a sign to the reading room. They go there.

In the reading room Arthur looks at some maps. Bunny looks over his shoulder.

Look Arthur, says Bunny. We're near St Nicholas Island! Let's stop off there.

Stop off! says Arthur. We aren't going anywhere without a boat.

This gives Arthur an idea. Come on Bunny, he says.

Taking the map he and Bunny go down to the shore. It  is sunset. The sky is purple and gold.

They wade out to the wooden yacht that they arrived on with Chucky and Steve, and climb on board.

Arthur weighs anchor and they sail away in the direction of St Nicholas Island.

Wow Arthur, you're good!  says Bunny. I didn't know you could sail.

Neither did I, says Arthur. But it seems fairly easy.

And it is. Soon they arrive at St Nicholas Island, home of old ruined churches and tombs.

It is rumoured to be the burial place of Saint Nicholas. Saint Nicholas likes it that way.

He doesn't like visitors.

But he is about to be rudely disturbed.

Two Apart

There are others climbing up the side of the waterfall in Butterfly Valley.

Bunny, Steve and Arthur wait their turn.

Now they are climbing up a rope ladder.

It's repetitive, climbing up a rope ladder, so they converse.

Steve tells Bunny, who is below him on the ladder, more about the twin prime conjecture.

What it is, says Steve, is this. Prime numbers two apart, like three and five, eleven and thirteen, and so on, continue to appear indefinitely. That's the conjecture.

Oh, says Bunny. And do they?

Yes, says Arthur, from several rungs below.

Correct, Arthur, says Steve.

What a show off! Bunny decides to pay proper attention.

So this guy has proved that prime numbers two apart continue to appear indefinitely? asks Bunny.

Not exactly, says Steve.

Bunny sighs. This is just like maths at school.

What then? asks Bunny.

He proved that there are infinitely many prime numbers separated by less than seventy million, says Steve.

It's a start, says Arthur.

Exactly, Arthur, says Steve.

Bunny kicks Arthur lightly in the head.

Soon they reach the top of the waterfall.

Wow. An awesome view. They sit and gaze at it.

Three Tiger Butterflies flutter past in the sunshine. Then two more, eleven, thirteen..........

They may do so indefinitely.

But it is time for Steve, Bunny and Arthur to climb down.

Fatal Serenity And Rare Tiger Butterflies

This is Butterfly Valley. Orange tents and wooden huts on the beach, which is pebbly. Tourists in shorts. Boats, canoes and kayaks, a snack bar. Steep rocky cliffs. A valley, a waterfall. Butterflies.

Like it? says Chucky.

It's pretty, says Bunny. What can you do here?

Find serenity, says Chucky.

Yeah, says Steve. And diving and climbing, and eating fresh seafood, and there's a cinema, and entertainment workshops and personal development seminars.......

Personal development seminars. That is quite disappointing. Bunny puts them out of her mind.

I want to look for the butterflies, says Bunny. And climb up to the top of the waterfall. Coming Arthur?

I'll come with you, says Steve. You don't want to climb up the waterfall without a guide. It can be fatal.

Fatal? An adventure. Arthur decides he will come.

Chucky stays with the gulet, and Bunny, Arthur and Steve head up into the valley.

They see several butterflies. The butterflies are black and white striped. Rare Tiger butterflies. Cool.

There's thirty five types of butterflies here, says Steve. Dunno where the other ones are.

Wow! says Bunny. Wow! It's so peaceful. Arthur? Don't you love it too? Arthur?

Arthur has been lagging behind.

Sorry, says Arthur. Thinking about my conjecture.

Woohoo! says Bunny. What's your conjecture?

Yeah, Arthur, says Steve. What's your conjecture?

I should be heading to France, says Arthur. And the proof is, that it's already June.

Wacky! says Steve, but that's not a conjecture. A conjecture is a proposition that's unproven.

This is a proven conjecture, says Arthur.

Steve looks unconvinced, but Bunny is worried. Does Arthur want to leave Turkey already?

You can't go yet, says Bunny.

No, says Arthur, but soon. And I'll need a bicycle.

Live the moment, Arthur, says Bunny. Look we're getting close to the waterfall.

They are. The cliff sides draw closer together and block out the sun.

There are ladders and ropes....

Are you ready? says Steve. Let's go up.

Synchronicity On The Way To Butterfly Valley

Arthur and Bunny meet Chucky and Steve at the marina early next morning.

They climb on board the gulet and set sail for Butterfly Valley.

Soon they are floating along in the sunshine, on the clear blue Mediterranean water, passing palm trees and rocks and ancient Lycian tombs, with their lids all askew.

Arthur wants to stop and look inside one of the tombs, but Chucky and Steve want to keep going.

You guys'll love Butterfly Valley, says Chucky. It's so cool there. Like I mean really awesome.

Are there butterflies there? Bunny asks.

Mega numbers, says Steve. At this time of year.

What time of year is it? asks Arthur.

June, says Bunny.

Already? says Arthur. He starts doing calculations.

So, says Bunny, are you guys naturalists or what?

Nah, says Chucky. We're mathematicians. What about you?

I'm a.... an editor, says Bunny. I do a lot of work for Velosophy, the philosophy and cycling magazine.

Oh yeah, heard of it. Awesome! says Steve. What about your French guy?

He's a poet, says Bunny. He's famous.

Yeah, what's his name? asks Steve.

Arthur Rimbaud, says Bunny.

Ha ha, laughs Chucky.

No, says Steve. He really looks like that dude in the photo.....

Yeah, says Chucky. It's him! That's so awesome!

Do you guys only ever say awesome? asks Bunny. You know why I like Arthur?

Arthur looks up.

It's because he NEVER would EVER say awesome, says Bunny.

Yeah, well he's a poet, says Chucky. And now I know why you're an editor.

But you guys don't act like mathematicians, says Bunny. Do some maths.

It's called math in our country, says Steve. Yeah well, we're both into number theory. It's pretty exciting just now.

Really? says Bunny doubtfully.

Really, says Steve. Did you know last month someone came up with a proof for the twin prime conjecture?

Yeah, says Chucky. Do you know what that is?

Bunny nods. She knows what twins are, at least.

And, here's something even more awesome, I mean amazing, says Chucky. On the very same day, can you believe it, the VERY SAME DAY, another guy came up with a proof for the Goldbach conjecture. The weak form, that is. What are the odds?

Bunny tries looks stunned at this amazing piece of synchronicity.

Arthur hasn't been listening. A poet doesn't need to. He is about to come up with a conjecture for which the proof has already been announced.

But the gulet reaches the landing cove at Butterfly Valley before it comes out of his mouth.

Meet Some Americans, Eat Turkish Cakes

Ageless is esconced in the Children's Zoo, in a tiny pond, moulting, in full view of the children.

He usually does his moulting in private.

It's not fair. Even the tadpoles are laughing.

Hehehe, giggle the tadpoles. We heard what you did. You stole a HAT.

A calumny, groans Ageless. I was misunderstood. The hat was for someone with cancer.

What's a CANCER? asks one of the tadpoles.

A CRAB, says Ageless. You ignorant polyp. Go away. I need privacy. Ooah, ouch, ffft, click.

.........

Baby Pierre is not happy.

I don't want to go to Hieropolis, says Baby Pierre. I want to stay here in the white water wonderland.

I'll go to Hieropolis, says Lavender. Gaius, take me!

You are no use to me in Hieropolis, says Gaius. It's because of your build.

I'm an augur, says Lavender. That's my build. I can tell you the future, Gaius. Baby Pierre can't do that.

Lavender, says Gaius, it's not the future I'm interested in, it's the past.

I can do.....begins Lavender.

But you have no SUBSTANCE, says Gaius. I am sorry to put it so bluntly.

Ha ha Lavender! says Baby Pierre. You have no substance, because you're just empty space.

Wrong! says Lavender. I'm a space in the shape of an augur. And this is the future. I'm going to Hieropolis with Gaius. We'll meet the Professor. We'll go into the Gate of Hell and discover ......something really really scary....and we won't be afraid!

Impressive, says Katherine. Gaius, I think you should take Lavender. What does her shape matter?

It matters, says Gaius. She can come, but it will make my planned experiment less reliable if I have to use her.

Hurrah! cries Lavender. I'm the one going! Not you Baby Pierre!

Baby Pierre is glad to have got out of Gaius's planned experiment. He is already dreaming of lying on his back in the shallow hot springs, while Katherine is soaking her feet.

..............

Arthur and Bunny are not the only ones kayaking. They meet some Americans.

Hi, say the Americans. We're Chucky and Steve. You staying in Kas?

Yes, says Bunny. We're just going back there.

So are we, say Chucky and Steve. It's nearly cake time in Kas.

When's cake time? says Arthur, feeling hungry.

Five o'clock, says Chucky. Race you back.

They race back to Kas where it's cake time. They eat Turkish cakes in a cafe with Chucky and Steve.

Wanna come with us tomorrow? says Chucky. We're goin' to check out s' more islands in a gulet.

Yeah, says Bunny. Yeah we do. What's a gulet?

Wooden yacht, says Steve. We' re goin' to Butterfly Valley. Should be awesome out there.

Doesn't sound very Turkish, says Bunny.

Nah, says Chucky. It ain't.

The Eighth Wonder

I do like ruins, says Bunny, paddling thoughtfully. They're so romantic.

She peers through the brilliant blue water to the sunken city below. It shimmers tantalisingly, stony, weedy, crusty, light, dark, fishy. She thinks she sees broken pots.

Pots! she says. Look down there, Arthur.

Arthur peers into the depths.

Amphorae, says Arthur. Want a piece of one?

I don't think we're allowed, says Bunny.

Who's looking? says Arthur.

He dives into the water and whacks off a piece of ancient amphora with his shoe horn.

He surfaces and presents it to Bunny.

Cool, says Bunny. A souvenir. Now let's get going.

They paddle away from the sunken ruins of Kekova, quickly.

.........

Gaius and Katherine have finally arrived in Pamukkale, and got off the bus.

How beautiful it is. The Cotton Castle. The eight wonder of the world. Cliff faces, formed out of stalactites and shallow basins of gleaming white calcium, filled with warm water from hot mineral springs.

Katherine has heard all about them. She can't wait to bathe her poor feet.

Gaius is not interested in the warm water pools. His immediate purpose is to meet up with Professor Francesco d'Andria, whose team recently discovered the Gate to Hell at Hieropolis.

Katherine, says Gaius. We cannot lie about here, bathing and faffing. We must get on.

Gaius, says Katherine. I intend to do some bathing and faffing, as you call it. Say what you like. I'm not budging from here for two days.

In that case, says Gaius, we must part. Baby Pierre! Come with me!

Baby Pierre remembers Bunny's warning.

He tries to hide in Katherine's bag. But....

What about ME? squeaks Lavender.

So they are both found, and hauled out.

.........

Ageless is glowering. His shell feels all tight. Farid has dumped him in Jamila's office, on her shiny black desk.

Jamila is smiling, but not at him, at Farid.

Thanks Farid, says Jamila. You can go now.

What's the meaning of this? grits Ageless. Am I not free?

No you're not, says Jamila. I have received a formal complaint from those mothers. And a report of you stealing a hat. Not to mention terrorising the ice rink. You will have to remain here under surveillance for an indefinite period.

See if I care, says Ageless, deliberately scratching the desk.

Stop that! says Jamila. You'll go in the Children's Zoo. I can keep an eye on you there. What's the matter? You look a bit queasy.

Ageless does indeed look queasy. He is starting to moult.

Lobster On Ice

Ageless is lifted high into the air, above the ice rink.

Ha ha, lobster on ice, says a familiar voice.

Very funny, says Ageless, twisting to see who it is.

It's Farid.

Get these boots off me, says Ageless. And take me somewhere where it's warm.

That's why I'm here, says Farid, pulling at Ageless's blue skating boots with unnecessary vigour.

Watch it , says Ageless. You'll have my legs off.

You've got more, says Farid.

Is this the same Farid who was so pleasant to him previously?

Now he is rough and rude.

Come, says Farid.

No, says Ageless. I prefer to remain independent.

You have no choice in the matter, says Farid.

.........

Meanwhile, on the long bus ride to Pamukkale, Gaius is pondering the meaning of Katherine's automatic writing.

It was ARTHUR! says Gaius.

Pardon? says Katherine. What was Arthur?

Blue, Blue, says Gaius. That was Arthur's song. The one he played at the closing night concert of the Masters Games in Alice Springs! You were channeling Arthur.

I assure you I wasn't, says Katherine.

It all fits, says Gaius.

Not the feet, says Katherine.

'A week is a lifetime on the other side', says Gaius. That fits. Arthur is already utterly bored in Kas with that Bunny. He's wishing he'd come to Pamukkale with us.

You don't know young people, says Katherine, rubbing her foot. Are we there yet? I need to soak this.

She shows Gaius her foot. It is blueish.

...........

Katherine is right about Arthur.

He is not bored in Kas. Nor is Bunny.

They have hired two kayaks and are paddling down the coast towards the sunken city of Kekova. The sea is blue, the sun is warm, the coastline is the loveliest in the Mediterranean.

 If you like ruins.

How Automatic Writing Works

Katherine continues her automatic writing.

Her face is expressionless. Her orange pen flies over the paper.

Lavender and Baby Pierre pay rapt attention. Who is coming through?

Katherine writes, in a curious hand: A WEEK IS A LIFETIME ON THE OTHER SIDE> INSUPPORTABLE< IT IS> OH MY FEET ARE SO COLD> BLUE> BLUE>

She shivers and stops writing. Stares down at the notepad. Looks surprised.

Well I never, says Katherine. Look at this Gaius.

A week is a lifetime on the other side, reads Gaius. What do you mean?

Not me, says Katherine. Some one else has come through.

Rubbish, says Gaius. I saw you write it.

But she was all in a trance, says Lavender. It's a dead spirit!

Dead spirit, scoffs Baby Pierre. Spirits aren't dead, Lavender. That's the Twitcher.

I know it's the Twitcher, says Lavender.

How? asks Katherine. How do you know it's the Twitcher?

By the clues, says Baby Pierre. First, the Twitcher has to stay in the Dubai Aquarium for a week.

Why are his feet cold? asks Gaius, becoming interested again. It's hot in Dubai.

I know! says Lavender. He's nervous! He can't wait to go to Kas to meet his sweetheart, but he's scared she won't like him. He's getting cold feet.

Plausible, says Gaius. But I still don't believe it.

I need a cup of tea, says Katherine. I've come over all funny.

There's no tea on the bus. Gaius hands her a bottle of iced water.

Katherine gulps it. Her own feet are cold. Well, one is, particularly. The blue one. Perhaps she has been channeling herself?

It never occurs to her that she could have been channeling Ageless.

.......

Ageless is skating round and round the ice rink in the Dubai Shopping Mall, wearing his red knitted hat.

A whole WEEK here! grumbles Ageless. Insupportable! Brrr! My feet are freezing in these boots. Why do they only have one colour? I don't like blue.

Bump! he is knocked over by a speeding skater. He sits down on the ice and remains there immobile, until someone picks him up from behind.