It is the first day of the tour. The sun is shining and the course is flat. Everyone is riding normally. But someone is not there.
There goes Ageless! says Sweezus to Surfing-With-Whales.
Ageless lobster whizzes past them looking like a puce-banded orange-shod bee.
Yeah, says Surfing-With-Whales. Bloody Ageless.
Exchanges are short in the tour. But what happened was this:
Gaius failed to wake up in the morning in time for the start. Arthur cobbled together an outfit for Ageless out of scraps, toothpicks and glue. But Ageless is not yet the team leader of Team Provenance. Just so you know.
There is a slight fracas ahead.
What's up? says Sweezus.
Froome's down! says Surfing-With-Whales.
Brill! says Sweezus. Oh bugger no. He's up again.
David and Vello ride up behind them
What a beautiful day! says Vello . Smell the Corsican pine trees. And you, here you are riding along in the middle. Any chance of you going a bit faster?
Not unless you've got any Power Bars, says Sweezus. I haven't had breakfast.
No, says David . We forgot 'em. But don't worry, Belle et Bonne will be turning up soon.
This news gives a boost to Sweezus and Surfing-With Whales. They pedal harder, and soon disappear.
Poor old Gaius, says David.
Indeed, says Vello. But perhaps it is all for the best.
Not if he's ill, says David. That's not all for the best.
Do you want to debate now, says Vello. Or shall we speed up?
They speed up.
Nothing much happens for ages. The crowd clap and cheer at the side of the road and wave flags
Near the finish, a series of crashes. Contador and Sagan are down.
A bus is wedged over the finish line. Disaster! The finish line will have to be moved!
But no. The tyres are let down. The bus is wheeled off. The finish line will stay where it is.
Who is this approaching the finish line? Saint Niko, his wheels hardly touching the ground.
Marcel Kittel just pips him at the last minute. Well done, Kittel! He wins the stage.
Here comes Ageless, just a few seconds later. Followed by Arthur and Unni.
Team Provenance is peaking too soon.
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