Lost Opportunities

Gaius is in the Mayor's office, waiting for the Mayor to appear.

At last the Mayor enters.

Sorry, says Mayor Paul Thomas. So much to do, so little time. How may I ....oh, it's you, Gaius.

It is, says Gaius. Back from my travels as you see.

Wonderful, says Paul Thomas, and how is the Twitcher? Did he make it to Kas?

Ahem, says Gaius. It's all here in my report. What I am interested in now is......

The Mayor's phone rings.

Sorry, says Paul Thomas. Better take this. Hello? Yes, yes. Oh yes, tonight, absolutely no worries. See you there. Sorry Gaius, what were you saying?

.......to know how the issue of the taxonomic status of Sepia Apama is progressing, says Gaius.

You're in luck, says Paul Thomas. There's an extraordinary meeting tonight in the Wallaroo Hotel on that very topic. Perhaps you could read your report at the meeting. Kill two birds with one stone.

What? says Gaius. Two birds ....?

I mean that saves me having to read it, says Paul Thomas. I'll be at the meeting.

Gaius thinks: Is this some sort of brush off? Margaret would know.

What time is the meeting? says Gaius, a little stiffly.

Eight, says Mayor Paul Thomas. See you there.

........

Gaius wanders down to the Wallaroo jetty, looking for Arthur and Sweezus.

He can't see them.

He takes out his phone to call Arthur. Ring ring.

What? says Arthur.

Where are you? says Gaius.

Way down the beach, says Arthur. Getting some fresh air.

Not true. He is in the pub. So is Sweezus.

I'll walk down to meet you, says Gaius. Which way ? North?

North, says Arthur. That's right.

Was that Gaius? says Sweezus.

Yes, says Arthur. He's going to go for a walk. A long one.

Did he sound angry? says Sweezus.

Arthur thinks back. No he didn't sound angry.

..............


Time passes. It is sunset. A beautiful evening in Wallaroo.

The sea glints metal and primrose, the sky glows fiery orange and purple. Birds wheel and fly northwards. The jetty is silent and black.

Jazzman is waiting. He is thinking, as he often does, about his MBA, and whether it was worth all that money or whether his time has been wasted.

Here comes someone now.

It's not Bandy or Snook. Not Sweezus or Arthur.

It's an old dude.

Gaius, has been walking all afternoon. First northwards then southwards, not finding Arthur. He is late for the meeting.

Evening, says Jazzman

Evening, says Gaius. I would stop and enjoy it, but I'm late for a meeting.

I'm early for one, says Jazzman. But's that's me all over.

What a pity. It is just the evening for a temporal discussion of this nature.

Gaius knows he had better move on.

Killing Time On The Wallaroo Jetty

Gaius, Sweezus and Arthur are in Wallaroo. It is sunny.

Let's go and look at the jetty, says Arthur. See if it's open.

I'll leave you to it, says Gaius. I must visit the Mayor and present my report.

Gaius heads off in the direction of the Council Chambers.

His report? says Sweezus. We wrote it.

We wrote it? says Arthur. I wrote it. But I'm happy if he takes the blame.

Blame? says Sweezus. You mean credit.

Thing is, says Arthur, when I wrote it, I didn't know I'd be coming.

Don't tell me... says Sweezus. You wrote something .....a bit too.....

......truthful, says Arthur.

We're in trouble, says Sweezus.

We could cobble up something, says Arthur. An alternative version.

Too late now, says Sweezus. Shit.

They have now reached the jetty. Only the first half is open. Some locals are at the barrier protesting.

Bandy: Every bloody weekend!

Snook: Yeah, every bloody weekend. Always some ship in.

Bandy: Goin' to the meetin' tonight?

Snook: Pffft! As bloody if !

(In Wallaroo, things haven't changed much.)

Hi dudes, says Sweezus, to Bandy and Snook.

They eye him with suspicion.

You from the Ports? enquires Bandy.

Nup, says Sweezus, just a visitor. Looking to catch a few cuttlies, with my mate here.

Bandy and Snook turn their gazes to Arthur, then back to Sweezus.

How you gunna catch em? says Snook.

With snails, says Arthur.

Bandy and Snook laugh derisively.

Tell you what, says Bandy. Come back tonight and we'll show you how to do it. We can take out dad's tinny.

Yeah, says Snook. Bring a torch and an esky.

Cool, says Sweezus. What time?

After sunset, says Bandy. That's the best time.

I'm new to this, says Sweezus. Just starting up my own business.

Yeah? says Snook. We should bring Jazzman.

Yeah, Jazzman! says Bandy. He's got an MBA, Jazzman.

See you later, then, says Arthur.

See you later, says Sweezus.

They walk back to the start of the jetty.

What now? says Sweezus.

Pub, says Arthur. Or we could throw rocks at the sea.

Or both, says Sweezus. Or in reverse order. Throw rocks, then go to the pub.

Four ways to kill time.

In The Great Hall Of The People

Lu Ban and Rosamunda arrive at the Great Hall of the People, and knock on the door.

The door opens. A head pokes out.

Sorry, says Lu Ban, Wrong door. I'm looking for President Hu Jintao.

You're one year too late, says the head. I'm the president now. And who might you be?

Lu Ban, says Lu Ban. Dear me. How time flies.

Indeed, says the President. Come in Lu Ban, respected carpenter immortal.

Thank you, says Lu Ban. You are gracious. May I ask your name.

Xi Jinping, says the President. Remember for next time. Cup of tea?

Thanks, says Lu Ban.

He and Rosamunda go into the President's office and sit down. The President rings for green tea.

You knew Hu Jintao? says the President.

Very well, says Lu Ban. He had a photographic memory, and he enjoyed ballroom dancing.

Rosamunda giggles.

It's not funny, says Lu Ban.

No, it isn't, says President Xi. As for me, I am known to smile in public, I hold my own umbrella, and occasionally roll up my trousers.

The two men look sharply at Rosamunda to gauge her reaction.

Any particular reason? says Rosamunda.

It makes sense when inspecting floods, says President Xi. And now, Lu Ban, how may I help you?

I have a dream, says Lu Ban.

You have come to the right person, says the President. My motto is China Dreams.

My motto is Endless Dragons, says Lu Ban. I wish to enter the next Tour Down Under with my new prototype dragon bicycle. Your support would be helpful.

Endless Dragons, says President Xi.  I like it. You shall have my support, as long as you represent China, and as long as you win.

That is the thing, says Lu Ban. I intend to win, but I need some help with the design of the bicycle. The dragon on the handlebars is giving me trouble. This young lady here is a designer, and she has cycling connections. She can help me.

Very good, says the President, looking again at Rosamunda. Hmm, she looks somewhat familiar....

Goddess Chang'e, says Lu Ban. In that photo.

Oh yes, says the President. The newspaper. That young lady! The one who got away......

I need her to stay a bit longer, says Lu Ban.

Certainly, says the President. As long as you like. Ah, China Dreams, Endless Dragons..... I do love mottoes. Do you have a motto young lady?

Adapt or die, says Rosamunda.

Fine motto, says President Xi. If a little direct for my liking.

You Have Wisdom

Gaius, Sweezus and Arthur are on the bus to Wallaroo.

Sweezus looks out of the window. He has not been to Wallaroo before.

He dreams of catching boxes and boxes of cuttlefish. In the dream, the boxes of cuttlefish are clear. But the actual catching is cloudy.

Arthur, says Sweezus. How do you catch cuttlies?

Various ways, says Arthur. You need bait.

He remembers the Twitcher.

Bait like snails, says Arthur.

Too easy, says Sweezus. We're laughing.

He leans back in his seat with his ipod and closes his eyes.

Gaius for once has been listening.

When I was a lad, says Gaius, we took lamps and we caught them with tridents. No bait was required.

I'll remember that, says Arthur. Tridents.

The bus rumbles on down the road.

............

Rosamunda is in Lu Ban's apartment. It is not very grand.

Can I get you drink? says Lu Ban. What would you like?

What have you got? says Rosamunda.

Let me see, says Lu Ban, opening the fridge. How about a Cheese Creamsicle. I make it myself.

Sounds yummy, says Rosamunda. What's in it?

Cocoa, milk, rock salt and cheese, says Lu Ban.

All right, says Rosamunda.

She goes over to Lu Ban's drawing board and looks at his dragon bike prototype.

What do you think? says Lu Ban.

I like the aeroplane wing-shaped tube sections and the concave back on the seat tube, says Rosamunda. And it appears to be aerodynamically optimised for all wind conditions......

But? says Lu Ban.

But, says Rosamunda, I don't like that dragon's head.

It's not negotiable, says Lu Ban. All my designs are based on the dragon. It's my trade mark.

Too twisty, says Rosamunda.

Swoopy, says Lu Ban. And anyway, what would you know?

I'm a designer, says Rosamunda. That's how I know. Mmmm, this drink is yummy.

Yes it is, says Lu Ban. And yet, you wouldn't think so. Cocoa, milk, rock salt and cheese.

No, says Rosamunda. You wouldn't think so. Perhaps that's a lesson.

You have wisdom, says Lu Ban. As well as connections.

I do have connections, says Rosamunda. And I hear you have friends in high places.

I do, says Lu Ban. Would you like to meet one?

I would, says Rosamunda. Who is it?

The President of the People's Republic of China, says Lu Ban. Come on, it's five thirty. He'll just be knocking off work.

Connections And Corrections

One does not argue with Lu Ban.

Ming Rong? says Rosamunda as she disappears down the stairs, in the strong grip of  Lu Ban, carpenter immortal.

Don't worry, Rosamunda, calls Ming Rong. You are safe unless.....

But Rosamunda doesn't hear the rest. She is already half way down the street.

Where are we going? says Rosamunda to Lu Ban. And why so fast?

I always go fast, says Lu Ban. And as to where we're going, that depends. You may be useful.

He stops and regards her, thoughtfully.

I wish to be included in a team for the Tour Down Under. I believe you have connections, says Lu Ban.

Oh yes, says Rosamunda. I have connections.

Right, says Lu Ban. You're coming home with me.

.........

Next morning, in the office of Velosophy.......

Arthur has finished the report. Sweezus is still sourcing cuttlies.

Man! says Sweezus, expensive! Twenty four dollars a kilo! We'll have to catch our own.

Gaius enters.

Hello there, Sweezus! Finished my report? says Gaius

Arthur hands it to him.

Gaius scans it quickly.

Yes yes, says Gaius. Wonderful. Title, Summary, Introduction, Conclusion. Very professional. Did you write this, Arthur?

Yes, says Arthur. Sweezus is busy sourcing cuttlies.

Even better, says Gaius. I don't have to pay you.

What? says Arthur. Why don't you have to pay me?

Because you're coming with me to Wallaroo, says Gaius. The report is, shall we say, included.

You didn't tell me, says Arthur. I've promised to help Sweezus organise his cuttlies.

Yeah that's right, says Sweezus. Arthur and me are going cuttling.

You can cuttle up at Wallaroo, says Gaius. As long as you do it south of the jetty.

Awesome, says Sweezus. Arthur. Are you in?

I suppose so, says Arthur.

At least he will be spending time with Sweezus.

But the report....

If he'd known he might have written something different.

Taking Control Of The Lives Of Others

Belle et Bonne has popped out to get some sandwiches.

Sweezus and Arthur are alone at last.

Man, it's good to see you, says Sweezus. How was China?

Solid reliable bicycles, says Arthur. Unusual food. I even ate a scorpion on a stick.

Awesome, says Sweezus. I'd never eat a scorpion.

I'd never eat another one, says Arthur. But I'd eat a cuttlefish.

Yeah, says Sweezus. We could serve them on a stick.

We? says Arthur. We could?

Why not? says Sweezus. Wanna be my partner?

Arthur would not like to be anybody's partner.

I'll help out for a few days, says Arthur. While you get started.

Brill! says Sweezus. First we need to source the cuttlies. You can do that. I have to write this bugger of a report....

Have you started it? says Arthur.

No, says Sweezus. Well yes, I've got an awesome title. Death in Dubai.

No way! says Arthur. Give it here. You start sourcing cuttlies. I'll do your report.

Arthur sits down and starts typing.

..............

Knock knock! Lu Ban knocks on Ming Rong's front door.

Ming Rong opens it.

Can I help you? says Ming Rong.

Yes, says Lu Ban. I am Lu Ban, carpenter immortal. We almost met a few days ago. I am a friend of Sikong Shu.

Who's at the door, Ming Rong? says Rosamunda, from inside the apartment.

Lu Ban, a friend of Sikong Shu, says Ming Rong.

What does he want? says Rosamunda.

To see you, little moon goddess, says Lu Ban loudly, in his best carpenter immortal voice.

Rosamunda comes to the door. She is no longer wearing silk pyjamas. She looks just like a Scottish tourist, which is what she is.

What for? says Rosamunda. I'm not ready to leave yet, if that's what this is about.

Yes you are, says Lu Ban. Come with me.

He grasps her.

Too Streamlined To be Fearsome

Erotic? says Sweezus. How is Sweezies Cuttlies erotic?

Maybe it's just me, says Arthur.

Less said the better then, says Gaius. Choose another name.

No, says Belle et Bonne. I love it. And can I tweak it just a little? Sweezies Tender Cuttlies?

Awesome! says Sweezus. But.... isn't that even more erotic?

What's wrong with more erotic? says Belle et Bonne. If marketing's the key.....

And so it is decided. Sweezies Tender Cuttlies. ( Erotic, is it? I don't know...)

Thanks Gaius, says Sweezus. Great idea. How can I repay you?

Get on with that report, says Gaius. I'm leaving for Wallaroo tomorrow. I'll come back and pick it up tomorrow morning bright and early.

Gaius leaves, to go home and unpack.

Geez! says Sweezus. Arthur, want to help me?

No, says Arthur. You should do it. But look, I've brought you this.

He pulls the Richie Porte notes from his pocket.

Woah! says Sweezus. Is this the Richie Porte thing? Let's see. What'd he write?

He grabs the notes. Belle looks over his shoulder.

What a lot of commas! says Belle et Bonne.

I put them in, says Arthur. Perhaps I overdid it.

Sweezus is good at skim reading. He skims down to the end. He reads the part where Richie meets Lu Ban, carpenter immortal:

....he's an immortal(,) weird(,) yeah(,) he's getting into cycling(,) he's going to design a bicycle(,) a dragon bicycle(,) with the head of a dragon(,) and a dragon's tail(,) I showed him mine(.)

This is BIG!, says Sweezus.  Richie has a new design for a bicycle. This'll create a massive mega stir!

Papa and David may not like it, says Belle et Bonne. Where's the philosophy? It's just a straight out narrative.

Too bad, says Sweezus. It's way too big to sit on!

...........

Lu Ban is working on his bicycle. The dragon's head is something of a problem.

Sikong Shu comes in.

How's it going? says Sikong Shu. Wouldn't it go faster with its mouth shut?

Tell me about it, says Lu Ban. But then it wouldn't look so fearsome.

You'll sort it out, says Sikong Shu.

How about you? says Lu Ban. Have you found that girl yet? Rosamunda?

Yes and no, says Sikong Shu. I know where she is but she doesn't want to see me. She doesn't realise....

What, says Lu Ban. What doesn't she realise?

How many people will be in trouble if she doesn't leave soon, says Sikong Shu. Professor Mee-man Chang, Dr Zhu Min, me. Not to mention Ming Rong the chap she's got herself involved with.

And of course herself, says Lu Ban. I've heard that there are penalties.

Yes, there are penalties, says Sikong Shu. Strict penalties. Five hundred yuan for each day she overstays her visa. And five to thirty days detention.

Ah, the little goddess of the moon will get her come-uppance, says Lu Ban. Come-uppance. Moon. It's a joke.

Very funny, says Sikong Shu, but what about me? I don't want my come-uppance.

Are you really worried, Shu? says Lu Ban. You know I can fix anything. I'll go and see her. If that fails, I have friends in high places.

You are a pal, says Sikong Shu. Let me buy you a drink.

Thanks, says Lu Ban. Go round the corner and get two Chin Chin Grass Jellies.

Back in a tick, says Sikong Shu.

He goes out.

Lu Ban turns back to wrestle with the dragon.

Epicurean With A Touch Of The Erotic

Gaius sinks into a chair.

Why did no one remind me? says Gaius. Arthur?

Don't worry, says Arthur. I'm not worried.

Arthur, says Belle et Bonne, do you know something? When did you last see Rosamunda?

Arthur thinks. It was when she walked off without him to find the shops. And wasn't she being followed by that weird guy who she'd dudded on the subway?

Even Arthur knows better than to make this public.

Last Tuesday, says Arthur. She went shopping.

And that was it? says Belle et Bonne. You didn't see her again? And then you left China without her? I don't believe it!

This isn't going well. Arthur feels obliged to make it go a little better.

She's coming on a later flight, says Arthur.

He feels that this is actually quite likely. Unless she has been murdered or detained.

The conversation turns to other topics.

Now that's cleared up, says Gaius, let's get on to more important matters. Sweezus, have you sent off that report?

What report? says Sweezus. I've actually been heaps busy.......

The report to the Copper Coast Mayor, says Gaius. About the success of my my trip to Turkey with the Twitcher in order to widen the cuttlefish gene pool.

I would've finished it, says Sweezus, but ....

But what? says Gaius.

But for what Arthur told me, says Sweezus. You left the Twitcher in Dubai and he died there. I wasn't sure how to pitch it as a success.

I thought you had completed a creative writing course, says Gaius, crossly.

Yeah, says Sweezus, but ...... there's something else. I'm up to here in paperwork. I'm starting up my own business.

Isn't it exciting! says Belle et Bonne.

What's the business? says Arthur. Ghost writing?

Why did you say that? says Sweezus. Anyway it's not that sort of business. It's not literary. Guess what it is?

Stop wasting time and tell us, says Gaius.

I'm buying a pop-up food van, says Sweezus. It's the coolest thing. What you do is, you drive around the city and sell food to dudes at lunch time.

What do you think? says Belle et Bonne. It's his own idea.

What kind of food? says Arthur.

Dunno yet, says Sweezus. Something easy. Something I can cook. Something no one else is selling. It's mega competitive. Marketing's the key......

Isn't that good? says Belle et Bonne. Marketing's the key.

It would be better if he knew what he was cooking, says Arthur.

Cuttlefish! says Gaius. There's an idea you can have for nothing. It just came into my head.

Yeah? says Sweezus. How d'you cook 'em?

Cut their legs off below the eyes, says Gaius. Cut out the little beak. Remove the unpalatable filling from the head compartment. Take out the cuttlebone and fry for one or two minutes, but no longer. Keep them tender.

Awesome! says Sweezus. Too easy! Gaius you're a genius. I'll call it....... Sweezies Cuttlies.

Good name, says Arthur. Epicurean with a touch of the erotic.

Future Cola

Sikong Shu is in a Beijing cafe with his friend Lu Ban, carpenter immortal.

Why so glum, Shu? says Lu Ban.

Do you remember that girl, Rosamunda? says Sikong Shu.

No, says Lu Ban. Can't say that I do.

She's missing, says Sikong Shu. And I'm going to be blamed.

She'll turn up, says Lu Ban. Don't look so worried. What're you having?

Future Cola, says Sikong Shu.

Lu Ban goes up to order two Future Colas, and comes back with a newspaper.

He spreads it out on the table.

Sikong Shu views it upside down.

Even so, he instantly recognises Rosamunda.

That's her, says Sikong Shu. In that picture!

Acrobat is she? says Lu Ban.

Natural historian, says Sikong Shu. But that's her anyway. Jumping off a bridge in her pyjamas.

Reminds me of my late wife, says Lu Ban. Always jumping off something.

What does it say? says Sikong Shu.

Photo by Ming Rong, reads Lu Ban. Bought by Zhang Rui for sixty thousand. Zhang Rui, he's that billionaire. He must be on to something.

Lu Ban admires entrepreneurship.

Ming Rong! says Sikong Shu, putting two and two together.

Now he knows where to look for Rosamunda.

He downs his Future Cola and cheers up.

..........

Gaius, Margaret and Arthur have landed in Adelaide.

Arthur is about to head off.

Wait, says Gaius. Where are you going?

Velosophy, says Arthur. To give Sweezus this stuff from Richie Porte.

I'll come with you, says Gaius. I need to see Sweezus for an update on the Sepia Apama....

Don't mind me, says Margaret. I'll just go home.

It would be nice to report that Gaius now thanks Margaret for coming to China, knowing how to speak Mandarin, and being the only one to bring a proper scraper.

He doesn't, and Margaret is not overly surprised.

She goes home to unpack and put her feet up.

.......

Guys! says Sweezus, when Arthur and Gaius enter the Velosophy office. You're back early. How was China?

Before they can answer, Belle et Bonne enters the office.

Gaius! Arthur! says Belle. How lovely to see you! But..... where's Rosamunda?

Great Jupiter! Rosamunda! cries Gaius, overcome with belated contrition.

Irony And Empowerment

Does the space represent the interpunct or the interpunct represent the space? says Gaius. There's a question.

Oh really, Gaius, says Margaret. What does it matter?

I'm a practical man, says Gaius.

Ask Lavender, says Ouvert. Miss-smarty-space-in-the-shape-of-an-auger would know.

I do know, says Lavender. I don't represent anything, and nothing represents me. Not even a cymbal.

Horrid noise alert!  Horrid noise alert! says Ouvert.

Arthur, whispers Lavender. What's a cymbal?

A percussion instrument, says Arthur. You need two of them to make any noise.

Hah! says Lavender. Two of them!

She looks pityingly at Ouvert.

Ouvert opens and closes one mouth and grins fishily with the other.

He doesn't get irony.

........

More visitors visit the 798 Space Gallery.

An art-loving newsagent comes by and recognises the rabbit stickers. He sells similar ones in his shop.

He goes up to the desk.

A few hours later a basket of rabbit stickers appears on the counter, at double the price of elsewhere.

The richest art collector in China strolls up to look at the photograph of Rosamunda as Chang'e.

He likes it. He makes an enquiry regarding the price.

Sixty thousand yuan. He will buy it. At that price, a worthwhile investment.

A red sticker goes up.

The rabbits look angry.

Everyone is making money but them.

.........

I suppose I should get in touch with Gaius and Margaret, says Rosamunda. Find out when they're leaving.

Yes, you should call them, says Ming Rong. They might be worried about you.

Rosamunda tries calling, Gaius, Margaret, even Arthur. But no one answers.

She calls Sikong Shu.

Rosamunda! says Sikong Shu. The others have gone home without you!

Oh have they? says Rosamunda. That's nice! Without even telling me!

You disappeared, says Sikong Shu. What could they do? They had to leave in a bit of a hurry.

That'd be right, says Rosamunda. Well I'm staying a in Beijing a little longer.

But you can't..... says Sikong Shu.

Click.

Seems she can.

Rabbit, Now You Know

One of the flight attendants leans over.

I think a space qualifies as punctuation, she says.

I agree, says the other flight attendant. In the sense that it's a word divider. Tea or coffee sir?

Coffee, says, Arthur. And do you have a pencil?

Here's my pencil, says the first flight attendant. But I'll need it back.

Arthur inserts a few commas into Richie Porte's notes.

....it's like nothing has happened(,) but it has(,) the continuity is broken(,) and we ride back to Beijing(,)....

See, says Arthur. Couldn't do that without a pencil. Punctuation requires marks on the page.

I agree, says Gaius. A punctuation mark is a symbol. A space is not.

Gaius, says Margaret. A space is a symbol for an interpunct. Don't tell me you've forgotten.

I'm an interpunct! says Lavender. What's an interpunct?

A cymbal, says Ouvert. Who doesn't know that? They make a horrid noise.

 ........

Meanwhile back in Beijing.

Imagine you're a rabbit. Not a real one. One of many rabbit stickers stuck onto a large red frame. You are in a gallery hanging on a wall. It's called the 798 Space Gallery. It's in the 798 Art District in a cool part of Beijing. Transformed military factories, rusted chimneys. Cafes, galleries and shops. Lonely Planet guide.

But you are a rabbit sticker, one of many, and you are unaware of this.

You don't even know what it is that you are framing.

Listen then rabbit, and learn.

First visitor (an elderly Chinese art critic): I like it. It reworks an old myth into a new and modern reality with a clever twist

Second visitor (his friend, also an art critic) : The depth of vision is impressive. And the point of view.

Third visitor ( a tourist from America) : Oh my god ! She's wearing peejays! And those rabbit stickers. Cute!

Fourth visitor (her friend, another American): I want one. But it'll be way too pricey.

Fifth visitor ( a conservative art lover) : Of course, it references Chang'e, I totally get that. And the red frame, that's a given. But I feel the multiple rabbits are a bridge too far......

Sixth visitor ( his wife, slightly less conservative ): They're all into stickers these days.....

Fifth visitor: One sticker would suffice.

Seventh visitor ( a mother) : Look at this one!

Eighth visitor ( Mei, her little daughter) : Ma! Is it a fairy?

Seventh visitor: No Mei, it's the moon goddess Chang'e. Isn't she pretty!

Ninth visitor ( Long Long, her little nephew) : Aunty! Can I have a rabbit sticker?

Seventh visitor: No, Long Long, get your sticky hands away. We'll go to the gallery shop and buy a post card.

Eighth visitor: I want one too!

 Interpunct.

So Rabbit, now you know.

A Space Is Punctuation

Lavender and Ouvert lie side by side in the Fossil Box of Reproachfulness.

Who will be the first one to speak?

Gaius has lowered his dinner tray. So has Margaret.

A few more seconds and Arthur will too.

It's time to stop sulking.

Arthur, says Lavender. May we have an adult conversation?

Yes, says Arthur. I don't mind.

He lifts Lavender out of the Fossil Box and lowers his dinner tray.

Ouvert squeaks foul.

Arthur lifts Ouvert out too.

Here comes Arthur's airline dinner, steaming in a foil tray. Mmm. Shepherd's pie.

Arthur.... says Lavender sweetly.

Yes? says Arthur, unwrapping his plastic cutlery.

YOU FORGOT US! shrieks Lavender.

YAAAH! screeches Ouvert. FORGOT US!

But you feel better now, says Arthur.

Strangely, they do.

What happened? says Lavender.

Shouting, says Arthur. It always makes you feel better.

Wup! says Ouvert. We should remember that, Lavender.

.........

Arthur has finished his dinner and put up the tray. He is reading.

What are you reading? says Lavender.

Richie Porte's notes, says Arthur. He's written an article for Velosophy.

Read it, says Lavender. I love stories.

I love Richie Porte, says Ouvert.

All right, says Arthur. Tell me if you think it's philosophy.

I do, says Ouvert.

He hasn't started, says Lavender.

Either it is or it isn't, says Ouvert. Irrespective of whether he's started.

Irrespective! snorts Lavender. Ouvert, now you're being pretentious!.

Arthur starts reading:

......me and sikong shu catch up with arthur at the locator beacon he's talking to 2 butterfly breeders they have cold pigs ears in sauce and arthur's recharging his phone. it's like nothing happened but something has happened the continuity is broken and we ride back to beijing .....

Arthur, says Lavender, why are you reading like that without stopping?

There's no punctuation, says Arthur. And I don't have a pencil.

What's punctuation? says Lavender.

Pha ha ha ha! squawks Ouvert. Lavender doesn't know punctuation!

Why should I? says Lavender. I'm a space in the shape of an auger.

HA! says Ouvert. A space is punctuation.

Is it?

Gaius, Margaret, Arthur, several adjacent passengers and two flight attendants all start to think about this.

Frames And Revelations

Margaret has eased open the box and seen what's inside it.

She can't help smiling. She closes the lid.

Arthur is reading Richie Porte's handwritten notes, the section he wrote at Mentougou:

.....now i know i can face it. he wants me to write philosophy as if i could do that but why not ? arthur says write and dont stop. there are these 2 girls with a tent they feed us bean jelly or something one of them thinks i'm a pilot. team sky get it? that's funny.  i go to sleep but not before thinking. next morning i'll start to try writing good writing with adjectives and .......

He can't help smiling. He would put in some commas and capitals, but he doesn't have a pencil.

The tea trolley comes by. Gaius is woken by the rattle.

Margaret hands him the box.

My fossils! says Gaius. I had forgotten!

He opens the box.

He can't help frowning

............

Ming Rong is an art photographer. He can print his own photos.

Rosamunda showers while her silk pyjamas are drying.

When she comes out Ming Rong shows her the photograph of herself falling down from the moon bridge.

She looks like the goddess Chang'e, dancing on the moon..

I knew it would be awesome, says Ming Rong. I'll frame it and exhibit it in my studio. Everyone will come.

I don't look Chinese, says Rosamunda doubtfully.

That's the point, says Ming Rong. I'm an avant garde artist.

Should there be a rabbit? says Rosamunda.

You inspire me. There will be multiple rabbits, says Ming Rong.

...........

Up in the air, Gaius Margaret and Arthur are peering into the fossil box.

Inside the fossil box lie Lavender and Ouvert, bound up with sticky tape, quite unable to speak.

Get them out, Arthur, says Gaius. I want to see if there's anything underneath.

Arthur lifts Lavender out, followed by Ouvert. He begins removing the sticky tape.

Gaius pokes in the corners. A few dry yellow crumbs stick to his fingers. He licks them.

Salted duck egg, says Gaius. How disappointing.

Look on the bright side, says Margaret. You've got Lavender and Ouvert back. And we thought we'd left them behind.

True, says Gaius, we ought to have noticed. But I feel I have been diddled.....

This is not the reunion Lavender and Ouvert had expected.

They could speak now, but they say nothing and stare reproachfully at Arthur.

..........

Rosamunda and Ming Rong are buying a frame from a frame shop.

It is a red one. It will look amazing with Rosamunda floating inside it.

Next they go to a newsagent, and check out the stickers.

Love hearts, smiley faces, fairies, dinosaurs, horses, cats....... RABBITS!

Trusting Women With Boxes

Rosamunda floats gently down from the moon bridge.....

Click!

...and is captured within the illusory circle by Ming Rong's camera..

Could this really happen? No? Let's not be too hasty ....

Splash!

Yes. It could really happen,

I'm all wet, says Rosamunda.

I didn't mean you to come down like that, says Ming Rong, helping her out of the pond. I meant you to come down the way you went up. But it'll be the most awesome photo.

He wraps his jacket around Rosamunda. They sit down at the edge of the pond.

Tell me the story of Chang'e, says Rosamunda.

So Ming Rong tells her the story:

Chang'e and her husband Houyi were immortals living in heaven. One day the ten sons of the Jade Emperor turned into ten suns, and began scorching the earth. Houyi, the archer, shot nine of them leaving only one sun. But the Jade Emperor was not pleased.  He sent Houyi and Chang'e to live on earth as mortals.

Typical, says Rosamunda. SHE didn't do anything.

True, says Ming Rong. Chang'e was unhappy. So Houyi set off in search of a means of regaining immortality.

HE did? says Rosamunda. I thought SHE was unhappy.

Just listen, says Ming Rong. He went. He met the Queen Mother of the West who gave him a pill. She told him one pill was enough for two people. He took the pill home and put it in a box for safe keeping, telling Chang'e not to open the box. Then he went away for a while.

Why? says Rosamunda.

So the rest of the story could happen, says Ming Rong. Chang'e opened the box and found the pill. Before she could put it away Houyi came back. So she swallowed the pill in a panic. Soon she began to float upwards. Houyi was alarmed. Upwards and upwards she went. The only way he could bring her down was to shoot her with arrows. But he didn't want to hurt her. She floated up to the moon where she stayed and was lonely, except for the rabbit who also happened to live there.

Wow, says Rosamunda. It's a feminist story.

Is it? says Ming Rong. But you are shivering, Rosamunda. Let me take you home.

.........

Arthur, Margaret and Gaius are on the plane flying homewards.

Gaius is snoozing.

Margaret is thinking (not too regretfully) about Rosamunda.

Arthur is thinking about Sweezus and how he will go round to see him as soon as he gets home. He will take him those Richie Porte notes. He feels around for them in his pocket. But what's this here? He pulls out the box.

Is that the box Dr Zhu Min gave Gaius? says Margaret.

Yes, says Arthur. Here, you have it. Give it to Gaius when he wakes up.

Margaret takes it.

Gaius is still snoozing.

Margaret fingers the box. There is sticky tape holding the lid on. She picks at the tape surreptitiously.......

The Art Of Forgetting

Where is Rosamunda? asks Sikong Shu. Surely you're not leaving without her? And where are the.....

Dr Zhu Min catches his eye.

 Sikong Shu stops.

Yes there must be a reason. And it's not for him to pursue what it is. In fact, he is partly to blame. As is Arthur.

Dr Zhu Min looks up at the flight board.

I will leave you here, says Dr Zhu Min. Your boarding gate is at the other end of the terminal. You had better take the shuttle. It's about three kilometres.

So this is goodbye, says Gaius.

Goodbye, says Dr Zhu Min. I trust our association will continue to be beneficial to both our institutions.

Err, yes, says Gaius.

Dr Zhu Min walks away.

Institutions, grumbles Gaius. What institution is he talking about? Never trust institutions.

Come on, says Margaret. Here's the train.

They board the shuttle train, leaving Sikong Shu waving and wondering about certain things.

Well, that's that, says Margaret. China. I must say I'm sorry we had to leave in such a hurry.

I hope you are not blaming me, says Gaius.

I am blaming you, says Margaret. You should never have told them you were a military man.

Pish tosh, says Gaius. That was long ago, my campaign in Germania.....

And you broke their entelognathus, says Margaret.

Now that I did NOT do, says Gaius. In fact I mended it. It was Lavender who....... Where is she, by the way?

I thought you had her, and Ouvert, says Margaret.

I thought you did, says Gaius. Arthur do you have them?

Not that I know of, says Arthur.

............

Rosamunda is standing on top of a little stone Moon Bridge in a quiet Beijing park. Its high arch makes a perfectly circular reflection in the still waters below.

Ming Rong is moving back and forth trying to get the perfect photo.

He stops. Click.

You look like the mythical Lady Chang'e, says Ming Rong.

Who is she? asks Rosamunda.

She lived on the moon, says Ming Rong.

Did she wear silk pyjamas? says Rosamunda.

She does now, says Ming Rong. Come down and I'll tell you her story.

The Moon Bridge

Rosamunda's phone rings.

She doesn't answer.

It'll be Margaret, checking up on me, she says to Ming Rong.

Funny name, Margaret, says Ming Rong. I like your name better. What does it mean?

Rose of the World, says Rosamunda.

Such a beautiful flower, says Ming Rong.

And yours? says Rosamunda.

Shining and harmonious, says Ming Rong.

Like the moon, says Rosamunda.

Later on I will show you a Moon Bridge, says Ming Rong.

What's a moon bridge? asks Rosamunda.

The most beautiful bridge of all, says Ming Rong.

..........

Gaius, Arthur and Margaret are at Beijing airport with Dr Zhu Min.

Sikong Shu comes up behind them, breathless.

Arthur! says Sikong Shu. I came to say goodbye. And this is from Richie.

It's three pages of handwritten notes.

Richie says could you fix up the punctuation, says Sikong Shu.

Sure, says Arthur. He folds up the three pages of notes and jams them into his pocket.

Well, goodbye then, Arthur, says Sikong Shu:

Storms are ravishing the nuthorns
Moon dew sweetens the cinnamon leaves
I know well nothing can come of this union
Yet how it eases my heart.

Did you write that? says Arthur.

No, says Sikong Shu. Sometimes the words of others come more easily.

You ARE a prick, says Arthur. But it was good when we fought with bamboo sticks.

It was, says Sikong Shu. And it all went wrong when you rescued Richie.

I know what you mean, agrees Arthur.

Who's this Richie? says Margaret.

Richie Porte, says Sikong Shu.

THE Richie Porte? Of Team Sky? says Margaret. Did you hear that Gaius? Arthur rescued Richie Porte, of Team Sky.

Well done, Arthur, says Gaius. Ever reliable.

That reminds me, Arthur, says Sikong Shu. Lu Ban asked me to tell you he's available for the Tour Down Under. He's working on a secret design for a bike.

Dr Zhu Min pricks up his ears. Lu Ban? Working on a new design for a bike?

Who is Lu Ban? says Gaius. Great Jupiter, Arthur! What else have you been up to while I was examining fossils and eating black chicken stew?

Lu Ban is the immortal carpenter, says Dr Zhu Min. Inventor of the dragon design in Chinese temples. Why even this airport is based on his dragon design.........

And Lu Ban rides a bicycle? says Gaius. Arthur, follow it up. We need a new rider.

All right, says Arthur, as if he will follow it up.

Sikong Shu takes a last look at the travellers.

Arthur, Margaret, Gaius......

Good gracious! Three of the party are missing!

Falling In Numbers

Arthur owes Doctor Minchin Chow money for the hire of his bicycle.

Dr Minchin Chow has agreed to accept the cake server in lieu.

(He is not to know it is not Arthur's cake server).

Dr Minchin Chow is now in charge of cutting the moon cakes.

Are they the ones with the salted duck eggs inside? says Professor Lanpo Jia. I like them much better than the plain ones.

Dr Minchin Chow cuts the first moon cake open.

Yes! Salted duck eggs inside.

May we know the reason for your sudden, unexpected departure? says Professor Mee-man Chang, to Gaius. Of course, if it's private.....

No, no, it's not private says Gaius. It's to do with the Sepia Apama, or Giant Cuttlefish, and a possible change in taxonomy. They are falling in numbers.

How sad, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. There is something to be said for working with fossils. They are always increasing in numbers.

True, says Gaius. Indeed I found several interesting ones in your Kuanti Formation.

I don't think you did, says Professor Mee-Man Chang.

I did, says Gaius. I gave them to Dr Zhu Min.

Did you? says Dr Zhu Min, who has been sitting at the end of the table picking salted duck egg lumps out of his moon cake.

(Not everyone likes them).

Yes, says Gaius. And I hope you will allow me to take one or two home with me.

Professor Mee-Man Chang looks pointedly at Dr Zhu Min, who gets up and goes out of the tea room.

A few minutes later he returns with a box.

A few fossils for you, says Dr Zhu Min.

Thank you, says Gaius, handing the box to Arthur.

Arthur shoves the box into his pocket.

May I give you a lift to the airport? says Dr Zhu Min.

Thank you, says Margaret, but we can't go without Rosamunda. Where is she?

........

Rosamunda is eating baozi in the luxurious apartment of her handsome new lover Ming Rong. She is wearing new silk pyjamas. They feel smooth and cool on her skin.

She thinks she might stay in Beijing a little longer.

Yes, stay, says Ming Rong.

The Usefulness Of Keeping Certain Things

In the tea room, Professor Mee-Man Chang presides over the tea pot.

Any snacks? asks Doctor Minchin Chow.

No, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. No one has been shopping.

That's because we don't have our bikes, says Professor Lanpo Jia. We rented them to Arthur and his minder. Are you sure? Nothing at all in the cupboard?

I'll take one more look, says Professor Mee-Man Chang.

She reaches in to the tea room cupboard and draws out a dusty red and gold box.

Moon cakes! says Doctor Minchin Chow. My favourite!

Must have been overlooked, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. It can happen.

The doctors and professors look thoughtful.  Oh yes, it can happen all right.

Professor Mee-Man Chang opens the box of moon cakes. Each moon cake is individually wrapped.
She looks about for a knife.

Gaius enters the tea room, with Arthur.

Ah Gaius! says Doctor Minchin Chow. You are just in time for tea and moon cakes. And Arthur! Is my bike still in one piece?

So this is Arthur, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. I should like to talk to you, Arthur.

And I want to talk to you, says Gaius. All of you. Something has come up. I'm afraid I must go home at once.

Silence in the tea room.

This is fortunate news. This will save a great deal of paperwork. This will solve some developing problems.

This is terrible news, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. We will miss you. However, if needs must. And of course you have already benefited greatly from your visit.

So have you, says Gaius. In fact, you have come out the better. I am thinking of the recipe for glue.

Another silence in the tea room.

What did you want to talk to Arthur about, Mee-Man? says Margaret. (She and the professor are friends).

Oh yes, Arthur, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. I hear you live a charmed life.

I do, says Arthur. There are cakes on the table.

Don't be shallow, says Professor Mee-Man Chang.

But that's the secret, says Arthur. That and the interference of others.

So you rely on others, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. It is not what I imagined.

No it's not what you imagined, says Arthur.

Professor Mee-Man Chang gives up. What a surly young man.

Her attention returns to the moon cakes.

Anyone have a knife?

No, but deep down in his pocket, under the dirty bandages, Arthur still has the cake server.

Five Ways To Get Lucky

Ming Rong catches up with Rosamunda.

Excuse me, Rosamunda, says Ming Rong. You should not walk around on your own.

Rosamunda turns round to examine Ming Rong. He is quite handsome.

I'm just going shopping, says Rosamunda. Where is the Silk Road?

Silk Road? says Ming Rong. You mean Xiushui Market. I'll show you.

That's nice of you, says Rosamunda. Especially after what I did to you on the subway.

All forgotten, says Ming Rong. And anyway I have been reimbursed.

Not by me, says Rosamunda.

Not by you, says Ming Rong. But you are so pretty. At Xiushui Market, you can buy silk pyjamas. They will feel cool on your skin. Do you want to?

I want to, says Rosamunda. And after that let's get something to eat. Something that isn't disgusting.

Ha ha, says Ming Rong. You are right, some Beijing snacks are disgusting. But we have hamburgers, pancakes and steamed buns with sweet red bean fillings that you will probably like. Shall we go now?

Rosamunda has heard that in Beijing you should never go anywhere with anyone for any reason.

But she is willing to make an exception.

...........

Richie Porte is saying goodbye to Lu Ban.

Good bye, Lu Ban, says Richie. Good luck with the dragon bike and everything. Might see you next year.

Thanks Richie, says Lu Ban. Got any parting advice for me?

Practice, says Sikong Shu.

I asked Richie, says Lu Ban, not you.

Practice, says Richie. And why don't you try the Tour Down Under? That's the first race of the season.

Are you going? says Lu Ban.

No, says Richie, but I hear Cadel Evans is.

Would he let me in his team? says Lu Ban.

No, definitely not, says Richie, but I'll ask around......someone might. We should ask Arthur. Where is Arthur?

Gone already, groans Sikong Shu.

........

Gaius is waiting for Arthur in front of the Institute.

At last, says Gaius. Do you realise I haven't seen you since you left Qijing?

Yes, sorry, says Arthur. That's why I haven't already told you....

What? says Gaius. Hurry up and tell me.

Before we left for China, says Arthur, remember, Sweezus was going to tell you something important, and you were abrupt so he didn't?

I don't remember any such thing says Gaius. What was it?

It was breaking news about the Giant Cuttlefish, says Arthur.

It won't be breaking news now, says Gaius. But what was it?

There's some genetic evidence that Sepia Apama might be a distinct population, says Arthur, trying to remember why that was important.

Eureka! says Gaius. That means a change in the taxonomic status. And that means there may be conservation implications. Well done Arthur! It's obvious I must go home at once. Which, in the circumstances, is lucky.

What circumstances? says Arthur. What's happened?

Put that bicycle away and I'll tell you while we walk up the stairs to the tea room, says Gaius.

Do they have snacks in the tea room? says Arthur, who has now got his appetite back.

Don't get your hopes up, says Gaius.

Dilemma and Resolution

Sikong Shu hears Lu Ban shouting and running towards them.

He stops. Lu Ban catches up.

What's up? says Sikong Shu. We're in a hurry.

Go on then, says Lu Ban. I just need to talk to Richie.

What about? says Sikong Shu.

My dragon bicycle, says Lu Ban. I'm not sure of the dimensions. I may have made it too long.

Let me see, says Richie.

He looks at the blueprint.

That looks awesome, says Richie. But yeah it might be too long. Can you get rid of some of the tail?

Then it won't look like a dragon, says Lu Ban. It needs to look swoopy.

Richie gets out his notebook.

Look, says Richie. I've been playing around with ideas. See, I've used a flying ribbon at the back here.

What an idea, says Lu Ban. Do you mind if I steal it?

Go ahead, says Richie. I have to ride what the team dictates. This is only a dream bike. Cool though isn't it.

Sikong Shu is becoming impatient. Arthur and Rosamunda are already at the edge of Tiananmen Square. In a moment he will have lost them.

Drat it. Too late.

...........

Arthur is wheeling the Flying Pigeon. Rosamunda is walking alongside.

And even the BONES! says Rosamunda. What kind of a chicken has black bones? Gaius was fascinated. But I just wanted to vomit.

Arthur takes a deep breath.

Hey! says Rosamunda, looking behind her. We're on our own. We've lost them. That means we can do what we like.

As long as it doesn't involve eating, says Arthur.

Let's go shopping, says Rosamunda. Let's find that Silk Road.

Or shopping, says Arthur.

You're no fun, says Rosamunda. I'll go on my own.

She walks off ahead on her own.

Arthur notices that she is being followed by someone, her gentleman admirer, Ming Rong.

Arthur now has a dilemma. Should he follow? Or can she look after herself?

His phone rings. It's Gaius.

Arthur, says Gaius. Where are you?

Out and about, says Arthur. Where are you?

The Institute, says Gaius. Meet me back here as soon as you can. I need a reason to get out of the country.

All right, says Arthur. I'm coming. And I've just remembered a reason.

Wonderful, says Gaius. I knew I could rely on you.

Arthur mounts the Flying Pigeon and hares off down the road.

A Fragile Beauty

Rosamunda runs towards Arthur, then stops.

What's that you're eating? says Rosamunda. It looks DISGUSTING!

It's a scorpion says Arthur. It just tastes like any fried thing.

You'll be sick, says Rosamunda. Hi, Sikong Shu. What've you got?

Sikong Shu is eating a beetle.

Rosamunda shakes her head. And I thought black chicken was foul.

Foul! says Richie. That's a good one.

This is Richie Porte, says Arthur. He recovered his memory. Richie, Rosamunda.

Hi Richie. What're you writing? says Rosamunda.

Richie isn't writing. He's doodling. It looks like a design for a bicycle with the head of a dragon trailing a tattered ribbon on which the words Pinarello are printed.

But Rosamunda doesn't look at the bicycle. She has spotted her name in a sentence.

"We're waiting for this girl called Rosamunda".

Wow, that's me! says Rosamunda. Now I'm here you should write a description.

Write your own description, says Richie, handing her the pencil.

Rosamunda writes: Here is Rosamunda. She has a kind of fragile beauty that attracts men......

Arthur comes over to see what she's writing.

You're right about one thing, says Arthur. Someone's followed you.

Someone has.

Oops! says Rosamunda. It's that gentleman from the subway. Has anyone got any money?

The gentleman comes up to Rosamunda.

Excuse me, says the gentleman. I believe you owe me two subway fares. It's not right what you did. You don't even know me.

Sikong Shu thinks it's time to take charge.

Do sit down, he says to the gentleman. May I offer you starfish on a stick? I have one left.

Thank you, says the gentleman, accepting the starfish. Is this young lady one of your party?

Yes, says Sikong Shu.

She has a fragile beauty, says the gentleman.

Rosamunda giggles. Arthur is about to laugh too, but he is feeling a little bit ill.

It seems Rosamunda was right about everything.

............

The gentleman has been mollified with a few yuan and the starfish.

His name was Ming Rong. He has left.

Arthur has thrown up on the pavement.

The Beijing police have moved in to clear it away.

Sikong Shu, Arthur and Richie pick up the two Flying Pigeons and the Team Sky bicycle and head out of Tiananmen Square, with Rosamunda.

Someone runs after them.

It is Lu Ban, waving a blueprint.

Blueprints For A Dragon Bicycle

Now that Lu Ban has decided to buy himself a bicycle, the tour of the Forbidden City is over before it has properly begun.

He strides purposefully back to the Meridien Gate, followed by Sikong Shu, Richie and Arthur.

Where's the nearest bicycle shop? says Lu Ban.

Wait, says Sikong Shu. First we must retrieve our own bicycles.

You have bicycles? says Lu Ban. Where are they?

Over there, says Sikong Shu, pointing at the two Flying Pigeons and the Team Sky bicycle locked up together near the Grand Red City Wall.

Lu Ban examines the bikes.

This one is good, says Lu Ban. These ones are no good.

You are quick to judge, says Sikong Shu. It all depends what you want. Flying Pigeons are reliable and strong. And you can always get parts.

But they have sit-up-and-beg handlebars, says Lu Ban. I would be embarrassed to ride something like that. As to what I want, I want to win the next Tour of Beijing.

Do you? says Richie. Good luck with that then.

Say what you mean, says Lu Ban.

I'm just saying, says Richie, that it's harder to win than you think.

No, says Lu Ban. It isn't. And I am thinking of designing my own bicycle, along the lines of a dragon. So if you will excuse me, I'll go and start work on the blueprints.

Lu Ban, says Sikong Shu, you are incorrigible. The lines of a dragon indeed.

Inexhaustible is the word you are looking for, says Lu Ban. The lines of a dragon will never go out of fashion. And they are aero-dynamically sound......

Still talking, Lu Ban disappears into crowded Tiananmen Square.

Arthur's phone rings.

It's Rosamunda.

Oh hurrah!says Rosamunda. Finally you answer. Where ARE you?

I'm in Tianenmen Square, says Arthur.

Well, wait for me, I'm coming, says Rosamunda. I'm at the Summer Palace with Gaius and Margaret and Professor Chang. It's not turning out as romantic as I thought.

Why's that? says Arthur.

Is drainage romantic? says Rosamunda. Is chicken stew with black lumps of chicken romantic? Is Gaius going on about luxuriousness, and Margaret rabbiting on about craftsmanship romantic? And Professor Chang won't spend any money.....

You can't get here, says Arthur. You don't have a bike.

Don't need one, says Rosamunda. I'll use the subway.

Okay, says Arthur. I'll wait.

...........

That means they all have to wait.

Richie sits down on a bench and takes out his notebook and pencil. He writes down events as they happen:

so sikong shu goes off to rustle up some street food and comes back with rubber insects on sticks at least that's what they look like but they're really fried snacks, scorpion starfish and crab and this one's vietnamese forest beetle I know its disgusting but everyone's eating them now, we bite tentatively into our snacks, we're waiting for this girl rosamunda

Arthur looks over Richie's shoulder. Yes, Richie is capturing a sense of immediacy, he's improving.

And now here comes Rosamunda.

The Chinese Leonardo da Vinci

The Forbidden City was built around 600 years ago and contains 980 buildings and 8886 rooms.

Head for that tower in the corner, says Sikong Shu.

Arthur and Richie head for the tower. This is like being at school.

See this tower, says Sikong Shu. At one time it was pulled down in order to be reconstructed. But the workmen couldn't put it back together. Only Lu Ban had the skill to do it.

But you said he was born in 570 BC, says Arthur.

Sikong Shu taps his nose.

Carpenter immortal, says Sikong Shu.

Lu Ban looks smug.

Lu Ban invented the ruler, dividers, the ink marker.....says Sikong Shu, and..... what else, Lu Ban?

I invented the saw, after cutting my finger on grass. But my best invention was the Flying Wooden Bird, says Lu Ban. There is a very funny story about that.

Neither Richie nor Arthur take the bait.

Don't you want to know what it is? says Sikong Shu.

No, they don't want to know what it is.

Lu Ban's brow darkens. He is not used to such incivility.

A group of tourists push by with their guide. The guide recognises Lu Ban.

Stop everyone! claps the guide. We are fortunate to have met Lu Ban, carpenter immortal!

Lu Ban's brow clears. This is right.

I was about to tell a very funny story, says Lu Ban. About my Flying Wooden Bird invention.

What a treat, says the guide. Gather round, people.

Lu Ban begins.

I was working on a pagoda in Liangzhou. I had at that time invented a Flying Wooden Bird that could remain airborne for up to three days. I used to fly home to Dunhuang secretly to visit my wife.

Is she the one who invented the umbrella? calls one of the party.

Yes, she's the one, says Lu Ban. But to get on with the story. My wife became pregnant, and my parents were filled with shame because they thought I had not lately been home. It was only when my wife explained about the Flying Wooden Bird that the mystery was cleared up to everyone's satisfaction.

There are a few polite titters of laughter.

Then someone cries out with excitement: Hey! Are you Richie Porte?

The tourists gather round Richie.

Lu Ban looks for means of escape.

..........

Lu Ban sits on a low carved stone wall, looking gloomy.

Sikong Shu sits by his side.

It's no fun being immortal, says Lu Ban. What seemed amusing once is no longer amusing.

That's why I try to keep up with the times, says Sikong Shu. I found work as a spy.... I mean guide. It's how I met Arthur.

And the other one? says Lu Ban. The cyclist who's stealing my thunder?

Richie Porte, says Sikong Shu. He's just tagging along. He's learning the stream of consciousness method or writing. He's improving.

Is that so? says Lu Ban thoughtfully. Even a currently famous person is in the process of reinventing himself. Perhaps there is something in that.........

Lu Ban, carpenter immortal, military thinker, inventor, and philosopher, makes a decision to buy himself a bicycle.

Supernatural Beings Will Emerge

Rosamunda is the first to arrive at Cloud Dispelling Hall, but is forced to wait at the entrance. It costs10 yuan to go in.

Gaius, Margaret and Professor Mee-Man Chang are puffing a little.

We'll just look at the outside, says Professor Mee-Man Chang.

Rosamunda really wants to go in.

Zheiwei xiansheng hui quingdan, says Rosamunda to the ticket seller, indicating Gaius.

The ticket seller gives Gaius four tickets, and holds out her hand. Gaius produces a note for which he is given not very much change.

How very kind of you, Gaius, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. Paying for everyone.

It is now that Gaius realises how kind he has been.

They all go in.

The Cloud Dispelling Hall is entered from the second courtyard. It is a raised terrace with marble balustrades. It features pairs of bronze dragons, phoenixes, three-footed vessels, and yellow glazed tiles.

In such a splendid hall, supernatural beings will emerge, says Professor Mee-Man Chang.

Pardon? says Margaret. Oh, is that a saying?

Those are the words of the Jin Dynasty poet, Guo Pu, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. He meant that whoever lived here would be blessed with prolonged life.

How romantic, says Rosamunda. And were they?

No, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. It was refurbished for Empress Cixi, who meant to make it her bedroom, but she became ill upon moving in.

So much for luxurious living, saysGaius. I must say, this place does not impress me. Look at all......ouch, what is it Margaret?

It's a credit to the people who built it, says Margaret The craftsmen and women.

Professor Mee-Man Chang looks pleased. This is right thinking.

..........

Meanwhile Arthur, Richie Porte and Sikong Shu have reached Central Beijing and are about to enter the Forbidden City through the Meridien Gate, south of Tiananmen Square.

Wait, says Sikong Shu. I'm meeting a friend here. He will show us around.

They wait in Tiananmen Square for Sikong Shu's friend, who turns up ten minutes later.

This is Lu Ban, my friend, says Sikong Shu. Lu Ban, this is Arthur Rimbaud the poet and Richie Porte of the famous Team Sky.

Hello, Western boys, says Lu Ban.

Shall we go in? says Sikong Shu. I want you to show them your tower in the corner.

Tell them a bit more about me first, says Lu Ban.

Like what? says Sikong Shu.

Lu Ban punches Sikong Shu's arm in a friendly but dominant manner.

Lu Ban is a carpenter immortal, says Sikong Shu. He is much older than I am. He was born in 507 BC. He is an engineer, philosopher, the inventor of the cloud ladder, grappling hooks and kites, also a military thinker and statesman.

And he's up himself, whispers Richie to Arthur.

I heard that, says Lu Ban. You two will please walk in front.

Arthur and Richie walk in front through the gates of the Forbidden City.

Lu Ban and Sikong Shu walk behind.

Up To Cloud Dispelling Hall

Arthur, you went off without me, says Sikong Shu.

And me, says Richie.

Without us, says Sikong Shu.

That's true, says Arthur. And now look what's happened.

What? says Sikong Shu.

We've reassembled, says Arthur. Just the same as before. Richie still has his notebook and pencil. You have a pot of rose jam.

Wrong, says Sikong Shu. When you left I had not bought the jam. I was in the process of buying it. And this pot of jam was for you.

Was? says Arthur. Aren't I getting it?

You are getting it, says Sikong Shu. But you don't deserve it. You have shown yourself to be unreliable.

Arthur looks unaccountably pleased.

What is it? says Deng Xiumei. Oh lovely jam! I have here some biscuits.....

This is Deng Xiumei, says Arthur. She makes tigers out of butterfly wings.

Awesome, says Richie, writing it down in his notebook.

And I am a breeder, says Zhao Qinglin.

There seems no polite answer to that.

.............

Some time later, Arthur, Sikong Shu and Richie are on the road heading for Beijing.

They are coasting downhill.

Where would you like to go next? says Sikong Shu.

Anywhere but the Summer Palace, says Arthur.

Forbidden City? says Sikong Shu.

Cool, says Richie.

..........

Gaius, Margaret, Rosamunda and Professor Mee-man Chang are still at the Summer Palace. They have finished their lunch and are taking a look at the Marble Boat, a beautiful lakeside pavilion. Dr Zhu Min has gone home.

It is called the Boat of Purity and Ease, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. It was restored in 1893 by the Empress Cixi. She embezzled the money for the restoration from the Imperial Navy. It was quite ironical.

Why so? says Gaius.

Because she spent the money on a boat that couldn't go anywhere, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. And the navy being short of funds subsequently lost many sea battles.

Shocking! says Gaius. I can sympathise, being myself a military man

I did not know that, says Professor Mee-Man Chang, making a mental note.

It seems to have an interesting drainage system, says Margaret.

Rosamunda can't believe it. Interesting drainage system. Time to move on.

The waters that float the boat can also swallow the boat, says Professor Mee-Man Chang.

Did you make that up? says Rosamunda.

No, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. And now, let us climb up Longevity Hill to Cloud Dispelling Hall.

Who could fail to be delighted by that?

Time Is A Tiger Made Of Dead Butterfly Wings

Zhao Qinglin likes to talk about butterflies.

In 2004, says Zhao Qinglin, I was working on a tree farm in Mentougou, and running a liquefied gas station. It was then that I became interested in butterflies. They are so beautiful, and bring so much joy. And yet their numbers are declining.

Arthur is less than fascinated. How long to recharge a phone?

So you breed them, says Arthur.

Yes, says Zhao Qinglin. My wife and I have a butterfly farm in Beijing. We come up here to collect larvae and eggs. It's not easy breeding butterflies. Just ask me.

Yes, just ask him, says Deng Xiumei. He is entirely self taught. He knows everything from his own observations. And he has had many disasters.

For example, says Zhao Qinglin, when I  tried to interbreed papilio maacki with papilio xuthus. Nothing doing. From then on I decided to stick to the norms.

Yes, says Arthur. It's wiser to stick to the norms.

Why did he say that? He never sticks to the norms.

He stares hard at the locator beacon, willing it to recharge his phone faster. But you can't hurry something like that.

Deng Xiumei looks at Arthur expectantly.

And you, says Arthur. Do you also breed butterflies?

I do, says Deng Xiumei, but I have another string to my bow. I make pictures with dead butterfly wings.

She is very talented, nods Zhao Qinglin. She is accomplished in the fine arts. Her pictures amaze everyone. Her best one is a tiger.

A tiger, says Arthur. I'd like to see that.

Would you? says Zhao Qinglin.

Yes, but I must go, says Arthur. I'm due back at the Institute of Vertebrate Paleontology and Paleoanthropology to return this bicycle.

Well, I don't have it with me, says Deng Xiumei. It's at our butterfly farm. Here's our address in Beijing.

Thank you, says Arthur, shoving the card in his pocket and retrieving his phone from the charge plug.

It rings straight away.

Arthur Rimbaud, says Arthur.

Arthur! says Gaius. At last! Where are you? I need you.

I'm at a locator beacon, says Arthur. Where are you?

The Summer Palace, says Gaius.  Near the big yellow duck. I have just freed my fingers by the unexpected means of plunging them into a black chicken stew. I want you to......

Bad reception, says Arthur. Can't hear you properly........

He ends the call.

His phone rings again. It's Sikong Shu.

Arthur! says Sikong Shu. You answered! Where are you? Oh wait, ..........I can see you!

Sikong Shu rides into the clearing, with Richie Porte close behind.

They skid to a halt beside the locator beacon, and feel in their pockets.

Richie takes out his notepad and pencil. Sikong Shu pulls out a pot of rose jam.

Time is a tiger, made of dead butterfly wings..

Nature Is Worth Preserving

Sikong Shu is distraught. Where is Arthur?

He asks Richie.

Arthur? says Richie. Dunno. Perhaps he got bored.

Sikong Shu runs to the Flying Pigeon, yanks it upright and tears off down the road.

Looks like we're going, says Richie. Goodbye Xui Li and Hui Zhong. It's been awesome. There's a whole world I hadn't.....

Yes, nature is beautiful says Xui Li. And worth preserving.

That too, says Richie, but I meant, you know..... writing.

Good luck, says Hui Zhong. With practice you will surely improve. Your writing is not ......

Richie is walking away.

What? calls out Richie.

...yet very good! shouts Hui Zhong.

Thanks! says Richie, waving.

........

Where is Arthur? Why did he go off on his own?

It is not Sikong Shu who is wondering. It is Arthur.

Arthur is lost.

He rides through a dark forest of black birch, hazel and larch. He hears birdsong but sees not one bird.

It is an undeveloped mountain. His phone is out of battery. The rose cake is finished. Sikong Shu is yet to give him the jam.

What is it? thinks Arthur. I keep sloping off. It wasn't the ecologists. It wasn't Sikong Shu. It wasn't Richie.

He continues to think introspectively.

He knows what it is. He is becoming far too reliable. Helping Sikong Shu with his poem, putting up the tent, helping Gaius remove glue from his fingers.

He forgets that he did none of these.

...........

Time passes. Arthur arrives in a clearing.

He sees a man and a woman standing by a pole.

Hello, says Arthur hoping they will speak English (or French).

Hello, says the man. We're recharging our phones. We'll be done in a minute.

I'll wait then, says Arthur.

Why not recharge his phone?

This is a locator beacon, says the man. In case you are lost. Make a call, tell them the number and someone will come to your rescue.

I'm not lost, says Arthur. Are you?

No, says the man. I'm Zhao Qinglin, expert butterfly breeder, and this is my wife Deng Xiumei.

Hello, says Deng Xiumei. We have cold pigs' ears in sauce. Are you hungry?

Thank you, says Arthur. I am.

He eats pigs' ears in sauce and recharges his phone while he learns about butterfly business.

Yellow Duck And Black Chicken At Summer Palace

Sikong Shu returns with the jam.

He gives a pot to Xui Li and a pot to Hui Zhong, saying: This is to remember us by.

Are you leaving? says Xui Li.

We must return to the Institute of Vertebrate Paleontology and Paleoanthropology, says Sikong Shu. I will always remember our night in your feeble tent...... and today.

So will we, says Hui Zhong. But where is your friend?

Here, says Richie, looking up from his stream of consciousness, indicating  himself with his pencil.

Not you, sky pilot, says Hui Zhong. The young poet.

Sikong Shu looks around. He sees rose cake crumbs on the grass, two bicycles.

Alarming. Arthur has gone.

This is what happened.

Sikong Shu was in the small village shop buying five pots of rose jam.

Richie was writing oblivious of all punctuation.

Hui Zhong and Xui Li were exploring an abandoned stone mill destined for an eco-type retrofit.

When Arthur decided to leave.

.........

Meanwhile, Gaius and Dr Zhu Min arrive at the Summer Palace, and make a beeline for the Marble Boat.

Dr Zhu Min does not want to stay there all day. He has seen the Summer Palace before.

He is hoping to meet up with Professor Mee-mann Chang, deposit Gaius, and leave.

They approach Kunming Lake.

You will soon see the Marble Boat, says Dr Zhu Min. It is not made of marble. It is painted to look like marble. It is a wooden structure resting on stone.

It looks, says Gaius, less like a boat than a gigantic yellow rubber duck floating out there.

My goodness, says Dr Zhu Min. What ever is that duck doing? How very inappropriate. We have come on an inauspicious day.

Not at all, says Professor Mee-man Chang, coming up behind him. It is the well known Big Yellow Duck, designed by Florentijn Hofman. Its purpose is spreading joy around the world. We were just admiring it. Margaret is with me. And Rosamunda is somewhere back there.

May I leave Gaius with you? says Dr Zhu Min. I have another appointment. His fingers are still stuck together.

Unfortunate, says Gaius, but not insuperable. In fact it's quite handy for eating.

Certainly, says Professor Mee-man Chang. We are just about to have a picnic. Won't you stay, Dr Zhu Min?

What are you having? says Dr Zhu Min. Perhaps I could spare half an hour.

Super-tonic Black Chicken Stew, says Professor Mee-man Chang. With wolfberries, wild jujubes, licorice root, and dried longan. Here in my thermos. There's plenty.

Dr Zhu Min can't say no to Black Chicken. Of course he will stay.

Margaret is intrigued. Black Chicken. How exotic.

Gaius takes out his notebook and pencil. He is going to write down: BLACK CHICKEN.

But he can't hold the pencil.

Give it to me, says Margaret. I'll do it. What do you want to write down?

Never mind, says Gaius. Nothing. I'll just try and remember it.

Professor Mee-man Chang hands him a bowl.

Eat this. It will give you a boost of energy, says Professor Mee-Man Chang. Black Chicken is a super food, good for blood, lungs and stomach.

Gaius plunges his hand into the stew. Brings out a black lump of chicken. Examines it closely.

Remarkable, says Gaius. Remarkable.

Its just chicken, says Dr Zhu Min.

His eyes widen.

But indeed it is remarkable, says Dr Zhu Min. The stew has uncoupled your fingers.

Gaius changes his focus from chicken to fingers.

It's true.

Margarine And Five Pots Of Rose Jam

Dr Zhu Min enters the lab with a tub of margarine spread.

He places it on the lab bench.

Try this, says Dr Zhu Min.

Gaius looks doubtful. Is it lunch?

For unsticking your fingers, says Dr Zhu Min. Often simple remedies are best.

I've been thinking, says Gaius, plunging one set of conjoined fingers into the margarine.

Yes? says Dr Zhu Min. A new hypothesis regarding the entelognathus?

No, says Gaius. About going out.

Out? says Dr Zhu Min. You mean out of the Institute building? Where are you thinking of going?

The Summer Palace, says Gaius. Rosamunda is there, with Margaret and Professor Mee-man Chang. She mentioned a Marble Boat. I should like to see it.

I'm sure that can be arranged, says Dr Zhu Min.

Just tell me how to get there, says Gaius. I am perfectly capable of getting there myself.

Ordinarily, says Dr Zhu Min, I would be perfectly happy to allow you to go on your own, but ......
is that margarine working?

No, says Gaius, sucking his fingers. And it tastes terrible. Don't tell me you eat this?

Certainly not, says Dr Zhu Min. And if it hasn't loosened your fingers I am at my wits end. Your Roman superglue is superior to any I have ever encountered.

Small comfort, says Gaius. Now what about my outing?

I shall come with you, says Dr Zhu Min. You can't travel on the subway without the full use of your fingers.

Surely people get by in the winter, says Gaius.

But Dr Zhu Min has made up his mind.

............

From a small village shop in Mentougu Eco Valley, Xui Li and Hui Zhong buy rose cakes.

Try this, says Xui Li, handing one to Richie. And here is a pencil.

I thought you didn't have a pencil, says Richie.

They sell pencils here too, says Xui Li.

Richie bites into his rose cake, and starts writing.

Here I am.....

He stops writing.

Arthur comes over, eating his rose cake, dropping crumbs.

Stuck? says Arthur. Try the stream of consciousness method.

Which is? says Richie.

Write and don't stop, says Arthur. Everything that comes into your head.

Richie writes:

here i am in mentougu scene of my DID NOT FINISH i lost my memory it was so bad i suppose that was why this rose cake is awesome aromatic like roses or apples or hmmm what was i thinking it makes you wonder when something like this happens what really matters is it winning or maybe its losing i guess this is philosophy yeah okay now im getting the hang of it losing let me think about that for a bit it wasn't losing DID NOT FINISH its just not finishing theres no shame in that or is there but why...

He pauses. Shows it to Arthur.

 Not a bad start, says Arthur. I like the surprise of the rose cakes

Sikong Shu has a look.

Punctuation, says Sikong Shu.

He can fix that, says Arthur. The point is to get it all out.

Encouraged, Richie sucks on his pencil.

.....the sun is like splinters the air is like crystal the mountains are green and the river is yellow i want to remember this moment forever writes richie without punctuation.......

He is already improving.

Sikong Shu also wants to remember this moment forever. He walks back to the small village shop and buys five small pots of rose jam.

In Pursuit Of Synthesis

In Mentougu Eco Valley, where Hui Zhong and Xui Li are high up ecologists, there is plenty to see.

It's an Eco Silicon Valley, says Xui Li. See these research buildings in this beautiful setting? Once it was all  mining. They mined coal, limestone and granite, as long ago as the Ming dynasty.

Yes, but what about breakfast? says Richie.

We'll go to one of the villages, says Xui Li, and buy rose cakes.

Seems like jujubes are off.

Arthur and Sikong Shu are discussing Middle Tang poetry.

It's all about longing, says Sikong Shu. And sadness.

Aren't they hungry too?

Richie wheels his bicycle over a stone.

Oops. better be careful. He doesn't want a flat tyre.

Rose cakes. That sounds promising.

His mind turns to philosophy.

If Sikong Shu's poem is philosophy, then what on earth is philosophy?

Down the mountain, up the mountain, fighting with sticks....only two bicycles.

There must be more to it than that.

Bicycle philosophy. He ought to know something about it. Geez. Hasn't he just lost his memory and then got it back?

And now here he is in Eco Silicon Valley about to eat rose cakes.

He just needs to ......what's the word....synthesise

Here I am..... begins Richie.

Here we are, says Xui Li.

Has anyone got a pencil? asks Richie..

.............

Rosamunda, Margaret and Professor Mee-man Chang have taken Subway line 4 to Beigongmen Station.

They exit the station and find the north gate of the Summer Palace.

It is 30 yuan to go in, or 60 yuan including entry to various gardens and temples.

We will pay 30, says Professor Mee-man Chang. There's plenty to see without paying extra.

Absolutely, says Margaret. That's my philosophy too.

It is not Rosamunda's.

Now then, says Professor Mee-man Chang, adjusting her backpack. I hope you are both fond of walking. There is plenty to see. The Summer Palace grounds are extensive. Over there is Longevity Hill, with its many grand buildings, Cloud-Dispelling Hall, The Temple of Buddhist Virtue, The Hall of Moral Glory, the Marble Boat....

How thrilling, says Margaret. I am very fond of walking. Let's go.

Rosamunda trails behind the two older women.

Longevity Hill, Cloud-Dispelling Hall. It would be more fun with Arthur.

She stops, sits down on a bench under a tree and calls Sikong Shu.

Sikong Shu doesn't answer.

Ring ring.

Her phone rings. It's Gaius.

Hello, says Gaius, I can't get through to Arthur.

Me either, says Rosamunda. And I can't get Sikong Shu. Have you got your fingers unstuck yet?

No, says Gaius. It's most annoying. It's like wearing mittens.

Why don't you come to the Summer Palace, says Rosamunda. There's this Marble Boat.....somewhere.

Really? says Gaius. How does it float?

Are you coming then? says Rosamunda.

Even Gaius is better than two penny-pinching ladies in stout walking shoes.