A Venomous Adversary

Leaving already? says Gaius, looking up from his notebook.

We saw a massive python! says Janice. All curled up. At least fifty metres long!

Not that long, says Big Janis. About  four metres. Out here they can grow to as much as six.

We thought you'd seen it, says Professor Kranendonk.

No I hadn't, says Gaius, glancing at Lu Ban.

Lu Ban looks annoyingly superior, as though he had not tiptoed like the others.

It's a Pilbara Olive Python, says Big Janis.

Really, says Gaius. Mind waiting while I go and take a look?

Tch! says Big Janis. Don't disturb it.

I shall not disturb it, says Gaius. I shall observe it, and take notes.

I'll come with you, says Lu Ban, unexpectedly.

Suit yourself, says Gaius, getting down from the Toyota with his notebook and his little fish topped pencil.

Gaius and Lu Ban make their way over to the rock under which the Pilbara Olive Python is snoozing.

Crack! Gaius steps on a twig.

The Pilbara Olive Python opens one eye sleepily, spies the two men, and looks vaguely disappointed.

Nocturnal probably, says Gaius, writing something in his notebook.

That's good, says Lu Ban. It's sleepy. I hear brown snakes are poisonous. I shall kill it.

No, says Gaius. You shall not kill it.

Thank you, says the Pilbara Olive Python. I am not venomous. I am gentle and eat only ducks.

Only ducks? says Gaius. That sounds preposterous.

All right, I eat rock wallabies as well, says Olive Python.

You lied then, says Lu Ban.

I lied, says Olive Python. What of it? Now bugger off and leave me.

Wait! says Gaius, Are there any other interesting examples of Pilbara fauna in the vicinity?

How would I know? says Olive Python. I was sleeping.

I meant generally, says Gaius. I apologise.

I don't, says Lu Ban. I think we should kill you.

Olive Python ignores Lu Ban. Stupid posturing man, with his hair in that ridiculous top-knot.

She turns to Gaius.

If you care to get up very early in the morning, says Olive Python sweetly, you may catch sight of a Western Pebble-mound Mouse, enjoying her early morning tipple. Just look for the little mound of pebbles.

Thank you, Olive Python, says Gaius graciously. I'll do that. And now goodbye. We shall no longer disturb your slumbers.

He turns to walk back to the Toyota.

Lu Ban lingers.

Go, says Olive Python. Or I'll bite your balls off.

Lu Ban eyes her thoughtfully for a moment. Lunges forward. Picks her up in his bare hands and ties her round his waist in one quick movement. Pulls each end tightly.

Ow, says Olive Python. You horrid piece of shit. Undo me.

Not till you learn a lesson! says Lu Ban, striding back to the Toyota.........