Stage Four: Unley to Victor Harbor - Gossip

Stage Four of the Tour Down Under starts in Unley.

The teams are assembled.

Cadel Evans is holding a joey in a blanket. How cute! Take a photo. That's it.

Go! They ride off to the glad sounds of cheering .

There goes Team Philosophe, looking awesome.

There goes Lu Ban, on the Dragon. And Gaius, just behind him, on his own bike again.

Here are Richie Porte, Andre Greipel, Simon Gerrans, riding together. What are they talking about?

Let's listen.

Andre Greipel: What happened then, on the Corkscrew?

Richie Porte: Gaius pressed the button.

Simon Gerrans: What button?

Richie Porte: Catch up, Simon. The button on Lu Ban's Dragon. The one you can only press once.

Andre Greipel: Gaius pressed it?

Richie Porte: Yeah, but Arthur had already pressed it.

Andre Greipel: How do you know?

Richie Porte: I'm mates with Arthur. Since Beijing.

Simon Gerrans: So, nothing happened?

Richie Porte: No, that's the thing, see. All these weapons dropped out on the road. Forks and tridents.

Andre Greipel: Scheise! Forks and tridents! That's bad. How come we didn't see them?

Richie Porte: It happened way before we got there. There were all cleared away by the crews.

Simon Gerrans: So Gaius was ahead then?

Richie Porte: Yeah, by shitloads!

Andre Greipel: So why did he press the button, if he was so far in front?

Richie Porte: Couldn't stop!

Simon Gerrans: Sheez! But wasn't he going uphill?

Richie Porte: Yeah. He was.

Andre Greipel: That's some awesome bicycle. Wish I had one.

They ride off, out of our hearing, Andre Greipel in front.

Here come David and Vello, riding leisurely into Myponga.

Vello: Good to see Gaius still with us.

David: Ha ha! In spite of his injuries.

Vello: And Lu Ban. He looks different somehow.

David: That will be the haircut he had to have.

Vello: Shame. That top knot suited him.

David: I agree, but when your hair gets caught up in a coffee shop umbrella...........

Vello: A common occurrence. Might easily have happened to me....

David: If only you were taller.

Vello: Shall we speed up? Make a good showing?

David: Alright. Let's catch up to Arthur and Sweezus.

They catch up to Arthur and Sweezus, who are discussing literary matters.

Sweezus: That Richie. Wish I knew how he did it.

Arthur: It's all in the tone.

What a boring conversation.

Let's catch up to Lu Ban and Gaius.

Here they are now, coasting into Victor Harbor.

But they are not talking at all.