Clash Of Cultures

Did you say Wu? Lu Ban asks Janice.

No, I said Woo, says Janice. It sounds the same.  I was admiring how you swallow.

That's nothing, says Lu Ban. You should see me eating noodles. Rosamunda! Are there any noodles?

Rosamunda looks in the pantry.

Gaius doesn't eat noodles, says Arthur.

Arthur eyes Lu Ban. Look at him sitting there asking for noodles. Next he'll be sending someone out to buy a packet.

But Lu Ban is happy just to sit and eat red snakes with Janice.

Who's going to be the captain? says Janice, staring deeply into Lu Ban's eyes. You or Arthur?

Not me, says Arthur. I've never been the captain. It's Gaius.

It's me, says Lu Ban. It's in my contract.

Arthur, says Rosamunda, have you written up the contract?

No, says Arthur. What does he want in it?

The captaincy, and team naming rights, says Rosamunda. The team is to be called Everlasting Dragons. And.....

And....? says Arthur.

I must wear the yellow jersey, says Lu Ban.

Arthur snorts with ill-concealed derision.

That doesn't need to be written into the contract!

Write it! says Lu Ban.

No, says Arthur. It's ridiculous. Whoever wins wears the yellow jersey.

That will be me, says Lu Ban. No doubt about it. Write it in.

Arthur opens a drawer. He looks for a piece of paper. Ah! a notebook.

He flicks it open. It's full of notes about stromatolites and wavy laminates. A name, and some addresses.
Professor David Wacey, University of WA. Professor Martin Van Kranendonk. The Ironclad Hotel, Marble Bar....

Some dates, some  telephone numbers.

Gaius must have forgotten his notebook. What a chump.

The phone rings.

Will it be Gaius? No, it's Sweezus.

Arthur, man! says Sweezus. Want to ride out to the Barossa? We can practice Mengler's Hill. And then get wasted.

Sure, says Arthur. Count me in. I'll be there in ten minutes.

He heads for the door.

Where do you think you're going? roars Lu Ban.

Out, says Arthur.

Total obedience, says Lu Ban. Strict discipline. Team secrecy. You don't go out.