Last Minute Interventions In The Tour Down Under

Tonight is the Team Presentation in Victoria Square. Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen will introduce the team riders one by one.

The riders are mingling in the members tent.

Phil Liggett is talking to The VeloDrone.

Now just so I get this right, says Phil Liggett. Arthur Rimbaud is riding in your team?

Yes, yes, says The VeloDrone. A very happy outcome. Sweezus took him out to the Barossa and made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

Well well , I won't ask what that was, says Phil Liggett. But that means Lu Ban's team Everlasting Dragons is short a rider.

Not at all, says David, coming up behind them. They've got a new rider.

Ha ha. Don't tell me, it's the python, says Phil Liggett. I heard there was an incident last night in a Chinese restaurant. The Premier had to be extricated from its clutches.

No, not the python, says David. That would be absurd. It has no legs to speak of.

No legs at all, says The VeloDrone. In point of fact.

And no legs to stand on, legally, says David. It was arrested and detained by the police. They locked it up. You can't attempt to asphyxiate the Premier.

No indeed, says Phil Liggett. But who is the new rider? Never mind. I see Lu Ban over there. I'll go and ask him.

On his way over he bumps into Richie Porte, who is busy scribbling

Oops, sorry Richie, says Phil Liggett. Didn't see you.

No worries Phil, says Richie Porte. Just finishing this for Sweezus.

Phil pushes on to where Lu Ban is standing, with Olive Python draped around his shoulders and a crowd of fascinated onlookers, including Cadel Evans, Andre Greipel and the Minister for Tourism, Leon Bignell.

Lu Ban! says Phil Ligett. I've been misinformed. I heard you'd lost your Python.

No, says Lu Ban. The Minister for Tourism intervened.

I did, says Leon Bignell. Can't have our honoured Chinese rider inconvenienced.

Cadel Evans reaches out to stroke Olive Python. Olive Python shivers.

Let me know if you want any fruit bats, says Cadel Evans. I know where to get 'em.

Fruit bats, laughs Andre Greipel. Don't pythons eat ducks?

I eat either, says Olive Python, modestly. As long as they're living.

Lu Ban, says Phil Liggett. It's a bit late in the day I know, but who is your new rider?

Paul Sherwen rushes up.

Phil! Phil! The Presentation's starting!.

Dear me. No show without Punch, says Phil Liggett, grinning. I suppose I'll find out soon enough.

Paul and Phil walk off together.

Lu Ban looks around until he spots his little demon rider.